68 comments

Thriller

TW: Suicide

This is the story of a broken man. A soul ripped; heart-torn man.  

 

 

 

He was always intrigued by trains. How they moved. How they tiptoed through the railroads. No one could love them more than he did. Every dream was filled with trains speeding by.  

 

 He would beg his parents to go on the train every chance he got, and he would always pick the window seat. On bright days the trees would run past as he tried to count each one. When it rained, he watched to see each raindrop fall to the bottom of his window. They looked like tears to him. 

 

He would only watch cartoons that had trains in them and only be interested in a conversation if they were about trains. Everyone knew he was fascinated by them. Some would even say weirdly fascinated. 

 

 “He’s so obsessed” they would say, but he wouldn’t mind.  

 

“He’s such a baby” they would say, but he would just laugh.  

 

“When will you stop playing with those toys?” they would ask, but he would reply with a bright smile and say “Never!”  

 

The love of trains grew as he became older, and he drove his parents crazy with it. Every birthday, he would get a toy train. By the age of 12, he didn’t have enough room to store any of them. He didn’t have many friends growing up, but his trains comforted him.  

 

He took the time to learn each and every part of the train. Each little thing he would know. 

 

“Oh, that’s the smokebox!” he would say, pointing to the top part of the train. 

 

People walking by would give him weird glances, but he would pretend not to notice. 

 

 

He grew up and became a locomotive engineer which meant he could drive trains. With his smarts, he could have done anything else, but his heart led him to the train station.  

 

It was the first day at work. All the buttons on the control panel made his eyes light up and his heart race. Excitement electrified his body.  

 

His first stop was to Bilderpoint. A small town near the great Michigan lake. The town was known for its amazing burgers. He loved them!  

 

The sky was filled with nothing but a layer of light blue jam spread across. He took a deep breath and sat down. His smile was bigger than his face. He had been waiting for this moment forever.  

 

The trip was going smoothly. He loved everything about it. The sound the train made to the beautiful view. Eyes ahead the whole time he could see a woman who was walking near the railroad. She looked as if she was waiting for something.   

 

When she saw the train approaching, she looked him in the eyes and stepped onto the tracks. He could see the pain in her eyes. The terror on her face. Suicide.  

 

He pressed the breaks as hard as he could, but it was no use. The wheels of the train kept rolling. The trees kept running past.  

 

He screamed for her to move, but she wouldn't budge. He yelled at the top of his lungs. His eyes started to burn. Her brown hair flew as the wind drifted past. Her tears were shining as the sun beamed down.  

 

His foot still pushed against the break sealed his eyes shut. There was a scream, then a loud bump, and when he opened his eyes the woman was no longer there. That was the moment where he turned into a killer.  

 

The only thing on his mind was the woman's face. He was a killer. He murdered her.  

 

The thing he had loved his whole life helped him kill a woman with frightened eyes.  

 

They said it was suicide, but he will never be able to call it that. He tells himself every day that it was murder.  

 

 

Years later he dug a little deep into the paperwork and found out her name was Violet Ring. She was an only child with perfect grades. She was only a couple years older than he was when she died. He just wanted to know who he killed.  

 

He never drove a train again and he tried to forget it altogether. Her eyes haunted him his whole life. Her last scream echoed through his mind. 

 

 

Many years later he married a beautiful woman and had a baby girl. There was no question about it, they named her Violet. Violet Ring Nathy. He knew it was the right thing to do.  

 

Growing up, she didn’t have a clue what trains were. She never had a toy train to play with. Nobody in that house talked about it. They never took the train always the bus. She even had a few toy buses.  

 

 “T is for Train” Her teacher would say. 

 

“What's that?” She would ask confused. 

 

Her teacher would just stare at her with amazement. 

 

 

Years later she passed away. She was just 23 years old. She had died in a terrible accident. A bus slammed into her car.  

 

She never found out about his past.  

 

He could only imagine her eyes. The terror. In his mind, he matched her eyes to the woman he had killed years ago. It was karma he would tell himself just to numb the pain.  

 

Time and time again the memories would strike his mind like a clock striking midnight. He grew violets in his front yard. They would perfectly bloom in the summer, but in the winter, they would crumble up and die. 

 

Both Violets had died. Both their eyes the color of the flower. Both their eyes filled with terror as they took their last breaths.  

 

It's been 62 years since all of that has happened and he still sees their eyes in his dreams. He’s 89 years old now and still dies a little every time he thinks of everything. Every nightmare is filled up with their last moments. Their last look.

 

 

 

I am that man.  

July 25, 2020 02:45

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68 comments

Nirosha P
12:11 Sep 20, 2020

The ending is beautiful! A really unexpected twist! :)

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Lata B
15:09 Sep 20, 2020

Aw Thank you! :)

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Cal Carson
03:29 Sep 19, 2020

Want to start off by complimenting the emotion in your story. Great job! A few critiques: "She never found out about his past," going straight to, "He could only imagine her eyes," doesn't really work for me. The transition is a bit too abrupt and it throws me off the storyline. I got it later and I do like how you switched to the third person, I just personally got a little confused. I especially love the line, "The sky was filled with nothing but a layer of light blue jam spread across." That's a really nice metaphor and you di...

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Lata B
04:29 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you so much for your time! :)

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Krishi Norris
11:54 Sep 14, 2020

I love this story! It was so emotionally compelling, and I could totally understand the man's guilt and pain that he felt. Good job! Keep on writing!

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Lata B
13:09 Sep 14, 2020

Aww thank you so much for reading!! :)

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Deborah Angevin
10:23 Aug 31, 2020

You hooked me to read from start to finish. This is such a wonderfully crafted story; very emotional and touching! P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "The Purple Sash"? Thank you :D

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Lata B
12:04 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you! I will be sure to do that!

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D. Jaymz
04:05 Aug 29, 2020

An excellent story. Well-written and emotionally packed 👏 The title has been well chosen that tells the premise of the story in two words.

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Lata B
15:11 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you so so much! :)

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D. Jaymz
18:02 Aug 29, 2020

You're welcome 😊

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נιмму 🤎
17:29 Aug 11, 2020

Another masterpiece of yours, from the title to the end. I'm really glad you decided to write this in third person, then have him admit he is the man in the very end. Very powerful story. The words you use to describe everything are beautiful and heart wrenching. I loved it

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Lata B
17:35 Aug 11, 2020

Thank you so so much! You're so sweet! :)

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Aditya Pillai
19:12 Aug 02, 2020

Loved the story and the concept! It's haunting how his passion/obsession leads him to such a tragedy, and he directs that obsession into blaming himself. He never forgave himself, trapped in his despair, even making his life passion taboo. The daughter too... heartbreaking stuff. Poor man can't catch a break :( Thanks for sharing such an awesome piece! Would love it if you could go through mine!

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Lata B
19:48 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much! Sure I would love to!

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Shruti Saxena
16:20 Aug 02, 2020

Heartbreaking and compelling... loved the theme of violets throughout. I like this writing style!

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Lata B
17:30 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Abbey Rafferty
23:03 Jul 30, 2020

Your story fits the prompt really well. It was very creative how you were able to make the same thing he found so much joy in be the same thing that ends up haunting him.

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Lata B
23:06 Jul 30, 2020

Aw! Thank you so much!

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I. F.
17:55 Jul 30, 2020

At first, I couldn't connect with the main character because his whole life was trains, not saying he was a dull character, just hard for me to feel empathy towards. It was only when he killed Violet and began feeling guilty that I could see his personality, which made it harder to watch him suffer. I loved how fast-paced the story was. Very impressive!

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Lata B
18:21 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you!!

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Jazz Minnelli
07:50 Jul 29, 2020

I loved the ending! The way he turned out to be that broken man you speak of at the beginning is amazing. Great work!

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Lata B
14:37 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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03:33 Jul 29, 2020

Beautifully written, the obsession at the beginning, the childlike hobby leading to disaster triggering his doom. Powerful and evocative.Well done.

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Lata B
03:35 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you so much!! :)

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Spider Baby
03:32 Jul 29, 2020

And the sky was all violet ♥╭╮♥ And the sky was made of amethyst And all the stars were just like little fish. Nice story, sad though. You never quite think of the train conductor and how they play a role during a tragic event such as that. Every decision you make has a rippled effect on everyone else </3 (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)

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Lata B
03:34 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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Uhava Bhigdik
16:11 Jul 28, 2020

Very cool! It was written very well with a compelling storyline!

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Lata B
16:40 Jul 28, 2020

Thanks! You should share some of your stories...I would love to read them! :)

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:11 Jul 27, 2020

Alright, you've already proved you can write well, Lata. :) And you just keep doing it again and again. Fantastic work, my friend! I too was thinking of a kind little kid who loved trains growing into a kind little man who loves trains; I thought it would be a story pleasant and gentle but no! You did the good old bait and switch trick and we, the fish readers, were pulled under.

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Lata B
15:14 Jul 27, 2020

Aww! Thank you so much! :)

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Rodrigo Juatco
05:29 Jul 27, 2020

Bitter sweet story. Love and loss. Very touching. Thank you for sharing your piece.

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Lata B
14:53 Jul 27, 2020

Thank you for taking the time to read it! :)

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Katrina Lee
04:20 Jul 27, 2020

This is heartbreaking...when love and terror are forcibly smashed together and lived together inside a man's heart every second for the rest of his life...fantastic story!

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Lata B
14:52 Jul 27, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

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Charles Stucker
04:16 Jul 27, 2020

Your first person struck a lot stronger than your third. the basic premise is sound, but putting it in third person biographical style distances me from teh action. If you rewrote in first person, starting with, "Digging up the dead violets each winter reminds me of my daughter and the woman I murdered..." then proceed with a flashback to his first day of work. Have him placing a violet into his wheelbarrow and start on another, then a flashback to learning of his daughter's death. Perhaps end with "There they lay, the two dead Violets of my...

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Lata B
14:51 Jul 27, 2020

I like how you wrote it! Thank you for the feedback! I feel a lot more comfortable writing first-person than third!

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00:38 Jul 27, 2020

This is a beautiful, lovely story connecting what we love so much with what causes us the most pain. Keep writing!

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Lata B
00:39 Jul 27, 2020

Aww thank you for your sweet words! :)

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I got chills reading this. I love stories like such that make me tear up. This is truly a work of art. Brilliant and authentic. Please keep writing.

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Lata B
23:46 Jul 26, 2020

Aww! This was so sweet! Thank you so much! :)

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