I Illegally Bought a Phrmithisis

“Lilly!”

“Yes?!” I blurted out over the shattering of dust-covered tea pots and thumping of overturned chairs. I crawled out from underneath the counter with dust coating the palms of my hands and knees of my pants. A few seconds later, when my head shot up to see who had called my name, I felt an intense shock of pain surge through my skull as I slammed the back of my head at the edge of the counter.

         “Shit!” I snapped, holding the back of my head, and leaning back on my knees as the

pain prickled through my body like a bustle of thorns. “Who is it?” I growled out of irritation, glancing towards the sound of the voice.

         It was then I was able to make out the dark outline of my closest friend, Esmerelda, who had picked up a knocked over coffee table with one hand and placed something upon its wooden surface.

         “Emi?” I groaned, now looking over my shoulder to make sure I did not hit my head again.

         “Lilly,” she gasped again in her normally light voice. “What the Hell-”

         “Nothing!” I interjected and rose to my feet, now standing before her with my hand still

massaging the back of my head. “Nothing to see here!” I started to usher her back to the front door as the ear-splitting sounds of what must have been my easel and paint set-up smashed to the floor in the other room.

         I cringed and swore beneath my breath.

         “Lilly,” Esmerelda gasped for the third time this visit. “What is going on? Did someone

break in? Are you hurt-”

         “Nonono.” I seemed to have busted out in one breath. “Everything is fine. Don’t worry

about me.”

         “What is that?!” The shriek of my friend rattled my eardrums as a small furry creature with fur the color of snow and horns curled at either side of its skull scurried into the front room.

         Esmerelda screamed and picked up her bag from the formerly knocked over table and tried smacking it away with what must have been the mighty force of a bull, but thankfully, she missed.

         “Emi, stop!” I cried out and snatched her bag from her grip as the critter slithered beneath the couch to our right. “It won’t hurt you!”

         “Then what is it?” She quivered with wide eyes scanning every inch of the floor below

us.

         “It’s….” I had started but faded out mid-sentence. I knew she would be furious no matter what I planned to say next.

         “What?” She panted, still looking around wildly, and squirmed noisily as the creature

slipped from the couch down the hall to the kitchen.

         “Um...well…” I murmured and ducked my head guiltily once I saw Esmerelda’s scathing gaze.

         “What?” She demanded, pushing her long thin braids out of her face.

         “You remember how I told you… I always wanted a Phrmithisis?” I muttered, my fingers nervously intertwining with each other. 

         Esmerelda stopped. Her round dark eyes bore into me like a child who had just smashed her mother’s prized vase. “You did not.” She glowered menacingly. 

         I gulped. Although Esmerelda was so sweet and soft-spoken, she was terrifying when she was angry. I’d much rather face a charging bear than stand before her in my wretched house.

         “I did…” I managed to squeak out, feeling sweat start to dampen the lower back of my shirt and armpits. 

         “Lilly,” Esmerelda growled, “tell me this is a joke. Now.”

         My internal alarm bells began going off; they were telling me: run, Lilly. Run before it’s too late! But I didn’t. My feet stood rooted to the floor as my Phrmithisis snaked its way back toward us with its whiskers twitching furiously.

My friend shrieked again and ran to the opposite side of the room, her braids bouncing off her back with each step. Now standing on the couch with her bag in hand, she went, “Where… where did you get it?” She quivered, looking stiff as a statue.

“You won’t be happy if I tell you,” I said guiltily.

“I’m already not happy, so how on Delavonna’s Green Earth could this get worse?” Esmerelda wailed.

Awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck, I watched my newly obtained Phrmithisis scurry madly across the wooden floor with no sense of direction or pattern. Its short, stubby legs scampered in my direction and as it approached me, a sudden idea struck me.

“Emi, do you have any peppermint?” I asked.

“What?” Her brows drew together in confusion. 

“Peppermints. You know, the candy you carry in your purse-”

“Yeah, I know what peppermints are. Why do you need them?” She spoke as she started digging through her bag slung over one shoulder.

“I read somewhere that Phrmithisi love the scent of peppermint and it calms them down.” I explained the same time Esmerelda tossed one of the tiny packaged candy towards me. However, I missed and it fell somewhere to the floor behind me. I turned just in time to see my Phrmithisis froze in place, perk its round ears, and crawl in the direction of the candy. 

“That should do it.” I wheezed and seconds later I burst into relieved laughter, pressing my face into the palms of my hands.

We watched as my Phrmithisis, I named Tibbit, rolled onto its back, curled its clawed paws around the candy, and created a sort of high-pitched combination of a purr from a cat and squeak from a mouse. 

“Is it… I don’t know… tamed?” Esmerelda inquired and cautiously stepped off my couch.

“It is.” I said with a loving smile lighting up my face.

“Thank Delavonna for that.” She walked up to me with her eyes still trained on Tibbit.

For a couple of relaxed silence passed between us while we observed Tibbit gleefully sniff the plastic packaging of the peppermint. His long, pink snout carefully prodded the candy and his large, fluffy tail was swished behind him like an excited puppy. I was relieved to see him so calm since bringing him home last night. He was so nervous and couldn’t slow down for even a second. I wanted to kick myself for stressing him out so badly and not remembering to give him peppermint.  Phrmithisi were rumored to be very jittery creatures and were said to live in the deep, mountainous jungles of Thelopis where they spent their days in trees and nights in underground tunnels. I read in books provided at my local library that they were very secluded creatures and hadn’t been discovered by humans until a few years ago, so not much was none about them, that is, until they were observed to be conductors of electricity and were banned as pets because they were the cause of multiple house fires.

“So...how? When? Why?” Esmerelda asked while massaging the sides of her temples with the tips of her fingers.

“Long story short,” I began. “I found a seller by that tea shop we like going to…

“Tamilla’s?” Esmerelda said.

“Yeah, that one. She told me she came across an abandoned nest of what looked like Phrmithisis eggs a few mountains away and decided to take them.”

“As you do,” Esmerelda muttered sarcastically.

“And that’s how I got him. His name is Tibbit.”

“But Lilly, they’re dangerous!” She exclaimed, frowning at me.

“I know, but I have a plan.” I said assuredly. 

“Oh, do you now?”

“Yes, but you have to trust me.” 

“Lilly,” Esmerelda groaned. “I don’t think I can take part in this. It’s making me pretty anxious.”

“I’m really sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t intend for you to get involved. It’s just…” I glanced over at Tibbit who was still rolling about. “He’s so cute and I’ve always wanted one.”

Esmerelda’s full lips pushed together in a tense line and her arms crossed across her chest. From what I could guess, she must have been thinking very deeply. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants just waiting for a response.

"Lilly... I trust you, I just don't know if I can trust..." she titled her head towards Tibbitt. "That."

"I perfectly understand." I blurted out. "I know this is crazy, but I can make it work. There's a very easy way to prevent them from creating electricity."

"How?"

I smiled. "Simple. Neuter him."

"Come on. It can't be that easy."

"It can be done! I read somewhere that they conduct electricity in a particular gland by their... um... bits. So, if we just remove it, my house won't burn down."

"Okay," Esmerelda said slowly. "If that's the case, how do you plan to do that?"

"I have an idea, but I can't do it immediately. I just have to keep him on the radar until I'm able fix him."

"Can't believe I'm okay with this." Esmerelda muttered, glaring at Tibbitt.

"Really-" I began but was swiftly cut off.

"-but if you so much utter a word about this thing to anyone or thing, I will hunt you down until everything you love is burned to the ground!"

"That's a bit extreme," I snickered.

"It is, but I think it's a suitable punishment."

"Fair," I commented.

"I'm not going to touch him," Esmerelda exclaimed sharply.

"I don't expect you too, besides, it's almost his nap time." I said.

"Nap time?"

"Of course."

"Dear Delavonna save us." Esmerelda muttered.

With that, I carefully approached Tibbitt who just let out a massive nap and began curling his body around the peppermint like a cotton ball. His white snout was tucked comfortably under his bushy tail and his dark beady eyes started to slowly close.

"You totally think he's cute." I cheekily said to my friend.

"Nope. Never will." She said bluntly, but when we shared a glance between us, both our faces stretched into warm smiles.