Very Important Teas

“…And he died in exile, after an entire life of conquests and power, in the remote island of St. Helena, 5 may 1821…”

“Lucky him! He spent his last day reading and enjoying the beautiful, sunny weather of the island!”

“Mr Corey, I am PRETTY sure that it was not a luck for a man with his personality and his ambitions! If you really want to interrupt my class, try to do it with more intelligent contributions to the topic!”

“But professor Mc Donnell, I am instead kind of confident in thinking that Napoleon was an avid reader and had a really quiet personality! He especially loved sitting by the sea and reading until sunset, in the magical lights when the sun touches the ocean”

“Unfortunately, Mr Corey, you confused this class with the literature one. I suggest you to check better your time schedule next time!”

A few laughs from the class.

“And by the way, how come this sudden great knowledge of Napoleon’s trivia?”

“…I don’t know… Wikipedia?”

More laughs.

“Now that’s settled! Now, you all listen: I’m not against Internet, and I am glad that you youngsters try to use that thing not only to post selfies with your giant ice creams at the mall, but also to learn something for once. However, you should even know that 90% of the things written there are bull…well, they are wrong. You are ENCOURAGED to listen proper and guaranteed facts coming from authoritative sources. ME, for example!”

“But…” 

“No but! Just stick to the program and to what I will teach you. Now, thanks to your useless and meaningless intervention, you and your classmates just gained a 3000 words essay on the ACTUAL life of Napoleon, from his raise to power as a general to his exile, that he DEFINITELY did not enjoyed, in St. Helena”

The class moans

“Thanks DumbyLuke!”

“LANGUAGE! But yes, you thank Mr Corey for the extra work”

Later that day.

“..And he said that I deliberately sent thousands of soldiers unprepared and unequipped to fight the rigid Russian winter? This is insane! It has been a terrible error in calculation! The entire expedition should have lasted a few months, from April to August, September at the very maximum! What does he know? Do you know how difficult is to set up a war? Do you know that you even need to calculate the number of slice of bread that every soldier can eat in a day? And that lieutenant must have 2 slice more than foot soldiers? And don’t let me talk about the paperwork! Oh, believe me! We used more paper in that war than bullets!”

During he nervous walking back and forth in the room he inadvertently spilled some jasmine tea on the ground. 

“I’m sorry Luke, I’ll mop it in a second”

“Do YOU know how to use a mop?”

“WHO do you think you are talking to? I spent 3 years cleaning the corridors of my barrack! Do you think that I was born with the crown on my head? I had to put it on BY MYSELF!I paid my dues young boy!”

“Yeah, yeah I know. You keep telling me that.”

“Not enough times, it seems.”

“Ok, ok, I am sorry you’re right. I’m just stressed for this essay. It’s so annoying that I need to write just boring stuff. I’m sorry but I will not be a good company for today. Oh and by the way where are the others?”

“Apparently they all have their schedule: Caesar is still trying to riconciliate with Brutus. He feel sorry for the stabbing, but he still don’t want to forgive him for that time that he embarrassed him in front of the entire Senate about when Julius found Brutus peeping Cleo during her milk bath.”

“So THAT’s the reason? A revolution started for a peeping?”

“Well, that’s a more frequent reason than you would think. Do you want to know why the Roman Empire split?”

“I REALLY don’t want to, at this point”.

“That’s a pity, it is really an interesting story! Ah, that silly cat!”

“Please, stop it. I need to study”

“Ok, ok. But please, don’t write that I had stomach ache. It is so annoying that everyone believe it!”

“Wasn’t it so?”

“XIX CENTURY TROUSERS DIDN’T HAVE POCKETS!”

“Oh. Now it makes sense.”

“THANK YOU”

Some days later.

“Corey, you should tell to your pretentious friends that I cannot spend more in tea than in electricity! Earl Grey, Green, Chai; ok I can handle them. But can you PLEASE tell Gandhi that I cannot spend £40 for Matcha tea imported from Ise Bay?”

“But mom he is GANDHI!”

“YEAH and I thought it would have been a much modest and humble person! Now go up and tell him that if he doesn’t like the Tesco regular matcha tea, he can ask Sun Tzu to go in the damn Japan and buy for him the tea!”

“Mom….Sun is Chinese…you’re acting racist!He is one of the most important Chinese philosophers”

“I AM ONE OF THE BUSIEST BRITISH MOTHERS! Will I finish on the history books?”

“Well, you can start writing one the most influential war treatise that the entire World has known…”

“Lucas Corey, you better go up and make your friend stay in line with the requests or you will not be safe even behind the entire Great Wall!”

“See, this you catch it right! That’s actually Chinese…”

He hurried up on the stairs, but this didn’t prevent his mother’s slipper to hit the exact center of his nape.

“Well, she wouldn’t fit a General position. She would be definitely best fit in the artillery!”

Several weeks later.

“…And, after weeks of difficult preparation and strategical plans, the United States enforced one of the most ambitious and brave plan in history, part of the larger Operation Overlord. 6 June 1944 became famous with the name of D-Day, as it was the code name during the plans of the operation. Now, interesting fact is that the renewed General Patton, despite his great influence during the entire WWII wasn’t directly involved in this epochal operation. He was probably sitting on the seaside, reading some book at sunset, right Mr Corey?”

Laughing from the class. Luke is staring outside from the window, thoughtful.

“Mr Corey? Would you mind to pay attention to the class? Or do you find my lessons not enough wiki-trivial for you?”

“Oh, sorry professor Mc Donnell, I was just thinking…never mind”

“No, carry on Mr Corey! Share with us your concerns!”

“Well, I was wondering…Which tea could be suitable for Charle Magne?”