Hope

Days run past. Weeks fly by. She looks forward to the day when she will have a reason to smile. A radiant glow will appear in her eyes, and all the tears she had once wept will sink in an ocean full of happiness. The sun will once again rise in her life.   

She stares out the window watching a mindless breeze wake up the trees. She sits there until the sun starts to hide under the horizon. Every day the sky is a different color. The grass sways to a different song every hour.   

She spends her days waiting, and her nights counting every passing minute. She works every evening cleaning dishes trying hard to keep the lights on. She would then take the bus back to her teared-up apartment. She wants to believe her life's going to change soon.    

Just 8 more months.    

She knew she would never be alone after that day. Knew that she would always have someone to hold. She would be able to fix the dent in her heart and be able to repair her smile.    

She handles two jobs with barely any sleep. Drifting away from reality she thinks of her future. She plays God and changes everything in her mind. She reshapes the world. Her imagination runs wild and she can't stop them anymore. Hot tears start to slide down her dirt-filled face.    

“Ay! Come on now we need those dishes cleaned!” She hears from the other side of the restaurant Quickly wiping her tears with her sleeves she and begins to scrub once again.    

Just 7 more months. 

She hangs to a small strand of hope. Her biggest fear was being alone. It feels as though she has now conquered it. She can feel a wisp of loneliness hug her tighter, and pain tries to comfort her.   

Looking in the mirror she can see dark bags under her eyes. Her face is puffy and it looks like she hasn’t had sleep in years. Her whole body seems to ache. Her brain punches the inside of her head and her knees slice through her skin. A bullet has been shot into her heart.    

It seems as though every day she fades into darkness. She hopes there will soon be a hand to pull her out.    

Just 6 more months.   

The sun’s rays beat down on her. Sweat begins to slide down her face. She walks into store after store. She just needs the money. She can handle three jobs. That’s what she tells herself.    

Later that night she scrolls through her emails wanting a reply from one of the jobs. Nothing. 

She scrolls through her texts wanting a reply from him. Nothing. She had given him her heart and he had ripped it into a million shreds like it was nothing but paper. She holds back a few tears, but to her, it feels like holding back a tsunami.    

With a broken heart, she tries to fall asleep. She shuts her eyes, wondering if God is looking after her. If he really cares about her, why would he put her through this?   

Just 5 more months.   

Black liquid swirls in her cup as she sips her coffee looking out of her window. People walk past their smiles, taking up their whole face. She wonders how they can still feel happiness.    

She can feel something start to turn in her stomach. Vomit. She rushes to the toilet and hangs her head right above. Yellow gush starts shooting out of her mouth and her throat begins to burn. Silent tears drop from her face and sadness flows through her body.   

She lays on her bed and her pillow catches all of her tears. Little by little hope begins to chip away.   

Just 4 more months.   

The sun has almost gone down. She looks down at her watch and realizes she might have missed the bus. Getting to the bus stop isn't far from her work, but she’s busy all the way till the end. As she walks to the bench, she sees a man rolling a cigarette in his fingers. She sits on the other side of him and tries to act invisible, but he sees her anyway.   

“Woah! That’s a big one!” he says in his raspy voice and looks her from head to toe “Wanna cig?”   

She knows she wants to but can’t. “Nah, thanks though.” she answers feeling her face heat up.   

Just 3 more months.   

The pain in her back has gotten worse. She wishes the world would stop putting so much pressure on it. She hopes she will find someone to talk to. Someone to share all her feelings with. Someone who will love her. Soon she tells herself.   

His words are glued in her head, and his knives are stuck in her heart. She tries to wipe the thought out of her head and starts to think about how strong she has become. Alone. Without help, she has become the woman she always wished to be. A woman who now believes she can do anything.   

Just 2 more months.   

She wakes up with a sprinkle of hope. She had a dream. A dream where she lay in a flower bed and the wind played with her hair. She rolled down a big hill and she was actually giggling. Her dream was filled with joy and laughter.   

She keeps pushing herself through the day with that dream in mind. She scrubs the dishes a little better, and She lets herself enjoy the bus ride home.   

That night she prays for her dream to come true.   

The due date.  

A tear of joy slips from her glassy eyes. She forgets all the pain and stares into its eyes. It's a boy. A boy with green watery eyes and red cheeks. He was brought into this world with hope. She uses her rough, gentle fingers to hug him tightly against her chest. A smile slides through her face.    

"I've been waiting for you." she whispers in his ear.