I'm Sorry

High school sweethearts are overrated. Everyone knows they never last. But when they do, everyone looks up to them. Jax and I have been friends since we were born. Our parents were in the same hospital and became friends after giving birth. Jax was like a brother to me, and my mom told me I had to say goodbye. I had only a week to tell him, but every time I visited him he made me so happy. I didn’t have enough courage to spit out such hurtful words. I was aware that the longer I waited the more pain I would put him through. This had to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had to find a reason to get mad at him, so it wouldn’t be so hard to say goodbye. What’s so good about saying goodbye anyway? Here are some reasons to get mad at him:

1. For being too nice? Come on Darcy, I can do better than that.
2. For fighting with me too much? No, he never fights with me. 
3. For looking at other girls? That wasn’t t the kind of man he was. 

This was going to be harder than I thought. 

“Darcy, go to that boy’s house and tell him the news.” Mom said. 

“Right now? Why does he need to know right now?” I shot back. 

“Because if you are going to break his heart, do it as quick as you can. Get it over with.”

“Doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice. Why are we moving anyway?”

“Because Your father lost his job, and he found a new one elsewhere.”

“He never thinks of anybody else but himself!” I shouted. 

Without letting my mom say anything further, I slammed the door and marched my way to his house. Panic fled through my veins and my brain told me I should stop walking. I thought of ways that I would tell him I was moving. Being lost in my thoughts, I found myself beside his front door. As I raised my hand to knock on the door, I found my hand trembling and I was unable to keep it steady. I felt myself wanting to cry right then and there. The opening of the door startled me, and I jerked back. 

“Don’t worry, Darcy. It’s only me.” Jax said. 

“How did you know I was here?” I asked. 

“I always know when my beautiful lady is standing at my door.” 

Being unable to stop myself from crying, I broke out in tears. 

“Nobody will love me as much as you!” I cried. 

“Nobody needs to. Come in, I will make you some tea.” Jax said. 

He walked in, but I was frozen by the door. 

“Greedy I see.” He chuckled. 

Suddenly he placed his hands on my back and legs and carried me inside. He placed me gently on the sofa and sat beside me. 

“Darcy, what’s wrong? Did somebody hurt you? I will go after them, just tell me who.”

“It’s nobody, Jax. I just don’t want to lose you.” I said, sniffling. 

“There is nobody I love but you. You don’t have to worry about losing me.” He assured me. 

“But that’s the problem. I don’t want you to love me.” I explained. 

“It’s a problem that I love you so much? I am sorry but I can’t do anything about that.” He laughed. 

“It’s just-” 

Bark bark bark bark 

“I apologize, allow me to go feed my dog. You know how she is when she’s hungry.” 

He walks away and I find myself at a loss for words. This wasn’t going well, and I would hate to see his heart be crushed into pieces. He comes back in a matter of time and runs his hands through my hair. 

“So what was it you wanted to tell me?” He asked. 

“Can I sleep here tonight, I’m not feeling too good.”

“You can sleep here anytime you want.” He said. 

I cuddled him for the entire night, never wanting to let go. I had to spend every last minute with him. It was just a matter of time before I told him the truth. The one thing I liked about Jax is that he never questioned me. Never wondered where I was going, why I acted weird, or why I haven’t picked up his call. He trusted me, and I trusted him. Finally, we both fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

When I woke up, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I struck my body up in horror, and he placed his hands on my shoulders to try and calm me down. 

“Jax, stop. Please don’t make this harder than it already is!” 

I slapped his arms down and ran to the bathroom. I filled the sink with vomit and held my stomach. I was never going to be able to do this. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked. 

When I didn’t answer, he came up behind me and held my hair back.

Ring ring ring

“Who is it?” I asked. 

“It’s your mom, should I answer it?”

“No, ignore her.”

“It’s ok, I will just let her know that you are here.”

“She already knows.”

“Goodmorning, Mrs. Pine.” He said. 

“Where is my daughter?” She said. 

“She’s with me if that’s ok. Don’t worry, I will take care of her.”

“Did she tell you the god damn news yet or not?”

“Gimme the phone!” I yelled. 

I took the phone and threw it at the wall until I saw it in pieces. 

“What did you do that for!” He said in shock. 

I let out a scream, and he wrapped me in his warm embrace. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I cried. 

“It’s ok, let’s go to the amusement park. Ok?”

“No, there is something I need to tell you.”

“I-I am.”

“You are what, Darcy.”

“I can’t get the words out, I am sorry.”

“Maybe you will be able to when we are at the amusement park, you need some fresh air.” He said. 

In a matter of time, we were on the Ferris wheel. I was put at ease with his kindness until I remembered this would be one of the last memories we would be able to share together.

“I’m sorry for breaking your phone,” I said. 

“Don’t worry about it, I will buy a new one.”

All my fears were put aside when he pressed his lips against mine. When he pulled back, he stared deeply into my eyes and touched my cheek. 

“I don’t want to lose you either.” He said. 

I tear rolled down my cheek, and he gently wiped it away. 

“I think I need to get you home now.” He said. 

He held my hand as we walked all the way back to my house. He stopped short and tightened his grip on my hand until my knuckles turned white when he saw the big moving truck before his eyes. I looked at him, and now he was the one crying. 

“I was trying to tell you, Jax. I promise I tried, but it was just so hard.”

He let go of my hand and sat on the cold ground. He wasn’t able to look me in the eye. 

“Darcy let’s go! We are going to be late!” Mom yelled. 

I looked at Jax, but he had nothing to say. 

I kissed him on the forehead, but he remained still as a statue. I went in the backseat of the truck and watched Jax hopelessly sit there with wide eyes. I too was in tears. The truck took off, and I watched as my vision of Jax got smaller and smaller. I wondered how long he sat there that day, but I was never going to know.