Frau Bibliothekar's Menagerie of Magical and Mysterious Manuals of Magic and Mystery

In the city of Swan Hill, there lies a bookshop that can give you whatever it is that you seek. The proprietor of that shop, Frau Bibliothekar, is a well seasoned witch, having lived since the time of the Great Library of Alexandria. She was also the one who accidentally burned it down, but she does not like to talk about that.

" Da, I did knock over ze candle, but it vazn’t all mine fault. Who putz a candle in ze library? Miztakez like zat get you in trouble.” she would tell you if you asked, but since you didn’t, she won’t tell you.

Frau Bibliothekar is the owner and operator of The Turn of the Page, which is named after the ever so popular horror novel that she may or may not have inspired when a man visited her when she had the flu.

“Zat vas nasty time for me. I vould sneeze and poof, zere was a ghozt. I try not to sneeze and poof, creepy demon child crawling on ze ceiling. I do not control ze sneeze. Ze sneeze control me. But ahh, it is ze past.”

Her book shop, if you can even call it that, was a menagerie of shelves, cabinets, and steamer trunks all piled full with books, scrolls, and the usual odds and ends you would find in a magic shop. Of course, to Frau Bibliothekar, it was perfectly organized.

“Da. Ze store is a mess, but it iz my mess. Let us say zat you need za book on za occult history of ze what do you call it, we call it häkeln. It is like knitting but not.”

“Crochet,” you might offer up to which she slaps her head against the nearest bookshelf and groans.

“Da. Za crochet. That vould be in zection thirty-seven, which is under trunk zeventeen. Over… zere” she would point with a gnarly finger and there would be the book ‘Occult History of Crochet: Untangling the Knots of the Dark Art; Fifth Edition’

Upon further inspection, you would also realize that the bookstore appears to be a lot larger than the outside would portray.

“Zat is due to ze magical nature of ze store. I have it enchanted to vere it vill expand ven I get ze new inventory. Each new book createz about three feet of store.” she says, reading your mind. She can’t do that you think.

“I can read ze minds, ya.”

You stand corrected.

How interesting, you may think to yourself as you explore the store. In order to prove her claim, there would have to be measuring tapes set up, lasers, chalk marks, and even a camera array to properly analyze the rate, speed, and any other anomalies with the movement of the building space.

“It iz magic, da. None of this zience stuff to exzplain. It is ze magic. Now, vat do you need dear?” she tilts her head, her eyes sparkling.

“I need a book on how to cook a chicken.”

“In vat vay vould you vant to cook ze chicken?”

“How do you mean?” you ask, completely unaware that there are more than one way to roast a chicken.

“Vell, you can roast, char, broil, fry, boil, bake, baste, grill, smoke, atomize, molecularize, quantamize, zend back in time, zend forward in time. Zere are many vays to cook a chicken. How do you vant to cook zem?”

“I was thinking a simple oil and pepper baked chicken.”

Ahh. That vill be row seven, under ze humming mirror. Do not touch ze mirror though, it vill suck you in, literally. I vas trapped in it just last veek in fact.”

You follow her directions, ignoring the humming mirror and pull out a book on baking chicken. Flipping through, you find the recipe you want and you snap a picture of it with your phone.

“Vat are you doing?” Frau Bibliothekar appears behind you in a cloud of mildew and dead spiders.

“I don’t want to buy the book, I just wanted that one recipe.” you say, but her eyes bore into you. “Fine. I was going to take a picture of this book and then use it as a reason to stay longer because I love this place and I want to stay. I want to do what you do. I want to become ‘one with the books’ whatever that means.” you say, that same sparkle in your eyes now.

“Zat is good. I vill find ze papervork for you. It iz around here somevere. One minute pleaze.” You watch as she rummages around in an antique desk off to the left and pulls out a yellow piece of rolled paper, it’s edges crumbled and moth-eaten.

“Sign on ze dotted line with zis pen if you can.” she holds out the paper and the pen, which was a huge quill with a raven feather sticking out of it at a skewed angle. You sign and immediately a rushing sensation fills you veins. You are magic now. You are one with the books and they are one with you. Your tongue feels heavy with all the knowledge it could speak and an aura of vellum books and binding paste. Your eyes flash with the black void of bibliographers ink and your ears pick out the slightest of noises.

“Velcome to ze Order of Enheduanna, ze first author and ze patron of bookzellers and authorz alike. Now help me organize ze books in ze back. Vee have a new shipment coming in in about seven mkinutez. Vile ve unpack ze shipment, I vill explain ze rules, obligations, and procedurez. Zere is no need for ze training, as you can tell, you have all of ze information you could possibly ever need inside zat leetle brain of yours. No offenze of course.”

You shiver off the raw power in your body and head to the back of the store, weaving in and out aisles and between the shelves, a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eyes…