READ THAT BACK

Mary had some Mary Janes 

with creases white as snow

and everywhere that Mary spent,

her credit cards would . . .

Show and tell, then everyone will . . .

No, I won’t and you can’t make . . .

Me and you and a dog named . . .

Boo! Trick or . . .

Treat me like that again and I’ll knock you . . .

Down the drain, that’s where the money went, and where I wanted

to . . .

Go to school and earn a degree. Then, good luck finding . . .

Work with me, people! The bride gets here in less than an . . .

Hour to go before quitting time.  And I just got . . .

Paid in Full, music to my ears, those three little . . .

Words can weave a beautiful tapestry or line the bottom of a . . .

Cage isn’t big enough to hold him. It’s not near strong . . .

Enough kidding around! Let’s bring out the man, and we all think he’s the . . .

Tops are mandatory? I thought this was a strip . . .

Joint pain can be relieved with . . .

Heat index in Miami is breaking . . .

Records with just a flip of a . . .

Switch shifts with me, please! I got a hot . . .

Date and time will be announced in due . . .

‘Course I love ya, darlin’, you’re my sweetie . . .

Pie again? I’m already big as a . . .

House a criminal? Not on your . . .

Life can be such a . . .

Bitch, I dare you to say that to my . . .

Face it. People in hell want ice water; that don’t mean they . . .

Get it through your thick skull; I’m packing so I can . . .

Leave everything to me, my friend. I’m here for . . .

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You . . .

Make me happy with a martini, dear bartender. Dry, with a . . .

Twist cap? Just how good do you think this wine is gonna . . .

Taste is all in the mouth, man. That’s how come he’s not going . . . 

Nowhere, that’s where it is. I can’t find it.  I just don’t know where. . .

It is what it is what it is, that’s all I can. . .

Say it.  You never touch me anymore. You don’t think I’m . . .

Beautiful job, people! I hope you all get a . . .

Raise your glass to the longest running, sweetest . . .

Couple words of advice, Charley. You better get while the gettin’s . . .

Good Lord, did you really say what I thought . . .

You said you’d look out for me, Clancy!  This time you really let me . . .

Down the hall and to the right. You’ll see the sign that says . . .

Women and cats do just what they . . .

Please, sit up straight and get your elbows off the . . .

Table that particular discussion until the right . . .

Time waits for no one and yours is running . . .

Out with the old, in with the . . .

Knew you had it in you, and you proved yourself to be the very . . .

Best to you and yours, from all of us, in this most difficult time of . . .

Grief, as I’ve heard it said, is just love with no place to . . .

Go, go. Go, Johnny, go, go. Go, Johnny, go, go. Go, Johnny, go. Johnny B. . .

Good thing I carry these things on me. I wouldn’t want to be caught by . . .

Surprise! You don’t think I’d forget what a special day this is, do . . .

You thought you could love me and leave me to die?  Oh, baby, can’t do this . . .

To me, what I mean to say is if it were me reading the . . .

Signs that you have a personality disorder include difficulty making . . .

Friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to . . .

Forget it! After the way you just behaved, there is no way I’m going with . . .

You realize, if you turned on the GPS, then you would know . . .

That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh . . .

Uh huh, right. You always talk this way when you drink like a . . .

Fish, my aunt would say, always begin to smell after three . . .

Days run into months run into years and, before you know it, it’s . . .

Too late! Oh, damn, and now the movie’s already started. I can’t miss the . . .

Beginning with Augustus, the Roman Empire was ruled with an iron . . .

Hand me the salt, please. This food is so bland, it has absolutely no . . .

Spice up your life with a trip to the Bahamas.  Enjoy a dip in our . . .

Pool your resources and I bet you’ll see you have enough . . .

Saved by the bell! Thank God! I didn’t study at all for the . . .

Test your artistic skills by drawing Skippy the Turtle or Sloppy the . . .

Pig! How can you live like this! When are you ever going to clean this. . .

Mess with the bull, you know what happens! You get the. . .

Horns of a dilemma, that’s where we are.  I just hope there’s a solution to . . .

This is what I meant by a perfect evening and I have you to . . .

Thank Heavens that’s over. I thought they would never . . .

Leave it there. Don’t trouble yourself. I’ll get it . . .

Later might be too late; the time to act is . . .

Now, see? That wasn’t so bad, was it? Don’t you feel . . .

Silly Goose, I’m going to get you! You’d better run! Tag, you’re. . .

It takes a village to raise a . . .

Child of the sixties, that’s me. Woodstock. Sex, drugs, rock and . . .

Rolling with my homies, with the punches, that’s what I always . . .

Say what you will, I still think he has the IQ of a . . .

Cork fee? Corkage? You mean pay a waiter to open a bottle I . . .

Bring it on! I’m ready. I’ve been preparing for this moment my entire . . .

Life is made up of a series of choices and, of mine, I am the sum . . .

Total fiasco. The band never showed, the oysters were bad, the beer

was . . .

Flat as a pancake.  A breast reduction is one thing. This was . . .

Something else you should consider is we might be running out of . . . 

Time for supper! Y’all get washed up and use soap this time. And I’m gonna . . .

Check!  I’ve never seen such slow service. There must be cement in their . . . 

Shoos away pests before you can say Bug B Gone. Just watch how this . . .

Works on a variety of surfaces. Watch the dirt just . . . 

Disappear on the count of three or I’ll make you disappear. One, two . . .

Three little pigs and the big bad wolf? Why, everyone knows that . . .

Story of my life! Just when I think I’m free, something else comes . . .

Along with the bread bowl, they give you a free serving of cottage . . .

Cheese!  Are we done here? Is it time to go . . .

Home plate really needs to be swept by the referee.  I mean you hardly know it’s . . . 

There but for the grace of God, go . . .

I see, said the blind . . .

Man is not an animal. He does not live by bread . . .

Alone again. It’s just me and my . . .

Shadow this guy, Inspector. You’ll find out everything you need to build . . .

A case of identity theft happens every 20 seconds.  Are you . . .

Prepared to your exact specifications, it’s a work of culinary . . .

Art should not be acquired for its potential future value. Buy it if you . . .

Like it or not, this is the way it is. It’s up to you whether you want to take it or . . .

Leave it alone! I just cleaned! Now, look what you did. And we have company . . .

Coming back to life after an upheaval like that is no easy . . .

Feet, don’t fail me now! Oh God, it’s gaining on me. There’s a tree. If I can only find a . . .

Way to go, slugger! We knew you could do it. Because of you, we won the . . .

Game on! Staring contest, it is. So, if you look away first, you . . .

Lose the attitude, will you? No one said this was going to be . . .

Easy on the eyes, isn’t she?  I mean, look at that . . .

Flank? Do you have any skirt steak? I really had my heart set on . . .

Skirt the issue, go ahead. I knew you didn’t have the . . .

Great balls of fire! You shake my nerves and you rattle my . . .

Brain foods include salmon, leafy greens, bananas, lean meat and . . .

Nuts! That didn’t work, did it? It was worth a try. So, what should we do . . .

Next song is a little number we recorded in the basement, believe it or . . .

Not for the faint of heart, I warn you, that’s for . . .

Sure, of course, we’d be happy to accommodate your schedule, sir. May I see your credit . . .

Card that kid there. He can’t be older than . . .

Sixteen going on seventeen. Baby, it’s time to . . .

Think this is the night. The place looks deserted. The money should be ripe for the . . .

Taking a step back, don’t you think it looks different than being so close to . . .

It is an important and basic truth that you are what you . . .

Eat me, you big jerk. I’ve had enough! You are so full of . . .

Merde! J’ai laisse tomber Pot-Au-Feu . . .

Pardon me for living! You’re so sensitive! I can’t make a move without ruffling your . . .

Feathers are the new fashion. The higher the headdress, the loftier the . . .

Praise be! I knew you’d come! I prayed and prayed and here you are, in the . . .

Flesh, as always, is weak and so, my love, we must remain steadfast in our . . .

Resolve to work hard and educate yourself and you can achieve . . .

Anything is corruptible. Take a look. The evidence is all . . .

Around the world, I searched for you. I journeyed ‘round until hope was . . .

Found it difficult to keep my wits about me, now with death at my door . . .

Step this way and behold a spectacle, the likes of which you have never seen . . .

Before you make up your mind, I was holding this back but, yes, I think this may be just right . . .

For you, mommy, I made it just for you! Well, maybe I didn’t make it all by myself. Jimmy and I made it . . .

Together, men. That is the only way we’re going to win this war.  If you’re with me, let me hear a . . .

YEAH! I can’t believe what I’m seeing! This has to be the biggest upset in Super Bowl . . .

History will repeat. What mankind doesn’t learn from experience, it will only . . .

Continue with what you were doing. There’s nothing to see . . .

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, what you’ve all been waiting for, the answer we promised to . . .

Reveal yourself! You can’t hide forever! You are only making this . . .

Harder to imagine, for me at least, is a world without love. Without love, there is no . . .

Hope I haven’t kept you waiting.  Traffic was horrendous. Next time, I’ll try taking another . . .

Root cause of all problems is ignorance.  Suffering is caused by ignorance and . . .

Karma will catch up with you, meaning what goes around, comes . . .

Around the bend and back was the quickest way, and the savvy . . .

People did that. Seriously, real people took the Tide pod challenge and ate . . .

Soap up. Did you catch those looks we were getting from the cheerleading . . .

Section the oranges just so and you will have a beautiful presentation for your . . .

Guests who overstay their welcome often mistake endurance for . . .

Hospitality management just boils down to a paycheck to those who took the course and are now trying to make a . . .

Living in the material world and I am a material . . .

Girl, you lookin’ so . . .

Fine is how the onion should be chopped. Otherwise, it could tip the . . .

Balance can only be achieved with the resolve needed to live the best life . . .

Possible doesn’t mean probable. You get what you get and you don’t get . . .

Upset the apple cart and just see what . . .

Happens all the time! All you have to do is call this . . .

Number one reason couples break up is, undoubtedly . . .

Cheating on your taxes? See trouble in your future? Call us at 1-800- . . .

All good! Oh, If I hear that sappy phrase one more . . .

Time we got this show on the road, wouldn’t you . . .

Say what? Did I hear you . . .

Right foot forward, left foot back, that’s what it’s all . . .

About last night, I can’t remember a . . .

Thing of it is, I think I love . . .

You take one step closer, I’ll blow your head . . .

Off to the races! Get your wallet, get your keys, your good luck . . .

Charm the birds out of the trees and I’m . . .

Yours is the kind of lounge lizard sleaze that you only see in the . . .

Movies can take you places you’ve never been . . .

Before we call it a night, let me just say it’s been . . .

Great, just great. I come all this way and everything is . . .

Closed off as far as your feelings, that’s what I’m sensing, and I don’t like it. It could mean so many things, and I just can’t keep . . .

Up the ante or fold. We’re not here to coddle, so fish or cut . . .

Bait me, go ahead and try and, trust me, you will get what’s . . .

Coming to you live from Madison Square Garden, it’s what you’ve all been . . .

Waiting for the other shoe to drop will only make you more . . .

Anxious for springtime? Sick of the winter doldrums? Take a little . . .

Trip the light fantastic and let’s dance the night . . .

Away with you! Don’t look back, lest you incur the wrath of . . .

The Titans won the high school championship for the third time in a . . .

Row, row, row your boat, and build up your chest . . .

Muscles Mahoney was apprehended today in Brooklyn, apparently hiding . . .

Out of sight, out of . . .

Mind you, I was never one for laying around. I always had to be . . .

Busy beaks are happy beaks. Be sure to equip your bird’s cage with plenty of . . .

Bells peal, signifying the joyous union of another happy . . .

Couple of times I went through the same thing you . . . .

Did you see that? We’d better call . . .

Someone ate my piece of chocolate cake. I was saving that for . . .

Later, alligator.

* * *

“No one’s tracked down this court reporter? She worked for an agency, and you mean to tell me they don’t know where she is? There’s got to be some explanation. We’ve been waiting for this transcript for months.”

“Well, they had her notes, but she hasn’t been located yet. We all know it’s a tough job and, judging from this, I’d check all the hospitals in the vicinity, specifically the psych wards.”

“So, bottom line, are you telling us those are the verbatim stenographic notes for this most important day of this most important trial?”

“Yep. That’s all she wrote.”

THE END