"The Mysterious Incident Of Forgetting The Stubbing Of One’s Toe." : A Greenbo Jenkins Esq.Tale

“Ouch…ow…ow…OW…Buggeration! Salvation and frigid EPILATION! How can this be? RAABSZOLGAAAA!” 

Prince Wujatta bellowed, while stumbling and hopping angrily on one foot. In shambled the Prince’s faithful servant. Hunch backed, bow legged, a hook for a right hand, a grubby eyepatch, ancient and balding. Loyal Rabszolga rasped sycophantically: 

“My Light, what’ver is the matter?”

“My toe you old noggin, my wonderful toe. Smashed by this murderous table leg!”

“Oh my glorious prince, durn’t you fret! your faithful Rabtszi’s here”

He took the helpless prince firmly yet gently by the hand and led him to his comfy sedan and sat him down. The ageing servant knelt down, lowered his face to the transgressed toe and blew gently on the injured party. The prince play winced and patted the old man’s sweaty balding scalp with a pampered palm. 

“Tell me, my faithful and foolish beast, how is this injustice even possible?” 

“Oh by the divine power of Gorgle’s eyes, I’m sure such things are not for dumb ol’ men the likes of Rabszi to understand. Let alone tell.”

“True, so true.” The prince then sat back, laid his wrist dramatically to his own forehead and bellowed:

“JUUULIIIISSSSTAAAYAAAA!”

The hurried click clacking of wooden clogs was heard echoing through the palace hallways. In rushed a red dressed, red haired, red faced youth. He came to a shuddering halt and bowed low.

“My Lord, my light, my eye,” he stammered, “how may I serve?”

“The scrolls Staya! The scrolls!” the prince bellowed

“Right away my radiance”

Still bowing the young man backed out of the room, turned and sprinted away. His loose fitting clogs almost caused him to crash into a particularly poorly placed pillar yet by Gorgle’s will somehow he managed to hold his britches up, swerved and rushed onwards.

****

The Scrolls Of Gorgleflartiblitz The Omniscient were the means by which the prince’s royal life was ordered and foretold. King Murhaaja the prince’s grandfather had written them when Prince Wujatta’s father was still a boy. His Grandfather claimed the spirit of their one true god, Gorgleflartiblitz had possessed him and demanded he write down day to day instructions for all the coming generations. They were an intricate and detailed mass of scrolls that foretold every small detail of the ruling royal lineage. It is no secret and is in fact considered a blessing that the next 500 years worth of daily activities (there were murmurings that King Murhajaa had even written the next 1000 years down and hidden them somewhere) was described in minute detail. For example last week on the day after the Prince’s birthday celebration the scrolls read:

 12:00 Prince Wujatta will awake with a cracking headache and dry mouth. 

12:01 Prince Wujatta will call his servant Rabszogaa.

12:03 Rabszogga will trip over the door step and fall flat on his face. Prince Wujatta will laugh.

12:04 Prince Wujatta will backhand servant for utter silliness and the worsening of his headache due to laughing. The prince will then send servant of to get breakfast

12:15 Prince Wujatta’s Servant Rabszogaa will avail him breakfast in Bed. Breakfast will consist of two eggs, warmed bread, a bowl of honeyed porridge and some peppermint tea.

13:00 Prince Wujatta will finish his breakfast and be ready to be dressed.

13:02 Prince Wujatta will suffer a bout of particularly loud and painful flatulance.

13:04 Servant Rabszolga’s eyes will water from the passed gas

13:05 Prince Wujatta will cuff servant’s ear for not appreciating prince’s perfume

13:06 Dressing will begin. Tight trousers to accentuate the prince’s manhood. A blouse allowing for the prince’s ample girth. A ruff to aid the prince’s chin line. A three tier wig in order that the prince might achieve the statutory height requirement as a member of the royal family. Highly polished alligator leather shoes with gold buckles to impress. Finally the prince will wear his royal signet ring. 

13:30 Prince Wujatta dressed will call upon Princess Peppuani 

13:31 Prince Wujatta & Princess Peppuani will exchange pleasantries concerning the other’s appearance and the weather 

13:35 Prince Wujatta & Princess Peppuani will walk the grounds of the palace exchanging views on the latest fashions and newest fads

13:38 An apple will fall on Prince Wujatta’s head and the Princess will laugh.

13:39 Prince Wujatta will cuff the Princess for impertinence

13:40 The stroll around palace grounds will resume.

Every day for the next 437 years planned out like this, with infallible accuracy and undeniable regulation. All events, actions, reactions etc were found in the scrolls. Even his grandfather’s happy death 20 years ago or his father’s tragic accident 5 years ago or even the current Prince’s passing. This event will happen in his sleep 34 years 3 months and 15 days at 23:41. This will usher in the blessed reign of his yet to be born son, Prince Haisevaa.

****

The prince was struggling with a new idea. He was certain that the current toe stubbing incident was not in the scrolls. As tradition dictated, Julistaya had read today’s prophecy to him yesterday. There was no mention of a toe stubbing, or him patting Rabszi’s head or commanding Julistaya to fetch the scrolls. Oh by the blessed flatulance of Gorgleflartiblitz none of this was written down. The prince was, to coin a phrase, acting of script, or scroll.

His brain, never really being the brightest had no idea how to light the dark corridors of thought he was now forced to tread. If the toe transgression was not recorded by his grandfather what did this mean? Could other events not have been recorded? Is the scroll fallible? If yes would the prince live longer than the recorded time of death? Or would his life be shorter? No, he consoled himself, certainly not that. Still the seeds of doubt were pushing all kinds of weeds to the cracked surface of the prince’s intelligence. His life till now a regimented certainty had acquired a wobble. His hand instinctively patted the familiar balding head of the one person who gave him assurance, he cleared his throat and said.

“Rabszi, I’m certain this transgression was not mentioned in the scrolls.”

“Now my Light that can’t be right. All is recorded and all is known. This is the divine will of Ol’ Gorgle. Now don’t fret my prince we’ll wait on Julistaya and see what the scrolls say.”

“Oh my dear beast you are to simple to know. But I am Lord of this land and I have no memory of this transgression from yesterday’s reading. And if it wasn’t in yesterday’s reading how can it happen?” A frightening thought broke through the prince’s consciousness. He pressed his hand to his chest in alarm as he whispered anxiously to his trusted servant.

“By Gorgle, what if I make everything happen that’s read to me” He hesitated to finish this thought, but he looked into Rabszolga’s interested ugly visage and courageously continued. 

“Because it is read to me? Oh Rabszi my brain hurts.”

“Now, now don’t you fret my radiance. The scrolls were set down by your grandfather and they are the Word of Ol’ Gorgle. I’d say and mind I’m just simple ol Rabszi talking here. Jus’ coz you don’t remember a thing doesn’t mean it is missing. I often forgets when peoples talks long and high falutin’ at me. Not that my superior lord suffers from anything like my stupidity, but the stubbed toe is a petty thing my lord. It may have been forgotten since yesterdays reading for you are a lion and what kind of lion fears a stubbed toe?”

Rabszi was right. The Prince always considered himself to be a lion of a man. The stubbing of a toe is an inconsequential transgression. Although by Gorgleflartiblitz’s reddening arse it had hurt like buggeration. Still it was not an incident a lion would loose any sleep over. At that moment the familiar rushed click clacking of Julistaya’s clogs echoed in the halls. The prince sat up a little, his palm tensed on Rabszi’s head. In crashed Julistaya, he came to a shuddering halt and visibly out of breath said,

“I am returned my Light what is it you wish to know of the scrolls?”

“Read me today’s prophecy of the past 15 minutes.”

“Right away my Lord.” 

He unrolled the massive scroll. Slightly more than fifty years worth of parchment snaked away from him and covered the floor. Julistaya was ankle deep in scroll parchment when he finally breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Lets see” he muttered. 

“What?” Asked the prince tensely. 

“Nothing my lord.”

The prince and servant stared hard at Julistaya almost unable to contain the fear and trepidation that flooded the room.

“Lets see… Ah yes… Here we are…

09:06 Prince Wujatta stubs toe. 

09:07 Prince Wujatta shouts for his servant Rabszolga. 

09:08 Prince Wujatta is consoled and calls for Julistaya. 

09:09 Prince Wujatta sends Julistaya of to fetch the scrolls

09.10 Prince Wujatta foolishly and with no evidence doubts the infallibility of the scrolls of Gorgleflartiblitz and discusses said foolishness with Rabszi who is of no help.

09:12 Julistaya returns and reads from the scroll and restores Prince Wujataa’s faith in the scrolls. Should I read on my Lord or does my eminence remember the rest?”

The prince waved a very relieved hand at Julistaya. His frightened brain turned around and marched away from those dark corridors it had been unwilling to illuminate. He raised himself up from the couch turned to Rabszi cuffed him lovingly on the ear.

“Oh my faithful beast please bring me my breakfast as written in the scrolls.”

“Right away my Light.” 

But the Prince was no longer listening. He wobbled happily over to his breakfast table humming a childhood ditty to himself. He was, as is dictated by his station and position, once again blissfuly oblivious to Rabszi and Julistaya’s existence. Just then Julistaya nodded urgently at Rabszi. His nod directed Rabszi’s attention towards the table leg where their lord had stubbed his toe. Rabszi shambled over and returned the table to its marked position. He looked over, while Julistaya was hurriedly rolling the parchment back up and his one good eye spied the fresh ink and newly added lines to the scroll. The servant instinctively averted his gaze and bent his head to the floor. This was not a matter for Ol’ Rabszi to trouble himself with, he sighed contentedly and shambled of to the kitchen.