Secrets don't remain buried

Submitted into Contest #55 in response to: Write a story about an old family secret surfacing generations later.... view prompt

316 comments

Drama Mystery Suspense

Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine was worse than anything I could have imagined.

One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets.

"What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend Anirudh asked. He was a tall and strong man with silky white hair. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me.

"I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhere.

"It would be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.

"I'm not telling my family secret," I said and ran off at my best.

It all started when my friend Charlie started asking about everyone's family secrets. He was acting strange that day. But, with his huge frame and flabby body, catching me was impossible.


My father had said to me that my grandfather had a secret which was being passed by the surfacing generations.

"I have been told not to reveal our family secret to anyone," I said, trying to escape from him.

After I said that, I was hunted down by three of my friends. 

But I was not ready to fall prey to anyone.

"You can't escape, Anand," my friend Tony said.

He was a bulky man with large muscle mass. His brilliant brown eyes shot at me. He became my friend when he saved me from seniors from my university.

"Tony, you will never get hold of me," I said.

I quickly ran into my house and locked myself inside my room.

I heard my friends murmuring for some time and didn't hear them again. 

I thought that I was safe. 

But, safety is never reliable. When I took a step outside my house, my friends caught hold of me. 

"What's your family secret, Anand?" Charlie asked.

"Go and ask my grandfather. He is in my house," I sarcastically said. 

They believed me and went into my house. 

My grandfather was not even alive. My grandmother told me that my grandfather died because of a heart attack. My friends didn't know that. I couldn't control my laughter. He died before I was born and I have seen him only in the family photo. Since then, my grandmother has been alone.

I wiped my tears and used the moment as a chance to escape.

They came back in a rage. But I had already escaped from there. I approached Tony's house to stay hidden from them for some time. 

His house was huge. The elegant walls were decorated with beautiful paintings. I saw a fancy scroll hanging from one of the paintings. I quickly looked on to it. Something was written in it that I couldn't understand.

 I loved the adventures and scrolls took me into a dream world.

It would show a replay of the past.

The scroll world was beautiful. The trees were carved into the heads of Tony's family members, just like a family tree as the scroll was their family's possession.

I started walking into that tree, when I saw Tony's house. But it was a lot smaller.

I stepped inside his past house. (We will not be seen in the scroll world, because only our souls come inside this exciting world) 

I saw a small girl playing with a ball. Then a young man called her. 

"Bella, I have to say one important thing to you," the man said. 

Bella was Tony's mother!

Then that young man would be Tony's grandfather.

"What is the matter?" Bella asked. 

"We have a family secret. I want to reveal it to you or it would be too late," Tony's grandfather said in a low voice. 

But I was standing near him, throwing my hands on his shoulder.

"Okay, daddy," said Bella. She was very cute with brown eyes and curly brown hair. 

Then I heard someone shouting my name at a distance.

Oh no! My friends had entered into the same scroll!

I had to escape from there. I wanted to hear Tony's family secret, but in vain. I was also interested in knowing secrets.

I got out of the scroll world and started walking slowly. I had been very tired after being chased by my friends since morning.

"Hey, Anand. Wait," Tony shouted from a distance.

I found an old man approaching me. He looked very hungry with ragged clothes and free-flowing hair.

"May I help you, Sir?" I asked him.

"Yes. But I have already lost everything in life because of a woman who was fond of money," he stuttered. I gave him some money and waited for my friends to catch hold of me.

"I have talked to this man before," Charlie said, pointing at the old man. I listened closely.

"Where did you see him, Charlie?" Tony asked.

"Yes. I got it. This man told me to find out all our family secrets because one of us had a dark one." Charlie said.

"Then it must be Anand," Tony said.

Then, they ran towards me and said, "We want to know your family secret, Anand." 

"But, I don't know my family secret," I said, scratching my head.

"What?" Charlie exclaimed, angrily.

"You made us run behind you, even without knowing your family secret," Tony shouted at me.

"Yes," I said, keeping my head down.

"Then, let's go and find out for ourselves, guys," Anirudh said.

For the first time, I had agreed with their decision.

We joined our hands together and shouted, "Let's find out Anand's family secret." 

We were in for an adventure and an important mission.

We went inside my house and I found the scroll inside a rice bowl. I had seen my grandmother hide the scroll inside it.

We went inside the empty scroll. My family secret was not even written.

What a secret! 

We went inside the scroll world and I saw my family tree there. We went past it.

But there was no building. 

My house was not there! My friends stared at me.

Then a man with an architectural hat measured the empty land. 

My house was going to be built only then! 

Then a young man started talking to the architect. 

"Architect, I have a plan for the building," he said.

"Go on, Mr. Ayush," the architect said. The young man was my grandfather. He was very handsome with silky black hair and a good physique. He spoke fluently.

We didn't understand the terms the duo were talking about. So, we waited till they finished their talk. 

Then we started following my grandfather. 

My grandfather slowly walked towards a pregnant woman and said," Our child has a house now, Ayesha." 

Ayesha is my grandmother. She was pretty with curly black hair and blue eyes.

Rare genes! 

"Mind your job, man," she said, shoving him away. 

My grandfather laughed and walked her into an old clay house with cobwebs everywhere.

My grandfather was very poor at that time.

But our family had improved from a bare subsistence level to a rich standard of living.

*****

"Anand, where are you?" my mother called. We immediately came out of the scroll and my friends waved to me a goodbye.

"I am here, mom," I said. After supper, I wished to go to that scroll world again to find out what had happened.

After everyone had dozed off, I quietly went into the scroll. I called my friends too.

We went inside the same clay house and found my young grandparents sleeping. 

"We can forward time in this world," Charlie suggested.

"You could have suggested it when they were talking about architecture," Tony shouted. He was very short tempered.

"I have a watch," I said and changed the time in my watch. 

When I stopped changing the time, it was dark. 

But, some people entered the small clay house. They wore black masks and had knives in their hands. Five of them had come. 

In the scroll world, we can't change anything. We can only see what's going to happen.

"What are they doing in this old house covered with cobwebs?" Tony asked me.

"Let's wait and watch," Charlie said, watching intensely.

My family secret would come out now.

"Your grandfather is gonna have an intense fight now," Charlie said. I also thought the same.

One of the black masked guys made a utensil to fall down, which woke up my grandfather. 

"Who are you guys? What do you want from me?" my grandfather asked, panicking.

"Give all your money and jewels to me," the masked guys called out their demand, while keeping the knife on my grandmother's throat. 

My grandfather had no choice.

"Wait. I will give you whatever I have," my grandfather said and handed over all his money to the thieves. 

But, the thieves stabbed him with a knife. 

"Why did you do this?" my grandfather groaned in pain.

The thieves ran away with the cash and jewels.

My grandmother woke up to find my grandfather dying.

"I love you, Ayesha," he coughed and fell down dead. 

My grandmother was heartbroken. I was shocked. My hands started to tremble as I stood still.

My grandfather had been killed!

My friends tried to console me as tears flowed down my cheeks.

I wanted to remand those rogues who murdered my grandfather and destroy their entire race.

Then what is the difference between me and them.

We went out of the scroll world and my friends waved me a goodbye. 

Next morning, I found my grandmother knitting my mother's dress in her room.

I quickly embraced her and whispered," I know our family secret." 

"What are you saying, my dear grandson?" she asked in a tender voice.

"My grandfather was killed by a bunch of thieves. You didn't reveal this even to my dad," I whispered.

"That's not true, Anand," my grandmother said, and started to cry. 

"I have seen the past through the scroll and I am sure I will remand those rogues and throw them in prison," I said angrily.

"Okay, my child," she said, smiling weakly.

I would definitely remand them even if they are old grandfathers.

*****

Then the same old man whom I had met a while before was waiting in front of my house.

*****

I approach him to ask what he wanted.

"Is this your house, my dear child?" he stutters.

"Yes. Please come in," I say.

"No, this is a sinful house. I would never step my leg into this house," he says, impatiently, trying to run away from there.

"Why, grandfather?" I ask him, holding his hands.

My grandmother walks down the steps to see what was happening.

"Why are you talking to this old man? Come in at once, Anand," she says, panicking.

"This woman, this woman," he says, scratching his head.

"What's the matter, grandfather? Have you seen my grandmother before?" I ask.

"She is the one who planned to kill your grandfather for his insurance and became a rich woman," he cries.

“He’s mad,” my grandmother says.

“I think so,” I say and go inside my house. 

I sit on my sofa to take a look on social media on my phone. 

I hear a loud sound from my grandmother’s room. As I peep in, a strong discussion happens between a man and my grandmother.

He has a scar on his hands. A red, bright scar!

“I have seen this scar,” I think.

I wait outside the room as the man comes out with money in his hands and pushes me aside.

"Killing a man for her has been very beneficial," he says.

I get it.

He was one of the thieves who had killed my grandfather!

But what is he doing in my house with my grandmother?

Now, I confirm. As I connect all the events that had happened before, it appeared as though my grandmother planned the murder of my grandfather for money.

I stand stupefied.

I should have never known this secret.

With tears flowing down my cheeks, I walk into my grandmother's room and shout, ”Why did you do it?”

*****










August 18, 2020 02:12

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316 comments

K A
16:36 Aug 24, 2020

A very interesting story! I thought the use of scrolls adds a unique touch that I really liked. The plot twist at the end was also very compelling, I'm interested in knowing what happens next. I do also wonder why the characters were so interested in finding out each other's secrets. Perhaps a little bit of a background towards the beginning could make this a bit clearer for the reader. Overall it was a great read, keep writing!

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Keerththan 😀
16:38 Aug 24, 2020

I am glad that you liked the idea of scrolls. They don't take interest in knowing others. Actually, the old man had told Charlie to ask his friends for family secrets. That us the reason why they wanted to know each others secret. Because one of them had a dark one. Thank you for reading.

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Bianka Nova
12:14 Aug 24, 2020

I won't comment on the mistakes, as you've already had tons of advice on them in those 233 comments :) Just keep working on improving your delivery and bettering your grammar. I found the story itself very compelling. And I was not expecting the double twist in the end - very creative! I don't know if you've mentioned it already somewhere; if not, I would like to know more about the magical element in the story - the scrolls. What's their purpose exactly (is it only to visit the past?) and are they something common in Anand's world?

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Keerththan 😀
12:25 Aug 24, 2020

I will just keep working on my grammar. Thank you for appreciating me. No, it is not for visiting the past. If you have seen some historical movies, scrolls are used for writing. It was like paper in the past. As per my imagination, I wrote that they can witness the past. Their purpose in my story was seeing the past. It is not used in these days as paper had come into existence. I don't know if they have something in common with Anand's world. Maybe I would write a part 2. Thank you for reading, Bianka.

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SUBHOBRATA BASU
11:56 Aug 24, 2020

Thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. Never imagined such a gripping ending! Just keep on writing, polish your skills and you will become a really good writer. In the meantime, you can check out my story too and give your opinion https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/55/submissions/30832/

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Keerththan 😀
14:47 Aug 24, 2020

I am glad you thoroughly enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading. Definitely, I'd love to give my opinion. Actually you don't have to send the link because if you touch the authors name its gonna show your account. Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story?)

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Black Rose
07:11 Aug 24, 2020

You're quite talented. Keep writing. You just need to put a little more effort, just like every writer. No one knows it all. Don't forget to recommend me to your readers. ❤️

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Keerththan 😀
07:22 Aug 24, 2020

I will put more effort. Thank you for reading. Definitely.

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Shiza Ali
05:41 Aug 24, 2020

The plot was nice but I think the flow is hindered by the way it is written. You can try to improve the skills of showing. Telling a tale doesn't make a reader dive into it and indulge it. Don't say "I hear a loud sound.". Instead show what the loud sound was. Maybe some metallic thing falling on the wooden floor. The clanging of metal. Or maybe a thud and sound of tussle because of a fight going on inside. Good work! P. S. The scars are never bright red. It can be maroon or deep red. Try to give precise detail about the shape an...

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Keerththan 😀
06:00 Aug 24, 2020

I should improve my skills of showing. Yes. That's a nice idea. I would definitely do something like that in my next. Oh, sorry. I didn't know that. I have learnt a lot from you. Thank you for reading, Shiza. (would you mind liking my story?)

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Naomie K
04:10 Aug 24, 2020

I didn't see the end coming! Good job on that one. You are very creative. Keep it up!

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Keerththan 😀
04:12 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you for reading, Naomie. (would you mind liking my story)

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Naomie K
04:26 Aug 24, 2020

lols lols, monkey hiding face...I usually forget to do that...consider it done

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Keerththan 😀
04:36 Aug 24, 2020

Rofl. Thank you, Naomie.

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Eve Naden
01:17 Aug 24, 2020

I loved the pacing of this story. You kept me engrossed and you kept things suspenseful and intriguing. I loved the family dynamics and all your characters were well-rounded and a delight to get to know.

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Keerththan 😀
01:26 Aug 24, 2020

I am glad you loved the pacing of this story. Thank you for reading, Eve.

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Thom With An H
18:38 Aug 23, 2020

You should be proud. You have written a fine story. My suggestion is to be willing to rewrite parts. The idea is fantastic but sometimes it feels rushed. There are times I write a story and than rewrite the whole thing. Sometimes you need to get the idea out there before you can clean it up. Keep writing. You have stories to tell. If you could check out my story “Coming Out” I would be grateful. You can even give me a like if you do.

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Keerththan 😀
01:14 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you for reading, Thom. Sorry if you found my story a bit rushed. Definitely. I'd love to.

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Thom With An H
01:22 Aug 24, 2020

It’s a great story. You are very talented.

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Keerththan 😀
01:27 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you, Thom.

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16:54 Aug 23, 2020

I really enjoyed reading this! The ending was so good. I loved the various fantasy elements you used. Also, https://www.grammarly.com is an amazing editor along with the http://www.hemingwayapp.com for proofreading.

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Keerththan 😀
17:03 Aug 23, 2020

I am glad you enjoyed reading my story. Thank you for the links. I will surely use those. Thank you for reading, Bailee

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Jamela Faye
12:59 Aug 23, 2020

Thanks for inviting me! (sorry if I read this a little late)This deserves a price! I love how the story flows! And just like the others, there's a few grammar mistakes but I struggle the same issues as you do XD Please read my new submission and give some advises? (If you had the time of course)

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Keerththan 😀
13:32 Aug 23, 2020

I am glad you loved my story. Thank you for reading. Of course, I'd love to.

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Velma Darnell
10:04 Aug 23, 2020

What an interesting story and exciting ending, as well as family drama, Keerththan! Well done, keep writing :)

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Keerththan 😀
10:41 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for reading, Velma.(would you mind liking my story)

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Tariq Saeed
07:59 Aug 23, 2020

V well written.

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Keerththan 😀
08:54 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for reading. (would you mind liking my story)

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Parul Srivastava
03:24 Aug 23, 2020

Interesting take on the prompt! Keep writing :)

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Keerththan 😀
03:56 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for reading, Parul.

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Ed Vela
01:31 Aug 23, 2020

My boy, you had few problems with this story... 1, in the last page or so you go from past tense to present tense. 2, You don't go into ANY explanation of the scroll world, how you enter into it, etc., and only later do you explain that it is a look into the past, but you as the on looker can't change anything. 3, Your story doesnt really END it just stops, with ZERO resolution. You go from factoid to factoid like your telling a story in a journalist way... Where's the flair? What, in your style of writing, distinguishes it from the run of t...

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Keerththan 😀
03:55 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Ed Vela
03:27 Jun 01, 2022

Thx! Just to let u know I got a new story up in my Luger/Pyke series: "Bone of the Kill" check it out! https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/lpgcrg/

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Sjan Evardsson
20:19 Aug 22, 2020

I liked the premise with the scrolls, and being able to enter a family's history that way. I think it could have been tightened up a fair amount by reducing the number of characters to only those needed - Anand, Grandmother, the beggar, one of the friends and the thief. The presence of three friends chasing Anand felt superfluous and reduced, rather than heightened the tension. Overall it's an imaginative and fun piece, and shows promise as long as you keep practicing. Stay safe and keep writing! :)

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Keerththan 😀
03:54 Aug 23, 2020

I am glad you liked the premise with the scrolls. Thank you for reading.

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Akane Tsunemori
18:30 Aug 22, 2020

Really well paced story. Loved the family drama and tension. Thank you for inviting me to read it. Keep writing!

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Keerththan 😀
03:53 Aug 23, 2020

I am glad you loved the family drama and tension. Thank you for reading.

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00:01 Aug 22, 2020

What an awesome twist. Great story and Great characters.

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Keerththan 😀
00:19 Aug 22, 2020

I am glad you loved my twist. Thank you for reading.

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Vanessa Marczan
22:37 Aug 21, 2020

Hi keerththnan, what a world you have built here! Impressive! My advice for you would be to try scaling back characters and elements to the bare minimum. This is hard to do, i struggle myself! But use them for another story and it won't be in vain. Keep cutting away until you get to the core essence of the story and for me that was the relationship between anand and his grandparents and the idea of the scroll world. Explore these elements more fully and then the betrayal of grandfather by grandmother would be even more shattering. Well do...

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Keerththan 😀
00:18 Aug 22, 2020

Hi Vanessa. I have changed my story a bit. I have fitted away and added. Thank you for giving me suggestion. Thank you for reading, Vanessa. Keep writing.

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Clara D Berry
20:04 Aug 20, 2020

Hi Keerththan, Thank you for reading and liking my story. I really really like yours. I like the names you used, and the way you told your story. I especially like the part at the beginning where Anirudh says that Anand's family secret is probably a food recipe, and the part where Anand fast-forwards through time by changing the time on his watch. It would have been a little cooler if that had come back to bite him later, such as if he needed to know the time but didn't have it anymore, but I don't see that fitting into the story anywhere....

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Keerththan 😀
00:43 Aug 21, 2020

First of all, thank you for typing such a long comment for me. I am glad you liked my story. I am glad you like some parts in the story. The time is that one time use. So it won't bite him I think. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you for pointing out my mistakes. I have changed all the things you said. Thank you for reading. I believe I will get your support in my future stories.

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Clara D Berry
04:41 Aug 21, 2020

You're welcome. I will be glad to come back and help in the future. I noticed a lot of changes in your story when I came to look at it again right before I saw your comment that you had fixed it. Sorry to be so nitpicky, but there are 4 things I said that I think you missed. You got 76%, though, and it was a long list. 1. "Sometime" should be "some time" with a space in between. It doesn't mean the same thing. 2. "Then that young man would be Tony's grandfather," I thought. -- This still has the quotation marks. 3. "I should have never kn...

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Keerththan 😀
05:21 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for helping me again. I didn’t notice that. I have changed it now. Thank you for nitpicking. No need to be sorry. It is a great help for me. I am glad you read this story to your little brother. Yes, what you said was nice. I have changed it as you said. Thank you for reading and spreading my story to your little brother. I think I have found a friend in reedsy. (Did your brother like my story?)

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Clara D Berry
20:48 Aug 21, 2020

You're welcome. I am happy to be friends with someone who appreciates my grammar advice. And yes, my brother did like the story.

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Keerththan 😀
03:45 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you, Clara. I am glad your brother liked it. I would definitely upvote my friend😂😂😂

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16:36 Aug 19, 2020

Hey, Keerththan! You asked me to read your story, so here I am. This was an amazing storyline, and I really enjoyed the "scroll world". That was very creative, and I loved it. I do agree with Roshna that there were some grammatical errors, but other than that it was perfect! Keep writing and stay healthy, Brooke

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Keerththan 😀
01:45 Aug 20, 2020

I am glad you enjoyed my scroll world. I can still edit my story. So I am hunting mistakes. If you can, you may point out some mistakes. Thank you for reading, Brooke. Stay healthy.

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14:21 Aug 20, 2020

It's my pleasure! One example is '...he thought it was fun to know the secrets of everyone was fun.' Since you put 'he thought it was fun', you don't need the 'was fun' at the end of the sentence. Another is '"we want to know your family secret, Anand."' Every sentence should start with a capital letter. The mistakes are all simple like this, and easy to fix. I hope this helped!

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Keerththan 😀
14:23 Aug 20, 2020

This helped me a lot, Brooke. Thank you for taking your time in commenting and thank you for reading.

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14:24 Aug 20, 2020

Of course!

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