Spy vs Spy vs Spy

Marylin Meyers

Time: 19:08

Location: The Basement of 23rd on Yeller Street

As I write this final will, I know they will come for it. Too many familiar cars have been passing by all day. I know my days are numbered. So, to my former organization’s disapproval, I will leave the Jewel of Santos somewhere they will never find it… I only hope they don’t kill me before then… 

***

Agent Connors

Time: 9:15, the next day

Location: 23rd on Yeller Street

“Agent Connors reporting, I am outside the location. Ready for mission instructions,” I said, staring at my car’s dashboard covered in blinking buttons and glowing screens.

“Agent… Connors…” My car’s radio crackled. “Resident is former Agent Meyers. Committed betrayal back in ‘82. Mission objective: eliminate resident and recover the Jewel of Santos stolen during betrayal.”

“Objective understood. Will commence immediately.”

“Don’t screw up.”

I switched the radio off, and converted my dashboard back into something of a normal car. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the car and speed walked over to a tiny, blue house with yellow shingles. How dainty. Too bad it’s property value is about to be decreased by a murder. Not to mention the house next door was also for rent or sale, so that was just gonna make renting or selling it a nightmare. Oh well, not my problem.

I knocked on the door. Footsteps quickly followed. The knob turned, I reached for the gun concealed in my hoodie and…

***

Agent Lincoln

Time: 9:15, the next day

Location: 23rd on Yeller Street

I wanted to bash in my horn as I saw Agent Connors, my nemesis who works for my employer's rivals and whom I often clash with on missions, walk up to the blue house with my mission objective--the Jewel of Santos--inside. Dammit. She was gonna get it before me. I relaxed back in my chair. Maybe this wasn’t a big deal. I could just wait for her to do the dirty work for me and take it from her afterward. Yeah, that could wo--if she actually killed them! What is she doing?

The front door swung open and a kind-looking old lady--Marylin Meyers--with an IV bag hanging behind her stepped out. Agent Connors immediately withdrew her hand from her hoodie and hugged her. Dammit Agent Connors, don’t turn tail now. It’s just an old hag.

After exchanging a few words, she let Agent Connors in with a smile. Oh, I see, she doesn’t want to cause a scene out in the open, so she’ll finish the deal in her own house. Smart.

At least that’s what I thought until I spent the next two hours waiting in a hot car for her to come back outside covered in blood. She never did. Not covered in blood. Not at all. Weak.

“That’s it.” I jumped out of my car and stormed over the house.

I rang the doorbell five times when Marylin Meyers finally opened the door. Reaching for my knife strapped to the back of my belt, I prepared to strike when she greeted me with a fresh smile. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was the best smile in the world. Like I felt all the burdens lifted from my soul by an angel, kind of smile.

Who was this woman?

I immediately felt my guard drop as she said in a sweet voice like honey, “Hello dear, would you like to come in for some tea and cookies?”

I felt the words leave my lips, but made no conscious choice in the matter. “Yes.”

Almost hypnotized by Marylin, I followed her inside, quickly forgetting about my knife and mission objective.

Marylin led me to her living room with a dainty pink theme. A table with a lacy pink cloth and tea cups on it sat in the center of the room. Old, dusty couches and armchairs with flower-embroidered throw pillows surrounded it. Sitting on one of these couches was Agent Connors taking her sweet time enjoying the tea.

After Marylin handed me a cup, I understood why. It was liquid happiness. No ‘ifs’ about it. I melted in a lilac armchair in a state of pure bliss.

“I’m Marylin. This is my granddaughter, Katherine,” Marylin introduced Agent Connors with a new alias. Or was it actually the name of her granddaughter that she had mistaken Agent Connors for? “It’s been so long since any of my silly grandchildren have visited me. I’m so happy.”

Those spoiled brats! I’ll kill them for you, Marylin. I’d do anything for you.

“And Katherine, this is… Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name. How silly of me.”

“That’s because I didn’t throw it,” I laughed. Agent Connors gave me a cold glare and Marylin gave me a little chuckle. Marylin, I’d officially die for you.

I cleared my throat. “It’s Matthew.” Behind my back, I sent a few texts. “And I’m the new renter--” Until this mission is over. “--of the house next door.” Like really new. Like fives-second-ago new.

Marylin smiled at me and tried to give me a hug, but the IV chord got in the way. “Welcome to the neighborhood, neighbor. Have some snickerdoodles--”

But Agent Connors ate the last one. Damn you, Agent Connors.

“Oh, that’s alright. I have more baking in the kitchen. Be back in a jiffy, sweethearts.”

Once she was out of the room, Agent Connors and I wasted no time. “So, you’re here for the Jewel of Santos, too huh?” She said with a mouthful of crumbs.

“Yep. But I’m not going to let you hurt Marylin to get it.”

“Are you nuts? I love her. She’s my grandma.”

“She’s not your actual grandmother. Your name isn’t Katherine.”

“She could be! My grandma locked me in a lot of closets. I never got a good look at her face. It could be her after a change of heart. You don’t know.”

“Damn okay. Are you alright, though?”

“I mean, my line of work involves killing old ladies, so probably not.”

“Ah-ha! So you admit to a kill mission.”

“Pa-ssha. That’s what it used to be. But I’m not going to hurt her. Besides, she’s going to kick the bucket any day now. From the looks of it, the rest of her family isn’t in the picture, so I bet I can get her to love me enough to leave me the Jewel of Santos in her will. Easy peasy.”

“Unless…” I said. “I make her love me more than you and she wills it to me.”

Agent Connors straightened up. “Are you challenging me, Agent Lincoln? To a love-off?”

“Indeed.”

“You’re on. I am going to make that old lady love me so hard, just you wait.”

“Oh yeah? I’m going to make her wish I was her fake grandchild instead of you. Watch me.”

We glared at each other until Marylin popped back in with a plate full of snickerdoodles and red velvet cake. “Surprise! I brought cake, too.”

Immediately, we put on our most pleasant faces. “Oh, Marylin, you do too much.”

“Thanks so much, Grandma. I love you.”

***

Agent Connors

Time: 12:43, the next, next day

Location: The Backyard of 23rd on Yeller Street

I wiped the sweat from my brow as I stared down at my glorious work. Once a dying vegetable garden, now five rows of perfectly growing carrots, potatoes, lettuce, and a row of petunias just for show. They’re Grandma’s favorite. “Oh, Grandma, look! I fixed up your old garden.”

“That’s nice, dear,” Grandma said from the porch.

Then stupid Agent Lincoln opened up the kitchen window and called out, “Marylin! I built you a new spice rack and bought you some more cream of tartar since you were running low.”

Grandma clapped her hands with joy. “Oh goodie. Now I can make more snickerdoodles.”

As she headed inside, I walked up to the kitchen window. “You win this round, Agent Lincoln.”

“She’s making more snickerdoodles, Agent Connors. Everyone wins this round.”

***

Agent Lincoln

Time: 5:17, the next, next, next day

Location: The Living Room of 23rd on Yeller Street

“Marylin,” I called from the living room as I switched off the vacuum. It was spotless. “I deep cleaned the entire living room.”

She sauntered it. “Oh my goodness, this is just so kind of you, Matthew. It looks amazing.”

As I basked in the compliments, Agent Connors walked in with a lump of mess-up wool underneath her arm. “Look, Grandma.” She held up the lump to reveal a mess-up sweater instead. The words ‘World’s Best Grandma’ were shakily stitched into it. “I handmade you a sweater.”

There’s no way she’ll like that. It’s the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen. Strings of wool yarn stuck out in all the wrong places and it looked like there was a coffee stain on the back.

Regardless, Marylin accepted it with tears in her eyes. As she held it to her chest, she cried, “I love it!” She reached out her arms and pulled Agent Connors into a hug. “Ooh, thank you, Katherine. It’s adorable.” Marylin pinched Agent Connors’ cheeks. “Just like you.”

I kicked my foot on the super clean carpet. Lucky.

***

Agent Lincoln

Time: 18:03, the next, next, next, next day

Location: The Dining Room of 23rd on Yeller Street

“Let us say grace, before we eat,” Marylin said at dinner, which Agent Connors and I fought over making until Marylin suggested we do it together. This round, we tie. I’ll give her that.

We all bowed our heads and closed our eyes.

“Dear Lord, I’d like to say thanks for bringing my grandbaby and this wonderful neighbor into my life just as it ends. They’ve brightened it up so much.” She started getting choked up. “They bring me so much love, it’s too much for my little heart to take.. It’s too much for my little…” Marylin collapsed on the table.

My eyes flung open. Agent Connors and I rushed to her side. “Marylin…” I shaked her body, trying to wake her up. “Oh no. Oh god.”

“Yeah, how could you do this to her, God?” Agent Connors screamed at the ceiling. “She was praying to you, asshole!”

“Agent Connors, stop screaming at God and call an ambulance already.”

***

Agent Connors

Time: 19:13, the next, next, next, next day

Location: Saint Bernard's Hospital for Humans and Pets, but Mostly Pets (it was the closest to Marylin’s house, okay?)

Whether it was the nerves or the five pounds of snickerdoodles I had for lunch, my leg would not stop thumping up and down in the hospital’s waiting room.

“Would you stop that,” Agent Lincoln demanded as he took a break from chewing on her nails. He must have been stressed about Grandma too…

Well, too bad. I still hate him. I started thumping harder. He could tell. “You little…”

“Katherine Meyers?” A nurse said.

After no one spoke up, Agent Lincoln elbowed me in the ribs. Hard. “Motherfu--”

“Katherine Meyers?” The nurse repeated.

“That’s you, dumbass,” Agent Lincoln said under his breath.

I stood. “Here,” I told the nurse.

“I’m afraid your grandmother, Marylin Meyers, has unfortunately passed.”

My heart sank.

“We believe she would have wanted you to have this. It’s for you and a Matthew?” The nurse handed me an envelope address to me and Agent Lincoln in gold ink. It was pretty bulky. Maybe bulky enough for the Jewel of Santos to be inside…

Greedily, I took it from her and she walked away. Agent Lincoln peered over my shoulder like a vulture. I glared at him, gave up, then opened it. It was… her will and a letter to us.

“Dear Agent Connors and Agent Lincoln,” I read outloud. No way, she knew who we were? I continued. “Yes, I knew you two were spies from the moment you walked through my door. You don’t survive in that business for twenty years without being able to spot your own.”

I face-palmed. Oh right, she was a former agent. I should have been more careful. But those snickerdoodles… they were so good. “Winky face.”

“You don’t have to say the winky face out loud.”

“You don’t have to dictate how I live my life,” I shot back. Then, I continued. “I’d be damned if I let my old employers get the best of me so I’ve willed the Jewel of Santos to a big charity for the homeless. By now, it’s long gone. Have fun with that. Hugs and kisses, your fake grandma and neighbor, Marylin Meyers. PS, thank you for filling my final days with happiness and free labor. PPS, attached is the recipe for my snickerdoodles. Go easy on them, Agent Connors.” I set down the letter and will. “Oh my god.”

“I know, the Je--”

“She left us the recipe; that woman was amazing until the very end and beyond.”

“Soo… the Jewel of Santos.”

I stood and tucked the recipe into my back pocket. “I may have not wanted to kill Grandma, but I’m definitely down to steal from charity. I’m far from a good person and the job isn’t done yet.”

Agent Lincoln smirked. “So, race you?”

I bolted for the front door. “Trust me, Agent Lincoln, it’s not going to be much of a race!”