First story at Reedsy!
Each year the Sorenson's held the most flamboyant cookie exchange in all of Durinsville This was partially due to the fact that they were the most well-known bakery in all of Pennsylvania. Of course, there were certain people who were not invited each year, and they had a most horrid time, since Durinsville was a small town, and the Sorenson's inhabited the biggest house (or mansion as we shall say?) which of course could be seen from any point in the town. If you have never had to experience this sort of exclusion or pure solitude at the most festive time of the year, let me gladly describe it to you.
The whole town is bustling to get ready for an amazing party that is arguably the pinnacle of festivity and excitement in the holidays. We say arguably because they also host the annual baking fest, which is equally delighted in (but that’s for another story). For the past week the whole town has rushed out to their mailboxes in anticipation of a creamy lemon-yellow colored envelope, tied with a rose-colored ribbon stamped with the wax crest of the Small World Bakery. Those who received one immediately began picking a recipe for a batch of cookies to present at the party. However, by December 14th, if you didn’t receive an envelope, well, all hope shall be lost, since the party was on the 15th, and everybody knows how punctilious and orderly the Sorenson's are. Now, on the night of the great cookie exchange, you could see people all over town happily bustling to the great Sorenson Mansion. Children holding tin pans would knock at the great oak door, and would be met by the cheery faces of Grammy Sorenson and her four children, and their twelve children who were all bakers at Small World Bakery. The whole town is there, where music and the delectable smell of baked goods arise from the Mansion.
Now, normally everybody is invited, except for a few. Namely competing bakeries of Small World Bakery, people who once caused trouble at previous cookie exchange parties like Jonas and Randall Smith who brought dog treats one year, and Angelica Hardhardt who pushed over a table of baked goods containing all the cookies one other year. Perhaps the Smith brothers and Angelica Hardhardt deserved it, but the Miller family didn’t. They were a notable family that owned a very renowned bakery that specialized in holiday cookies of all kind, named Pastry Delights. They were the main rivaling bakery of Small World Bakery, so you can see why they weren’t invited. However, they were a simply delightful family. Especially Charlotte Miller, a thirteen year old girl who helped out her parent at the bakery each day and was often referred to as, ‘that sweet little gal’ by customers.
You can imagine her torture when each and every one of her friends happily sets off for a most delightful party whilst she stays home, quietly doing her homework.
This particular year, Pastry Delights, had nearly outperformed Small World Bakery during the Thanksgiving Bake sale. Small World Bakery was out to get their revenge. But not in the usual way.
On the morning of the 15th, Charlotte watched woefully as each of her friends started getting ready for the party. Delilah had especially called her to ask her opinion on a red, long sleeved dress lined with white fur that reached to her mid thighs.
“Yes, it does look very nice. Especially paired with a Santa hat.”
“Oh, you think so Charlotte? Me too. What are you wearing? Oh wait, you’re not going. Whoops.” But Delilah didn’t look all that sorry (after all, one less competitor for the heart of Shawn Sorenson).
Amelia Hepburn, who had never been extremely nice to Charlotte, very rudely remarked, “Some people do deserve to miss out on all the fun. Just look at your horrid fashion sense.” while Charlotte was walking the dog. To which Charlotte could not find a stinging remark fast enough, and when she did (“I do think you’re referring to yourself.”) Amelia was long gone.
Even Lexine Warren, who was Charlotte’s best friend had turned down Charlotte’s offer to go to the movies, saying she was busy getting her hair crimped. So thus, Charlotte could only idly look out the window and watch the rest of the town get all fussed up. Only ten minutes later, however, she saw Shawn Sorenson (what handsome eyes) ambling along the road. This got her attention. Yes, partially because most girls in town had a crush on him (including her) and also because he was walking towards her house! Oh my! It was a rarity to see any Sorenson to come out on the 15th due to their frenzied preparation for the evening, but to come towards their sword enemy?
But the excitement didn’t end there. As Shawn stopped in front of their house, he pulled out from his pocket a lemon-yellow colored envelope, tied with a rose-colored ribbon. At this moment, Charlotte practically flew out the door, bounded down the steps and ran towards the mailbox. Shawn had opened the latch and was sliding the envelope inside when Charlotte arrived.
“Oh. Look who it is. Well, since you’re already here, I needn’t waste an envelope, I’ll just tell you.” This condescending tone was familiar as always, and both Charlotte’s older brothers had endured the same treatment from other Sorenson members.
“You are hereby invited to the annual cookie exchange at 707, Durin Lane. Be there at six-o'clock sharp and bring a dozen hand-baked cookies.” Here Shawn stopped and added in, “Why don’t you bring your signature chocolate chip cookies? Everybody seems to enjoy them.” He cleared his throat and continued, “We wish you all a very happy holidays, and we hope to see you soon! Signed, Sorenson Family.” Charlotte could not believe her ears! Not only could she finally go to the spectacular party for the first time in her life, she was being invited to it by none other than Shawn Sorenson!
“So you’ll accept?”
“Of course! And of course, I’ll bring Pastry Delights’ signature chocolate chip cookies. They sold out the fastest at the bake sale you know. Sold out much faster than your chocolate chip cookies.” She couldn’t help add in the last sentence, since it was customary to never forget about the rivalry that was forever present.
“Excellent. See you at six.” With that, he turned on his heel and rapidly walked away.
A few blocks away, at 707 Durin Lane, Grammy Sorenson adjusted her glasses on her hooked nose. The rest of the Sorenson family gathered around her. She waited dramatically for total silence and anticipation, before she finally announced,
“Twenty minutes ago, I sent my dear grandson Shawn on a very important mission.” Here she paused, and waited for the excited clamor to stop, for old age had turned her voice feeble and delicate.
“I told him to go to the Miller family, and invite them to our cookie exchange tonight.” An indignant uproar ensued.
“But they’re our enemies!”
“Invite them, to our party!? The audacity!”
“Why, Grammy, are you feeling alright?”
“Oh my, we haven’t talked to them at all for three generations!” When their voices and muttering died down, Grammy continued.
“But not as friends, as foes. As we all know, three weeks ago, at the Thanksgiving Bake sale, we were utterly humiliated by the performance of their chocolate chip cookies.” Everybody agreed to this statement.
“Just simply horrid; to be beaten by the Millers? Why, they’re nothing but rookies!”
“Tsk, it’s their secret ingredient I say!” This was a popular theory among the Sorenson family, and had been for the last week. Grammy fueled this notion emphatically. At that moment, the door banged open, and Shawn Sorenson stood there triumphantly.
"Grammy. The deed has been done. The silly girl, Charlotte, will be bringing the chocolate chip cookies tonight!" When she heard this, a wide grin spread across Grammy's face.
"It is time to figure out their secret recipe, and our honor shall be restored. Reinstating our position as the best bakery in this state, for once and for all!"
My first story at Reedsy! Shoutout to LitLover and Mira Caplan (amazing writers!!!) for recommending Reedsy to me. And for reminding (no, more like insisting) that I get this story out. Thx y'all and enjoy!
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
591 comments
just saying, I've been on here for a week and 40 karma points?!?!? and I used to think karma was bad! i'm wrong, it seems! so ignore me and have a nice day! ❤
Reply
LOL Me too! XD
Reply
how does the karma points thing work btw? i can't click on the question mark next to my points
Reply
So basically if someone likes your story or comment it is one point, when your story is approved it's 10, and when you win a contest it's 100. To upvote or like a comment, there will be arrows next to the profile pic of the commenter, and an up arrow click is one point or a like, and don't click the down arrow cuz that's downvoting. Also, post a ton so I can upvote you!!!
Reply
wait... approved? what does that mean... sorry i'm such a noob
Reply
When you submit a story, you submit it for approval, and the judges will determine whether it fits the prompt and then they approve it.
Reply
i honestly don't think mine fits the prompt. bc the Sorensons didn't hold the party just to get the recipe; they've been doing it the whole time... but oh well
Reply
It's okay I think it'd still work, because they just have to have another reason for inviting them that's different from the reason they invited everyone else.
Reply
Who is John Galt?
Reply
thats your new profile pic isn't it? or something related
Reply
HA! You legit asked the question!! That's the question that Atlas Shrugged is entirely built around, and he created a haven for all of the creative minds to stop carrying the world along on their shoulders like Atlas, to help them shrug in a way, which is called Galt's Gulch. It isn't a place where everyone does nothing, but it is a place where they can be creative unfettered by the demands of the greedy populace.
Reply
oh my....
Reply
how come I was at 239 karma yesterday but only 217 today? confuzzledd
Reply
That's called downvoting... So sad someone downvoted me 100 yesterday. It's okay, stupid people just do it for no reason.
Reply
oh noooo!!! that's meannnnnn imma upvote all your posts
Reply
Yah, it's ok you don't have to.
Reply
And where's Litlover? He's been hassling me for the past week.... ha
Reply
My first story at Reedsy! Shoutout to LitLover and Mira Caplan (amazing writers!!!) for recommending Reedsy to me. And for reminding (no, more like insisting) that I get this story out. Thx y'all and enjoy!
Reply
XDDD Aaaawwwww, thanks for the mention, Jen!!!
Reply
np and don't skip class!
Reply
XD The teacher's kinda between things, so I'm not skipping, just multitasking! :)
Reply
likely story... wait WE"RE BOTH IN FRENCH!!!
Reply
omg! I'm in school are you on the zoom?
Reply
This was so good! I really liked the idea of rivalry between two family bakeries. I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Reply
Omg! Thanks so much Tate! I can't wait to read your stories when you get them out! Really looking forward to reading them! Plus, Howey LA Class UNITE!!! yayyyy
Reply
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Reply
we're all here! patrick, luke, mira, jen, ben, maddie, emily, tate and more coming!
Reply
Oh, I gotta follow all of them!!!
Reply
i think you have! ben and maddie are creating them
Reply
oh and Clover G is cal!
Reply
That's so cool!!!!!!
Reply
Tate I made a new story check it out
Reply
OMG I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE I LOVED THIS BUT U USE PARENTHESES TOO MUCH, maybe incorporate that into the conventional sentence. Also, search up rules to keep the same tense the whole time because that was flip flopping a little. I LOVED THE CHARACTERS SO MUCHHHHGGGGG SO GREAT JOBBBBB!!!!
Reply
you were at rock climbing lol... and AHHHHHHH i realized i use parenthesis like 40 timesssss. thx i will fix in next story :) and the tense thing... oof something that's been bothering my writing for a long time
Reply
That's okay, just like read an article. Indeed, much lol. THUS THE POWER OF FEEDBACK!!!!!
Reply
So i'll read an article. i love feedback!
Reply
Read an article about tenses on like a writing journal. Feedback's great!! You'll be in my next story!!
Reply
wait really?!?? OMG IM A CELEB NOWWWWWWWW jk hehe
Reply
I'm writing another story. How about you?
Reply
Nah, I don't like this week's prompts. I toughed 2 out though.
Reply
I don't like them that much either... I'm going to try and tough out another tho
Reply
Lol I can't wait
Reply
It's so great that you know what you are good at and where you need improvement. I'm afraid I'm weak at thrillers and mysteries too, but I can definitely try to help in fantasy. What I do when I write fantasy is that I imagine what it would look like in a movie (like in Harry Potter) and then write accordingly. Also, in fantasy descriptions, I try to search for other words I can use instead of a common word. That helps. For example, I can replace 'said' with 'shrieked', 'exclaimed' or 'responded', etc.
Reply
Thanks so much! If i have time before this weekend i'm hoping to submit another story with improvements!
Reply
You're welcome! I hope it helps 🙂
Reply
Really? For that last one, I think that what would surprise most people is that most famous books, authors, and writings include said more than anything else. If you need mystery tips, you should introduce the tragedy or body early in the story, keep everything in a state of crescendo, and use RED HERRINGS.
Reply
Well... Yeah, I noticed that too. But I just gave my personal opinion, since I have written three books myself. But it all depends on the choice of the author in the end. Thanks for the tips on mystery. I will try them out in my fourth book😊😀
Reply
woah! what are the names of your books? are they published? can I get them on kindle?
Reply
That's the problem😢 they're only available in India, and they're not on kindle either... However, I can tell you the names- they're Half Past Eleven, The Eternal Gems and Souls No More
Reply
wowza! i found them online and the plot sounds super cool!
Reply
That's so cool!! Sorry to give you advice lol... you're obviously very experienced
Reply
OMG JENNIE! THIS WAS SUCH AN AMAZING FIRST STORYY!!! Cannot wait to read more of yours!! :D
Reply
wow! thanks so much kate! Imma read your stories now :D
Reply
Np! And thankssss!!
Reply
Yay! now you two know each other!!
Reply
And now I know all the peeps you know! yay community
Reply
:D
Reply
YAY!!
Reply
/yes read her stories they're soooooooo goooooddddd
Reply
Thank youuuuuu!! Yours are tooo!!
Reply
Are you just following all of my followers?? :D
Reply
errr... yah? heehee
Reply
Lol I think that's a great idea because I picky with mine and I don't have many followers so it's good to start out!!
Reply
plus the peeps you follow have good stories to read!
Reply
Ya totally!
Reply
OMG!! Welcome to reedsy my friend! Your story was awesome! I'm so glad you joined! I loved the plot and the whole secret recipe idea. loved every sentence!
Reply
Wow thanks! that was fast btw! I love your stories, especially reborn, bc the concept is extremely intriguing and somewhat in that eerie sense!
Reply
Do you guys know each other???? Yeah, amber's really nice!! Have you friended Felicity Williams yet?
Reply
Aw thanks, and no, i don't think we know each other. u both are really nice though :)
Reply
Aww thanks so much!!!
Reply
Jennie, this story was really fun to read! You gave it a unique tone and writing style that was really enjoyable. Having a longstanding family rivalry over baked goods was a fun and interesting change, and I like the idea of having a fancy mansion party for a dramatic scene... while still having the conflict being about baking. I'll be exited to know what happens next at this party! Welcome to Reedsy, Jennie! I would love to talk to you about writing sometime. If you want to try improving how you write fantasy, look up hard and soft magic s...
Reply
Thank you so much Isabel! I'm so glad you loved the story! Although I'm not the best at fantasy, I'll definitely try to look up hard and soft magic systems to improve.
Reply
I guess the best thing for writing is always to practice. I'm trying to expand my variety of genres. At the moment, I'm trying some things with horror and romance, but I'm not sure when or if those will appear on this site
Reply
Well I look forward to seeing them!
Reply
jennnnnnnnnnnnnnn someone be downvoting me helppppppppppppp pls upvoteeeeeeeeeeeeee
Reply
why they be downvoting youuuu????
Reply
I dunno they wanna steal my leaderboard spot I guess.
Reply
wahhhhhh meanie > < ---
Reply
did you like my emoji lol? plus imma try to guess what those emojis you have mean...
Reply
Yay!! Yeah I like yours
Reply
I loved your story! I hope you continue writing. Looking forward to reading your submissions!
Reply
JENNIE CAN YOU UPVOTE ME I GOT DOWNVOTED A TON!!
Reply
oops! i've been upvoting mira!!! wait didn't you pass 4000 yesterday or sumthing? or did you pass 3000?....
Reply
I passed 4000 and just lost like 200 points
Reply
k i'm trying my best!!!!! do you think your downvoting has something to do with the hate against Vayd Danish?
Reply
Anyways, only 75 left to get you back to 4000!!!!! i got mira to like 2000 by myself yesterday! did you see that karma thing i posted on my bio?
Reply
Yay!!!!!!!!!! YES I DID!!!!!!!!
Reply
It's not hate against him, but its this whole thing. Maybe??
Reply
oh yeah.... i upvoted all your posts on your stories!
Reply
suitcase, pen+paper, boy and man.... what could it beeeee
Reply
This was so good! I love it!
Reply
Thank you so much for reading! I'm so honored that my first story has received so much praise!
Reply
I loved the story. I want to know more about them. What a wonderful story. And it ended so soon. Amazing job, really. Looking for more from you.
Reply
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that! I'm probably dropping a story tomorrow!
Reply
I will read it.. :)
Reply
I love the story and I want to know more! My suggestion is to make sure that you use the tense throughout the story. You started in past tense but changed to present tense a few times. Keep writing! The more you write the better you get!
Reply
Thank you so much for the feedback! The tenses are a problem I tend to have a lot, so I'm reading articles and such on how to keep all my tenses the same!
Reply
Reading more will help too!
Reply
ok thanks! I'm writing another story and I'm hoping to keep the tenses the same this time
Reply
Reading it out loud helps too!
Reply
AAAHHAHAHA Great first story!
Reply
thx so much! i had fun writing it too! it's not very logical but very dramatic I think :)
Reply
hehehe!
Reply
YESSSSSSSSSS!!! Finally!!! There were a few grammatical errors that I noticed, but that doesn't matter!!! You are SUCH a good writer, Jen. (I'm just gonna call you that, if you don't mind. Or Jennie. Which nickname do you prefer?)
Reply
Jen. and thx so much! yeah I noticed some too haha and I used delightful like 7 times. But now there's room for improvement yay
Reply
Mira's just so supportive ^^ On my first story she like hailed me as the king!! Mira you are the queen of upvoting the spirit.
Reply
YAHHH and she's such an amazing writer herself!
Reply
Lol yeah! Literally tho, look at her comments on my first two stories. She needs to start complimenting herself a little more. Maybe my critiques on her stories are making it worse :( Hope not
Reply
no! critiques make you a better writer!!! but let's compliment her too
Reply
Aaaaaaaawwwwwww I feel so warm and sparkly and happy right now
Reply
Awwwww, you are my bestest frien
Reply
STOP MAKING ME CRY-
Reply
That's ok! I repeat words a lot, too. (I actually have a character named Jen in one of my stories. That was just a cool little thing...kinda random.)
Reply
ooh interesting!
Reply
Lunarii (Luna), Ashlynn (Ash/Asha), and Jen. I haven't actually worked on it in a few months, preoccupied with the main series I've been writing, Alden. It's in my bio
Reply
Yah I think it's in your schoology too! (sry i'm a stalker :))
Reply
Very well done. It flowed well so kept your attention. It will be interesting to see what is up Grammies sleeve. Cliff hanger
Reply
Oh thank you for the praise! Yes, Grammy will eventually get the cookies and figure out the recipe... thwarted by a young girl's love.
Reply