Don't Think About White Elephants

****Some language and a sensitive topic****

“What a great restaurant! We can have a nice dinner and not think about it. We’ve made a decision and that’s it. Everything will be fine once it's over.”

"There's a saying about white elephants, if someone tells you not to think about white elephants, then you can't help but think about them, right?"

"I don't think it's white elephants, no isn’t it white doves? ‘Don’t think about white doves- and then you can’t get ‘em out of your head. That’s what you mean?"

"I can’t stop thinking about it."

"No, that doesn't sound right either. It’s pink! Pink elephants."

"Oh white elephants, pink elephants, whatever. I'm trying not to think about it, but I can't think of anything but-"

"It’ll be OK. You need to eat. Once you eat you’ll feel better. We should order. You want wine, or-?"

"Do you think I should? Yes, I will. Just a glass. Oh I don’t know- maybe a cabernet?"

"That’s exactly what I was thinking! Hmm, Oh here's a good one. Should we get the bottle? It’s a great price at $200? No, you’re right. I’ll have just a glass too. This is nice? I’m glad we were able to get out. We’ve been going around and around, and now we’ve made a decision.

"Yes, it is a nice restaurant. But I'm tired, I said I only wanted Chinese, or ramen, maybe this is too much..."

"I called, on the off chance you know, and they had an open table! They were written up in the paper, they have a Michelin Star, did you know that? I really wanted to try it out-"

"-OK. It's just… It's a big decision."

"Of course it is. But we’ve talked through it all, the list of pros, and cons? And we decided, the time just isn't right. We’re still young, and this could upset our career plans-"

"-My career plans. I don't think it’d affect yours."

"That is what I meant, your career plans. Of course."

"The wine tastes good."

"Yes, it’s a good year for this winery. I can taste blackcurrant, and- some spice notes of cedar and tobacco maybe. They use French oak barrels for two years and-"

"Please don’t."

"Uh, yes, OK. "  

"What do we do after this?"

"After dinner?"

"No after, you know..."

"Oh. Well, it’ll be like before. We’ll continue our lives, going out, dinner parties, weekend trips. We should go to Spain like we talked about. The Mediterranean coast, and the Ebro river valley-"

"If I do this, will you love me again?"

"Come on, enough of this! I love you now! What do you mean, will I love you again?"

"Things are different now, because -"

"I want you to know I love you and this decision doesn't change how I feel about you. But I think this is the right decision for you, for your goals. We talked about your goals, and your career-"

"-But I don't care about all that, I don’t care about me. I know you want this, and so that’s why I should do it, take those pills…"

"I don't want you to do this if you feel this way. This decision is not for me, it's for us-"

"My decision, my decision, you keep saying. You have a lot of opinions on my decision. Will you be with me?"

"Yes, yes I will be with you. And then everything will be just like it was before. "

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! We’re too young for this. In a few years, I'll be a supervisor, and you’ll have more seniority. Will be in a better place. We’ll save money, be frugal to build a nest egg. How hard can it be to eat-in a few days a week? We’ll be more stable. Everything will be better in a few years. Five maybe."

"Five years? That's a long time." 

"Ok sooner then. But not now. What is this, we made a decision. Oh, are you scared? I read all about it, researched it online thoroughly. Only minor side effects. Come on, we went over this. It shouldn’t be more than your normal monthly… you know. It’ll be fine. We know plenty of people who have, and then they’re happy and-

"-We do? Who do we know?"

"Well, Rachel, I went to college with. You don’t know her. And Sarah from work-"

"-Sarah? She told -you- she did this."

"No. Um, but I heard she did, she told someone who told me, and it was fine! She was happy, is happy. Oh, just forget it. Other people don’t matter. This is for us. What matters is this is just a few pills, and then it's over, you don't have to worry and we’ll be just like it was before. "

"But it’ll never be like it was before. "

"What do you mean? You’ll feel better, physically I mean, and we’ll go out, travel. Go to restaurants, like this, like before. Remember last year! We went to New York, Las Vegas, and Atlanta, summer in Miami…"

"Yes. A lot of hotels, and bars. I'm tired just thinking about it. That's what you want though?"

"We’ll be happy again. Everything will be fine, and we can stop this back and forth, and this -thing- between us. It’ll be like it never happened."

"No, because once I take these pills I'll be someone who has done it, and that's forever. I'll always be the woman who made that choice."

"You’re thinking about this the wrong way. You’re just choosing to wait, to pick a better time, for you. For us. That's how you should think. Come on, gimme a smile. We’re here to have a nice dinner, to celebrate-"

 "-Celebrate? Is that what this is? A fuckin’ celebration?"

"I'm sorry, I used the wrong word. It's not a celebration. I’m sorry-"

"All we do is celebrations, we run from one celebration to another. We drink, and take pictures and tell each other how wonderful we are. "

"I just thought we could have a nice dinner, and- -Yes?-  Yes, I ordered both of us the steak, oh thank you, put it right here. This looks amazing! Look at the crust on that ribeye! It was aged for 21 days, did you see that! These are cooked perfectly, medium rare, look at that juice… What, please don’t cry. Do you want me to cut that for you? I can cut it for you, make sure to slice against the grain-"

"No. Oh god no. I can’t eat this, I can’t even look at this. I’m not hungry. Can we just go? And get this plate away from me. I don’t know if I can do this-"

"I see you’re scared. You don’t have to be scared, it’s a few, simple pills, and then it’s done and we can do anything we want again."

"Oh god, I don’t feel good. I really don’t feel good."

"OK, OK, we can go. Just let me get a box for these steaks. We paid $50 each! Waiter? Can we get this to go, and the check?"

"I should do it, right now. Wash them down with the $200 a bottle wine, wouldn’t that be just perfect?"

"Don’t take those out here! What are you doing? You brought them here? Put them away, goddamit, people are staring, people might see-"

"Why can’t people see? Everyone does it right? Just a few pills. "

"No, this is not the way, what are you doing? "

"I'm doing what you want? Isn’t this what you want, to be happy?"

"No, I mean yes, but not here! This is ridiculous, we need to talk about this in private!"

"Talk, talk! All you do is talk. What about listen? Listen to what I want, listen to what is best for me, not us, not you!"

"We don’t have to do anything now. Come on, we can go home and talk- I mean I'll listen-"

"Please. Can you just. Stop. Talking!"

"What are you doing. Where are you going? I’m waiting for the steaks- Can you wait a minute. You left the pills, what are you doing? I don't understand, don’t you want this? Don't you want to be happy?"