A Night not to Remember

Sounds of gunfire rang off the walls. Tracy and Trina huddled together, their limbs jerking each time the Magnum barked out another.

"I counted six, babe," Tracy turned and whispered. "Always figured he was bluffing."

"It was definitely only five. Watch and learn!"

Callahan stood over the whimpering, bleeding rat-haired excuse for a life form with a face as straight as the mole on it was rigid. The end of the matte black barrel grazed the culprit's sweat-covered cheeks without the inspector having to lean to get any closer. The afternoon sun reflected off Harry's massive forehead and the wooden dock creaked and moaned beneath them as the apprehended alternated between flapping around like a beached fish and cursing.

"Here it comes," Tracy said with armloads of goosebumps and a fistful of heavy-buttered popcorn on standby. "I could quote this whole movie in my sleep. Best badass line in cinematic history! Wait for it...Wait for it..."

Trina shook her ivory-eyed head at the ceiling fan and released a sigh of a giggle.

Callahan's stiff lips twisted into a tough frown.

"I know what you're thinking punk. You're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots, or only five?' Well to be honest, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself; but being that this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful hand gun in the world - and could blow your head clean off - you gotta ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?"

Trina stood up on the couch and danced, pumping a fist in the air.

"Yes! Ooh honey child, you do not wanna mess with no Dirty Harry! See? I told you there was still one bullet left!"

Tracy was mouthing the words 'Go ahead. Make my day.' Grinning like someone who couldn't come to terms with the fact they'd seen a ghost. He shook his pointing finger at the TV, glancing back and forth between the paused screen and Trina.

"That was not - I repeat - not how the line goes! Fast-forward to the credits and get the producer's name, I demand an explanation for this!"

Trina cupped her hands around his face and pinched at his cheeks.

"You look so cute when you're wrong. Just breathe and chill. How did you think the line went?"

"It was 'Go ahead. Make my day!' I know it was!"

"Darling, you're thinking of Sudden Impact; Sudden Impact came out about ten years after this one."

The house fell quiet except for Tracy's heavy breathing.

"You just got the two confused. No big deal," Trina continued. "We all do that, including me."

"But I never went to see Sudden Impact! How could I get confused about it if I've never seen it?"

"Mm hmm. Ever heard of trailers? As I recall, this movie was advertised every other commercial break in the months leading up to its release. What probably happened was you heard the line in the trailer and loved it so much your brain associated it with all the Dirty Harry flicks you have seen. When was the last time you watched this?"

Tracy sucked in a gulp of air, his caramel pupils aimed at outer space.

"Forty years ago; I was in junior high."

"See? Long enough ago to forget some things. Forty years ago would've been right around the time Sudden Impact was released too. So you watched this one, saw the trailer for the other; remembered the trailer. Simple explanation."

She raised the remote and toggled through settings.

"Let's put this baby on some music!"

#

"No no! Hell no! Leave it on this channel will you?" Tracy plead as the ambient guitar plinking caressed his soul.

"Hey, this is cool and all, but I'm in more of a Bobby Brown kind of mood tonight."

"Bobby Brown?" Tracy asked with a scrunched nose.

"Bobby, when you could be getting blown away by the greatest masterpiece of all time?"

"Who's it by?"

"Seriously? It's Led Zeppelin! Come on, you're lying if you try to tell me you never heard of them!"

"I'm sure they're great, but I'm sorry Trace: I never have. Now if you'll quit talking, I'm about to find out how good they are."

"Shh!" Tracy urged, lurching forward at the screen. "Song's about to start!"

He cleared his throat with a dreamy smile.

"There's a lady who's pure

So the stories are told

And she's trying to make way

For heaven"

There's a lady who's sure

All that glitters is gold

And she's buying the stairway

To heaven

Tracy bloomed fire engine red. Trina stared at him as the correct lyrics bled through the whine of her fiancee's singing.

"What. The hell. Was that?"

He leaped from the sofa and stomped out of the living room, returning with a sheet of paper and an envelope.

"Now what are you doing?"

"Gonna write mister Delbert Plant an angry letter and send it to his fan mail address, that's what! This is an outrage!"

Trina bowed into her chest, parking her dark hair over it.

"So you misheard a couple lyrics! That's nothing to get all worked up about! Just let it go."

She waved an arm in the direction of their little office.

"Yo! Why don't we just forget about TV now and do some reading? We haven't touched a book in ages."

#

A Tale of Two Cities caught Tracy's eye right off the bat. He remembered having done a book report on it his Freshman year. He had such fond memories of that assignment. Three weeks of total immersion in this timeless classic which had flown by like nothing. He stifled a sneeze as dust began to stir from the book case.

"That's how long it's been," Trina observed. "Whew, this room is in serious need of some traffic and some Pledge!"

"I hear ya," Tracy acknowledged while turning the cover of his beloved book. "Which one are you gonna pick, Sweets?"

"Think I'll go with one of the Harlequins. Haven't read An Unlikely Rancher yet."

Tracy puffed his chest as he wielded his treasured pick.

"This here is the kind of beautifully-woven tale that stays with you forever!"

"Oh, I agree! It's a heck of a story alright; one of these days I need to get around to reading it again myself."

Before diving in, Tracy shut the hefty book, cradling it in his arms and stroking at its leather cover with his fingers.

"It was a blessed time/It was the wildest of times..."

Trina rushed over to restrain his hands from opening it to the first page.

"Uh...Dear?"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to read!"

"I just had the dopest idea! Why don't you start another vlog on YouTube?"

The book hit the table with a thwack! Tracy touched his hand to Trina's forehead to check for fever.

"Are you kidding? After the response my last one got? Zero interest whatsoever from anyone! You remember that? Huh?"

"That was because it was...well...dry and boring! No pun intended, but nobody gives a crap about the crapping habits of common household insects, Number One; Number Two - again no pun intended - you gotta work on your delivery style. You made it even worse with that monotone voice; it sounded like you were reading out of a textbook or something."

"So what's the brilliant idea?"

She formed a sheepish smile.

"OK, hear me out on this. No interruptions: Now you and I both know you have a stellar memory, right?"

Tracy affirmed with a vigorous nod and beaming grin.

"So in this vlog, you're gonna pretend that you don't. It'll be you and me sitting around chit-chatting just like we did tonight. Reminiscing about movies, music, events in history and what not; only you'll deliberately get all the facts wrong. You'll make JP Sears look like an amateur!"

He rose from the chair like a helium balloon and waltzed toward their room.

"Hey...Vanilla Dream?" she said, sending him pivoting back around on one heel.

"'There's a lady who's pure'? You were thinking about me when you sang that, weren't you!"

"You know me well, Sweets," Tracy replied leaving her with a tingle in her spine.

A few seconds passed. Then a muffled voice came from the other side of the house.

"Sweets?"

"Yes, Trace?"

"What did you do with the web cam? I distinctly remember putting it away in the bottom drawer last year!"