5 comments

Drama Crime Fantasy

It was the largest bank on the outskirts of Nashville, TN, a man was standing just inside the men’s room; he was thinking about what he had to do in the next few hours as he took a deep breath and stepped out into the wide hallway. He needed to get in and out as quickly as possible, and thought to himself, this was one town he certainly was not going to miss! The past decade had not been kind to him, he had been unemployed for years and was still in mourning, even though it had happened seven and a half years ago, it felt like he had lost the one person he loved the most in this world, just yesterday.


He wore a very broad, ragged, floor length brown coat that was too big and outdated for him, but he didn’t care, it felt good and it was perfect for what he had to do that day. People on the street stared and looked down on him, they found his coat ugly and they pitied him for being poor and plainly destitute. But for those who criticized and made fun of him, mostly during his adolescence and school aged years, they would have been astonished to realize he was a kind, giving and gentle person. He had deliberately chosen this coat because of its large deep pockets, there was a hole in the left pocket, and so he kept his notepad and pencil neatly tucked away in the pocket on his right side.


He noticed a small stuffed teddy bear lounging lazily on a settee in the sitting area as he walked slowly through the lobby, and randomly thought how odd it looked, so forlorn and in want of its owner who must have left it unknowingly behind; he silently reprimanded himself to remain focused as he walked up to the first available teller in the bank lobby. He was met by a woman whose nametag beamed in bright yellow letters, ‘Hi! My name is Mary, How can I help you?’ which he thought was the perfect name and tag color for her as he thought she looked just like a sunflower in full bloom, as he handed her the note he had written earlier that morning.


As she read his note, her eyes grew wide as she looked from the note back to the man standing in front of her and then back to the note again. While trying to decipher it, Mary slowly became aware of a faint hissing sound, she looked around to see where it was coming from, and she noticed the air conditioning vent just behind her station was emitting something quite out of the ordinary.

The smoke slowly drifted out in tiny little swirls, it was so faint, she nearly missed it, she could hardly make out what it was at first, then realized in horror as a pungent odor began to spread throughout the room.


The man, seemingly unaware of her distress, motioned for his note back; it was at that moment he noticed the look of denial or could it be recognition on her face and for a brief moment, he showed his first sign of genuine concern. As quickly as it had appeared, it vanished and he looked back at Mary, his face stoic once again. The alarm was now going off, it was like a coarse, shredded needle raking over a vinyl ‘spinning out of control’record, making it sound like skewered animals being charred alive, over an open fire pit; this is how the radio newscast would word it later on, as the man was oblivious to the deafening shrill noise, he was patiently waiting for Mary to hand him back his note.


As people started running and screaming in every direction around him, he didn’t move. He didn’t seem to care, all he wanted to do was keep staring at Mary; she was yelling at him, or so he thought, or was she warning him? He wasn’t sure, as his vision was slowly fading, there was no noise at all, and everything was going black as he fought to stay conscious, he slid in slow motion down the counter into a small bundled heap within his very large coat.

His head hit the marble floor with a crack and his eyes flew open, this time he was going to watch...


He could see the fear reaching the eyes of patrons and bank workers nearby, they knew something terrible was happening as they started running for the exit door. A woman stopped and blood was oozing from her mouth as she fell face first down that perfectly manicured marble staircase he had admired when he entered the building over two hours ago. People who were running began passing out all around him, some even falling on him. Men and women alike were vomiting everywhere; others were turning black with blood pouring out of their ears and noses, dying right in front of him.


His last recollection was someone running towards him with a club in hand, it was the guard he had seen earlier when he entered the bank that morning. He whimpered and tried to move out of the way as the guard raised the club over him. This enraged the guard and he winced as the club struck him hard, he tried to scream, but nothing came out, he was unable to get away from this man. The beating continued and through a deep haze, he thought he imagined Mary running up behind the guard as she tried to stop him, but as the last strike came to his head, the man blacked out.


He awoke one last time to an old radio newscast talking about the bank ordeal and announcing that no one had made it out of the bank alive that day, included in the fatalities was a bank-teller who left behind a husband and infant son, his heart wrenched and he screamed from the depths of his soul.

Then he faded for the last time into a welcomed darkness.

                                       …

The boy was jostled awake as he bounced off the back seat where he had been fast asleep, landing onto the floor of the old 1984 Chevrolet Caprice Station Wagon that his dad was driving and he bolted straight up!

He looked around frantically and slithered back into his seat, his thoughts on that same nightmare he had again.

He remembered the bank, the bank-teller, her trying to save him and wondered what happened to the note and to the guard that had been beating him and pretty much wondered what it all meant?

Somewhere deep inside of him, he recalled hearing the hazy radio announcement, his vision instantly blurring due to the huge teardrops that had rimmed around his tired eyes, eventually burning down his cheeks; here he was, alive and breathing!


It was just he and his dad now; he had just turned 8 years old and was way too young to be having these awful nightmares. The car was packed with the little bit of belongings they owned and they were moving out of Tennessee and heading to Arkansas to live with his grandparents until his dad was able to find a job and get back on his feet. He didn’t know how long they’d been driving on this long lonely road, but he was really sore and his head ached with a familiar bludgeoning pain.


When they stopped for the night, he pulled out his ratty garbage bag that he kept what little clothes he owned in, as he untied the knots and opened it up, an old brown coat fell to the ground.

He peered into the left pocket where he faintly remembered a hole but the hole was not there and was utterly shocked at what he found.

The pocket was lined with twenty, fifty and one hundred dollar bills, which he added up later, totaling to almost one hundred and fifty thousand dollars, he was simply and soundly stunned!

When he looked in the right pocket, he found an old notepad and pencil, then felt another bulge, he couldn’t imagine what it could be. He felt along the seams and deep within the pocket he pulled out an antiquated stuffed teddy bear, it stared back at him and he could of sworn he saw a tug of a smile within that furry part of his mouth and that knowing look, like he had been waiting a very long time to be found.

That’s when it all came rushing back to him...

The boy smiled in faint recognition.


Epilogue


He was in the backseat again, they were driving west on Interstate 40, with Nashville miles behind them now. His dad looked back and motioned to his son in sign language to see if he was okay, and he motioned back, “Yes, I’m fine, dad”.

November 17, 2020 07:46

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5 comments

Tom .
22:30 Nov 22, 2020

Congratulations on your debut piece. I hope it is going to be the first of many. I am going to give you a fair critique. I am guessing by the reveal at the end, sound was an important aspect of the robbery. It was an inventive premise. I am going to tell you a couple of things you did wrong. You over explained everything in the first half, this slowed down the pace of the story. The reader will recognise what you are saying in less words. You described Mary's badge beautifully but it was too much information in an action driven scene. It slo...

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07:51 Nov 23, 2020

Thanks so much for your critique, Tom...Everything you mentioned was what I added during my edit, which was a big mistake, I should have left it with less words. So, the little boy went back in time as his grown self. The guard had his suspicions of him for being in the bank hours before the havoc started and he figured he was the one that was responsible for the smoke filled room. His sore body and familiar bludgeoning pain to the head, when he was back in the car, was due to the clubbed beating he received. He's done this before, that's w...

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Tom .
10:20 Nov 23, 2020

Wow yes that was a lot of ground to cover in the ending. But don't worry practice makes perfect.

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21:57 Nov 23, 2020

Thanks again, Tom...Truly appreciated.

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20:36 Nov 22, 2020

This being my first short, would love to know your thoughts. After editing, I’m aware of a few grammatical errors, I should have left it alone...

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