I Can Feel the Ghosts

Patty sat with her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, reading Pride and Prejudice. She was immersed fully in reading, and though she’d read it several times in her long life, she wasn’t sure what to do with all the time on her hands. She’d recently retired, and though she liked not working, it was very different. 

Outside snow was falling heavily, the thick, wet kind of snow that squished unpleasantly when you walked. It was misery to be caught outside in it, and Patty was grateful that she got to sit inside with her steaming mug of tea. 

She was wearing a comfortable flannel dress and had her hair tied up in a plait. Patty glanced around at her comfortable living room. It was well lit and cheerful. She felt very relaxed sitting inside with her tea and her book. Or at least until she heard the pounding at the door. 

Patty sat up, marking her place in her book. Who could it be? It was Sunday, she wasn’t expecting any packages. She hadn’t invited anyone. 

Should she answer? She’d heard stories about murderers and molesters attacking old women on days a lot like this. She cautiously glanced out the peephole and relaxed. It wasn’t a murderer, just a snow-caked figure. 

Patty unlatched her door and flung the door open. She hunched against the cold breeze and asked “Who are you?” 

She could see now that it was a young girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen. Her eyes were rimmed with red, most likely from the cold. Her dark hair was coated with snow and her red wool coat almost looked white. The girl replied in a shaky voice. “I was staying at a friend’s house, but she kicked me out. We’re not really friends now, because of that. My parents are out in Wisconsin, and since we’re in Michigan, they can’t just come home. I’ve seen you picking weeds and I thought maybe it would be okay if I knocked.” The girl shivered, and Patty could see her lips were tinged blue. She was hunched up against the cold as if she had been outside a long time. 

Patty softened. “Come inside. I don’t want you freezing to death.” 

The girl stepped inside and pulled off her boots and jacket. She shook out her head outside and slammed the door. Patty watched her lock the door and set down a duffel bag Patty hadn’t noticed before.

Patty led her into the living room and moved her book. The girl sat down and Patty draped her in the softest blanket she owned. Then she sat in her yellow armchair. 

“Tell me your name.” 

“Sofie.” she said, staring at her wet socks. She took them off and draped them on the radiator next to the couch. 

Patty stared at her for a second. “Sofie, can I ask what happened with your friend?” 

Sofie snapped her gaze back to the old woman and stared at her round face. Patty had crow’s feet and dark skin, and something about her face made you want to trust her. 

Sofie was silent and her eyes were sad. “I will, but first, can I ask you a few things?” 

“Of course, dear.” Patty said, stepping into the kitchen to make the cold girl hot chocolate. “I’m right here.” 

“What’s your name?” 

“Patty.” 

“Are you going to murder me, torture me, or hurt me in any way?” 

“Of course not. In fact, I thought you were a murderer before I opened the door.” Patty smiled, heating up the milk and cocoa powder.

Sofie laughed, but Patty could hear her teeth chattering. “How old are you?” she asked with an air of finality. This would be the last question. 

Patty chuckled. She didn’t mind, but some adults did. “66. I just retired last year.” 

Sofie asked one more question. “Can I stay at your house for the next few days until my parents get home?”

“Yes, I have a guest bedroom where my daughter used to live. But you have to tell me about your friend. And we have to tell your parents where you’re staying.” Patty replied, handing Sofie the hot chocolate. Patty’s lip wobbled. It was still painful to mention her daughter, even after all this time.

Sofie nodded. The snow had melted from her hair and now her long, thick, hair was damp and hung in ringlets. Her skin was tan and she had clever dark eyes. Patty’s heart ached. Sofie looked a lot like her daughter, though her skin was a few shades lighter. “What’s your daughter’s name?” 

“Evelyn.” Patty replied, sitting next to Sofie and wrapping her arm around her. 

“What is she like?” Sofie said, sipping her drink. 

“Smart. She was creative, always doing so many things at once. She had a lot of friends. Especially in high school.” 

Sofie furrowed her eyebrows. “Was?” 

“She died.” Patty whispered, tears filling her eyes. 

Sofie looked stricken. “How? Is it fine to ask?”

“That’s okay. Everyone is curious. She was driving with her boyfriend, on a night just like this, the night after she graduated from college about fifteen years ago. A car came out of nowhere and slammed into them. The cops said he tried to stop but the roads were slick. They slammed into a ditch. She died instantly. Her neck broke, but he fell into a coma. Died a few hours later. The other driver tried to apologize, saying he couldn’t sleep at night, knowing he’d as good as killed them. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t being careful, and my daughter died.” Patty was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks. She pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle the sobs. She’d never said it out loud before. 

Sofie hugged the old woman and said “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Patty pulled herself together. “It’s okay. That’s her, that picture on the bookshelf.” she said softly, pointing. 

Sofie stared at the picture. It was a picture of Evelyn laughing with her best friend. Her dark brown eyes were staring at the camera, and she was holding an ice cream cone. Her dark hair was cropped short. The picture had been taken a few years before she died, in her senior year of high school. “She looks a lot like me. Except her skin is a bit darker. What about her father?” said Sofie.

“He committed suicide when Evelyn was about a year old. I don’t know why. Now everyone I love is dead. Even my sister. She died a year or so ago.” 

Sofie snuggled closer to the woman. Her lips were back to a normal color. “I’m sorry Patty. Could you love me one day? Like a grandchild? I don’t really have a grandmother.” 

“Yes, I think so.” Patty said, smiling. “Now, please, tell me what happened with your friend.” 

Sofie sighed. “It hadn’t been going well for a while. Jill, the friend, and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten, but when we started 9th grade, she started acting...different. She started wearing makeup, different clothes. At first I didn’t mind. It was her style. Then I noticed she was dressing like the popular kids. One day in the lunchroom, I saw Jill sitting with them. Since I don’t have any other friends, I went over to them. Jill looked at me, and she was wearing these big hoops and her hair was really styled. The expensive kind of styled. Like from the salon. She always said that the salon was overrated, so I didn’t understand.” 

Patty nodded. Sofie drained her cup and put it on the coffee table.

“I asked if I could sit with them. Jill looked at me almost as if I wasn’t her best friend ever. She said ‘No, you have to be someone to sit here.’ I stood there trying to think of a response and finally said ‘I exist. I’m made of atoms, same as you.’ I can still hear that laugh. High pitched and cold, just like Bellatrix’s laugh from Harry Potter.” 

Patty added “Evelyn would have said the same thing.” God, no one wanted to hear about her dead daughter! Sofie only smiled appreciatively and continued. 

“So I walked away and sat at our old table by myself. I felt like a jerk, but I didn’t do anything wrong. Or so I thought. The next day, before class, Jill and I were in the girl’s bathroom. She said in her old voice ‘Sofie, there’s a social order. You can’t look like that and hang out with us. If you don’t act like such a nerd, we can still hang out after school. Try to understand.’ I nodded. I didn’t want to lose her. Even though she talked the way she usually did, I didn’t recognize her at all. I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl who I used to know. The one that used to wear her Star Wars and Lord of the Rings T-shirts, and other ‘nerdy’ things. Who used to read a book a day when she could.” Sofie put nerdy in finger quotes. 

Patty could hear that odd lightness to Sofie’s voice that she herself used when she was trying not to cry. She’d used it when she was talking about Evelyn’s death. 

“So I tolerated it. She ignored me at school but was almost her old self after school. Almost. But she spent less time on the phone with me, and I could feel the tension when we would talk to each other. I kept wondering what I had done wrong.” 

Sofie stopped and Patty could see her shoulders shaking. “You didn’t do a single thing wrong.” Patty said soothingly. “Not a single thing.” 

Sofie resumed, and there were tears in her eyes. “This was my best friend. She taught me so many things, like how to use a pad and how to ride my bike. And she was so different. So it went on like that until today. I was staying at her house when my parents were out of town. We got into a huge fight, and she said a lot of nasty things, finally telling me to go. So I packed up and left. The first place I thought of was here, so I walked here and well...you know the rest.” 

Sofie started crying, and she wiped her eyes quickly. Patty said quietly “It’s okay to cry, sweetheart. It’s okay.” 

So Sofie cried for a little while, and Patty knew she loved her already. This poor child. And yes, she did remind her of Evelyn, but she was her own person. Sofie was more sensitive, and Evelyn refused to read or watch Harry Potter up until the night she died. Suddenly Patty was sobbing too. She cried for her husband, for Evelyn, for Sofie, for her sister. 

Sofie stopped crying and asked tentatively “Can we watch a horror movie? I need something distracting. Please?” 

Patty laughed, wiping her tears away. “I love horror movies.” Evelyn had hated them, so she was glad that Sofie liked them.

“Can I pick one out?” 

“Yes. Let me call your parents. Do you have their number?” 

“Yeah.” Sofie crossed to the DVD bin and grinned. “I love watching DVDs. I don’t like digital movies as much.” She repeated her mother’s number and Patty dialed. 

“Me neither! It makes it so complicated!” Patty exclaimed when she’d explained to Sofie’s parents the situation, that Jill had kicked Sofie out, leaving out other details. They were okay with the arrangement. 

Patty sat down on the couch and fingered the remote. Sofie held up a DVD. “Can we watch IT? It’s so good! And the book is terrifying.” 

“Good idea! I haven’t seen that one in a while.” Patty replied, patting the couch. 

As they watched, Patty felt something in her chest, a sense of calm, that she hadn’t felt since the night of Evelyn’s graduation.