LGBTQ+ Fiction Funny


At the Mud Creek Saloon in Eagle River, I see American flags on the walls, pitchers of beer on the bar, and drawn-out guitar solos ring in my ears. From what I've seen on TV, this is the type of place where they kick the shit out of gay characters. Or shoot them dead in the parking lot.

Not my idea of a good time. So to blend in, I pretend to enjoy the song that's playing-Sweet Home Alabama. We’re in Northern Wisconsin but it's a crowd favorite.

“Don’t let anyone in Wisconsin know you stan Taylor Swift,” my coworker Justin said in New York when I left. “People like us, we are not safe in the red states.”

My New York friends think my orientation is too much info for my hometown, so I haven’t told anyone back home. They can’t handle the truth. So I’ll do my best straight man while I’m back to visit my parents for Christmas. 

As it’s been so long, my friends from high school organized tonight’s party. 

“So Jake, what's it like to be back in Eagle River? Want to join deer hunting Sunday?” Bob asks. Hunting patches are on his cap. 

I abhor the killing of animals, but reply, “Love to. Bagged a 7 point buck last time I was out,” I say, bringing up a detail from my last hunting trip, 17 years ago, “But, I promised to watch the Packers game with my dad.” 

“No problem, lately it feels like half the town doesn’t go hunting anymore,“ he says frowning, then segues into football. “The Pack. Aaron Rodgers is throwing well this season.”

“Rodgers is awesome,” I say. Knowing nothing about football I plan to just agree with whatever he says, but I’m rescued by the others in the bar who overhear us start chipping in.

“The Vikings lead the Division but their run game has been weak.”

“That’s definitely their weakness,” I agree.

“Jones is unbelievable, he’s going to put them under pressure.”

“Jones is the one to keep an eye on on Sunday,” I say.

“Being on a losing streak, the pack have to play their way back into the game.”

“100%”, I say while I back off slightly and pretend to check my mobile.

While they talk football, in the background I hear the next song begin, it’s Lil Nas X, Old Town Road. I look at the DJ, who I appraised as a Northern Wisconsin mullet head before, and reassess his musical taste.

After there’s a general consensus that the Pack should play well Sunday, Bob’s attention comes back to me. 

“So, hope you enjoy that game Sunday with your dad,” he says.

“How’s work these days?” I ask, attempting to shift the topic to something easier to talk about. 

Bob tells me he works in logistics for a corrugated box manufacturer. Paper products are a big industry in our hometown.

“So, what do you do in New York? I had a look at your LinkedIn. “

“Nothing that special.” I find talking about New York doesn’t usually win me friends back home.

“E Street Productions,” he says the name of my employer. “So you work on Broadway?”

“Broadway? I’ve never even been to a show.” 

“You an artist, or a writer?”


“Flight attendant?”

The job list is getting awkward. Then I realize I’m being queer-stioned. Bob looks like he’s about to ask me if I’m a cowboy if I didn’t live in New York. I got to put a stop to this.

 “Event planning! I’m in event planning. I’m an event planner.”

“Whoa. Take it easy buddy.” 

“Where did you get the idea, I’d have those kinds of jobs?”

“Well you know…”

“Know what?”

“Ben.” He points across the bar to a man with a short cropped beard and a rainbow t-shirt. “He told us last time you were here.” I thought he was a Wisconsin hipster when I spotted him over there before.

I feel my face turning red.

“You didn’t pick him up on your gaydar?” Bob asks.

“Oh yeah.” I mumble. I usually try to be agreeable, but this is all going against my original plan now.

Bob looks relaxed. He’s not trying to corner me or anything. Being tall and good looking, he dated a lot of women in high school, maybe he’s more confident because of that. 

I haven’t gotten around to asking him his current relationship status.

“So you invited me out for beers, even knowing I was gay?”

“Modern family has been on the air for almost 20 years, it’s not a big deal.”

“True.” I think of Modern Family’s Cameron and Mitchell. Everyone’s stereotype of gay men.

Bob slaps me on the back, and gives me a bro hug with one arm. “And yeah. We want you here, Adam.” 

A blonde woman across the bar looks at him with interest. It makes me wonder.

“Am I just here to provide a sympathetic plot twist for the straight protagonist?” 

The blonde woman is still smiling at Bob and he nods at her.

“What did you say?” Bob says, distracted.

“You come shield me from ‘danger’, and then the most attractive woman in the bar looks at you in a new way.”

Bob thinks for a second, and realizes I’m talking about the woman in the bar. “Haha no. That’s Jen, she’s married. She’s been trying to sign me up for an insurance policy. Small town. She probably thinks you're a new prospect too.”

“Well now that you’ve come out to Eagle River, how about you join Mike’s RuPaul party on Monday.”

“I’ve never watched RuPaul before, but why not?”, I say agreeably, “Count me in.” 

“Did you bring your other clothes?”

“Other clothes?”

“Women’s clothes.”

“You have a lot to learn.”

Bob looks confused. “Mike always dresses up,” he says, “Anyways now that you know Ben over there is…” the g word can't seem to come out of his mouth. “Are you two going to?” He makes tantalizing gestures.

“Uh it doesn't work that way”

“Ah well if you’re in the market. Every Tuesday is LGBT night here.”

“Really?” That is new information. Eagle River has changed a lot since I’ve been away. I’m starting to feel newly optimistic about being back home.

“Maybe I can lower my principles for a weekend and join your hunting trip,” I say, “and I don’t mind going out into nature and getting dirty.” They raise their eyebrows at the last part. 

“Love to have you join, Adam”

They seem a bit overly enthusiastic.

“Am I just the token diversity character in your hunting party, so you can tell your coworkers how ‘open minded’ you are?”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” he says, “The diversity spot is already taken.” He points to an African-American man telling jokes down on the other side of the bar. 

“Mike, from high school,” I label the diversity hunter.

“And this is not a contest,” Bob says.

Later on when everyone has had a few drinks and hits the dance floor, Phil, who I recall from high school, but never talked to back then, comes over. We get to talking and he keeps bumping into me. He reaches over and kisses me on the mouth, in the Mud Creek Saloon in Eagle River Wisconsin.

I look around.

Oddly, unlike what I’ve seen in every sitcom, there’s no applause. No one even notices us except for Jen the insurance saleswoman. 

It’s vaguely unsettling. But I think I can get used to it.

“Thank you Modern Family,” I say out loud, then in my head my internal voice thinks about what Bob said, and thanks the writers of Modern Family for giving us 250 episodes of Cameron and Mitchell, and then I close my eyes and thank God for giving us the writers of 2022 who are trying to create more nuanced diversity characters.

I open my eyes, and announce to the bar, “Eagle River, I’m back!”


After he finishes scanning the screenplay, I ask the producer what he thinks about my pilot episode of, A Bend in Eagle River. He tells me the story had seven potential plot lines that I failed to explore and that it probably needs a villain added. It will need a full rewrite by next week.

December 30, 2022 07:32

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Zack Powell
17:59 Jan 02, 2023

Great read, Scott. Just as good the third time as it was the first. Having seen the previous version, I appreciate the additional bits of dialogue in this one. Made for some nice back-and-forth with the characters, and it was just fun to read in general. This story is definitely worth the read. It's a quick one, but you've got so much going on that it feels fully-realized (plus, you know I love the reveal of the last paragraph). Loved this!


05:03 Jan 03, 2023

Thanks Zack, I didn't have much time to fill it out as I finally got another story into another outside contest this week, but good to hear it improved the flow.


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Wendy Kaminski
16:28 Jan 01, 2023

Love this! Particularly the clever ending; it did feel like a sitcom with the latter half (kiss on the dance floor)... just a little too neat and surface-y, but given that was intentional (rather than being one of my stories where I just couldn't figure out how to wrap things up otherwise :P), it worked really well and this was just a great and fresh twist! The humorous narrative throughout was awesome, too. Thanks for the story!


01:15 Jan 02, 2023

Thanks, happy to hear you enjoyed this comedy,and the twist worked;) a bit of a writers joke as I get that feedback often on stories. And I just want to put out a vision that maybe everyone is a lot nicer in real life than people on both extremes are shouting at each other these days. thx for reading and commenting.


Wendy Kaminski
01:16 Jan 02, 2023

I adore and totally agree with your vision! Thanks for putting it out there. :)


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Tommy Goround
09:33 Jan 01, 2023

This might be too smart.


05:14 Jan 03, 2023

Thx Tommy. Yeah, more of a concept that a fully fleshed out story. From travelling around the country, I've noticed the bigger cities everywhere in the US are becoming more and more similar culturally, but somehow in hollywood the vision of 'the flyover states' always seem stuck in 1975.


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J.C. Lovero
01:39 Jan 06, 2023

Hi Scott, Popped over after you told me you took a stab at the genre. So glad you did! I definitely got the sitcom vibe from it, so the reveal at the end was a nice touch. The [DRAFT] at the top was a good narrative device to frame us into the right state of mind. Appreciate the author's note you added to add a layer of social commentary to the piece. That's one of the big reasons I write romance - the gays deserve happy endings, too 😁 😆 😅 Very enjoyable read. Light and fluffy. Thanks for sharing!


02:28 Jan 06, 2023

Thanks for reading, and happy to hear you enjoyed the light, fluffy and positive tone. Yeah, I saw that article, and thought why does every gay character suffffer in films every time they step outside of New York or California, and why can't they be the active protaganist instead. But then the producers want to keep selling that trope.


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Lily Finch
17:10 Jan 04, 2023

Hi Scott, Happy New Year! Thanks for the great read. I enjoyed the story because it has good bones. Your MC and the rest were rather well-developed. The comedic element I just loved. A great moral lesson about not being judgemental because of sexual orientation - too bad more people don't read this one and get the message! LF6


00:43 Jan 05, 2023

Thanks Lily, we see so much fear in the media and news, but I think 99% of people would be nice to whoever they know regardless of sexual orientation, race or other issues. Just wanted to paint a picture of what they might be like. I was aiming for light comedy, and agree the bones to the story are there but probably could have used another 500 words.


Lily Finch
03:49 Jan 05, 2023

The comedy came through great, maybe 500 more words could have helped, but brevity is acceptable too. LF6


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Mike Panasitti
21:47 Jan 03, 2023

Great dialogue, great characters, great twist. Grateful for you writing this story with a tried and true moral lesson. I hope your writing efforts are soon rewarded.


07:49 Jan 04, 2023

Thanks Mike, just a vision that 99% of people are a lot nicer and more accepting than we might assume they are or what the media tells us these days, happy you enjoyed it.


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Delbert Griffith
18:08 Jan 03, 2023

That first paragraph was dark, and then...the hilarity burst forth. I must say, the ending was stellar. Nice little twist, Scott. The seven clichés were spot on, sadly. Loved the 'Modern Family' inclusion; that was relevant and funny and a little poke at the homophobes. I found the story endearing, with a subtle aphoristic undertone. Don't judge a book by its cover: don't judge a human by their sexual orientation. Nicely done, Scott. You packed a lot into a few words.


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07:42 Dec 30, 2022

Tried something very different, a short sketch inspired by an article I read about the backlash against often cliche plot lines for LGBTQ characters in Film & TV. https://screenrant.com/movies-bury-your-gays-trope-explained-history/


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