Family Secrets

We were finally heading north on Taconic State Parkway, nearly two hours now before we get to Nate’s parent’s house in the Berkshires. I reach across the console of the rented Toyota he was driving and placed my hand in his lap, a gesture of affection and excitement on my part. We’d been dating since we’d met at a party hosted by a mutual friend at Columbia, where we were both pre-med. Well, “dating” might be overstating the facts a bit; it was more like we fell into bed together two hours after we met and hadn’t stopped enjoying each other’s bodies since.

“So, I won’t say a thing, but I don’t like it,” I said. “When do you think you’ll tell them?”

“I don’t know, Michael,” Nate replied. “But it will be soon; I don’t want to sit all through Thanksgiving dinner keeping our secret.” He squeezed my hand before returning it to my lap.

“Are they homophobic?” I asked again. Nate had asked me to come home for Thanksgiving weekend just two days ago, and I accepted the offer without really asking too many questions.

Nate took his eyes off the road briefly to give me a look of affection. “No, I don’t think they are,” he said. “To be honest, it’s not something that came up very often growing up, so I really don’t remember having any conversation about the topic of sexuality. But for the most part, my family is very accepting,” he hesitated for a second before continuing. “We…understand what it is to be different—we’re a quirky family, you see—so we’ve always try to be…tolerant of others.”

 “Who will be there?” I asked.

“My mom and dad, of course, and my sister Miranda and my brother Alex,” Nate said.

“What do they all do?”

“Dad’s a lawyer, mom’s an accountant. Miranda and Alex are in…business,” he said. 

I decided not to bother Nate with any more details about his family. My own family was a working class one from Philly, and the fact that I’d gotten into pre-med at Columbia University was a testament to being a life-long honor student and, more importantly, due to my grandmother’s will and the inheritance she’d left for me, stipulating that I was “to do something with my life.”

Two hours and an uncomfortable nap later, we were pulling through the small town of Lennox, Massachusetts. Nate slowed as he went through the center of town, nodding occasionally to people on the sidewalks. 

“You grew up here?” I asked him, around to take it all in.

“Yes, all my life, and my family has been here for generations—since the town was founded, actually.”

We turned left and the road narrowed to nearly one lane. 

Nate turned again, this time through a large iron gate and up what was obviously the long driveway to his childhood home. As we rounded a bend the driveway sloped up, and I could see the tip of a roof come into view, as the entire house—no, mansion—was revealed to me.

I let out a low whistle. Nate understood my meaning. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s kind of a lot. It’s one of the reasons that I wanted to go away, to get out of this place.”

I tried to be supportive. “It’s important to be yourself,” I offered.

We pulled around to the side of the house, where a smaller entrance was topped by a neo-gothic roof. The door opened and a female version of Nate bounded out to greet us. She was tall and slender, with skin that looked like cream and her black hair threatened to topple over from the sloppy bun she had piled it into. Her brown eyes held her little brother in a tender embrace. Miranda clearly missed Nate.

“Nathaniel!” she cried. “How I’ve missed your happy face!”

“I’ve missed you too big Sis!” Nate took up the space between Miranda and himself to catch her in an embrace.

“And you’ve brought home a friend,” she said quickly, their hug lasting but a second in her effort to reach out to me. “Hello,” she said, extending her hand in greeting. “I’m Nate’s sister, Miranda.” I smiled as I introduced myself.

“Michael,” I said. Miranda’s dark eyes lowered slightly and her demeanor waned a bit. Rain started to come down, threatening to drench us. Nate grabbed our bags from the trunk of the car and handed mine over. I took it, and followed the two through the door which Miranda had come. We entered a hall, with a two-storied ceiling and dark inlaid floor beneath my wet, Converse-clad feet. I suddenly felt inadequate.

“Don’t worry about the rain,” said a voice from above. Down the stair case descended a tall, beautiful woman, clearly Nate and Miranda’s mother.

“Mrs. Dukamp,” I stepped forward, wanting to make a good impression. “I’m Nate’s friend, Michael.”

“Please, call me Maggie,” she purred, in a voice that was clearly more cultured than I could ever hope to be. “When Nathaniel called to say he was bringing a friend along, I was so…happy for him,” she ended, with a slight tilt to her lovely head. “Your father is in the library,” Maggie kissed Nate on the cheek. “Let’s get you both in there to greet him and you can stand front of the fireplace to dry off.”

The library was exactly what you’d expect it to be in a house like this. Floor to ceiling bookcases lined most of three walls. The furniture was old, but expensive looking. A large stone fireplace dominated the fourth wall, and in front of it stood a man with his back to us, only turning to greet us as we approached.

“Father!” he said with obvious gladness. I’m not sure the same could have been said for Mr. Dukamp. He had a tumbler with a drink in his right hand, and so he did not reach out with it to meet Nate’s outstretched one.

Nate lowered his hand and shuffled about for a minute. “Dad, this is, uh, this is my friend, Michael,” he finally got out.

Mr. Dukamp turned his gaze to me, as if he hadn’t seen me until now. Maggie and Miranda had settled on a leather Chesterfield to the right of the lit fireplace, just behind Mr. Dukamp. I stepped up with a little less enthusiasm to introduce myself.

“Hello, Mr. Dukamp, nice to meet you,” I finally said.

“Indeed.” He seemed to take a second to collect his thoughts. “Call me Hugh,” he then smiled, even if somewhat forced. I felt taken aback, as if I were being judged already.

Hugh sent Miranda off to the kitchen to fetch some sodas. Nate and I took separate armchairs across from the Chesterfield where the rest of the family settled. We made small talk, all the while punctuating our conversation with observations of the weather, which had grown into quite a gale. We talked until the darkness of the room grew closer, and our faces took on an unnatural orange glow from the fire. 

Finally, Maggie stood up and suggested that I might be hungry and we should rustle up something akin to dinner.

“What was I thinking?” she seemed a little flustered with the oversight.

“It’s okay, really,” I said, trying to put her at ease. Why did she seem so upset? “I’m not much of an eater anyway.”

“Oh, that’s good, neither are we,” Miranda laughed as she nudged her little brother in the ribs. “Right, Nate?”

We worked our way into the kitchen where Maggie instructed Nate and me to make some sandwiches out of what we could find in the fridge and pantry. The rest of the family disappeared, leaving us alone for the first time since we’d arrived.

   “Where’s Alex?” I asked Nate.

    “Miranda said he was coming in later, something about work.”

     “What’s he do again?” I queried.

           “Uh, just business stuff. It’s a family business, and I’ve never been much interested in it, so I don’t always ask for the details,” he took a large bite from his roast beef, which was dripping blood onto the white plate.

           “I thought your folks were a lawyer and an accountant?” I asked, a little confused. Nate had never said anything about a family business before this.

           “Well, they are, but for our business,” he said around his mouthful. “Anyway, I’m sort of glad Alex isn’t here yet, he can be a little…difficult.”

           I decided not to ask any more personal questions, since Nate seemed to want to avoid them anyway. Instead, I lowered my voice and asked, “Nate, are you sure they don’t already know?”

“Honestly, Michael, I don’t know what makes you think that. Look, I know my family is a little—different—from what you grew up around. Maybe it’s just that you’re not used to—“he trailed off, trying to decide where to go with that statement.

“You think I don’t know how the rich behave?” I could barely contain the sneer in my voice. “Look there’s a difference alright—but it’s not about money. I just can’t help the feeling that they’re keeping something from me. Something, maybe, they feel about me?” As an out gay man, I know what it feels like to be around people who are, let’s just say, less than comfortable around me because of my sexuality.

Nate was sitting just to my left at the kitchen table. Under it, he pressed his knee against mine and briefly grasped my left wrist. “Michael,” he said softly, “my family likes you, I can tell already. I’m sorry if you feel that they don’t,” Nate took a breath, weighing his words carefully. “Look, there’s something…” he trailed off before picking back up again. “There’s something—a secret—that I haven’t told you about my family. It’s just that--it’s not just mine to tell,” he looked upset.

I took a moment to consider my next words, when suddenly the door to the outside blew open and a large dark figure came rushing in, trailing the rain behind him. It was Alex.

He stood there shaking off the water as it pooled beneath his long black trench coat, soaking the kitchen floor. He didn’t seem to see us at first. He looked around for a place to put his things, then finally decided that the back of the nearest chair would do. He laid eyes on Nate.

“Little Brother,” he growled in a low rumble. His eyes shifted to me. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“Alex, this is my friend, Michael,” Nate stood. The air in the room suddenly felt chilled, as though the November air followed Alex into the space.

Alex harrumphed, then nodded his head in my direction in greeting. I nodded in return.

           “Nathaniel, can I have a moment, in the next room?” He didn’t wait for an answer, and Nate glanced my way before rushing out to talk to Alex. 

I couldn’t resist; I got up from my chair and I slipped over to the doorway to listen. They had already started talking.

“…no! He doesn’t,” it was Nate’s voice in a harsh whisper. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“I don’t know about stupid, but then again, here we are,” said Alex back sharply. “What do Mother and Father have to say?”

“They’re fine. Well, they haven’t said, really. But when I called to say I was bringing a friend home for the weekend, they didn’t exactly say no,” Nate was adamant.

I could hear Alex sucking in his breath before letting it out in a blast. “Well, if anything happens….” he stopped mid-sentence. Then, “you just had to go off and be different, didn’t you?” 

Whatever Nate said in reply, it was muffled. I didn’t hear anything else, because the next thing I knew I could hear their footsteps coming back. I hurried to the sink to make myself look busy, just before Nate came through the doorway and announced that it was time for us to head up.

My room was across the hall from Nate’s. I said goodnight at the door, suddenly exhausted from a day of driving and small talk. In bed, I thought about what Nate had said, that his family liked me. Why didn’t it feel that way though? And I couldn’t think of a single reason why they wouldn’t like me, unless they weren’t happy with their son’s choice in lovers. 

Suddenly, I became aware of muffled voices coming from the room next door to me. Curiosity winning, I tried pressing my ear to the wall. Still too quiet, I looked around me to see if there was another way to listen. On the bedside table, there was a water carafe and a glass; perfect! I took the glass, open end to the wall, and pressed my ear to it like when we were kids playing phone with old tin cans. It worked!

It was Nate’s father and mother. I heard Hugh, “…I just don’t think it was a very good idea to let him go to school there. Look what he’s brought home!” I gasped at the words.

 “Hugh, we can’t keep them all with us forever,” Maggie replied. 

      “Well, actually--” started Hugh.

“No,” interrupted Maggie, “we can’t. He is what he is, and he needs to learn how to live his life with it,” she admonished. 

I couldn’t make out the next words, they were too muffled. After another minute, I decided to give up and go to sleep. One thing I was sure of though, I wanted Nate to talk to his father first thing in the morning. If that man couldn’t accept us for who we were, I wasn’t going to sit at his table for dinner!

The next morning was there before I knew it, and Nate woke me with a rap on the door to call me down for breakfast. On our way to the dining room, I told Nate what I’d heard the night before.

“I’m sure that’s not what he meant!” Nate insisted.

“Well, you better be sure then. I want to confront him this morning. I can’t take another day of questioning his every word. Or your brother’s either, for that matter,” I added as we walked through the doorway.

Miranda must have heard my last words, because she looked up from her place at the table with questioning eyes. “What about Alex?” she queried.

“Nothing,” started Nate, but I interrupted him.

“Alex seems to have a problem with me,” I stated boldly. “In fact, I think we should just clear the air here. Nate wants to tell you all something,” I looked at Nate, giving him the chance to speak first.

Nate blushed. His mouth opened as if to speak, then he shut it again just as quickly. This wasn’t going to be easy, I could tell. I was going to have to do it for him.

“Nate,” I started, “do you want me to tell them?”

Nate sighed, then looked first at me, then the rest of his family, who were all seated. “No,” he said. “I’ll do it. Mother, Father, Michael, well, he’s my boyfriend. We’re a couple,” he added, to make things clear.

Hugh and Maggie exchanged a very meaningful look. I knew it! They’re homophobic!

“I knew you wouldn’t like what he had to tell you,” I said with more contempt in my voice than I thought I possessed. I glared at Hugh. “You small-minded people make me sick! Before you say a word, I want to tell you that I won’t be staying. Nate can take me back into town to the inn. I couldn’t stand another minute in your house, with all your whispering and hushed conversations behind my back, judging me for being WHO I AM!” with these last words I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up and made to leave.

“Wait!” Hugh’s voice bellowed, commanding me to be still. I turned to face him, my breathing heavy. “You think we didn’t know our son was gay?” he asked incredulously.

I stopped for a moment. Alex gave a gruff laugh from the other side of me. I spun around to see him.

“Nathaniel’s boyfriend thinks we’re homophobic,” he was stifling his laughter. Miranda was next to him, and suddenly she caught on to whatever the joke was and started tittering into her napkin. Maggie started next, and then, to my greatest surprise, Hugh opened up with a guffaw of which I wouldn’t have thought him capable.

“What’s the joke?” I demanded, angry now but for a different reason. Did they think homophobia was a laughable matter? I looked to Nate, who at this point, had exchanged his embarrassed face for one of amusement. Clearly, I was the only one who didn’t get it.

They all laughed together, Miranda pressing her forehead against Alex’s shoulder to support herself, and Hugh leaning back in his chair, letting it all out. Finally, he stood and came around the table to where I was still poised to leave, and clapped his hand firmly on my shoulder, while he worked to control his laughter.

“My dear, dear boy, we are not homophobic. We’ve always know that Nathanial was gay, it’s never been an issue with us,” he used his napkin to dab at the corner of his eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, Nathanial has caused us a bit of consternation when he decided that he didn’t want to go into the family business,” he sobered up now and looked directly at Nate. “People like us don’t normally work away from family,” he said. 

“People like—what?” I asked. “Nate will be a great doctor, all our professors love him,” I added, although it was perhaps a bit over the top.

Hugh looked deeply into my eyes. “Michael, we are not homophobic. 

“We are vampires.”