Until I Wake

Submitted into Contest #74 in response to: Write a story that takes place across ten seconds.... view prompt

10 comments

Fiction Science Fiction Sad

10...

”Are you ready?” She smiles.

I take a deep breath, feeling my chest slowly rise as I inhale and fall as I exhale. I return the smile. “Yes.”


9...

My grin turns into a frown when I look away. A seemingly unending row of vacant glowing capsules follows mine. I suppose that I’m their “test subject”. I won’t be able to have that feeling again until ten years go by... am I making the right choice? I hesitate for a moment, but shake my head and step up on the platform.


8...

No, of course I am. I don’t have anything left for me, after all. What’s the problem with losing a couple of years? I take one more step up the platform.


7...

I’m doing the right thing. Besides, even if I didn’t want to do it, it’s for an experiment, and they’re paying me for my services. I’m already here, so there’s no backing out. My next step is shaky, and I take another breath. There’s no backing out anymore.


6...

And, you know what? It’s not just to escape. It’s the feeling of curiosity and wonder, too. I like not knowing what awaits me on the other side of the door. My leather boots clang against the metal stairs as I take another step up.


5...

Yeah. It’ll be pretty cool to wake up in the future, won’t it? Maybe we’ll have flying cars or we'd all have a personal points system tracking our lives. Though that would be a bit hard for me to adjust to, it would be interesting.


4...

Another step. But... is it worth the thrill? Is it worth the rush of excitement? I’ll waste a decade of my life frozen in a block of ice. What about all the things I could do in that decade instead of being here? 


3...

Maybe I could have my dream job and become a preschool teacher. I'd teach my students how to spell and read and write. Maybe I could finally put my driver’s license to good use and go on a road trip. Maybe I could learn to make the fluffy Japanese pancakes I’ve always wanted to try. 


2... 

My lips make a slight curve, and I take another step. My smile quickly fades. It's no use to wonder. As I said, there's no going back. I'm here now. In front of me is a large capsule. "Whenever you're ready," The woman says from below. She smiles once more, and I smile back for the last time.


1... 

I take one last deep breath, feeling my chest slowly rise and fall, and step into the capsule. The woman comes up and gently closes the door. "Good luck," she mouths. I nod back. I take one last look outside my capsule and shut my eyes tight as everything around me dissolves into a cold mist. It doesn't matter anymore if I'm happy doing this or not. An icy tear rolls down my face. Good thing she can't see it. Until I wake, this is where I'll be. 



Author's note: Hey guys! So this was very different from my first story, but I hope you guys like it! I am really sorry about how short it is, lol. Uhhhh so the italicized parts are the main character’s thoughts if you weren’t sure (lol not gonna lie, this whole story is just their thoughts though). By the way, I did not state the main character’s gender or name, so just imagine what you want, I guess? Also, this did not fit the word count so here are a lot of annoying extra words (sorry lol)


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December 28, 2020 23:56

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10 comments

16:51 Jan 03, 2021

LOL the word thing to get through the word count is amazing... I have a few that actually went over the word count and I had to put in extra hyphens and take out an entire texting dialouge. (I think I misspelled dialouge)

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Izzie Chan
20:40 Jan 03, 2021

agh I know, it didn’t meet the word count AT ALL. oh wow, that’s interesting, lol. yeah, you did, haha (switch the u and g. i mess that up all the time, lol) were there any parts that you think I could work on? it’s definitely too short lol, and I could’ve added flashbacks like A.S. said, it would make it a lot more intriguing. what do you think?

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00:17 Jan 04, 2021

Yeah, you could put in more detail

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A. S.
21:54 Dec 29, 2020

This was great! One thing I would suggest to help it meet the word limit is to include flashbacks. Why is your character doing this? What is the reasoning behind their choice? Overall you did a great job and I really enjoyed the style of the story.

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Izzie Chan
23:28 Dec 29, 2020

Hey A.S.! Thank you so much! Yeah, I thought of doing that, idk why I didn’t lmao Thank you so much!!!!

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Ash M
03:13 Dec 29, 2020

Hey Izzieeeeeeee so like um. It was good, I like the concept and it was quite intriguing. However, you could add imagery to describe the environment (like not just for a higher word count but also because idk it adds more depth to the story?). Overall, it's good.

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Izzie Chan
04:56 Dec 29, 2020

hey ashhhhhh thank you so muchhhh! I knowwww I didn’t add imagery :( I noticed so many things I could’ve changed right after I submitted it ughhh thank you so much!!! ❤️

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Arham Ishraq
17:30 Dec 29, 2020

There is an edit option if you ever want to tweak it and add stuff after submission

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Izzie Chan
20:18 Dec 29, 2020

oh yeahhhh okay ill go do that in a few minutes because im doing homework :/

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Unknown User
22:20 Mar 11, 2021

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