The rain had stopped and there was a slight mist. I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter around me. My breath steamed in the cold late fall air. I hurried up wanting to get home quicker. Suddenly I was flying through the air, my blonde hair tickling my face. I landed in a pile of leaves. I opened my eyes and there was a purple glowing leaf. I sat up and picked it up and suddenly a bunch of wind burst out of the ground and it was purple. Then it stopped. I walked shakily to the lake. I looked at my reflection. “ Oh god.” I muttered. My normally brown eyes were gray. I ran. I stopped in front of my house. I walked inside and dropped my bag on the ground. I ran up the stairs and hid in my room. I looked in my mirror and my eyes were normal again. I sighed a breath of relief. Suddenly there was a knock on my door. “Ciel?” My mom poked her head through my doorway. “Why are you sitting on the floor?” She asked. “Uh, homework?”I said, pulling my computer towards me. “Okayyy.” My mom said, sitting down on my ruffled blue bed. I sat next to her. “How was your day?” My mom asked. “Good.” I said. I was so lost in thought about how my eyes had turned gray and that purple wind. “Ciel Skyler High!” My mom shouted. “What are you thinking?” My mom asked. “Gray eyes and purple wind.” I told her. She looked at me, a weird expression on her face like she was shocked, surprised and scared all at the same time. As quick as it came the expression was gone, replaced by a small smile. “You really need to stop daydreaming my sky.” She told me and then she left. She had always called me her ‘sky’ since I was little. My name, Ciel, was French for ‘sky’, my middle name, Skyler, well, that had the word sky right there in it, and my last name, High, well, the sky was high. My entire room was sky themed. Blue bed, white pillows, blue walls, white furniture, blue curtains, white rug. I had always liked the sky. I wasn’t afraid of heights, my favorite colors were white and blue. After dinner I sat on my bed staring outside at the quickly darkening sky. We lived in a small town far away from any cities and our house was isolated on a hill. So with no disturbance the stars started to twinkle, like little diamonds someone had thrown up there because they had no use for them. I buried myself under the blanket and drifted off to sleep.
. . . . .
The next morning I sat at the kitchen table spooning my cereal into my mouth. Thankfully it was Saturday so I didn’t have to go to school. I finished my breakfast and ran upstairs. I sat down on my bed and pulled my laptop towards me. I searched up ‘purple wind’ but all that appeared was a song by some weird band and ‘gray eyes’ just showed pictures of gray eyes. I scrolled down and it said something about people thinking that gray eyes are linked to supernatural abilities. I closed my laptop and tossed on a hoodie. I ran down the stairs and… was immediately stopped by my mom. “Where are you going?” She asked.I mumbled an excuse about going for a walk. I slipped under her arms. I bolted out the front door and down the street before my mom could even cry “Wait!” I sprinted down the hill and arrived at an old abandoned school. Hilltop Elementary School had closed three years ago otherwise I would be starting fifth grade there this year. I walked over to the old swing set. I hopped on to the nearest swing and started to pump my legs back and forth. The swing made a weird creaking noise, but in less than a minute I was as high as I could go. My hair was covering my eyes, blocking my view. I suddenly had a reckless idea. I pumped one more time and jumped. I was falling too fast and then I wasn’t falling I was flying. I closed my eyes and counted to ten in my head. I opened my eyes. I was still levitating. I concentrated and I could feel the air currents swirling around me. Like standing on a hill while the wind bit at your face. I could almost imagine I was the wind, but that was crazy except… I closed my eyes and I… can’t describe it. It was like I connected with the wind and I floated down until my feet touched solid ground. I fell to my knees. My head was spinning and I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly I heard voices. I crawled behind the nearest tree. “She found it?” A man with a deep voice said. “After all that time we spent looking for it she just found it?” I heard a foot stomp. “Harold, calm yourself!” A female voice this time. “Calm myself? CALM MYSELF?!!! Mella, do you remember how long it took to make that thing? It can only be used once?!” The male voice, Harold, spoke this time and was followed by heavy breathing. But I wasn’t thinking about Harold and his anger issues. I recognized the female voice, I knew Mella. I jumped out from behind the tree and screamed, “MOM!!!” The wind picked up, swirling into a storm. It bit at my face and threw my hair into my face. I didn’t care. I don’t know how much time passed as I stood there drowning in my anger. Then it stopped and all the wind was gone. And I collapsed. I felt strong hands catch me. I felt them pick me up and then the world turned black. I woke up two hours later in a soft bed. My bed. “She’s awake!” My mom cried. She pulled me into the biggest bear hug possible. “Why?” I asked my voice hoarse. Thankfully my mom knew what I meant. She explained how a secret organization called the Fellions which meant secret magicians in the Gellds secret language. She told me how the Gellds were a race of humans who had secret powers, but their magic had been dying off in the past century so the Fellions which meant secret magicians in the Gellds secret language. She told me how the Gellds were a race of humans who had secret powers, but their magic had been dying off in the past century so the Fellions had been founded to try and recreate the powers. They had made a special leaf that would give a Gelld powers. The leaf that I had found. So I had super powers. Wow. Okay. Brain overload.
. . . . .
Two days later I feel like a new person. I’m Ciel High. I can fly. And I am never going to fall again.
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2 comments
Hi, your story shows a lot of creativity, and the overall mystery kept me interested. However I think there's room for improvement in the pacing and the writing itself. Watch for run-on sentences/overall clunky-ness and superfluous words. The ending of the story was interesting, but extremely rushed and full of difficult to parse sentences and grammatical errors. To fix these problems, try reading your story out loud to yourself or a friend, and if a sentence sounds unnatural, rewrite it.
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Hi Lola, nice story. You should break it up into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read. It looks less intimidating to readers that way. Paragraph indentation doesn't always work here but you can just break the story down into punchy little paragraphs. Keep it up by the way.
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