Hiccup Man

There was once a boy named Henry Upman. Henry loved to spend time with his Uncle Larry on his farm. Uncle Larry had many different animals. He had a chicken named Cynthia, a goat named Sue, and an old cow named Moss. Henry liked all of the animals, but his favorite was a grumpy old stubborn mule named Barney, which his uncle just called ole’ barn mule. Henry really liked that Barney was happy to see him when he brought him carrots. He was mostly grumpy when he had to share his food with Sue, or when the hens came pecking around his feet. Onetime Uncle Larry’s favorite rooster Ronald jumped up on to Barney’s back and he bucked and kicked for dear life. That crazy old rooster rode a full eight seconds before his ride abruptly ended in a plume of feathers and dust. Give that rooster a buckle. It was better than those rodeos, Uncle Larry took him to.

One day while helping feed the animals, Henry noticed a strange cat chasing Cynthia into the barn. The cat was very large, and he had never seen one with such big eyes. He ran after them. Just as he got inside the barn, he seen a very frightened Cynthia zigzagging frantically to escape. Cynthia was already missing a few tail feathers. As if she was on fire, that poor hen ran right into Barney’s forbidden stall and without a second thought Henry followed. That ole’ mule did not like sharing his stall with the chicken and startled by the loud clucking, Barney reared his hind legs. Just as uncle had warned, that ole’ barn mule kicked the gate off its hinges. It hit Henry right in the chest, knocking the curious eight-year-old to his back, or what Uncle called the place where the sun didn’t shine. It took Henry a few minutes to recover, but as he got to his feet, he noticed he suddenly had the hiccups. He dusted off the back of his pants, and as he looked up, Henry swore he saw every tooth in that mule’s head. Barney was smiling ear to ear. That ole’ barn mule thought it was funny. Henry decided in that moment Barney would not be getting another carrot anytime soon. Forgetting Cynthia and no longer curious about that oddly large cat with strange eyes, he hiccupped his way out of the barn and vowed never to ignore his Uncles advice again.

Henry didn’t tell his uncle what happened in the barn. He continued to hiccup the rest of the weekend. On Monday Henry went back to school. It didn’t take very long for a classroom full of giggling third graders to notice that he couldn’t stop hiccupping. At recess, Mrs. Jackson often would just open the door and let them stampede out to roam the playground unattended. He went back in to get his jacket and found her reading one of those little paperback books like Aunt Margie read all the time. The ones with a picture on the cover, where the lady had a long dress and it looked like she fainted in the arms of some Viking. He just grabbed the red jacket off his chair and tried his best to hold his breath and sneak away. Just as he made it to the door, a loud hiccup escaped. He ran. On the playground the kids tried everything to help him get rid of them. Randall the class bully, shoved him down and sat on his chest. That didn’t work. Judy just kept sneaking up and screaming, “boo!” in his face. Nothing helped. It didn’t take very long before one kid, who thought he was very clever, came up with the nickname, Hick. As in Hick Upman. From that day on, he became known as Henry “Hick” Upman.

When Hick went into middle school the name followed. He went on to play football in high school and everyone knew him as the star quarterback Hick Upman. He never let the hiccups slow him down. Hick had the hiccups so long he hardly noticed them anymore.

Many years later, Hick got married. While working, Hick got a call from his wife. She was expecting their first child. She had been taken to the hospital and needed him to come very quickly. Hick jumped into his truck with the worst case of hiccups he ever had. This is probably why poor Hick didn’t see the little old lady stepping off the curb in front of him. Hick slammed on his brakes and came to a quick squealing stop. The seat belt caught him across the chest and his head whipped forward, then violently back. He sat there for a minute, then his cell phone began ringing. Henry took his foot off the brake which was firmly planted to the floor and plunged his foot to the gas.

Henry arrived at the hospital with no time to spare and the couple welcomed their firstborn son. After his arrival, Hick’s wife noticed something peculiar. Hick was not hiccupping anymore. “Hick, what happened?”, his wife asked. Realizing he couldn’t recall having a single hiccup since the near accident. Hick assume the sudden jolt from the stop had somehow stopped not only his truck but his hiccups as well. “Well…” Hick Said, “I suppose I’m not Hick Upman anymore. How about we name our son Henry Jr., and I will just be Henry?” His wife loved it.

Henry Jr. was just five years old when he went to his first day of kindergarten. The teacher called each student to the head of the class and asked them to tell everyone their name and who their favorite superhero was. Henry Jr. was excited. He could not wait to tell the whole class who he was. He jumped up and ran to the front and with so much pride, he stated the truth as only a five-year old could. “I am Henry Upman Junior. My dad is my favorite superhero. He was Hiccup Man, but now he’s just Henry Senior. The day I was born, he gave up his superpowers and nobody can call him Hiccup Man anymore.”

The End