A Witches Brew.

“Come on girls, let’s have some order if we are going to get through this in one night. Ermintrude, how about you sum up the last 200 years and a possible Witch itinerary for the next spell? Hah, I should watch my terminology, I didn’t mean a literal spell, but the next couple of hundred years. I would also like you to spell out - there I go again - to elucidate how you were able to survive the ‘Ducking Stool’ fiasco? Our younger members of the last 150 years wouldn’t have encountered this little blip on our radar.

"At least we were believed then, now, I don’t know. It’s a mixed blessing. Hard to get recruits, even those that can walk on water. The showy Warlocks featured on YouTube make it seem like a trick with someone swimming underwater in scuba-gear supporting them. However, I guess modern day so-called scientists would possibly have their brains out in a tray to poke them if they believed they could actually do it. Anyway, Ermintrude, you have the Covenstead.”

“Thank you, Allegra. Now, girls, fellow spell castors, we are entering a phase where with modern day technology ordinary mortals can make it seem that anyone can weave magic just by asking Siri or Alexa to switch things on for them. Anyway, this may be a protection of sorts for us, no one thinks twice nowadays of people talking to ‘thin air.’

“The ‘Ducking Stool.’ Yes, that was a close call. I’d heard they were looking for me and cast a ‘suspended animation’ spell. Couple of girls dug me up later. Still it was a bit harrowing listening to all the apologies as they thought I wasn’t a witch after all. Almost couldn’t keep a straight face. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a few ‘stools’ kept in the attics down in the zealous South. Especially up in the in-breeding hills, I’m sure they sit there ready to be pulled out with the ‘moonshine’ stills to celebrate afterwards.

“The future. I guess it's the same old, same old, for us, but not necessarily for our retributive cousin Minerva who want to carry on in much the same way as 500 years ago. Just about every organisation splits at some time in an acrimonious fashion. Our branch tended to go ‘Haute Couture, whilst they stuck to pointy hats. That’s just asking for it. However, I’m glad we stuck with twiggy brooms, it's considered quite cute next to a Dior. Riding a Hoovermatic may be modern, but just doesn’t do it for me. However, I’m not going to criticize the newer girls on their Dysons. 

“We’ve got to do a little rescue mission before the sun rises on this night. Minerva has got it into her head that there is going to be a burning. The burning in question is of a real evangelical prick of the first order. He espouses mealy-mouth platitudes but beats his wife and kids with sadistic pleasure. He makes out he is bringing his family back to the straight and narrow path to heaven. He got away with causing the death of a previous wife saying she succumbed to illness by being full of sin. His church colleague, the ‘holier than thou’ judge let him get away with it.

"However, we can’t let Minerva do it, the ramifications could be horrendous for all of us if it is ever believed again that we actually exist. We’ve got to stop her. I’m going to suggert to her we replace the burning with a few spells for bleeding piles and sneezing 2000 times a day. Finally, have him fall asleep every time he starts to sermonize. Also, everytime he picks up a stick no thicker than his thumb to beat anyone, have pain shoot through his own body. That should fix his little waggon.

“Allegra wants me to talk about the next 200 years. Well, that will soon fly by. I remember back in the Crusade time, so-called Knights were drooling to get their swords through sinners, regardless if they were on their knees or not. It seems like yesterday!

"You youngsters have been brought up on a diet of sparkling handsome specimens of manhood with nothing but goodness in their hearts by Disney. Dash that thought, girls. In fact, largely they were an unkempt lot and given to much skullduggery and mayhem if they could cause it. After a few hours in their ‘get-up’ they would defy our best spells to cover the stench, and there definitely weren’t many ‘maidens’ left after they got their gear off.

“Of course, they weren’t all bad, but privilege allowed them to abuse the original sentiments of the theoretical Knighthood agenda. Today's Knights are still decked out in finery at celebration times, and use less overt means to get their way. I’m straying from the point, the next 200 years.

“We must keep studying, but very much under-cover. If we are caught out, make it seem under the guise of tricks to camouflage our true abilities. So practice in secret as we will be advancing into testing times. 

“Artificial intelligence will come to the fore in spite of its inherent dangers. We may need a good few spells to undo the carnage that may be wrought with an ill-advised software program running rampant as far as humanity is concerned. There is a possibility that we may have to retreat to extremely well protected enclaves and operate from these whilst we undo the ravages of unwise A.I. So, Witches, bone up on the protective spells and a few demolishing ones as well.

“Hopefully I’m wrong with this A.I. prediction, but I don’t think so. The forecast spells I cast for this next 200 is not all that rosy. I managed to change one intending A.I. investigator to become interested in solar energy as he would have made an A.I. program to have everyone happy. Unfortunately, the robots would have eliminated everyone that was unhappy so the world would be populated by only those happy ones that were left. Of course, you can see where this would have led. The previously happy ones would become so fearful of being unhappy that they soon would be and we would have a world without people. So girls, consult the Oracles regularly.

“One beneficial aspect that will happen for many people will be a combination of the much greater reliance on natural means for getting well, coupled with 3D printing of body parts. We’ll have ordinary people living almost as long as us,” she said with a laugh.

“Every indication is that we can put away our anti-pollution spells with the advent of alternative energy supported by most governments. Maybe we’ll have to use a few spells on the Luddite fossil fuel boys that still refuse to come up to present time. 

“It’s a tricky road, this one with good intentions. We should not interfere too much, if at all, unless the ramifications are so hazardous that they shouldn’t be ignored, like that ‘happiness’ program. But we must stay alert. Make sure we keep up the shields when we get together in the Covensteads. We do best under the radar.

"For you exhibitionists who can’t help it, use the magician format and don’t do anything really spectacular. Levitation is okay, people are already convinced that wire is used to lift you guys, even though they cannot see the wire. 

“As a final remark, please, please, don’t go doing miracles that will bring about a revival of religion like raising the dead. If they wanted to die, leave them be, it excites the fundamentalists too much to have them turn up at church again. Once these 'holy-rollers' get the bit between their teeth they start getting too dictatorial and start passing laws forbidding just about everything except guns. We are gradually getting rid of them. There are a few ‘hold-out’ places like that formally colonised one. Maybe we can do a few rationality and logical spells there and have the scales fall from their eyes. But, once again, good intentions et cetera. Now where’s that particularly potent brew that will even make illusory epidemics fun events?”

“By the way, Allegra, don’t forget to send a few of our Karate spell gals over to Minerva to convince her not to roast our friend’s husband? I know she’s keen to make a point, but our spells will make her life a bit more  peaceful, well as long as she doesn’t share the same house with him? 

“So, cheers girls, drink up and in the next 200 we may have one of our girls as a President of the World, I’ve only had a partial peep, mind you.”