'IBA OYA'

“…every moment with you has been some of the best moments of my life. You’re incredible, but my heart belongs to someone else.” I gasped as I watched the final episode of The Bachelor where Matt had just succeeded in shattering Gail’s heart to a million pieces. I could almost feel what Gail was going through in this moment through the television and the pain and heartache was almost too intense for me to keep watching without a few tears escaping my eyes. 

            This was the final episode and I had made sure to DVR it to watch after my shift at the hospital and it certainly was worth the thirteen hour wait as I sat at the edge of my seat. I couldn’t help myself when it came to dating shows, sometimes I liked to imagine it was me standing on those marble steps in a much too expensive crystal gown being picked over countless others by a handsome and well-to-do dark-skinned Adonis. I was still lost in thought when my ringing phone brought me back to reality and back to being alone once again. I decided to ignore it at first, turning up the volume of the tv at the moment when Matt was about to propose to Brittany, but when it became clear whoever was calling was insistent, I paused the recording to answer the unknown caller. 

            “Hello?” I said unable to hide my annoyance. 

            “Angie. Is that you?” the voice responded back. A painfully familiar voice, aged and stern.  

            “I told you to stop calling me. How did you even get this number?” 

            “It doesn’t matter. What I have to tell you is important and even though you might have tried to cut your only surviving grandmother out of your life along with the rest of the family you must know somewhere deep down that I’ve only wanted what’s best for you…” 

            “Don’t call here again. Please just leave me alone” I hung up not waiting to hear what she had to say, I had had enough of her, enough of all of those loonies that called themselves my family. 

            Ever since I was little, I was bullied because of who my family was. I was born is New Orleans, Louisiana where my family practiced Vodoun and made a living off giving fortunes and communing with the dead. Not long after my birth my family moved to a suburb in Florida where the predominantly Christian locals did not take too kindly to black Vodoun practices. By the time I reached high school I begun to distance myself from my family, keeping my home and school life as separate as I could and soon after I started to question the practice of Vodoun itself. It began to seem like a load of bull to me and when I said that to my Grandmother, the slap that landed itself across my face was such that I can almost still feel the heat of it to this day. 

“No man could ever love you with a mouth like that. You will always be alone” she would often say. Reinforcing messages that made me feel like a chubby kinky haired dark skin girl like myself was undeserving of love. 

When I was old enough, I went away to nursing school in a different city, cut ties with her and the rest of the family and never looked back. 

My new life was great. I loved being able to keep my routine, watch my dating shows and care for my Pomeranian Lila. I awoke the next morning to a voicemail from my Grandmother and had half a mind to delete it but decided to give it a listen. 

“I know I caused you a great deal of pain and for that I sincerely apologize. I don’t know how anything I can say will ever make up for that. I wish your forgiveness was the only reason for this call but it is not. Angie the Guédé has chosen you. You must protect yourself or face the consequences. Consider this a warning.” 

How ridiculous! Was she trying to scare me back into the practice after all this time? I was furious at how fickle she thought I was. I deleted the message and blocked the number, putting that incident behind me.  

Six months passed and I had been dating someone, a man named Gabriel. He was sweet and kind and though he wasn’t as handsome as the men of The Bachelor I still found him perfect in every way. He made me happy. I was regaling my favorite episode of “Love, at First Sight” at a restaurant Gabriel had taken me to on a date when he spontaneously knelt down to propose much to my surprise. 

“Angela Laaga. Will you marry me?” he said

My heart beat so loud I couldn’t even hear the clapping that had erupted around the restaurant. It was my very own fairytale moment come true. 

“Angela?” Gabriel repeated, a look of concern in his eyes. 

“Yes…Yes I will.”

We moved in right after and not long after that I began to notice strange things around the house. Lila would bark incessantly at a dark corner between the kitchen cabinets and I could never seem to find the source of her barking. There was the stain that appeared out of nowhere oddly shaped like a tombstone on my bedroom ceiling and I could swear I heard someone drumming at odd hours. Then came my night terrors that were almost always the same. I find myself walking into giant doors to a castle and inside is a lavish party with a feast as far as the eyes can see. In the dream I can’t quite see anyone’s face just their bright white smiles and then I find myself sitting in one of two thrones and the one next to me is occupied. I turn slowly dreading what I’ll find sitting next to me and when I finally do get a look at it, I wake up screaming in terror. 

Therapy had done all but little to help my current affliction as I could never quite achieve a good night’s sleep with all the yoga and meditation. I felt defeated and out of options when I finally thought back to something my grandmother had said months ago. Something about, was it a Gedo? Gede? It had been so long since I even tried to speak my mother tongue, I had all but forgotten the language. 

 That night I waited until Gabriel was asleep before typing the peculiar word into a search engine and there it was,‘The Guédé’. Researching it took the better half of the night and by the time I decided to take a break the early morning sun had begun to peak. I snuck into bed, unable to sleep and for the first time in a long time felt unsure about my disbelief of Vodoun. What if it was real? 

I took the day off work and kissed Gabriel goodbye as he made his way to work. 

            “I love you very much” he said, departing. 

            “I love you too.” I responded waving him off with a feigned smile. 

I watched as his car exited the driveway before checking my phone to comb through the blocked list to find he number my grandmother used. 

            “Hello, Yaya?”

“Haven’t heard you call me that in a while, must be desperate. I’m guessing it has started, the Guédé has finally come for what it is owed.” 

“You have to help me stop it. It can’t…I can’t…” 

 “I tried to warn you Angie. I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do, not now.” 

I burst into tears. Hearing those words confirmed what I feared to be true. The Guédé had been in my family for generations and in exchange for giving my bloodline the gift of ‘sight’ it named its price. A price too heavy to bear. A price that would practically rip the heart right out of my chest. It wanted the soul of my first love just like it had done for every three generations of women born in my family. 

“Is there nothing that can be done?”

“I’m deeply sorry. I had prayed and communed with the spirits that it would skip you. I’m afraid I am not strong enough to go against the Guédé. My ‘sight’ is not as keen as it once was. However, yours has always been strong. You must make the connection.” 

“So, you knew all this time. All those things you said to me. You made me hate myself, see myself as unlovable…all because of this stupid curse. Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“I was ashamed. I couldn’t find the words. I made a mistake that I’ll never be able to take back. It seems that runs in our family. I can only hope one day you can forgive me.” 

“I…I need time to process all this.”

“I suggest you process fast child, once the Guédé presents itself in your dreams you have three weeks till it claims the soul of the one you love.” 

I hung up. 

It couldn’t be. My mind spun in circles, thoughts swirling like a nimbus cloud about to break open to reveal all the pent-up pain and fears contained within. I felt like I was unraveling, lost, unaware what direction to go in. I had to tell Gabriel but how would he react to all this? Would he think I was crazy? I felt like I was going crazy. If what Yaya said was true then Gabriel only had a week left before the Guédé comes. I felt I was pushing my mind to the limit trying to find a solution, exhaustion from lack of sleep made me twitch when I remembered something important. A memory from when I was very young. 

I was in a circle with family members chanting around me, there were runes all over my body as I shook and convulsed floating a few inches from the ground, my mind transferring to another plane. In this plane waterfalls flowed freely weaving through the sky in intricate patterns and from within Oya presented herself before me a dazzling beauty with an afro who commanded the winds, telling me in the mother tongue how much she enjoyed when I came to visit her. 

Was that real? I always just thought that to be an overactive imagination. But if I truly had the ‘sight’then I had to find a way to return to Oya. I found some liquid chalk in my cupboard and made my way down to the basement to be as close to the earth as possible where I drew a circle and stripping naked drew runes on my body as best as I could remember. 

“I really hope this works.” I muttered to myself as I focused waiting for something to happen but moments went by and nothing. I decided to try uttering my mother tongue to see if I still remembered but the moment I began it was like I was possessed. Chanting effortlessly like I never stopped speaking it. 

Ajalaiye, Ajalorun, fun mi ni ire. 

Iba Yansan

Ajalaiye, Ajalorun, fun mi ni Alafia

Iba Oya. 

The winds of Earth and Heaven bring me good fortune. 

Praise to the mother of nine. 

The winds of Earth and Heaven bring me well-being. 

Praise to the spirit of the winds. 

Almost immediately my body began to vibrate as a strange wind filled the room. To my surprise I began to float from the ground, a few inches. I did not let the shock stop me from continuing to chant. I thought of Gabriel. 

Ajalaiye, Ajalorun, fun mi ni Alafia

Iba Oya!

I screamed and was ripped right out of my body. This was much less pleasant than I had remembered it the first time. I was out of practice. Before me waterfalls spun intricately and I floated in midair with no earth in sight just an endless blue expanse with beautiful waterfalls. I truly was awestruck by the dazzling beauty of it all, but nothing near close to the radiance that was Oya who was emerging from a water fall and yet stayed dry. When she spoke, she spoke in the mother tongue. 

“I’M GLAD TO SEE YOU HERE CHILD. IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG. I SEE YOU IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN.

“I’m sorry Mama Oya.” I manage to say bowing to hide my tears. “I come bearing a request that I know I have no right to ask.” 

“RISE CHILD. THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR HERE. NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. YOU ARE HOME. I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE.” 

“Please, Mama Oya, will you save him. Will you save Gabriel.” 

“NOTHING CAN COME BETWEEN A SPIRITUAL PACT. NOT EVEN ME. HOWEVER, DEATH ISN’T ALWAYS THE END. REMEMBER THAT.” she said departing the same way she came.

“I don’t understand. Mama Oya. What does that mean?” I was jerked awake by Gabriel who looked mortified to find me sleeping in the basement naked with markings all over my body. 

Explaining everything to him felt like a massive weight off my shoulders, I felt truly naked in front of him for the first time. If he chose to leave I would be devastated but wouldn’t blame him for a second. This was my dark history. My worst fears would be realized, just when I was so close to happiness. 

“What do we do now?” he said breaking the silence

That question threw me off kilter. I didn’t think I heard him correctly. 

“What did you say?” I inquired for clarity. 

“I said. What are we gonna do now?” 

“I don’t understand. You want to stay with me knowing all this?” 

“For better or worse Angie. I will always be by your side. That’s a promise I intend to keep to my future wife.” Gabriel said with a warm smile plastered on his face. “The question is will you still be by mine?”

“Yes. You silly, goofy, man.” 

“Good. So, it looks like we have a week before my soul is taken by some spirit. Any ideas?”

I racked my head. Trying to think hard to what Oya said. What did she possibly mean by, “Death isn’t always the end?” I thought so hard I ended up with a migraine that night and decided to try again the next day. 

Gabriel was up early and had a coffee and an Advil ready for me when I awoke. 

“I already called your work and told them you wouldn’t be coming in. Family emergency. Figured this definitely counts as one.” 

I laughed at his attempt at levity but I could see how scared he was.

“I think I may have figured it out.” He continued. “What Oya said I mean. What if you just killed me?” 

“Have you lost your mind!” I screamed. “How could you even say something like that?” 

“No, no. Listen. I meant rather if you stopped me from living…temporarily.” 

At first, I didn’t understand what he was asking but after a few moments it finally struck me like lightning. 

“You’re a genius!” I exclaimed in excitement that quickly soured. “but it’s a really risky plan.” 

“I’d take any risks in this world if it meant I could continue to hold your hand.” He said clasping his hands between mine.  

The next few days I went in to work scoping where certain vials were stored. Shirking all concerns from coworkers asking if everything was okay at home. I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted from my goal. Thankfully, I had built such a reputation at work that no one noticed when I snuck into storage and left with three drug vials. It was only a few hours till the Guédé would come for Gabriel according to Yaya’s communing but all our preparations were almost complete. We moved a mattress down to the basement where I had a manual oxygen pump and three syringes with Lidocaine, Adenosine and Adrenalin. I had drawn a protective circle around us that I wasn’t confident would keep the Guédé out but it was worth a try. I laid next to Gabriel as we waited. Around 3am the house began to shake as a crack broke through the basement floor breaking the circle.   

“Whatever happens, know that I love you” I made sure to say first. 

“I already know that” Gabriel responded as we kissed in such a way that made me realize how lacking the kisses from The Bachelor were when compared to this moment. 

In a brief moment the lights in the basement began to flicker and Gabriel winced in pain, then I saw what he couldn’t. The Guédé was right on top of him paying me little mind, floating, draining him of life. I had to act now. I pumped both syringes into his arm and watched him slowly stop breathing. It felt like I lost the ability to breathe myself. Not knowing whether the Guédé or my drugs succeeded. I checked his pulse, something I’d done mindlessly scores of times at the hospital but this time my heart was beating so fast I was mistaking mine for his nonexistent pulse. He was dead. 

The Guédé retreated, perhaps sensing something was amiss. I took the opportunity to stab Gabriel’s heart with the third syringe containing the adrenalin and when he didn’t wake I began to panic. Did the Guédé succeed? Just then he jerked awake and I hugged him instinctively as he tried to catch his breath. The Guédé began howling, it’s red eyes sharp with anger. It lunged towards me with rage and malice when the space between us opened and a portal sucked it in to a realm filled with blue skies and waterfalls. I watched it transform into something else as the portal closed, something pure. 

“Oya” I exclaimed. 

Iba Oya