Never Compromise On The French Fries

Hello, welcome to Burger King. I can take your order whenever you’re ready…

Hi. I want a combo number five with extra bacon.

What kind of drink with that?

Doctor Pepper.

Sorry, sir, but we're out of Doctor Pepper.

Okay, Root Beer is fine.

Sorry sir, no Root Beer either.

Mmm...ok, then just give me a Sprite.

Very sorry, but we're out of that too.

Then what do you have?

Just ice. 

“...”

Um, sir? Hello?

If you have ice, then please give me a large Frappe.

Oh, I'm so sorry, our store stops serving that at eleven o'clock.

I see. Then just a large cup of ice please.

And would you like a medium or large fry?

Large.

Sorry, we’re only serving medium fries today.

Then why did you—

Policy, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.

No, I understand... could you just throw some extra fries in the bag and call it a large?

Um... I'm sorry, that would be against poli—

Look, miss! I’ve had a rough day, and a medium fry just won’t cut it. I can compromise on anything but the fries!

Sir—

Look, you are working the line, so you are probably making what, minimum wage?

“…Yes.”

How about this: if you give me extra fries, then I’ll give you an extra twenty dollars. What do you say?

I—I’m sorry sir, bribery is against company policy. You’ll have to accept the medium fry.

Look miss… what was your name?

Donna.

Look Donna, the type of person that I hate most in the world is one that is rude to kids making minimum wage. I really hate that kind of person! So Donna, please don’t make me be that person. Okay?

Sir—

Call me Bob.

Okay…Bob. Our store isn’t selling large fries today due to a shortage, so that isn’t a bulk item that can be purchased—for any amount!

Then, am I going to have to sit in this line all day?

If additional fries are a must, then I would recommend ordering an additional medium fry on the side. 

Ha-ha, Donna that’s a great idea!

Thanks.

You’re much too clever to be working in a fast food restaurant. Are you going to college? 

Yes, I’m a student. 

That’s excellent! It is important to have a degree in this day in age. And you are too bright to be working here. 

Thank you, but that is probably the munchies talking.

Ha-ha, maybe so. Maybe so. Well, I’ll take that extra side of fries then. 

I—I’m sorry to tell you this… but, like I mentioned, there is a shortage of fries today, so…

So, what?

Well, we are limiting one medium fry per customer, so if you want an extra fry, you will have to go back through the drive through.

You serious?

Sorry, yes.

“…”

But the second fry is for my son. It’s limit one per customer, right? 

Sir—

Look, Donna, he is starving. Are you going to let a kid go hungry? 

“…”

Well, I don’t want anyone going hungr—

Wait? What’s that Billy? Of course you aren’t going to die! The nice lady will let us buy two fries. 

Sir, I know it sucks, but I can only sell you one medium fry per visit, per customer. I don’t make the rules, I just work here. If Billy wanted fries, then you really should have brought him with you. Or, you could just go back through the line again. You probably could have already made it back around in the time that we’ve spent talking! 

What do you mean ‘should have brought him?’ He’s right here, and he wants a damn French fry!

“…”

Sir, I can see you on the camera, and there isn’t a child with you!

Does that camera have a microscopic lens? How can you tell?

Because you are riding a motorcycle, sir. I would be able to tell. 

“…”

Sir, you can’t park your motorcycle in the drive-thru. Sir. Sir!

Look Miss, I’m going to stand here until you sell me two medium fries. I can do this all day. Actually, I’m not even feeling that hungry anymore. 

Hey, watch it! I’m standin’ here! You run over my bike, and you’re gonna pay for it! OH YEAH? HONK ALL DAY, SEE IF I CARE! 

Will that complete your order, sir?

Of course not! I—

That will be $10.49 at the window. 

Will my large fry be at the window?

Sir, please just pull forward. 

“…”

Sir! You can’t lay down in the middle of the drive through!

I want to speak with the manager!

She is out today, we are only half-staffed! Why do you think we are running short on everything?

I’m going to lay here until there is food in my hand. 

“…”

“…”

Would you like any ketchup with that?

Four packets if you wouldn’t mind.

Not at all. That will be $10.49 at the window. Thank you and please pull forward. 

Don’t think I can. Don’t. Have. The strength. 

***

Here is your order, sir. That will be $10.49.

Thank you, Donna, it smells delicious. Here’s $11. Keep the change.

Thanks… Can you get up now? There are at least ten cars behind you in line. 

Of course, no problem. 

Yeah, yeah! I’m going! Stop your honking! You childish bastards!

Well, Donna, it’s been a treat meeting you. Now you have a blessed day.

Sure.

***

Hello, welcome to Burger King. I can take your order whenever you’re ready…

Hello. I would like a number three, with extra lettuce. 

I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to give extra lettuce today… Very sorry.

Um, okay. That’s alright, dear. It’s not a problem. I’ll simply have the normal number three.

Okay. What drink? 

I—

Actually, I’d better go ahead and tell you. We are currently out of everything except for ice. I’m very sorry.

Does the ice have chlorine?

“…Probably.”

Then I don’t need any. I actually brought my own drink. I only drink Alkaline water; it raises your body’s PH. Very healthy!

Great! Ha-ha…

Pardon me? Did I say something amusing?

No. I’m sorry. You are so much more agreeable than the last customer, I just found it funny. I’m sorry that I laughed. 

Oh, I see. Ha-ha, I guess that is amusing. You are talking about the fellow on the motor bike that I nearly ran over?

Yes, that was him. 

That man was acting so childish, lying out in the road like that. And simply because you would only give him a medium fry, rather than a large. Or, that is what it sounded like.

Ha-ha, that’s right. 

I mean, honestly! It is only a difference of twenty French fries. This younger generation, I really don’t understand them. Video games, reality TV, methamphetamine. Very unhealthy lifestyles. I can’t imagine how many germs that young man must have touched when he was lying on the ground…

That’s very true. 

I am perfectly fine with a medium fry.

Um, I hate to tell you this, but we just ran out… We are very short staffed today and can’t fry them quickly enough to keep up… This is very embarrassing, and I am so sorry… Of course, you will only be charged for the sandwich.  

So, there are no French fries at all?

I’m sorry, we just ran out… To be honest, they are really unhealthy anyway, we dip them in this big vat of grease and—

But I saw you give two orders of French fries to the man laying in the road…

Ma’am—

Don’t Ma’am me! Do I have to sit in this line all day? I’m not leaving without a medium fry, dammit!

Ma’am. Ma’am! Please stay in your vehicle. Ma’am, you can’t lie down in the drive through.