CITY OF LOVE

Everyone calls Paris the city of love, but that is not something that happens for everyone. It is a city of possibilities; where you can find love or where you can lose yourself, and you don't know which of these is going to happen until you're there.

Tatiana was a girl who came to Paris for an Exchange program in the summer. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, and she thought this would be the right place and time for a new start, an adventure, a romantic Summer Fling. She felt so many things before coming, but when she reached Paris, she realized that it's not what you think that necessarily happens.

She firstly had a massive shock because she didn't speak French, and you needed French for everything. She couldn't get groceries. She had to get her friend Erica to help her if she needed to read a letter or to find a house to rent or people to talk to. Even going out to eat at a restaurant was difficult, because at the restaurant she didn't know how to order or ask if they had something.

She realized that everything was marginally more difficult when you didn't speak the language, which made her feel out of place because she had to rely on others, and of course, Google translate, and she felt really awkward.

After about two weeks of being in Paris, Tatyana realized that maybe love wasn't going to happen because she was not excited about going out. Everything felt foreign. The morning rides on the train to the university, pressed against strangers, rubbing elbows and different parts, and yet she still felt alone. Exposed. Vulnerable. Like everyone could tell her dirty secret just by looking at her. She felt guilty and inferior because she couldn't speak the language.

She felt like they didn't see her. She felt like she was wearing a red

dress in a sea of black and yet everyone looked at her, but didn't see her, not really. She blended in and stood out like a sore thumb all at once. She was a foreigner. And so she became a recluse and began to live in her head because she could only talk to herself since talking to others was much more difficult.

 She decided that maybe online dating would be easier because you

can text and definitely more comfortable than speaking out loud. She signed up on a website and had an exciting profile. She tried to talk to several people, but to her shock, they weren't really interested in what was in her head, but more interested in what she looked like and hooking up. This is something that slowly made her disappointed.

She eventually went on a date with this one guy Pierre. They had a

lovely time. He was a gentleman; he even paid on the date, which was surprising for her. At the end of the date, he told her that he had a girlfriend, and he was just looking for something casual and temporary.

Shattered, later that night, she went for a walk along the Seine River. She was looking at the stars and at the water and just thinking about how far she was from home and how far her friends were and how alone she felt. She had no one to talk to. She was all alone, and she thought, 'so this is what it feels like to be lonely, alone.'

On the other side of the riverbank was a man. He was staring into the water, his eyes glazed as if he saw something only he could see. Lost in his story and the sounds of the waves accompanying his thoughts. Tatiana watched him for a while, and thought, is he

lonely too?

Eventually, he looked up as if feeling the weight of Of her gaze, And he looked at her. At that moment, when their eyes met, it was like they exchanged experiences. Of their lives and experiences and passion and sadness and longing. He looked so alone, and she could feel that in the depth of her soul, and she thought to herself,' everyone has their own story even in this place where there are so many people, we're all a collection of our own actions.'

She thought of Warsan Shire's words, 'Where does it hurt? Everywhere.' Maybe loneliness wasn't something you feel when you are alone, but something you feel when a place isolates you, excludes you, changes you. She wondered who else was lonely tonight.

And as they walked towards each other and she passed by him, she smiled a lonely little smile, and he smiled back. It felt like words passed along, a hang in there, and I see you. She spoke as an afterthought, 'Bonjour. Anglais?' His eyes lit up as if he had received a gift, and he responded, 'Bonjour. Yes, I speak English.' She turned towards him, lowering her voice, as though sharing a secret, 'It's a beautiful night for a walk.

He nodded, 'Yes, it is. A time to listen to the city and see her in a beautiful light. I am Fredrick, and you?' She answered, 'Tatiana. Your English is perfect.'

'You mean for a French man.' He chuckled. 'I have not always lived here; in fact, I feel a little out of place being back here now.' She said, 'I know what you mean, I feel alone all the time.'

She looked at Fredrick, wondering what his story was, and how it felt in his skin. Did it feel different to feel out of place as a foreigner or as a native? She wondered if he felt naked, exposed like everyone could look at him and read his story on his skin. His deepest fears and secrets out in the air, the eyes on him full of judgment as they settled on his face.

She thought to herself, 'Maybe this is how you start to be a little less lonely. You learn to live with it and connect with someone next to you who may be feeling alone too.'