Merry Chrysler

"Ta-da!"

Josh looked at the unveiled gift he had received and blinked.

"Um... what is it?"

"You don't know? You always talked about how cool it would be to have one of these!"

His sister Jacqueline made a pose of grand gesture like he won a prize on a game show. The gray bird in the cage pooped in response.

"I don't remember anything like that," he shrugged.

Her jaw dropped, and she shook her head.

"No. You're not telling me this isn't what you were talking about. Oh, God. That's three years in a row I've screwed up your gift."

Her brown hair bobbed in his sister's disappointment. He threw up his hands and shook them.

"N-no! I remember now! These are the birds that talk."

He pulled that one out of thin air, but it was the right guess. She nodded vigorously.

"Yes! Remember when Dad used to have one? Charlie?"

"Yes. Chatterbox Charlie. I remember that, too."

"It brings back so many memories. It's been, what, eleven years?"

"Coming up on twelve since the accident."

The bird squawked. Jacqueline smiled. Josh was cringing inside. He had never told her, but... he said that years ago when they first got Charlie. After a week... he wanted to throw that bird out a window. She looked so happy. He didn't want to ruin her joy.

"I also bought some food and fresh shavings for the cage," she added. "The water is on you. Keep it filtered with your Britta. Chlorine is bad for birds."

Great, he thought. The stupid bird gets the red carpet, too.

"I don't remember how to take care of one of these."

"It'll be easy. If you have any questions, just Google them. What's so hard?"

"Nothing, I guess. Help me find a place for the... is it a boy or a girl?"

"Female. They called her Chrysler."

"Chrysler!" The gray parrot squawked.

"They named her after a car? It couldn't be something cool like Xena or Celine?"

"I think it's cute. If you don't like it, you can take it back. I still have the receipt."

She waved the paper in his face and smirked. He squinted his eyes. The rivalry was strong with this one. He never turned down a challenge.

"Okay. Bet. It's a week until Christmas. The family is coming over to our house to exchange gifts and have dinner. I bet I can keep it alive for that long. If it is, then I can take it back without consequence."

"I knew you didn't like it."

"It's not that I don't like it, Jackie. I'm not that responsible."

"Alright. If the bird is still breathing when the kids get here, then... you can take a handful of pie and smash it on my face."

"Deal."

She left not soon after. Josh collapsed on his Ottoman. Chrysler made a loud noise that sounded like a barking dog.

"This... was a mistake."

His wife, Beth, came home from working at the coffee shop. She always smelled like fresh grounds when she came home. She gawked at the bird now hanging in their living room. She wasn't happy about the uninvited guest, but she relaxed a little when Josh told her it was only for a week. It would be returned on Christmas.

"That's the best gift you could give me," she said.

Chrysler bellowed a screech. She hid in the bedroom for the next twenty minutes. Over the course of the next few days, Josh took care of most of the housework, cleaning and scrubbing in any place he could think of.

Nothing, not even the toilet, compared to Chrysler's poop. She went into a fit when he opened the door and flew around the living room. He chased her for five minutes and gave up when she settled on the chandelier. He took the opportunity to dump everything into the trash and wash the bin in the bathtub. When he came back with fresh shavings and food already in the bowl, Chrysler had decided the living room rug was the best place to do business. He nearly dropped the cage.

"You've got to be kidding me."

He was on all fours and scrubbed out as much of the new color it had added to the yellow stitches as he could, but nothing was working. He gave up after twenty minutes and Chrysler repeating her name in satisfaction of her defecation.

"You're not winning this fight," he said. "Only two more days."

Christmas had finally rolled around. Josh was practically jumping in his shoes when his sister walked in with his two nephews and her husband. The two boys went upstairs into the room with the bunk bed they used when they stayed with their uncle. Josh and Jacqueline's mother also arrived, holding arms with a new member of the family no one expected.

"Children," she said. "Meet your step-father."

"Mom! You got married?"

Jacqueline was in shock. No one expected the sudden twist. She did well as an independent woman.

"I'm no longer a widow. I have remarried."

"I can see that," Josh said. The guy didn't look much older than he. They shook hands.

"Christopher," he said. "Nice to meet you."

"Um... Mom? You didn't want a wedding? With your family?"

"Hush, Jacqueline. Some things don't have to be shared. Oh! Who is this?"

She switched the conversation. Josh held up the cage.

"This is Chrysler. It was Jackie's gift to me."

"What a beautiful bird! Hello!"

"Hello!"

Josh stared at the bird. He had been trying to get it to say something other than Chrysler and failed. One word from his mother and it was like a switch had flipped.

"That's not fair," he said. "How come she listens to you and not me?"

"The same reason you and Charlie didn't get along."

"Who's Charlie?" Christopher asked.

"I'll tell you by the fire, dear," she shivered. "If it were any colder, I would be Jack Frost."

She escorted him to the living room. Josh put the cage down.

"Not on the table!" Beth scolded. "I just cleaned it!"

He snatched the cage up.

"Fine. I'll take her back to the store, now."

"Do it after dinner," she said. "Put it back. Let it entertain your mother for a while."

"Ugh."

He hung the cate back on the hook. His mother and Christopher looked up and watched the bird preen its feathers.

"She looks just like him," she said.

"The resemblance is uncanny," Josh said. "Don't get too attached. It's going back to the pet store."

"Why?"

"I don't want a parrot, Mom. I can't take care of it when I go back to work."

"Nonsense. You just don't like the responsibility."

"I am responsible. This is the responsibility of choosing between a pet and our income."

"Well... if you don't want it, then I'll take her."

"You? Do you think you can handle the responsibility it takes? You got married to someone we never met without telling us. No offense, Christopher. You seem like a nice guy."

"None taken."

"Now you listen to me, Josh. I don't need your permission to love who I want to love or have what I want to have. I spent years, longer than eighteen, to take care of you until you were ready to move out and start a family of your own. I've never questioned your life choices. I only ask you to do the same."

"I wanna play with the bird!"

The younger of the two boys rushed into the room and jumped at the cage. He couldn't reach it.

"Leave it alone!" Their grandmother demanded.

"Leave!" Chrysler screeched. "Leave!"

"Whoa," the other boy said. "It can talk?"

"Yes. Your grandfather also had one when your mother and uncle were young."

"You got one, Uncle Josh?"

"It's... I'm not keeping it."

"Why?" The younger boy whined. "She's so cool!"

He looked up at the parrot. It met his gaze and cocked its head.

"Hush," she said. "I'm taking the bird. It won't be going anywhere."

The boys laughed and went back upstairs. She crossed her arms.

"Do you want your nephews to be sad on Christmas?"

"No. What does this have to do with them?"

"That bird has brought more light in this room than any fire you can light in the fireplace, and you want to get rid of it? The boys enjoy the bird. Why take it back?"

"I already told you, Mom."

"Not everything. You don't like it, do you?"

"Not when it poops on my carpet or flies around my house."

"Keep it in the bathroom with the door closed while you clean the cage. It can't fly if it has no room to do so, and tile floors are much easier to clean."

"What about when it bites me when I try to feed it? What do I do, spray it with water?"

"It's a two-way street, Josh. If you don't like it, then it doesn't like you."

"Dinner is ready," Beth said.

"That reminds me," Josh said. "Boys! Come downstairs!"

"Oh, no," Jacqueline said.

The boys came down the stairs.

"What is it?"

"Your mother and I made a bet," he said. "I want this to be a lesson if you ever want to do the same to me."

He held out his hand. Beth put a pie smothered in whipped cream in his hand.

"Prepare to lose."

He smacked her in the face. Everyone laughed except for the elder mother. She watched clumps of whipped cream fall and soak into the carpet. Jacqueline licked her lips.

"That tastes pretty good," she said.

More laughs followed. When it was just Josh with his mother and Christopher still in the living room, she pointed to the mess.

"You're not worried about that in your carpet?"

His joy subsided. He went into the dining room. The boys were already bickering, pulling on each other.

"Boys!" Jacqueline scolded.

They jumped in their seats and sat still. She made their plates and drinks. The kitchen counter was decorated with aromas and colors of the holidays. Casseroles were a favorite. Bread pudding and another pecan pie was the dessert served with some homemade vanilla ice cream.

"That was delicious, Bethany," Christopher said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Let's listen to music by the fire, dear."

Josh selected a vinyl album and put it in the record player. It was a casual mix of common Christmas classics. They sang along to most of them. The boys tried, but most of it was mumbled syllables that sounded similar to the lyrics. When it grew late, they talked for a few minutes before leaving. His mother held up the cage.

"Are you sure you want me to take it?"

"I'm sure. I think Chrysler is cool, but... it's not for me."

"It's not about the bird," she said. "It's your father, isn't it?"

Josh didn't answer. She touched and held his hand.

"I miss him, too. I still love him. It reminds me of him, you know."

She motioned to the cage.

"Can... can you keep her for a while?" Josh asked.

She smiled.

"I'll take care of her until you're ready."

He hugged his mother and sister. Everyone else was in the car. Snow fell and flew inside.

"Take care," Beth said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, dear."

The bird flapped its wings and squawked.

"Merry Chrysler!"