18 comments

Drama Mystery

“It’s em.”

“Naw, can’t be em, he died, on the cross two thousand years ago.”

“Mate, I tell yer, it’s em!”

Both boys leaned off the raised platform peering into the train, noses pressed against the window trying to get a better look.

“Bloody hell Bobby, I think yer right!” Mikey’s right hand rose making a cross over his body sanctifying and protecting in one swift motion.


Jesus turned and saw the boys staring. Jesus smiled. Jesus scratched his beard. Jesus had a back pack on his lap. Army Green, an American flag stitched to the front.


“An American ?” Mikey scratched his head, “An American Jesus? Well I’ll be daft.”


“Boys, you come away from there this instant, get yer noses off that window, get yer arses down them steps? I’m not coming after yer!” Kilkenny called from a pair of thick legs stuffed into square heeled patent pumps in gloss yellow. She opened her white handbag, pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose. Her name is Sally but everyone calls her Mrs. Doyle. Sally is a name for sweet little girls with freckles and blonde curls. Mrs Doyle was thick, and round, and red. “Did yer hear me?” she repeated as she stuffed the cotton cloth back in her bag.


“But mama, it’s Jesus!”


“Jesus bloody Jesus me arse, come way from thar or I’ll give yer something worth calling out Jesus’ name fer. Look, ear that? Last call to board, go on and get yer self down thar you ear! Be Jezers, if we miss this train.....” Mrs. Doyle shook her head “I got the last three tickets boys, the last three ye ear, said a prayer to Mother Mary they ad three, with a discount even! We would have ad to leave one of yer on the step for sure, maybe both of yer, we was lucky, I tell yer! Get over ear now! “ Mrs. Doyle bellowed.

The boys pulled away from the glass and scurried to their mother. Bobby was led down the steps, his ear squeezed between Mrs. Doyle’s thumb and index finger. Mikey a half step behind, left hand cuffed to her right. Mrs. Doyle released her grip only after the boys were seated. The ordeal left her winded. She opened her bag, pulled out the handkerchief, wiped the perspiration rolling down her neck before she dropped into a seat beside Mikey. Her yellow pumps exhaled.

“Me goodness it’s hot in er.” Mrs. Doyle muttered. Bobby scanned the train interior, Mikey gazed out the window.


Jesus walked past them, caught Bobby’s eye, nodded, turned left and stepped off the train.

“Off the train?” thought Bobby fleetingly. Quickly his attention was diverted by a scrawny man stuffed into a black suit two times too big. The suit was moving. A head popped out. Bobby grinned “Can I pet em?”

Scrawny man smiled “Yes lad, her name’s Daisy.”

Bobby leaned forward and scratched between the ears of the long haired Dachshund. Daisy licked his fingers. “Geeze er tounge is soft.”

The train lurched. The scenery started moving. Mrs. Doyle closed her eyes.

“When I grow up, I’m going to grow my hair long like Jesus” said Mikey.

“No yer ain’t,” replied Mrs. Doyle, eyes still closed, face still perspiring. “Open the window a little more will yer.”

“I am I tell ya.” Mikey replied reaching up to release the window from it’s latches. He let it drop.

“Over my dead body Mikey.” Mrs. Doyle continued “I’ll get me sheep sheers and clip yer while yer sleep.” She smiled, eyes still closed.

________


He’d travelled until he called Montana home, under Ponderosa pines in a valley where when the wind begins it starts with a distant roar, an International Loadstar rolling in from the west slowly building until it thunders past unseen, pulling the forest top in its tail.

The man was good at math. Being good at math made him good at putting things together so he did that. He put together his house from trees on his property, he put together a turbine in the creek using washing machine inners he pulled from the dump. Shelter and power. He lived comfortably alone with basset hound named Tank, a ginger cat named Charlie and a Pig called Rosie. Her babies were his bacon.

Occasionally he’d go to town for supplies, flour, oats, whiskey and smokes.

Sometimes he stopped at a bar called Billies for a draught before heading home when he felt the need for company. He didn’t stop often.

Today he stomped the mud off his boots before stepping onto the porch. He eased himself into the old rocking chair tucked between the kitchen window and porch rail, it was getting harder to do, his old body hurt. He knew when he stood back up it would hurt a little louder and he would have to hold the side of the house for a moment to give his muscles time to remember what they are supposed to do.

He pulled a package of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. His front teeth drew one out skilfully rolling it between his lips before he lit it with a silver lighter worn black in spots. He leaned back in his chair, sucked in the smoke and held it there.

Tank laid at his feet running in his sleep.

It fluttered. A breeze moved through the open window and had caught the newspaper clipping held to the cupboard with tape yellowed under years of tar and bacon grease. The clipping was old and faded, the edges cracked and curled. One corner had let loose, it flapped in the gust.

He squinted now to read what he’d read a hundred times before. Age does that. The clipping came from a time when his hair was as long as his bell bottoms were wide, when his youth back packed through Europe with muscles that worked and eyes that could see fine.

He blew out the puff of smoke, it curled around his head before the breeze pulled it away.

He could still make out the headline.


Bomb On Train Explodes. Kills one. Injures three.


Below the headline was a photo.

Rubble resting in black and white. A little boy sitting in it crying, remnants of a back pack with an American flag in the right corner, a shoe in the bottom left.


God that was a long time ago

God that first one was so easy.


He blew out a puff of smoke, scratched his beard and smiled remembering how shiny those yellow shoes were.

March 06, 2023 16:20

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18 comments

David Sweet
02:40 Jun 12, 2023

I really liked the accents at the beginning. It's hard writing in an accent. Sometimes it takes a 2nd reading to make sure I had it. The Irish is a familiar accent as it is related to the Appalachian accent in many ways. We eat 'arsh' taters here. Ironic that I read this on the day the Unibomber dies. The shift in POV is an interesting story device. The twist is surprisingly good. The only way I saw it coming was that I cheated and read the comments on the story first. I can see the progression in your writing and development of character...

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Glenda Toews
12:46 Jun 12, 2023

Thanks for reading it Detective :D. How is an 'arsh tater' made I wonder? Just mashed? I heard he died! I find it interesting that we humans find it interesting when things connect weirdly like that. It seems like we love to find links of connections to things. This was the very first short story I ever wrote, in my entire life. Some people like you have a million stories they can draw from, I have trouble coming up with concepts. Imagination, how is that developed?

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David Sweet
14:04 Jun 12, 2023

An Irish potato (or 'arsh' tater) is just thr small, white potato grown around here and, I assume, was brought by the immigrants. Appalachia has a strong Scots-Irish heritage. I think the mountains here bear a strong resemblance to Scotland and Wales. After all, geologically, they belong to the same ancient chain.

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David Sweet
14:09 Jun 12, 2023

I like these connections. I think it makes the serendipity of writing even more amazing. Stories are deep in our DNA, we can't help it to hear them or to tell them. To answer your question about where they come from: you know there is a wealth of things right in front of us. Your upcoming book, for example, could have easily been made into fiction with a few stretches and additions/subtractions here and there, I think you said your "Slingshot" story was found by hearing something on the radio. It's just finding those connections and creating...

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Glenda Toews
00:15 Jun 13, 2023

You're right.. Today I heard on the news how 4 children ages eleven, nine, four and 11months had lived for 40 days in the Amazon they were just located today they were in a plane crash and they were the only survivors...there's a story😲

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Zack Herman
14:29 Jun 10, 2023

Wow! That story packed a wallop!

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Glenda Toews
14:50 Jun 10, 2023

It had a certain twist in it didn't it😆

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Mary Bendickson
22:51 Apr 20, 2023

Another thought provoking story. I read about Mike earlier than this read so know how he lost Sally. What a twist!

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Kevin V
16:23 Apr 20, 2023

Ok, I never saw a Ted Kaczynski scenario hero. Snuck up on me, Glenda! As normal as this started out - two young boys mistaking him for Jesus - we find out otherwise! Although the Unabomber called Montana home himself, the first attack attributed to him wasn't on a train. So I don't think thus was him, but it sure seems like it! Very creepy. Awesome ending. Well done!

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Glenda Toews
17:18 Apr 20, 2023

I think I love you Kevin ;) This story was built on "What if the Unibomber backpacked through Europe when he was a college student? What could he have done if he had done that? I love blending fiction with non fiction. Also the 'Train' is part of Mike, the bartender at Fortes childhood.... cause it's fun to twist stuff like that in there too ;P

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Kevin V
18:37 Apr 20, 2023

Wow... Loves me? (Kevin blushes, puts hands behind his back and with head down shuffles his feet side to side. Mutters a quiet 'Ah shucks.')

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Glenda Toews
19:29 Apr 20, 2023

Well...you were the first person to make the unibomber connection. I'm thoroughly struck by your brilliance! Now go... Be humble And write funny stuff.😆

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Laurel Hanson
20:56 Mar 16, 2023

I have gotten this story from the critique circle, so here we are: critiquing. I enjoyed it. The first sentences were completely compelling and drew me in to read more. When Jesus steps off and the boy thinks about that only briefly, it made me wonder. What's up? Switching to the second pov, the writing is lovely and the mystery remains; what's the connection? And so you pull the reader along nicely. As far as those last few sentences? Fabulous. Unexpected but not unbelievable. A reader couldn't have gotten there on their own (unlike, say...

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Glenda Toews
23:04 Mar 16, 2023

I love the fact you thought about this story as much as you have. In that, I suppose I would consider that success :D. What does the story leave the reader thinking? I kind of love the fact that your thoughts as a reader were quite a bit different than mine as a writer, and shows how perspective lends ear toward interpretation. What if the train scene was any place in Europe, not specifically Ireland? Maybe Mrs. Doyle was taking the littles back home from a visit with her sister in England? What if the setting was in the 1960s? How many back...

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Viga Boland
15:13 Mar 12, 2023

Drama? Mystery? Or horror? Haven’t quite decided but what a read and what a surprise second last line. What do I make of that? Wonderful use of dialect and dialogue. Good establishing of moods and settings. Well done! May I suggest using Grammarly or similar before submission? Saw a few instances of comma splicing i.e. using commas where you needed a period. That caused a bit of confusion. In contrast, in that long paragraph that begins story of old man, you need to insert a few commas. That’s a very long sentence. One last thing: who ...

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Glenda Toews
17:02 Mar 12, 2023

Thank you for your comments and your suggestion of Grammarly, I hadn't considered that and will do so in the future. Kilkenny is Sally and Sally is Mrs. Doyle. :D

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Viga Boland
17:09 Mar 12, 2023

You’re most welcome and I’m glad you didn’t mind my suggestion. I figured that’s what you meant re Kilkenny. Thanks

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Glenda Toews
19:28 Mar 12, 2023

Oh gosh no! It was a very helpful one! If a comma in the correct place has the ability to clear confusion I will use it. I appreciate the suggestion.

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