The Devil's Tree

THE DEVIL’S TREE

               “Your late.” Max said out of the corner of his mouth as Meter snuck into the pew next to him.

               “Oh yeah I’m sorry I overslept.” Meter sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. Max winced.

               “On the holiest day of the year?” Max tried to inject as much poison as possible into his words. Unfortunately, none of it seemed to affect Meter.

               “Oh yeah, today’s Pots and Pans Day isn’t it?” Meter said.

               Max stared at Meter in disbelief. “It’s Earth Day you imbecile!”

               BANG! A shot of pain shot across the top of his head. Max groaned. There was another BANG! sound. Meter groaned.  

               “Keep quiet and listen to the Revered Mother and the High Priest and Priestess.” The Usher said. Meter and Max nodded. The Usher turned away and started walking around the other side of the Great Hall.

               “Forgot about the Whackamole.” Meter murmured. Max gave him a heated look as Meter leaned back and closed his eyes. Why did Meter always get him into trouble? Why he had NEVER born the wrath of the Usher before! He was ALWAYS respectful in the Great Hall, always attentive, always listening…he jerked. Listening! The service was almost over, and he had missed a good portion of it, thanks to Meter! What were they saying now?!? In a panic he looked up and saw that the Revered Mother was bowing her head and the High Priest and Priestess were blessing the Most High. He clasped his hands before him in respect and then… it was over. There was a collective sigh and then a gentle wave of murmuring as everyone began to greet each other.

               “Thank you, Meter. You just made me miss a good half of the holiest service of the year and getting disciplined in front of the entire community to boot!” Max said sarcastically looking over his shoulder and giving Max a nasty look that said “We are no longer friends.”. Max snored.

               “Oh Max, how wonderful! You and Meter volunteering to plant the Devil’s Tree next to Lava Mountain! Why no one in their right minds would have ever dreamt of doing such a dangerous thing! You and Meter are so incredibly brave!” Miss Fox said coming up to him from the opposite aisle.

               “What?” Max asked. “Volunteering for what?”

               “Volunteering to plant the Devil’s Tree! You know, the one that is so dangerous unplanted that it can cause bad luck, but if we plant it anywhere but next to Lava Mountain it’ll spread disease among the other trees’.”

               “Yes, I know about the Devil Tree, but I don’t recall volunteering,” Max said.

               “Oh silly of course you did! Revered Mother said that if anyone would volunteer on handling the cursed tree, they must speak up and take a beating on the head, and you and Meter talked to each other! Oh, you both are so amazing! Are you just friends or are you going out?” Miss Fox asked.

               “Neither.” Max said. At the same time, he felt an arm circle around his own and he looked up just in time to see Meter smile and say, “Both.”.

               “Ooh ok.” Miss Fox said, with a smile.

               Max opened his mouth to defer, but was interrupted by the Revered Mother, who gave him a small, thorny tree.

               “Here is the Devil’s Tree.” She said. “You two should leave immediately. Happy Earth Day and Good Tree Planting.”

               “Yes, ma’m!” Meter said, and grabbing a stunned Max, he half dragged him out the door and onto his motorcycle.

               “Here, put this on your head.” Meter said, handing Max a helmet.

               Max was stunned. “Wow, I had no idea you had a motorcycle! These things run on bubbles now, don’t they? They are so epic! No more of that stinky, propellant in this country!”

               Meter gunned the engine. Max choked. “Hold on!” Meter yelled. And off they went.

               “You…Disgrace…To…Mother….Nature…” Max coughed. “This…is…gasoline!”

               “Ah its just a little diesel, no need to get emotional over it.” Meter yelled, glancing over his shoulder.

               Soon, they arrived at the Lava Mountain. Rivers and rivulets of Lava ran everywhere. Meter stopped the motorcycle and Max got off, still choking. “You sicko! How can you drive something like that!” Max said, once he had gotten his breath back.

               “Hey, don’t diss my ride now. We got here in one piece, didn’t we? With the Devil’s Tree, right?” Meter asked.

               Max sighed and released his under-arm death grip on the Devil’s Tree. It fell to the ground with a loud bump!

               “Hey be careful now not to break that. We don’t want any curses or anything.” Meter said.

               “I thought you didn’t believe in all of that.” Max said.

               “Just because I don’t like religion doesn’t mean I don’t believe in it.” Meter said.

               Max sighed and gave Meter a look, while kneeling down to pick up the tree. He stiffened.

               “What’s the matter?” Meter asked.

               “A branch broke and fell into a tiny rivulet of lava where it is burning.” Max said, his voice shaking.

               “What!?!” Meter yelped, racing over to where Max was. He saw the burning branch in the tiny rivulet of lava. He saw the remaining Devil’s Tree. His red skin turned bright white. “We are doomed.”

               “Surely the curse on the Devil’s Tree is…understanding.” Max said hopefully. Immediately the Lava Mountain burst into flame, rock, and ash.

               “Oh JES- wait a minute!” Meter said, grabbing a sobbing Max by the shoulders. “That’s it! JESUS! Remember how we learned about different religions in school?”

               “Yeah?” Max sniffled.

               “Yeah well, remember how JESUS died on a cursed tree and still beat death and the devil and rose again 3 days after dying?” Meter continued.

               “I didn’t really pay attention to World Religions class. I was only interested in my own religion, Mother Earth.” Max said.

               “Yeah well, if JESUS could beat a curse and the devil and death, then he could beat this cursed Devil Tree! Come on lets do something Christian to it! Then the volcano will stop and nobody will notice we didn’t plant the tree.” Meter said.

               “I don’t know…” Max said.

               “Come on! We can’t plant it now! It’s broken!” Meter pleaded.

               “Ok, ok. But we tell NO ONE.” Max said.

               “Ok, yeah, sure.” Meter said, brushing Max aside.

               “Ok, so what do we do first?” Max asked.

               “Let’s throw holy water at it.” Meter suggested.

               “Do you have any water?” Max asked.

               “No. Do you?” Meter asked.

               “No.” Max said.

               “We could use gasoline as a substitute.” Meter suggested.

               “Are you sure the Christian GOD would accept that?” Max asked.

               “It’s worth a try.” Meter shrugged.

               “This is crazy!” Max held up his hands. He felt like pointing out that they were in the middle of a field of lava, but he figured they were up against a curse and a volcano right now and compared to those things a lava field was a piece of cake.

               Meter siphoned off gas from his tank on his motorcycle and drenched the tiny Devil’s tree with it. More lava than ever was around them and the ash made it so hard to breath they had to wear their early 2000’s era masks.

               “Why would you use water anyway?” Max asked.

               “To make it Holy Water.” Meter explained. “Um, I think we make it Holy like this. ‘Dear God, Bless This Water And Make It Holy. Amen’.”

               “That’s it?” asked Max, surprised by its simplicity.

               “Yes.” Max said.

               Suddenly, the Devil’s Tree caught on fire! Max and Meter both screamed then rushed to blow and stamp out the fire, but it only made matters worse. Soon they were left to stare at the spot where the Devil’s Tree had stood. In that area was a pool of lava. In fact, around them was a pool of lava. They were trapped.

               “It’s the curse!” Max wailed. “What are we going to do?”

               “Well, we can do the most powerful thing that Christians used to do. Pray for help.” Meter said, kneeling and beginning to pray “Help!”

               “Oh, come on, none of your wishy-washy Christian crap has helped us! In fact, its just made everything worse! Get up and…” Max began.

               Suddenly a chorus of angels began to sing in the sky. Max was shocked. The volcano sucked itself back inside itself. The Lava dried up. Flowers, grass, and trees started to grow everywhere. The Devil’s Tree even started growing from the spot that it had last been. Finally, an angel pointed to the Devil’s Tree and said, “This is now God’s Tree. Feel free to use it’s leaves to heal sick people.” And with that, the angels vanished.

               Max turned around, letting the sun shining, the flowers blooming, the wind in the trees blowing soak up into him. Then he turned to Meter who was now up and smiling, hands in his pockets, and said, “They won’t notice?”.