Submitted to: Contest #65

That tragic graveyard!

Written in response to: "Start your story with two characters deciding to spend the night in a graveyard."

Friendship Adventure Horror

“Stop being such a coward!” Shouted Mia. Mia and I are best friends since primary school, we always have small fights about the tiniest thing in the world, this fight was about me not agreeing to her request of spending a whole night at the creepy graveyard. She was and is always the brave one and I am the scared one. We have a lot of different interests, ideas but still we are besties. “Can’t we just do something inside our house, like watching television or prank calling!” “We are always inside the school, my house, your house, arcade games.” Said Mia with an angry tone. I didn’t know how to explain her that, going to a graveyard is so spooky and anything could happen, dead’s could haunt us. Mia became really angry, she was really stubborn!!! After arguing for hours and hours I had to agree to her. “So tomorrow after school, come to my house with the things I will message you. Don’t be late, at 3 o clock sharp!” said Mia. After giving me all the orders like Hitler she went to her house. I had a lot of work after her departure, I had to complete my maths and English homework, walk my cutie dog ‘ Buddy’, help my dad cook for dinner and many more things I had forgotten. It was almost evening, when I had completed `all my work and finally had time to play video games. Only then I looked at my phone and saw 10 missed called and 15 messages of Mia, I panicked, what had happen. I immediately called her, “please bring some snacks from your house too for tomorrow, I just looked and my fridge is all empty.” “Mia, you sacred me, I thought there was a problem!” “Lol, sorry, now bye I have some work!” Typical Mia! The next morning, I told my father about having a night stay at Mia’s house, dad looked really intense and shocked but he allowed as Mia’s parents were dads good friends. We had a great day at school, Mia was in 7 and I was in 8, so we never saw each other during school hours and surprisingly not even in recess. She was my only friend, who was the best! After school, I carried all my stuff for the graveyard adventure and packed my sleepover kit as it would be late at night so I would sleep there only. I reached to Mias’s house, her parents didnt even know I had reached as I was very silent and didn’t make a stir to show my presence. We spent the day by doing fun thing and eventually her parents came to know, they made me comfortable and didn't only talK to Mia at any point, i think they were angry from her but i didnt ask her about that because I didnt want her mood to get spoilt. Finally it was night, we waited for her parents to sleep and then we took off to the graveyard which was just few meters away, so we walked instead of cycling. After talking and walking we reached the graveyard, its doors were always open so we didnt need to break in or do something heroic. I asked Mia “Are you sure you still wanna go”? “yeah, for sure”! If she would have asked me the question i would be happier. We stepped in, every step increased my heartbeat and every step of Mia increased her happiness. The graveyard was very silent, It had overgrown plants and spider webs all over the stones where people were buried. Mia started eating snacks as she was hungry, but my starve stopped after entering a foot in there. For few minutes we roam around talking about how brave I had become after staying with Mia, which was actually true. I had brought a camera so I thought of taking some pictures, and could flex about going to a graveyard to my classmates. I was so lost in taking ghostly pictures that I didn’t realise Mia was missing. I searched every corner of that miserable graveyard, but there was no presence of Mia. I fool didn’t even bother to carry a phone for emergency. I was so freaked out, I didn’t know what to and not to do. I took a stupid step and rushed to my house, for my fathers help. On the way to home, i was crying and crying till my eyes were so smudged, I couldn’t see anything but I didn’t stop running. Finally after reaching home, I shouted “father, father!” He came out running and said, “It’s 2 o’clock, where were you?” My dog was wagging his tail and climbing on me, i pushed him aside and continued crying. I said “ dad, Mia and I had gone to this graveyard near to her house and she is missing, I couldn’t find her, come along with me please, let’s look for her, you can scold me as much as you want later!” My dad remained still and surprised. He didn’t utter a word. I couldnt stop crying and speaking about her, but my dad was not bothered at all which made me so angry. Finally he made a move, took to me the dinning table and said, “Son, Mia has died 1 month ago.” I remained perplexed and said “Dad, that isn’t possible, I was just with her in the graveyard and dont you remember we made so many crafts together.” Dad said while sobbing“ son, I have no idea what you are saying but She died on the trip to graveyard with your school, she fell of the big rock and hit her head which made her bleed so much. And i dont think you are ready to face the truth, but you were the one who pushed her of the rock bymistake.” “To make sure, dad was telling anything true, I checked my phone to see her messages and call, the last message was of 29th September, 1 month before! I was just crying the double as I was. How did i not realise that she was dead, and really did I kill her? My daddy took me to bed and made me fall asleep and said “Son, you need to face the truth, it’s high time, make more friends and forget Mia.” It was so easy for dad to say “forget Mia” but I knew how much she meant to me. That night, I was feeling so guilty of being the reason of her death, so I opened the window wide and counted 1, 2, 3 and jumped off To be with Mia in heaven!

Posted Oct 29, 2020
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2 likes 2 comments

Tyler Runde
20:29 Nov 06, 2020

I liked this. It shows a lot of spirit.

But I will echo everything Yuk Yuk has said. You should challenge yourself a bit more by conveying to the reader the necessary information through "showing", rather than telling them outright. And you need to break the story up into paragraphs as the wall of text you have here can get overwhelming at times.

Keep writing and good luck!

Reply

An Echo
18:25 Nov 06, 2020

Heyy.

Is English your first language? It's not mine to, but it needs work.
Too much telling, no showing; I understand I do that too.
Then it was just a blob, no spacing.

For example.
He died. "I thought he was asleep." "Dummy!" He laughed. It's not funny. ***No spacing.
.........

He died."I thought he was asleep."

"Dummy!" he laughed.

It's not funny.
***Example of spacing.
Usually when a new character is talking, you start a new paragraph.

"You?"

"Me?" I asked.

"Yes, you."

"Okay..."

"Good luck."

Have a nice day and keep writing

Reply

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