How I Met Your Grandma

Vivi had arrived at her grandparent's doorstep with her heart frozen over in disbelief, her eyes twin pools of desolation. Some spiteful child at school had told her that Santa Claus wasn't real, so Grandpa was doing his best to warm that frozen heart. Grandma, too, in her own quiet way.

They were making Grandma's special cookies, usually reserved for Christmas and not the night before. Now, everyone knows it's a sad fact that most cookies don't taste as good as raw cookie dough. Not so with Grandma's cookies. No one, not even Grandpa, knew her secret recipe.

"You can have one before bed," Grandma said.

"But you get to make it yourself," Grandpa interjected when he saw Vivi's frown deepen.

Grandma raised her eyebrow but said nothing, then they both watched in consternation as Vivi shaped her one before-bed cookie, a gingerbread man monstrosity that kept sprouting limbs and took up half the baking pan.

"Hey, how old are you?" Grandpa asked to put a stop to the madness.

Vivi considered her reply. "Almost six." She held up her fingers to show her approaching age.

"Oh my gosh." An overwhelmed Grandpa cradled his forehead in his hands. "Oh gosh gosh gosh."

"What? Why you say and do that?" Vivi forgot her cookie and walked toward Grandpa, while Grandma, smooth as liquid smoke, snatched the baking pan off the counter and slid it into the oven without a sound.

"It's just I thought you were two," Grandpa said, finally peeking out from behind his weathered hands.

"I'm not a baby!"

"No, I'm not saying that all. Two is a good number. But six? Well, that's almost as old as your grandma... ow ow ow."

Grandma pinched Grandpa's ear, and Vivi giggled once before remembering that there was no Santa Claus, no magic left at all in this world.

The little girl turned back toward the counter then stood on tiptoe to search it. Finding nothing of interest, she glared at her grandparents. She crossed her arms and held her breath. First, no Santa, and now they had stolen her cookie before it was ready. Her face turned red with hopeless rage. She readied herself to hurl the worst insult imaginable. She was going to do it. She was going to call them big fat stupid butts.

"What kind of frosting are we going to put on Grandma's cookies after they're done?" Grandpa asked to steer his granddaughter back from the brink.

"I don't care." Vivi let out her breath, her arms still crossed.

"We have three types of frosting," said Grandma, turning toward Grandpa.

"Three? What, green, red, white… but what about blue? Do we have blue for the extra icy snow?" Grandpa asked.

Vivi edged closer to her grandparents and stamped her foot on the floor. "I don't care!"

While Grandma rummaged through cabinets to take stock of their icing inventory, Grandpa stared down at his unblinking Vivi. She was the spitting image of what her grandma must've looked like at that age, golden brown eyes and hair so fair that it was almost white. He saw a lost little girl who needed to know more.

Why else had their son dropped her off here on Christmas Eve, this night of all nights? But was she prepared for the strange truth?

"Did I ever tell you how I met your grandma?" he finally asked.

Grandma flinched at those words and nearly dropped a tube of frosting, but then she gave Grandpa an almost imperceptible nod.

Vivi didn't catch any of that. She was too busy standing her ground and staring back at her grandpa. "I don't caaare," she said.

"Yeah, she doesn't want to hear about your flying machine. Our Vivi isn't interested in swords or ice dragons, and she certainly doesn't care about my reindeer," said Grandma, then took a deep breath because that was a lot of talking for Grandma.

"I don't… your reindeer?"

"Yeah, my reindeer." Grandma fixed Vivi with her steely-eyed gaze.

"A real big guy, too," said Grandpa.

"What was his name?" asked Vivi, still skeptical.

"Samusamuhukruhukruqua'a," said Grandma without missing a beat.

Vivi laughed in disbelief. "Say it again." So Grandma did.

"Sammy sammy hula hula hoop," Vivi repeated.

"I call him Sammy," said Grandpa. "He introduced me to your grandma."

Vivi realized that, somehow, they had left the kitchen while they were talking. She was now sitting in between her grandparents, nestled in her favorite spot on the living room's lumpy leather couch. All of a sudden, she remembered she was supposed to be mad, so she crossed her arms and bowed her head.

"Don't you want to know about the reindeer?" Grandpa asked.

An evil thought crossed Vivi's mind. "Reindeer aren't real," she smiled slyly, despite the sudden chill in her heart.

"Reindeer are real. I'm pretty sure you've seen them at the zoo, Vivi," said Grandpa.

"No, there are no reindeer because… because … there is no Santa!" She dropped the bomb then searched her grandparents' faces for signs of its destructive impact.

Grandma chuckled instead. "There are many Santas. Even more reindeer."

"Yeah, there's Santa Bob, Santa Ashanti, Santa Kendra, and even Santa Jim," said Grandpa.

"And Peleikalikimaka, Kwamalulu, Vesuvilavavuvu, plus Ed," said Grandma, perhaps rattling off reindeer names, though Vivi wasn't sure about that last one.

"No... you just make up names… because you don't know about Santa Claus and his reindeer… because Audrey told me and then told me not to tell, but I have to tell you because you don't know… because Santa Claus… he's not real," Vivi labored to get out the words. She was starting to feel bad for her grandparents, who had somehow gone their whole lives without figuring it out.

"Well, I don't know about a Santa Claus. I'm pretty sure I know a Santa Claude, but I'd have to check. But Vivi, can I please please please tell you how I met your grandma?"

"Okay Grandpa," said Vivi, taking pity on him.

"So, has your dad told you about my aero-dynamo, my flying machine?"

"Yes, your definite track."

"My what?"

"She means death trap," Grandma said.

"You didn't call it that when I swooped in to save you from the ice dragon."

"Dragon? But you said Sammy was a reindeer."

"Sorry, Vivi, I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe Grandma should tell the story instead."

They both looked at Grandma, who crossed her arms then said, "Please proceed."

"Well, where was I? Oh yes, I was charting a new course in my carefully tested, very reliable aero-dynamo. But you can call it a flying machine if you want. It's also fully electric, which really meant something back then. I have it in the storage shed. I can show you how it works."

"Grandpa?"

"Yes, Vivi?"

"Please pro-steed."

Grandma snorted, and Grandpa reddened before remembering there was more at stake here, no matter how awesome his aero-dynamo might be.

"Okay, the important thing to know is I was flying high up in the sky over an icy tundra when the storm hit. This storm was unlike any storm I've ever seen. The snowflakes were moving so fast that they scratched up my hands and face. They also cut up my flying machine's self-propelled wings, which meant that my aero-dynamo, through no fault of its own, had to make an emergency landing. And, oh my gosh, it was a long way down before hitting the ground."

Grandpa paused then smacked his hands together for dramatic effect. "Don't worry," he said when Vivi jumped. "There was plenty of snow to cushion my fall. In fact, there was so much snow that I could barely see, but I scooped up my flying machine and kept trying to walk in a straight line anyway. Then I saw this big animal with antlers poking out everywhere. Do you know who that was?"

"Sammy sammy hula hula hoop!"

"Yes, and do you know what Sammy had on him?"

"Grandma?"

"No, not yet."

"A baby reindeer?"

"Uh-uh, it wasn't a person or an animal that Sammy had on him. He was wearing something that horses wear too. Do you know what that is?"

Grandpa was patient because he and Grandma had all night, or at least until midnight, to sit and talk. Plus, he didn't have to wait too long for Vivi to guess right because she was a smart kid.

"Yes, a saddle! He was wearing a saddle. Can you imagine that? And what do you think I did?"

"You gave Sammy a carrot."

"Well, that's a good idea, but I didn't have a carrot to give him. So, I hopped in Sammy's saddle instead, and as soon as I—"

"What about your flying machine?"

"That's a good question. My flying machine is very portable, some would call it groundbreaking, so it was already packed up in a bag on my back. That meant I had both hands free to hold on to Sammy, and I needed them because he took off like a rocket once I was on his back."

"You scared him because you forgot to bring a carrot."

"Yes, maybe things would've been different if I'd brought a carrot, but as it was, Sammy was running very fast, and it was all I could do to hold on. I don't know how far we went, but the snow stopped falling and I could see what looked like smoke up ahead. And Sammy stopped right away, so I flew over his antlers and into the smoke."

"You crashed? Again?"

"What do you mean again? The first time with the flying machine was a controlled emergency landing, and the second time with Sammy wasn't a crash. You see, what I thought was smoke was really steam from some hot springs, so I only fell in the water."

"No, he crashed. Twice. I saw the second time," Grandma said.

Grandpa stuck his tongue out at Grandma, and she made the same funny face right back at him. Vivi watched this exchange with fascination.

"And what did you say when you saw me?" Grandpa asked.

"You're in my pool. Get your own," said Grandma.

"Where was the lifeguard?

"Not that kind of pool, Vivi. It was hot springs out in the middle of the snow, like a natural rock pool that gets its heat from deep in the Earth. Hot springs don't have lifeguards."

"Yes, I know. But you need to have a lifeguard to say who can be in the pool, Grandpa."

"Oh… that make sense, but I wasn't thinking about that because your grandma looked so beautiful."

"Really? What was she wearing?"

"Well, uh..."

"A dress? A suit? What were you wearing, Grandma?"

"Yes, what were you wearing, Grandma?" asked Grandpa.

"Richard…"

"Sorry, Vivi, we can't remember what she was wearing, but whatever it was, it took my breath away. And when she saw that I was freezing, she didn't make me leave the hot springs. After I dried off and stopped shivering, we both hopped on Sammy, who was strong enough in those days to carry both of us, and he was much better behaved with your grandma because he's her reindeer after all. From there, she took me to the Santa camp to meet Santa Jim and her other Santa friends."

"But Audrey says Santa is fake."

"Who is this Audrey?" Grandma piped in.

"A girl at school."

"Does her Grandma have a reindeer? Does her Grandpa have a flying machine?" Grandma asked.

"I don’t know. No?"

"Then let's forget about Audrey."

The simplicity of Grandma's suggestion shocked Vivi. Was it really that easy? She decided to find out. "Is there a Santa Claus?" she asked and put her heart in their hands.

"There probably is, and if there isn't one now, there will be one again. It's hard to keep track of all the Santas and their names, but Santa Jim was the first one who told me he was a Santa."

Vivi blinked back sleep as she peppered her grandparents with questions.

She learned that there is more than one Santa, and they don't deliver gifts. What they really do is help others remember the gift of giving, and they do that by battling the ice dragon every year at midnight as Christmas Eve slips into Christmas Day.

"You see that storm that knocked me out of the sky wasn't really a storm. It was the tail of the ice dragon as it flew past me on its way to challenge the Santas. It's more than a storm. It's more than a dragon. It's the ice that creeps into the hearts of some. It makes them forget how to give and forgive. It numbs them until all they can do is take and take in hopes of feeling something, anything, again."

Vivi nodded slowly as she traced her fingers over Grandma's forearm. She thought she could see the tiny snowflake scars hidden within the wrinkles there, evidence of previous battles with the ice dragon.

Then Grandma and Grandpa were off and away down memory lane. They named all the Santas they could remember, and at least as many reindeer.

Grandpa regaled the room with the scene of the battle on that first day he met Grandma. The Santas and their reindeer bounded across the swirling sky.

All seemed victorious that year until the ice dragon gathered its forces and made a final desperate lunge for one lone Santa who had been separated from the rest: Grandma.

That was when Grandpa rode his battered flying machine into the sky to swoop in and save the love of his life whom he'd just met. He didn't crash that time as he held her in his arms.

Grandma's eyes misted over with the memory of it.

"And I don't want to brag, but the Santas choose a leader each year," Grandpa continued. "For the last 56 years, they have chosen the same woman. And you're sitting right next to her, Vivi. Your very own Grandma is the one they call Santa Queen."

Vivi was speechless. Come to think of it, she hadn't said much in a while. Both Grandma and Grandpa looked down at the same time to see their granddaughter was deeply asleep, the kind of sleep that only a five-year-old going on six can achieve after a long rollercoaster day.

They watched her sleep without a trace of iciness in her heart. They watched until they smelled smoke from the kitchen. That was when they finally remembered the cookies.