Chase of Death

Thump! Thump! The gravel beneath my feet crunched as I sprinted across it. My heartbeat rang in my ears, my breathing becoming heavier by the second. I embraced the aching in my body, the pain of the past, knowing it would all be over soon. I closed my eyes as I ran, the gift of vision unneeded on a path I knew all too well. I felt the cool air on my cheeks, whipping my short, uncombed hair back. I felt the gravel underfoot give way to rocky terrain and I opened my eyes, coming to a halt. A mass of scintillating water lay beneath the high cliff that I had arrived on. The moon reflected in the water, giving the scene an eerie glow. No matter how familiar this spot was, I always got a shiver of admiration looking into the sheer beauty of nature at its rawest - where no human had managed to pollute its purity. Ignoring the millions of thoughts assailing my brain, I focused on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Managing my breathing was another of my tricks to calm anxiety when things seemed to just cross that invisible line. This was my safe place. My hideaway. Someplace where my dad couldn’t beat me, or a place where I couldn’t be bullied. A memory of my dad holding up a belt slashed into my mind, but I dismissed it with a shaky gulp. I knew the only place I would be content was with mum. A mere step off the cliff and I would be with her. My heartbeat grew rapid and I forced myself to think of something else. Anything else. But it was seemingly-impossible. Flirting with death is not something you can cast to the back of your mind. It takes up all your brain space, haunting you every second of every day. All three years after mum had died had been utter misery. I’d thought of doing this a myriad of times, but today… today, I would do it.

I shuffled a tad closer to the edge of the cliff, the wind threatening to push me down, playing a fatal game of dare. Keeping my eyes shut tight, I tentatively lifted a foot and let it dangle teasingly. Nourishment to the awaiting beast down below. Now, just let gravity do the trick. I knew the only way would be a countdown. 

3 - I let my arms out like wings. 2 - I welcomed the wind whipping around my body like a dangerous embrace. 1 - “Wait!” 

Confused, I opened my eyes, regaining balance, and shuddered at how close I’d just been. Looking around, I attempted to find the source of the voice. The voice had sounded strangely familiar - now a mere echo in my brain, resonating and growing louder by the second. A long-lost friend perhaps? Unprecedented frustration bubbled within me, threatening to erupt sooner than later. I had finally gained enough courage to take action, and just at the peak - had lost it all. All of a sudden, I became very conscious I was standing right at the edge of this cliff, with only a mere 6-meter distance sight. Anything could be lurking. But that voice - that person - had meant no harm surely - for they had just saved me from ending it all. Meticulously, I stepped away from the cliff and sought the face of the voice. Dull, yellow eyes of a hawk stared at me from a nearby maple tree. Wait - I shook my head. That wasn’t a hawk. That was a person. 

“Hello?” My voice sounded shaky and uncertain as soon as it escaped my lips. Regretting it, I try again. “Hello?” I called out stronger, sluggishly creeping closer to the eyes. All the while, the eyes never left mine, never blinked - an unbreakable eye-contact. Just as I opened my mouth to call out again, the tree rustled as the person stepped out from behind it. I took a sharp intake of breath, preparing for the worst. 

A curved figure. A woman. I lifted my eyes to see the face and my legs gave way, the ground looming closer to my face until thump! I was left sprawled on the ground. Pathetic. Everything grew hazy as I fainted. My last thought: my mother is alive.

###

A groggy feeling washed over me as I tried to get up from the ground. Placing my palms next to me I expected to feel leaves and rocky ground - but, instead, I felt the familiar touch of my carpet finessing my fingertips. I gasp. She took me back here. The devil. Just as I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the pain in my left shoulder, my door burst open.

My father stood in the doorway, belligerent, no doubt, and looked ready for a fight. I felt tears welling up in the corners of my eyes, and I immediately blinked them away, refusing to let my father gain the pride of making me cry. “Your mother bought you back here,” he uttered in a demeaning manner. A shiver ran down my back, my blood running cold. I had experienced this way too much for me not to know what was coming. I whimpered like a baby not getting its desires and cowered away from my dad, my eyes not leaving the brown, heavy belt grasped in his right hand. The belt shadowed my face as it was raised. Years of this exact moment raced through the sensory neurons of my mind, the raised belt, cowering back, and then the repeated blows. Something clicks within my subconscious. Today will not be the same. Strength courses through my veins, the prevailing sight of my mother foremost in my brain. The familiar sight of the belt approached me, and instead of recoiling, I straightened up my back and reached out a veiny arm in order to catch the hurtling belt. All in one second. My father’s face said it all. Rouge filled up his face, eyes bulged; his apoplectic manner apparent in each heavy breath he heaved. The moment a blur; all I can decipher from it was running. Running from my father. Running to my death. Thump! Thump! The gravel underfoot.