The Reaper

It looked like Psalm was going to be working overtime this year...again. It was just getting worse as the years went on. Psalm could always rely on a pretty steady rate of human death, but January 1st was always the worst day. One of the downsides of being a Reaper was the overtime. Yeah, he may have one of the most coveted jobs in this realm, but it still got boring. I mean think about it from his perspective for a second. Millions of people getting drunk and high and going around on benders--it was exhausting, like herding a bunch of reckless toddlers. 

Despite his griping, Psalm would never complain to his fellow Reapers, I mean they did have it pretty nice. The pay was good, there was plenty of job stability, and honestly, you never knew what the day would bring. Psalm was assigned to the North American region so he didn’t have it as bad as the guys in other regions. Modern medicine was making his job much easier. Honestly, at this point, the ennui might be the thing that sends him to the next realm. 

Psalm did actually enjoy his job, but it was just becoming tedious. You can only perform one task for so long before it starts to feel repetitive, and he had crossed that line about 100,000 years ago. Aiding the humans into their next life was actually quite boring--they always had so same questions.

A beam of light splayed across the right side of his vision and he reached out and grabbed the pulsing sphere with delicate fingers. With his other hand, he grabbed the open folder that appeared on his desk and slid it across towards him. He placed the soul on the pedestal and locked it within a contraption that was similar to the human’s version of a terrarium. With the soul safely held in time, he took a moment to review the necessary information in the file. 

Name: Guadalupe Hernandez

COD: Breast Cancer

Religion: Catholic 

He quickly calibrated the capsule and pressed the play button. The sound of the on-boarding video was soft in the capsule. He could hear Guadalupe’s soft cries as the realization that she was dead set in. When the video was nearly complete, Psalm straightened his tie, switched his translator to Spanish, and pressed the release button on the time capsule. 

“Madre de Dios,” she whispered clutching her rosary beads closely to her chest. Her small figure stood in the time capsule, gazing up at him through the domed glass. 

“Hola, Guadalupe,” Psalm responded with feigned enthusiasm. He waved at her and forced himself to smile. That was the wrong thing to do apparently because Guadalupe immediately started shaking with fear. Oh dear, he thought, this is going to be a rough day.  

He continued on in Spanish, “My name is Psalm and I will be your guide to the next life.” 

Guadalupe looked up at him, tears rimming her eyes. Finally, she gasped out the question, “Sir, am I dead?” 

Why did they always ask that? It was clearly answered in the on-boarding video, but people never really pay attention to that. It is quite boring, and they have just died, so I guess it takes moment to set in...but still. It would make his job so much easier if the production team would just update that video, they hadn’t changed it since the 1300s so it was incredibly outdated. If he was remembering correctly, they had even added a clause about the Black Plague in there. 

“I’m afraid so ma’am,” he answered. “Don’t worry though I will be helping you transition into your new life. My job as a Reaper is to ensure that you get the best life possible”

Guadalupe nodded, her eyes distant and unfocused. He knew that look, and he knew that she was never going to answer any of his questions until she got her own answered. Slowly he turned to her and sighed. 

“Ok Guadalupe, I will answer your questions, and then you can answer mine. Sound like a deal?” 

Guadalupe nodded vigorously, some of her soul shine came through her eyes. 

“Well, I have a few pressing questions,” she stammered.

“I figure you would. I can answer three questions before I need to process you. So, choose wisely.”

He could almost see the wheels turning in her head before she finally asked, “Is God real?” 

“Yes, but not in any sense of your understanding. He does not conform to any of your religions. Although, Scientology is not that far off. Next question.”

“Ok, ummm...am I going to heaven?”

“Well, there really is no ‘heaven’ your soul is reincarnated until you receive enough Karma points to proceed to the next realm. I myself lived 15 lives before becoming a Reaper. You have one more.” 

“Why is there so much suffering?”

“Honestly, it’s because humans suck. You are just one realm above animals so you still have a lot of that predatory instinct. However, the closer you get to the next realm (the more Karma points you have) then the less suffering you experience. Speaking of, you have about 3000 Karma points. You need 10,000 to ascend. Creating your next life spends Karma points, so you should be responsible with them. So, let’s start making your next life. Where would you like to be reincarnated?”

Guadalupe wrung her hands, thinking about his question. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind being American if I can,” she responded. 

“Excellent choice ma’am,” he quickly entered her choice in the program. “Lucky for you, we are currently running a deal on American citizenship--only 500 karma points. The latest presidency has really brought down the value, but you are still getting a great deal. Ok, what gender would you like to be? Keep in mind that if you choose one of our newer options (they/them) you will earn more karma points in the next life.” 

Guadalupe tapped her index finger against her chin, “how many more karma points?”

“Excellent question, you will get about 2x as many karma points, starting from the moment you come out.”

Guadalupe sighed before saying, “I think I will just stick with female.”

Psalm nodded and input the option. They proceeded to plan out her life, budgeting her Karma points to get her the best life possible. When they had finally finished, Guadalupe was vibrating with excitement. 

“Ok, last question Guadalupe, who do you want your parents to be?” 

Guadalupe thought for a moment before asking, “My son Fernando and his wife were expecting when I left. Would I be able to choose them?”

Psalm nodded. He reached upwards and pulled the communicator down from its compartment. “Reaper to Transfer, Reaper to Transfer,” he shouted over the communicator. 

“Transfer a go,” a voice responded on the other line. 

“I had a lineage reincarnation ask. Can you move the family to America? Her Karma points cover the request.”

“Copy, send me the details and I will make it happen.”

Psalm pushed the communicator back up and turned to Guadalupe.

“Well, it was lovely meeting you, maybe I will get you again next time,” he said. 

Guadalupe pressed her hand against the glass dome of the terrarium, tears in her eyes. “Thank you Psalm,” she said. 

“Just doing my job ma’am,” Psalm said before pressing the reincarnate button and releasing her into her new life. 

The soft wish of her soul traveling to earth echoed in his ears. Psalm had approximately three seconds of peace before the next soul beam flashed and landed on his desk.