THE STY

"This was your last chance to save our marriage Derek. And you chose to do this?!!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Our honeymoon you son of a...of a... of an unbearable witch".

"My mother is not unbearable!"

"Might as well be a witch".

"I could agree on that one. But still, don't bring my mother into our mess"

"Into your mess. And you have to fix it"

"For someone who bears the name 'Lovelyn', you aren't lovely at all"

"Well, jokes on you Derek, because you don't even deserve love!".

"C'mon. Are you really going to do this right now?"

"Do what?"

"Today is the fourth day of our marriage, Lovelyn. We haven't even gone a week"

"Thank you so much for that piece of information, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS"

"What I mean is, we haven't agreed on a single thing"

"And who's fault is that? Yours, mine or your mother's?".

"I am not here to point fingers but I'm pretty sure it's all yours baby".

"Well here's a fun fact, I'm not the one who set our honeymoon's location right beside your mother's pig farm!"

"My mother wouldn't be in our business. You wouldn't notice she's even there. I promise"

"Well that's a fact, because I clearly wouldn't be able to differentiate between her and the pigs"

"You could say anything about my mother, but you know she looks nothing like a pig"

"I'm sorry. My bad. I am extremely sorry for the POOR PIGS I JUST INSULTED BY COMPARING THEM TO YOUR MOTHER".

"What's your problem woman? I must confess, you aren't the ideal wife after all."

"For your information, Derek, I was the ideal wife until I realised I was married to you, your mother, and a total of fourty two pigs!"

"You forgot the cows."

"What?"

"My mother also rears cows you know? You might as well be married to them too".

"You are unbelievable! Let me rephrase that. YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLY STUPID".

"The cows seem really fond of you. Tell me Baby, what's your secret?"

"There's only one secret I have Derek. And that's the secret to why I'm so miserable. Wanna know what it is?".

"I'm not sure I do. Moving on..."

"The secret to my miserable life.."

"I said I don't think I wanna know"

"....is getting married to a failure. Seriously. Right now I could get accepted in the Guinness book of world's records as the most miserable woman ever liveth".

"You should blame that on your looks"

"Well, little wonder why I look this way!"

"Because you had extremely ugly parents?"

"No. Derek. It's because I am about to spend the rest of my life behind a pigry."

"I love it here Baby. We wouldn't have to pay rents. We could help in selling off the cows and pigs. Mother may even pay us for all our hardwork".

"How lucky we are"

"Good to see a little trail of positivity in you. That's a first"

"I was being sarcastic you fool. Sometimes I wonder why I even got married to you in the first place"

"Because you were nearly fifty and you had no other suitors?"

"How desperate I was."

"This place is fantastic baby. No need for all the fuss. We even have so much neighbours"

"Thank God for that. What neighbours? It's the only thing I can be grateful for."

"The pigs and cows. Mother says they are really friendly".

"I've already had enough of pigs for one day. Considering I'm married to one".

"There's also so much water in this area. Floods here and there. We could go swimming sometime. We could just add some alum into it and BOOM, it's ready for swimming, washing, bathing, cooking, and I might even dare to say drinking as well."

"How full of surprises you are Derek. What else do you have in store? I'm sure we could also feed on and with the pigs".

"I was just trying to lighten your permanently ungrateful mood. But eating the grains with the pigs is a fantastic idea".

"Sadly I have had nothing to be ever grateful for since we met"

"Look. You know my mother's been a bit lonely since my dad passed on. This is why I'm trying to be as close to her as can ever be possible".

"While you're at that, put a gold ring on her finger as well".

"You think she'd like that?"

"That's an extremely expensive joke Derek, considering you never even got me a ring for our wedding".

"Well, I never really got you a wedding gown if you want to go into all that detail"

"It was so fun wearing a torn and faded red dress on the most important day of my entire life."

"Chill out babe. No one really noticed that"

"Of course Derek. Because NO HUMAN BEING REALLY ATTENDED THE WEDDING!! It was just your mother and the pigs. "

"Do you think the cows would feel bad we didn't invite them too?"

"The worst part Derek, is that you didn't even get me a wedding veil".

"I honestly regret not getting you that one. You really needed to hide your face"

"Hide my face in shame you mean. It would have been such a disgrace if anyone saw me getting married to a man like you"

"You make such a huge fuss over nothing"

"Yes. You are definitely right. Getting married to an unemployed animal feeder who still lives with his mother is obviously nothing to make a fuss about. I'm so lucky to have you Derek"

"I can't say the same about you, Lovelyn."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I agree you are so lucky to have me. But I can't say I'm equally lucky to have you. Seriously, HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF?"

"Unfortunately for you Derek, it was either me or the pigs. So..."

"Cleary should have chosen the pigs"

"Well, guess what? That'd be illegal since no one really gets married to their siblings!"

"Here comes my mother"

"Welcome to the farm son. Don't get involved eating the leaves and grains Lovelyn, I'm sure you'd love it here"