Mr. and Mrs. Night

Snow falls on a winter night in Transylvania in 1538 AD. The soft, pure flakes mixing with the warm, amber blood running through the streets melted the snow and ran in light red, almost pink streams down the dirt streets. It was the townspeople's own fault for not paying their tribute. A famine had made feeding cattle for agriculture and for offering impossible, but rules were rules. The full moon was in affect, and without the sedation of the townsfolks' meat offering, a score of nightmarish hellspawn scourged the town and laid waste to the inhabitants. Werewolves barged into the homes and drove the people out into the street were they were scooped up by ravinous vampires.

Normally the nobles would be safe behind their walls, but this time the ghouls wanted to send a message. The eldest vampire, Selene and the alpha wolf, Kevistorious converged on the lord and lady's fortress. As they entered, guards who had been hired to fight for the noble family dropped their weapons and fled. The usually composed and stately lord found himself crying, and trembling on his knees before the two super human murraders. 

The feeling of power and absolute authority filled Kevistorious to the brim of his being until he heard a car horn honking beside him. Just like that the alpha wolf was torn from his day dreams of the glory days and plunged back into his reality. He was no longer a pack leader. In fact he worked under several layers of management at an insurance firm; his job was processing claims. Other werewolves had used their exceedingly long lifespan to amass a knowledge base that allowed them to dominate the new capitalist landscape, but that was never Kevistorious', now Kevin's, strong suit. He never needed human books because he had imagined that he would always be feared, but this was a new age. New weapon technology, the industrial revolution and the availabitlity of silver all played a role in his fall from king of the night to just another schmo. 

The fall from grace had not been lost on his mate Selene. Although she was still well revered among the vampire community, she too longed for the days when the mention of her name sent a chiver down a human's spine. She could still remember how her victims looked at her right before they ceased to be in possession of their blood. Nowadays vampires were content to dominate the sunscreen industry and gourge themselves on synthetic, lab made blood, which hurt no one. She was not discontent with her life, but she did find herself missing the thrill of actually scaring someone. 

The pair pulled up to their new house in the suburbs. "Here we go again," Selene thought. Another town where they would have to hide who they really were and blend in with the rest of mortals. 

"Here come the new neighbors," Kevin mumbled as he parked the car in the driveway. 

"HI there neighbor! Welcome to the neighborhood. I'm Mary Anne and this is my husband Mark." 

"Pleasure to meet you both, I'm Kevin and this is my wife, Selene." 

Mark chimed in, "Somebody's cold natured, huh?" referring to Selene shielding herself from the sun with her gloves and scarf and hat even in the dead of summer. 

"My family is strict Roman Catholic so I like to stay modest," said Selene.  

"Right. Well we're having a get together tonight at our house, why don't you both come by? It'll give you a chance to meet the rest of the neighborhood," said Mary Anne. 

"I'll have to check my calendar," said Kevin. 

Mary Anne retorted, "Oh, your social calendar full already?" 

Kevin said, "Lunar calendar." 

Later, Kevin and Selene discussed whether or not they would go to Mary Anne's party. 

"So are we going to this thing tonight, Lene?" 

"Oh gosh, do you think we should? Do you think they'll be mad at us if we don't go?" 

"What do we care? Have you forgotten who we are? You're the queen of the night!" 

"Were. That's who we were, honey. Besides 90 day fiancee is on." 

"Oh man I love that show...no. No! Let's go to their stupid human party. I know things won't ever go back to the way they were, but maybe we can freak 'em all out a bit tonight. Make 'em a little nervous to come borrow some sugar." 

"Mmm. What do you have in mind?" 

"I don't know. Maybe some of their household items mysteriously move around. Maybe you pass in front of the mirror a few times until somebody notices there's no reflection, that kind of stuff." 

"You know what?  Let's do it! Let's go scare the pants off these suburban dorks!" 

"I love you so much my hellspawn beauty." 

"I love you too. You're my nightmare come true." 

That night Selene and Kevin got ready to go unnerve their new neighbors, but when they arrived at the party they were met with a troubling realization. As they swung open the door menacingly they were met with by the whole neighborhood yelling, "Welcome!" The finger foods were shaped like dog bones and the refreshments were bloody maries. All of the neighbors made a point to come up to Selene and Kevin and congratulate them on they're bravery for finding their way in this new age, and assure then that they would be accepted.

Kevin asked, "How did you know we were...you know, different?" 

Mary Anne replied, "Oh please, your wife was wrapped head to toe earlier in the sun, now she's, well, scantily clad. And I don't mean any offense by that, dear, if I still had the goods I'd show 'em off too. That never aging thing must be awfully nice." 

Another neighbor said, "Oh and her teeth are very obvious." 

Mark added, "And Kevin you're so hairy. You look like a shag carpet in pants, and you've checked the position of the moon every fifteen minutes tonight." 

Selene said half shocked, "And you all aren't scared of us? I mean we're borderline gods; I'd watch the comments about my teeth if I were you." 

Mary Anne said, "Of course not, dear. I think it's well known that you can't touch garlic and have an aversion to wooden stakes. And I do believe that a bit of silver would be enough to handle your husband." 

Mark added, "Listen I hope this doesn't offend you. We humans know we can shoot each other and exploit each other's weaknesses, and we still get along just fine. What I'm saying. What we're saying is we consider you to be one of us."  

After the party Kevin and Selene discussed the events of the evening. 

"Can you believe that bag of bones, Mary Anne?" Selene continued imitating Mary Anne's voice, "Now she's so scantily clad, deary, and her teeth hang down to her knees. Can you believe her? Babe? Babe? Kevin! Can you believe she said that?" 

Kevin just sat on the edge of their bed staring into space. He remained quiet all night until he finally said, "One of us." 

"Excuse me," said Selene. 

"They said we were one of them, and they're right. Look at us. Look at this! We have accent pillows!  I can't live like this for one more minute, Selene." 

"What are you saying?" 

"We're going to go kill Mary Anne and Mark tonight." 

"I don't know I had four bloody mary's tonight; I think I need to lie down." 

"The Selene I married would never let a mortal get away with looking her in the eye let alone criticizing what she wore! We're not the couple that comes home and talks trash about the neighbors. We destroy anyone who defies us! C'mon! For old times sake." 

"I don't know. What if they were serious when they said they had silver and garlic?" 

"Oh you know the garlic as an old wives tale." 

"Yeah but I still don't like the smell. Listen I miss the old days as much as you, but these are the new days. If we kill these folks, everyone will know it's us, and whether or not the cops believe the werewolf story, our DNA will be at the crime scene. I found a nice firm that allows me to work nights. The last thing we need is to go on the run again because you can't control yourself." 

"Fine. What if I just go in and scare them a little bit?" 

"...Alright, if it'll make you feel better, but I'm going on record saying this is a bad idea." 

Kevin and Selene snuck next door to Mark and Mary Anne's house. Kevin jimmied the kitchen door open. He stepped inside and said, "May I invite you in?" Selene shushed him giggling when all of a sudden their was a loud bang and Kevin yelled out in pain. The lights came on in the kitchen and Mark was standing in the door way holding a pistol. 

Mark said, "I...I...I'm sorry. I thought you were a burglar." 

Selene cried out, "What have you done?! What did you shoot him with?!" 

"It's silver. I melted one of our spoons and coated all my pistol cartridges with it when you two moved in. I didn't think I'd ever use it. What are we going to do; he's bleeding out!" 

Selene replied, "Let me see a spoon like the one you melted down! Quick!" 

Mark fumbled through the kitchen drawers until he found another piece from the same set that the spoon belonged to and handed it to Selene. Meanwhile Mary Anne was descending the stair to see what the commotion was. 

Selene eyed the spoon and quickly realized that it was not really silver; it was nickel. Kevin would heal and be back on his feet momentarily, but she decided to have some fun and teach the boys a lesson in the process. 

"Okay! This is a slow acting silver so it hasn't reached his heart yet, but it will soon. Mark you have to suck out the silver; it's the only way he'll live. I'd do it, but, duh, vampire so I can't." 

”But he's shot in the chest, next to his hairy um," Mark whispered,"nipple." 

Mary Anne said, "I'll do it!" 

Selene said, "Uh, no Mary Anne I think Mark should handle this one." 

Mark shakily bent down to put his lips on Kevin's extremely hairy chest, and he was about a hair's breadth away when Kevin came to. 

"What are you doing, Mark?!"

"Ah! I thought you were dead!" 

"Well I wonder why. You shot me right in my chest!" 

"I'm sorry! But what are you two doing here in the middle of the night anyway?" 

Selene said, "Truthfully, we came here to scare you two. We weren't fond of the way you all spoke to and about us tonight.”

Mary Anne said, "We only tried to make you feel welcome. We threw a whole party just for you, and this is how you repay us? Maybe you are monsters." 

Kevin, who was now back on his feet said, "You have to realize. All our lives, Selene and I have been...different. Tonight when you said we were one of you, it made me realize that after nine hundred years, I'm not special anymore." 

Mary Anne replied, "Oh, dear. You're plenty special. You're special to Selene, and I'm sure you'll be very special to the demon spawn you too are bound to be blessed with." 

Selene interrupted, "He's ready, but I want to wait a few hundred more years." 

Mary Anne continued, "Yes. Well, my point is that you don't need to be insecure about your place in the world. All of us from the neighborhood put on a brave face, but the thought of you two moving in scared the living hell out of us all, pardon my french. We wanted you to know still that no matter what our differences are, in this neighborhoood, we have each other's backs."  

Kevin said, "Mary Anne I'm so moved.  I’m sorry I wanted to kill you.”

Mark said, "Excuse me?" 

Kevin replied, "What I'm trying to say, for the first time in my live, is it's good to meet you, humans. I look forward to becoming your friend." 

Mark said, "And we look forward to it too, at least while the moon's small, huh?" 

Kevin replied chuckling, "You know me, Mark."  

Mark replied back laughing nervously, "I think I might need to get some real silver." 

Kevin said back laughing but obviously serious, "Well you might need it if you don't trim your tree that's hanging in our yard." 

"Alrigt, Kev, time for bed, " said Selene. 

Mary Anne agreed saying, "I think that's a great idea." 

After that night, Selene and Kevin grew to love their quaint neighborhood, and they were a hit with the neighbors as well. Kevin developed a special relationship with the neighbors' dogs, and Selene headed up the neighborhood watch on her nights off. And Mark did trim his tree.