19 comments

Sad Fiction

Time goes on, and I find myself scrolling through my photos. An irritation like a bite from a mosquito.  Twenty years and our relationship became one cupid opposed. It's been nine years since the breakup, and I can't seem to let her go. 


Days drag like a bag of laundry. I miss you despite the cruelty. Crazy because I defined loyalty. While you were fucking and lying simultaneously. 


Damn. It's been nine years, and I can't shake it off. Yet the memories flood in as if I forgot. Trying to switch the attention to something else. But the truth is I carry dread like a belt. 


I would love to text or call, but she's out of reach, but then I don't for the next couple of weeks. Strange because I confessed to her as if she was a Priest. Then again, I confuse myself like questions from the police.


My thoughts are congested like Shibuya Crossing. I would paint the pain, but I wouldn't like that drawing. Like Chester Bennington, my demons are Crawling. I watch happiness everywhere, and yet I'm dissolving.


Going outside leads to being passive-aggressive. Take a couple of minutes to explain the message. Change my expression to "Who's this?". As I deal with a drunk man screaming bitch.


Wasn't much of a drinker, and now I am. Trying to manage agony but it's worse than a cramp. It's not the labor but the love that makes a man. I thought it was what I had, but it went away like holding sand.


I used to go out and loved it too, but that idea was discontinued after you. Being naïve, thinking our relationship was held up by glue. I was stuck living a fantasy that I ignored the truth. Observing life for a house to own and walk into. Of course, it's too good to be true. You took all I have might as well sue. Apparently, I'm transparent because you saw me right through. 


Through the love and affection that I handed over. It's been almost a decade, and I still can't get closure. You play mind tricks as you torment whoever. Gaslighting them until all they can do is surrender.


Why stab a man who gives his all? You really set the bar that low! I had my hands together like the Allstate Logo. Despite your weight gain, you were still my Marilyn Monroe. Crazy how you decided to have my soul towed. 


I want to feel, but as a man, you're not supposed to. We grow up being told crying is a weakness and to have the tears consumed. Now I can't help but realize my emotions were abused. I sit waiting for recovery as you are out there in life, amused.


Two sides of the same coin. To indulge in love just to rejoice. Indignant and livid thinking, what's the point? Sadly repulsion is something no one can avoid. 


You had organizing skills that Marshall's would employ. We fell in love after my first apartment. You joined. Years passed, and even the air between us was annoyed. You leaving me was like a kick to the groin. 


Even though you cheated, my head thought past that. I can't love again. It's worse than combat. Trying to let go but stuck on the facts. I am doing better until someone decides to ask. 


Well then, how are you doing just out of curiosity? Are you with someone, or are you alone? Do you read? I spent the first five years hiding from the world and fell back on my needs. Maybe it's my fault since I let the heart bleed. Now, look at me. Nine years later, worried. Holding nothing but faith that my heart can't agree.


I didn't go broke at least I had my shit together. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. It still does. Worse than ever. Like stress, I can't take the pressure. Listen to the bullshit like a college professor. At this point, for sure, I can't forget her. I tried it all, even a letter. I have said some things I would never. Due to losing what I thought was forever.


Letting Go. That's a thing? You said I love you while affection was transferring. Thinking if I don’t notice, it won't sting—a sad tale like the death of kings. 


Your voice used to be soothing, like a violin. Being fascinated when dancing as I watch you spin. Having shows on a list for us to binge. Couldn't go out because I couldn't convince. You love to garden and feel the wind. Keep your eyes close and appreciate the silence. 

Always have my back like an alliance until you exchange heaven with a crisis.


A turmoil of emotions. Stress level raises like an erection. I hated living month after month. But not because you cried like a baby for attention. 


Throwing my love onto the ocean. Pages of my soul that remained broken. As time passes, it worsens. Still figuring out the answer, but there is none.


Life was a routine that felt like a luxury. We used to wake up smiling as if by muscle memory. Then you stabbed empathy, claiming it's a remedy. Thinking this is your ingenious idea to hold down a make-believe.


Listening to water and fire because the sound is binaural. Love with hate because only when in agony it's perceptible. Throwing expletives like a game of marbles. Drag sorrow from the absence a partner. 


You sit in guilt like an imposter. Your skills are remarkable. It deserves an Oscar. Cut devotion as if the intention was proper. You drown others' sensitivity in order to strive longer. 


Trying to let go one step at a time. Hopefully, it pays better than crime. Getting drunk with style from a glass of wine. Until it hits your face with a surprise.


Goodbye, my love, as I delete my photos. The past can't kill, but it hurts those who know. I'd plant faith, but I don't know if it'll grow. I held hope, but that was long ago. 


Life will come around, as it always does. There is enough happiness for every one of us. Not just to give pleasure and fuck. But to laugh, cry, and trust. I know that life does suck. Questioning existence and having no one to discuss. Just because you can hide the suffering doesn't mean you are robust. It's not for God to control. It's for you to adjust.

February 16, 2023 06:10

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19 comments

Frank Lester
18:47 Feb 27, 2023

Definitely a sad story. It's apparent that you (or the person in this story) had a difficult time letting go. The grief and anger were clear, as was his decision to delete the photos and begin anew. My only comments: your style of writing left me confused. At times it appeared to be prose, while at other times it was poetical. Stick to one form or the other. I found that the changes in style slowed the pacing of the story and forced me to reread parts to fully understand them. I'm more of a traditionalist when it comes to writing, so take ...

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Daniel Fernandes
20:40 Feb 27, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. This is fiction but I have had a long term relationship that fell apart so most of the emotion was being penned from that. I felt a man of a 20 year relationship and 9 years after still not letting go would add to the story a bit more gloomy. My style usually does confuse many readers. I enjoy writing a steam of consciousness while being poetic but have the structure of prose. Trying to stand out different I guess. I have venting out pain like this for over a decade so I got used to my sty...

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Frank Lester
02:13 Feb 28, 2023

You're welcome. I hope my comments were helpful. There's nothing wrong with trying to be different. Your style is unique to you. Don't change it to suit the critics. You just need to hone it a bit and make it flow a little smoother. Good luck.

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John Del Rio
17:22 Feb 26, 2023

Like a rap or a song… a sad ballad… Who has not had a bad break up. I enjoyed your latest offering and will find time to read more. That story of mine - “About Pecht” is actually part of a series of mine on reedsy. The first story/chapter is the one titled “Special Ingredient “

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Daniel Fernandes
20:32 Feb 27, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate you enjoying my work and plan to read more. I will take a look into yours as well. I will keep an eye out for it whenever I am free, Thank you once again.

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Samsara Lind
23:38 Feb 24, 2023

This story reads like a beautiful song, afterwards I read your profile and you wrote that you used to be a musician. Love the rhyming, and the raw emotion was displayed beautifully.

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Daniel Fernandes
20:29 Feb 27, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am happy that you enjoyed my work. Yes I used to be a musician. I appropriate your kind words.

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Viga Boland
15:48 Feb 20, 2023

I see you are a musician. Is your genre rap? The rhyming poetry, plus internal rhyme is fabulous. Would like to see this as a poem rather than a story but that’s personal preference. Your anguish is palpable, almost touchable. So well done. Writing is indeed your calling. Answer its call with every prompt. I’ll be following and reading your words.

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Daniel Fernandes
18:32 Feb 20, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I wanted to rap years ago, but had an experience that circumvented me from performing. I may or may not go back and give it another shot considering the love I have been getting from comments. I love the challenge of including the rhymes without making them seem forced and have a powerful and impacting story. I completely agree with you with having it as a poem instead of a story. I love to write so I sometimes continue off a poem I had, and match the 1000 word minimum requirement. I am plea...

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Viga Boland
21:32 Feb 20, 2023

I definitely will read more when I can. I’m a paid book reviewer so have to prioritize my reading. But I love supporting aspiring writers, of which I am one after a 7-year hiatus after writing 7 books! Am really enjoying writing short pieces instead of books! I hear you re your music aspirations. My now 40-year-old daughter was born for music. it has been her life since she was 6. She’s had her share of success, even internationally, but her biggest dreams have evaded her. She still writes and performs but the big career hopes have long ago...

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Daniel Fernandes
21:56 Feb 22, 2023

Thank you. Whenever ever you can of course. We all have busy live especially nowadays. Your a paid book review. Nice. I am actually working on making a book. My first poetry collection. I have been writing for over a decade so my first book will have about 50 poems give or take. Looking forward to seeing what you think about the other poems. I appreciate it. Great to hear that your daughter had success with her pursuit into music. Much respect for her and for you to support her. I tried to go that route, but was lost on where to began and w...

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Jody S
17:31 Apr 19, 2023

I completely understand this piece and it has all of the feels at the right places. The style here works for me--it is a bit disjointed--but the feelings are so it totally works. My favorite line is "even the air between us was annoyed." Writing about feelings and pain and deep emotions is so challenging and you have done it well. Perfect for the prompt. I know I am late to the party on this one as it was an older prompt--but I am still trying to learn how to navigate the site and find works!!

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Daniel Fernandes
18:32 Apr 19, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on another work of mine. I am glad that you enjoyed the read. It is hard to mix emotions without it being disjointed at least that's how I feel. It's nice that you relish the style. That line you pointed out is one of my favorites from that poem as well. I also liked the stanza that mentions the following "I had my hands together like the Allstate logo..." I'll be honest, most of the lines just hits in there own special way I just favor all of them. I was afraid that it would drift away fro...

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Helen A Smith
12:52 Mar 09, 2023

There’s a beauty to your language.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:35 Mar 09, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your kind words and zealous you enjoy my work .

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Mike Panasitti
01:02 Mar 05, 2023

I'm a romantic myself, so I felt this one, Daniel. Regardless of whether readers enjoy or dislike your style, you are consistent, and consistency is 80% of a successful artist's battle. The other 10% is inspiration. The last 10% is luck.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:48 Mar 07, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate the kind words. I am happy that you enjoyed my work. Consistency is key. I will do my best to keep chasing my dream. Love your comment. Thank you once again.

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Carrie O'Keefe
19:49 Feb 28, 2023

I liked your descriptions. Very touching.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:49 Mar 02, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am glad that you enjoyed the read.

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