Author’s note: Contains abuse. I’m not sure how sensitive it actually is, but here’s a heads up anyway
They say it’s like death by a thousand paper cuts, abuse is.
Every beating just adds another, until they’re decussating, and full of pain, oh so full of pain.
Every slap across your face.
Every punch across your neck.
Every lash across your back.
Just one paper cut after another.
It isn’t stopping.
It won’t stop.
And then there’s the salt water. Poured on, drop after drop, litre after litre, gallon after gallon, until it’s seeping into your skin and drip, drip, dripping onto the floor.
The salt is the words.
And worse. So much worse.
Can you imagine living like this? Day after day? Week after week? Year after year?
Please don’t. It hurts too much. No one should go through this.
How do I know?
I’ll tell my story. It started a year ago. 12 months, 2 weeks, 3 days ago. That was the day my dad died. Suicide apparently, but I knew better. Know better. It was murder, but no one was arrested because the murderer was- is- clever. Very clever. He strung my dad up by a belt, not my dad’s for he only ever owned one- the one he was wearing. Of course, it wasn’t great evidence- still isn’t- and no one believed me. Not even my mum.
We lived together, just me and my mum. It was a good life. We got on. We worked together. But mum was lonely, and I was so often out the house working to help support us, I wasn’t much company.
Then she met Ty.
Tall, handsome, perfect Ty.
They met at a club. A club. How cliché is that? Ty had mum running after him from the start. He had me running from him.
Mum had been lonely- and yeah, I get that- but she didn’t have to go running after the first man who tried to get in her pants. At first, he seemed kind and was nice to her.
To me, he was controlling. And he didn’t just control her. He controlled me and what I did, what I said, who I talked to. If I didn’t do as he said he hit me.
Paper cut after paper cut.
I asked mum about him. She said I was stupid and it was my fault. If I did as he said, he wouldn’t have to hit me.
I think that was when our relationship started to crumble. It was a slow, but steady deterioration, at first, but then chunks the size of boulders started to fall. To her, I was the problem. To me, he was the problem.
It wasn’t just Ty, it was mum as well. Lovely, kind, caring mum, who used to kiss everything better and smile and suddenly the world would be alright again.
A year it went on like this. Ty asks- no demands- me to stop talking to this boy or that girl, and I carry on talking because, you know, they’re nice, they’re friendly and accept me for me. He hits, slaps, or on occasion punches me. My face turns purple and my mum- if she can be called that anymore. Aren’t they supposed to be caring?- would a) ignore it, b) tell me it was my fault, or c) hit me as well.
It changed on the 13th of April, the year after Ty moved in.
He got drunk. Very drunk. Rip-roaring, crazy drunk. So did my mum. I can’t remember how it happened. She probably said something. She can’t remember.
But then he hit her.
He. Hit. Her.
As in hospital hard.
I spent the night there, with Ty, who was acting the sympathetic and worried boyfriend.
I felt like vomiting.
One week later, she came home, all bandaged, and apologetic. She was sorry, for the inconvenience. Ty didn’t correct her. He just said she tripped and fell, hitting her head against the coffee table, which had one smashed and bloody leg. That was because he ripped it off and hit her round the head.
Gave her concussion and memory loss.
So we still live with the monster.
I couldn’t take it.
It came in little waves at first, the depression. They came at random moments to start with, but they became more and more frequent visitors. Then it stopped being a visitor. It became a permanent part of me. And no longer little waves. Big, big waves, that were turbulent and unforgiving.
I was sinking in saltwater.
It replaced the normalcy of life, and I became prone to breaking down. It was removing me from the world, and I couldn’t stop it.
Mum and Ty didn’t stop it.
They were the reason.
They are the reason.
Detached from the world and the people I used to love, I started to wander.
Just leave the house for hours on end.
Leave the troubles and the abuse behind.
All the paper cuts, which scarred me.
All the saltwater, that scared me.
Of course, mum and Ty did notice, but did they care? No, they did not. As long as they could drink, they did not care. If I was out at night, so much the better,
That’s why I’m here. In the library, late at night, just before closing.
I’m writing on the computer.
I was going to write goodbye to the people I loved but-
But I realised there was no one left.
I left mum.
Mum left me.
Dad left me.
My friends left when I became depressed.
The rest of my family is dead.
So instead of saying goodbye I wrote this.
The reason for what though?
My death. Suicide to be precise.
People will say it runs in the family, with my dad and all.
It took me a while to work out how to do it. Pills would be quick. Jumping would make a statement, but I decided on cutting.
For a year, I’ve been lacerated with paper cuts.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if I left with one final cut across my throat, leaving mum to wonder why?
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You caught my attention in the Title.. :) Good story..!
Amazing story. Really hit hard. Love the repetition with the paper cuts and saltwater! Can't wait to read more.
You killed it!!! You used a very good choice of words and figurative languages. With every passing sentence, I was like, dang. Then DANG. The D-A-N-G! You are a really good writer. From the stories that I have read, it seems like you have a story to tell. A message to send. If so, don't stop. Don't every stop. This story is a very effective story. Recommendation: Legend Series(Marie Lu) Thank you for liking my story. That was really cool of you.
Privet Dakota! I read your bio, and I feel like we have a lot in common lol. I also went through a phase where I wanted to learn Russian, I Am the Messenger is a favourite book of mine, and becoming an author to afford lots of books? That's the dream. I really enjoyed your story, and I hope you keep writing! Some book recommendations: The Hate U Give, The Glass Castle, or People Kill People
Thanks! I will happily look into those books
Hi: Thanks for reading my story. I believe in reciprocity, so I have begun to read your stories. This one is super good, great description and easy to visualize. I have been writing one on Lingchi Love. Check out lingchi, the old Chinese torture and execution by 1000 cuts. Supposedly, they outlawed it back in 1905, but I think some of our southern native American tribes used shells to perform the tortures on early settlers. Sometimes a marriage can work the same way, just with invisible psychological cuts. Thanks for the like. Maureen
Wow, just wow. I read your bio and you say you're 14? Only 14 and writing masterpieces. This is absolutely wonderful. Keep writing, write a whole book. I would definitely read it. You have such a way with words it's magnificent. Truth be told I thought that I was the only "kid" on here. (I'm 13) Now that I think about it, not my smartest conclusion. Oh well. I saw a few questions in your bio. To answer your question, I make tea in the microwave, sorry about that. I use a microwave-safe cup though. Recently, I have used a tea kettle that, m...
i am soo disappointed about the tea lol. dw though. and yes there are quite a few teens on here. i think most of the people i follow are teens (who i highly recommend) so you are not alone. as for book recommendations? how many do you want? the other day i got bored and recently counted my books with a total of 432, but DONT FEAR i will not name them all. basically if you want a good series to get into, i recommend any of the ones mentioned in my bio. as for mazerunner? YES YES YES. They are one of my favourite series and one of my non-reade...
You could tell me all 432 of your books, I would not mind. (If I counted all my books I wouldn't get past 50. I recently got into reading since Covid so I don't have many personal books. I also tend to go to the library instead of buying books.) But, you would be tired after naming all of them. Feel free to tell me any book recommendations you would like. (I'm not sure if you've read these books before but if you like action/thriller/romance all wrapped in one the books for you are Assasin's Heart and Thief's Cunning, those are part one and ...
I have read the Red Queen. It's not my favourite series, but it is still really good. I'll check out the assassin's heart books. And I don't mind if you talk a lot lmao
Well, I still read Red Queen, who knows I may love it. You may like the Assassin's Heart books. But then again I don't know what type of books you like. Alrighty.
I read anything and everything. I always like trying something new in the hope of finding something amazing 😊
Hi! I just read your bio. I love tea, too! Which is your favorite? Mine's gotta be Prince Williams, Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Chamomile, or Irish Breakfast. I guess you could call me a tea drinker!
You know how to get your audience in right from the start! Great storyline, original and full of feeling. Please don't ever follow through with those thoughts. I am guessing you are young? Keep up your writing, I'm new to writing, but have so much I want to share.
yeah i am 14
This story was devastating! One thing: dashes used between words/phrases should be the longer ones, and no space on either side.
This gives me mature Jacqueline Wilson vibes, I’m crying, fan girling over how good this story and being weird from Jaqueline Wilson nostalgia. The metaphor of paper cuts and salt water are great. And the irony/dark humour of the MC works really quite well. It’s intense, beautiful and well written. Well done, expect me to come back and keep editing this comment every time I find something else I love over then next few months :) I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH OMG I LOVE IT Also do I spy a fellow British writer...?
I like the style that you chose, it's a very good portrait of what's going on. I thought the ending was impactful, a showing of the ramifications of the years of abuse.
The last line really got me. Beautiful story and very well written!
I like your writing style! This story was hard to read for me, but you wrote it well.
wow. Intense. I followed you because you seemed just like me. I hope to talk more sometime. PS, Liked the story! PPs, thank you for liking my story.
Wow 😯, just wow I’m very much impressed! Great choice of words! It really brings out your inner soul and makes you want to read more. Amazing, just amazing ❤️😁
......this is just soo sad But its such a well written story,I wish i could write like u!
Hello, again! My feedback to you is the same as last time, PUNCTUATION! I really loved the ending, (you could probs change 'mum' to 'Mum') it tied everything really nicely! :)
punctuation has always been a weakness- all my teachers have said that! :( I am slowly improving though and thank you! :)
That's okay! Writing more means more practise, you'll get there! :D
This was really touching, and way more depressing than I could ever write 😅great job! Also, would you like me to put one of your stories on my bio? Just comment back with your favorite 😊
thanks. can you do the 'I can't escape' war story. i would love to get that to 100 likes. i'll shout out your series as well 😊😊
Thanks so much! Ill put it on!
Ok that was intense. That last line hit hard. I really liked the parts about salt water. I think that was a really good metaphor. Keep writing! (also, I saw the quiz. You got 8/9 fandoms correct!)
Follow and like mine pls amazing story too!!!