Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine was worse than anything I could have imagined.
One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets.
"What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend Anirudh asked. He was a tall and strong man with silky white hair. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me.
"I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhere.
"It would be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.
"I'm not telling my family secret," I said and ran off at my best.
It all started when my friend Charlie started asking about everyone's family secrets. He was acting strange that day. But, with his huge frame and flabby body, catching me was impossible.
My father had said to me that my grandfather had a secret which was being passed by the surfacing generations.
"I have been told not to reveal our family secret to anyone," I said, trying to escape from him.
After I said that, I was hunted down by three of my friends.
But I was not ready to fall prey to anyone.
"You can't escape, Anand," my friend Tony said.
He was a bulky man with large muscle mass. His brilliant brown eyes shot at me. He became my friend when he saved me from seniors from my university.
"Tony, you will never get hold of me," I said.
I quickly ran into my house and locked myself inside my room.
I heard my friends murmuring for some time and didn't hear them again.
I thought that I was safe.
But, safety is never reliable. When I took a step outside my house, my friends caught hold of me.
"What's your family secret, Anand?" Charlie asked.
"Go and ask my grandfather. He is in my house," I sarcastically said.
They believed me and went into my house.
My grandfather was not even alive. My grandmother told me that my grandfather died because of a heart attack. My friends didn't know that. I couldn't control my laughter. He died before I was born and I have seen him only in the family photo. Since then, my grandmother has been alone.
I wiped my tears and used the moment as a chance to escape.
They came back in a rage. But I had already escaped from there. I approached Tony's house to stay hidden from them for some time.
His house was huge. The elegant walls were decorated with beautiful paintings. I saw a fancy scroll hanging from one of the paintings. I quickly looked on to it. Something was written in it that I couldn't understand.
I loved the adventures and scrolls took me into a dream world.
It would show a replay of the past.
The scroll world was beautiful. The trees were carved into the heads of Tony's family members, just like a family tree as the scroll was their family's possession.
I started walking into that tree, when I saw Tony's house. But it was a lot smaller.
I stepped inside his past house. (We will not be seen in the scroll world, because only our souls come inside this exciting world)
I saw a small girl playing with a ball. Then a young man called her.
"Bella, I have to say one important thing to you," the man said.
Bella was Tony's mother!
Then that young man would be Tony's grandfather.
"What is the matter?" Bella asked.
"We have a family secret. I want to reveal it to you or it would be too late," Tony's grandfather said in a low voice.
But I was standing near him, throwing my hands on his shoulder.
"Okay, daddy," said Bella. She was very cute with brown eyes and curly brown hair.
Then I heard someone shouting my name at a distance.
Oh no! My friends had entered into the same scroll!
I had to escape from there. I wanted to hear Tony's family secret, but in vain. I was also interested in knowing secrets.
I got out of the scroll world and started walking slowly. I had been very tired after being chased by my friends since morning.
"Hey, Anand. Wait," Tony shouted from a distance.
I found an old man approaching me. He looked very hungry with ragged clothes and free-flowing hair.
"May I help you, Sir?" I asked him.
"Yes. But I have already lost everything in life because of a woman who was fond of money," he stuttered. I gave him some money and waited for my friends to catch hold of me.
"I have talked to this man before," Charlie said, pointing at the old man. I listened closely.
"Where did you see him, Charlie?" Tony asked.
"Yes. I got it. This man told me to find out all our family secrets because one of us had a dark one." Charlie said.
"Then it must be Anand," Tony said.
Then, they ran towards me and said, "We want to know your family secret, Anand."
"But, I don't know my family secret," I said, scratching my head.
"What?" Charlie exclaimed, angrily.
"You made us run behind you, even without knowing your family secret," Tony shouted at me.
"Yes," I said, keeping my head down.
"Then, let's go and find out for ourselves, guys," Anirudh said.
For the first time, I had agreed with their decision.
We joined our hands together and shouted, "Let's find out Anand's family secret."
We were in for an adventure and an important mission.
We went inside my house and I found the scroll inside a rice bowl. I had seen my grandmother hide the scroll inside it.
We went inside the empty scroll. My family secret was not even written.
What a secret!
We went inside the scroll world and I saw my family tree there. We went past it.
But there was no building.
My house was not there! My friends stared at me.
Then a man with an architectural hat measured the empty land.
My house was going to be built only then!
Then a young man started talking to the architect.
"Architect, I have a plan for the building," he said.
"Go on, Mr. Ayush," the architect said. The young man was my grandfather. He was very handsome with silky black hair and a good physique. He spoke fluently.
We didn't understand the terms the duo were talking about. So, we waited till they finished their talk.
Then we started following my grandfather.
My grandfather slowly walked towards a pregnant woman and said," Our child has a house now, Ayesha."
Ayesha is my grandmother. She was pretty with curly black hair and blue eyes.
Rare genes!
"Mind your job, man," she said, shoving him away.
My grandfather laughed and walked her into an old clay house with cobwebs everywhere.
My grandfather was very poor at that time.
But our family had improved from a bare subsistence level to a rich standard of living.
*****
"Anand, where are you?" my mother called. We immediately came out of the scroll and my friends waved to me a goodbye.
"I am here, mom," I said. After supper, I wished to go to that scroll world again to find out what had happened.
After everyone had dozed off, I quietly went into the scroll. I called my friends too.
We went inside the same clay house and found my young grandparents sleeping.
"We can forward time in this world," Charlie suggested.
"You could have suggested it when they were talking about architecture," Tony shouted. He was very short tempered.
"I have a watch," I said and changed the time in my watch.
When I stopped changing the time, it was dark.
But, some people entered the small clay house. They wore black masks and had knives in their hands. Five of them had come.
In the scroll world, we can't change anything. We can only see what's going to happen.
"What are they doing in this old house covered with cobwebs?" Tony asked me.
"Let's wait and watch," Charlie said, watching intensely.
My family secret would come out now.
"Your grandfather is gonna have an intense fight now," Charlie said. I also thought the same.
One of the black masked guys made a utensil to fall down, which woke up my grandfather.
"Who are you guys? What do you want from me?" my grandfather asked, panicking.
"Give all your money and jewels to me," the masked guys called out their demand, while keeping the knife on my grandmother's throat.
My grandfather had no choice.
"Wait. I will give you whatever I have," my grandfather said and handed over all his money to the thieves.
But, the thieves stabbed him with a knife.
"Why did you do this?" my grandfather groaned in pain.
The thieves ran away with the cash and jewels.
My grandmother woke up to find my grandfather dying.
"I love you, Ayesha," he coughed and fell down dead.
My grandmother was heartbroken. I was shocked. My hands started to tremble as I stood still.
My grandfather had been killed!
My friends tried to console me as tears flowed down my cheeks.
I wanted to remand those rogues who murdered my grandfather and destroy their entire race.
Then what is the difference between me and them.
We went out of the scroll world and my friends waved me a goodbye.
Next morning, I found my grandmother knitting my mother's dress in her room.
I quickly embraced her and whispered," I know our family secret."
"What are you saying, my dear grandson?" she asked in a tender voice.
"My grandfather was killed by a bunch of thieves. You didn't reveal this even to my dad," I whispered.
"That's not true, Anand," my grandmother said, and started to cry.
"I have seen the past through the scroll and I am sure I will remand those rogues and throw them in prison," I said angrily.
"Okay, my child," she said, smiling weakly.
I would definitely remand them even if they are old grandfathers.
*****
Then the same old man whom I had met a while before was waiting in front of my house.
*****
I approach him to ask what he wanted.
"Is this your house, my dear child?" he stutters.
"Yes. Please come in," I say.
"No, this is a sinful house. I would never step my leg into this house," he says, impatiently, trying to run away from there.
"Why, grandfather?" I ask him, holding his hands.
My grandmother walks down the steps to see what was happening.
"Why are you talking to this old man? Come in at once, Anand," she says, panicking.
"This woman, this woman," he says, scratching his head.
"What's the matter, grandfather? Have you seen my grandmother before?" I ask.
"She is the one who planned to kill your grandfather for his insurance and became a rich woman," he cries.
“He’s mad,” my grandmother says.
“I think so,” I say and go inside my house.
I sit on my sofa to take a look on social media on my phone.
I hear a loud sound from my grandmother’s room. As I peep in, a strong discussion happens between a man and my grandmother.
He has a scar on his hands. A red, bright scar!
“I have seen this scar,” I think.
I wait outside the room as the man comes out with money in his hands and pushes me aside.
"Killing a man for her has been very beneficial," he says.
I get it.
He was one of the thieves who had killed my grandfather!
But what is he doing in my house with my grandmother?
Now, I confirm. As I connect all the events that had happened before, it appeared as though my grandmother planned the murder of my grandfather for money.
I stand stupefied.
I should have never known this secret.
With tears flowing down my cheeks, I walk into my grandmother's room and shout, ”Why did you do it?”
*****
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316 comments
Well written story. You story telling style is quite different from others. I enjoyed it.
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I am glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading.
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My pleasure.
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Great story Keerththan, nice job!
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Thank you for reading, M Daly.
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You have a pretty good flow of tension throughout, but I think you need to start with something stronger for the opening line. The protagonist KNOWS he doesn't know the family secret, but he knows many family secrets are terrible. Thus the opening might reflect these two facts and get attention from the readers. For example, "Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine must be worse because I don't even know what it is." The magic scrolls are creative, and move this from mundane to Magical Realism, which is currently a very ...
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I have changed the first sentence a bit. Can you read that again and share your views about it? Thank you for taking your time to type a such a long comment. I love English and always try to read many storybooks and English composition. Thank you for suggesting some ideas too. I will definitely start penning down my ideas. Thank you for reading and thank you for your timely help. (Would you mind liking my story?)
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That's a great change for teh opening. Always keep in mind to make that first sentence as strong as possible. Go back after the story is finished in find out what really hints, without fully revealing, the tales intent. That should be the first sentence- something to whet the readers curiosity. Sorry about the late like. I tend to forget, then go back later and wonder why I missed it.
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Thank you for your suggestions, Charles. Keep writing.
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Is the beginning okay?
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yes
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Good story! Keep writing!
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Thank you for reading.
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Most welcome. Please do read my stories and let me know your feedback
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Sure!
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Thank you Keerththan
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Good work keep it up keerthan
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Please like my story. Thank you for reading.
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Well written. Keep it up.👍👍
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Thank you for reading.
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Very well written Keerththan! My best wishes to you to write more and more stories like this 💐
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Thank.you for reading.
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I'm afraid the story was a little too obscure for me. I got the drift, but the nuanced passed me by.
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I am afraid I don't understand your comment. Is it positive or negative? Thank you for reading.
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Hi Keerththan. First of all, what a great title - straightaway, you let your readers know that there'll be some sort of secret to unearth. I thought this was very imaginative and I loved the idea of the narrator hiding in the scroll at his friend's house and then being able to go into the scroll for his own family and discover what had really happened to his grandfather. In terms of what could be improved, perhaps tweak your opening paragraph slightly so it flows better eg "What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend asked. Anirudh was a t...
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Thank you for taking your time to type such a long comment. I will try to tweak up the ending. I still have time to correct my mistakes in this story. I would definitely write a part 2 for you. Thank you for reading. Can you suggest some ideas to tweak my beginning?
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I think it's just tweaking some of your sentencing slightly - I've given you an example below: Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but my secret was worse than anything I could have imagined. One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets. "What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend asked. Anirud was tall and strong and a faster sprinter than me. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me. "I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhe...
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Thank you for your suggestions. I have changed it as you said. It is very tweaking. I will definitely read a lot of books. I have not started reading novels(except Harry Potter). I want to write and will keep writing. Definitely, you have done a lot of help for me. Thank you for reading.
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There were some parts I was a little confused (your story was kind of fast-paced), but overall I like the story and the creativity. You mentioned at the beginning that the grandfather had died of a heart attack, but later said he was stabbed, sow as the heart attack a lie to cover up the story? Overall, though, loved the mystery aspect of family secrets and such. Like I said, though, the story was a bit confusing, and I had a little trouble keeping up with what was going on. Again, loved the story overall! Great job! Keep writing!
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I will be aware of the pacing. Now, I have changed that line into "my grandmother told me that...." . Thank you for your suggestions. I am glad you loved the story. Thank you for reading, Autumn.
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Of course! This was a great story, so I hope you keep writing! :)
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I would always keep writing, Autumn. Have you read my previous story, "the secret of power?" I think that's my best among the 3 I have written.
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Oh wow! How creative! I loved your world building. I would never think to make family secrets the way you did it! Really great job. It was well written, but the story and dialogue felt a little stiff throughout. I would recommend always using conventions ( he is to he's and stuff like that) and making sure your tenses don't get mixed up. Other than that, great job! Keep writing! :) ~Amany
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I am glad you loved my world building. Can you take out some mistakes out for me. Because I can still edit my story and I want your suggestions. Thank you for reading, Amany.
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Nicely done! Fix your dialogue as follows: "It must be a food recipe." Anirudh said, laughing. Correct: "It must be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing. Keep a ? or ! -- but use a comma if ending with a period at the end of the tag.
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Thank you for commenting about my mistakes. I have changed it. Thank you for reading.
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You have a wonderful style! I look forward to reading more from you.
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Thank you.
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Very good ending took me totally by surprise. Good job
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I am glad I suprised you with my ending. Thank you for reading, Catherine.
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Your welcome I really enjoyed it.
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Oh my gosh! I wasn't ready for the twist at the end. I really enjoyed this story, Keerththan. Very creative, very original with the journey into the scrolls. I also like how you layered the family secrets upon each other - not just the fact that his grandfather was murdered, but also that his grandmother did it. Well done!
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I am glad you liked my layering of family secrets and also enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading, Kristin.
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I like the twist that she had him killed for money. Very creative. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!
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I am glad you liked the twist in my story. Thank you for reading, Cara.
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Very compelling story. There is a bit of disorientation with the movement from place to place and the introduction of the scroll world is not something one would expect, but you pull it together well for the ending.
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I don't actually understand disorientation of movement of place. Is it positive or negative, Kathleen? Thank you for reading.
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Sorry. It was my way of saying the main character kept moving from place to place, quickly, and it was a bit confusing as to how he did that or why.
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As he was chased by his friends, first he goes to his house and then to his friends house. He goes into the scroll for the first time there, and then returns to his house to discover his own family secret. Sorry if you had confusions. He did that like any human, just walking or running.
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Maybe it is the appearance of the scroll.
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No, I don't seem to understand. What is the appearance of the scroll? Do you say that the scroll has been introduced there? Can you please elaborate?
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The end was great, and you had a strong hook at the beginning. :) Great story!
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Thank you for reading, Rhonda. I thought I just suggested you to read my story. Thank you for such a quick response. Keep writing and stay healthy.
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Hey! This was a very well written story! I like all the detail you added in certain places. This was a very good take on the prompt, and it was very enjoyable! Can't wait for your next story! Keep writing! 😄
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I am glad you liked the details. Thank you for reading, Evelyn.
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Amazing story! I like it! 💜✨
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Thank you for reading, Nancy. I am glad you liked my story.
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You have good insight for one so young. Great beginning! Keep writing!
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Thank you for your comments and thank you for reading, Jean.
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