Whatever Works

The heat escalated between them and shirts flew off. Jenny lay back on the bed while Hugo leaned over her, their lips locked and tongues intertwined. The wet smooches of their passion mixed with the sound of their delightful sighs and the soft rustling of bedsheets.

Then, the sound of a zipper cut in, loud and sharp. Hugo’s pants fell. Jenny looked him in the eyes with naughty playfulness, and he stared at her with a poker face.

She frowned. “What?”

“What if I can’t get it up?” he whispered. 

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Now’s not the time to worry about that.”

“Now’s the perfect time to worry about that,” he said. “When, if not now?”

“Just… don’t think too much, okay? Relax, it’s gonna be fine…”

She reached up and kissed his lips. He kissed her back and the heat was back on. Their hands started going towards the hot zones and as Jenny’s hand began reaching under Hugo’s boxers, he pulled out of the kiss.

“I don’t want you to think that you’re not attractive,” he said, explaining it like a professor.

Jenny blew air. “God, chill. Why are you thinking so much? Just let go.”

“I’m very aroused by you, you’re very hot,” he said, making it sound like an excuse. “It’s just… It’s my first time…”

She gave him a smile, hoping it would be enough to comfort him, but no. He kept staring at her as if waiting for her to say something.

“What?” 

“Is it your first time too?”

Her smile faded. A look of annoyance replaced it.

“Well, is it?”

“No,” she said. 

“How many times did you do it?”

“I’m not going to answer that!”

“Okay, sorry.” He paused. 

She rolled her eyes again, the heat escaping like through the cracks of an old badly insulated house.

“Shall we continue?” he inquired.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

He nodded. “Let’s continue.” He ran his hand up her thigh and planted slow sensual kisses on her neck. His hand went up and up and elegantly around the jackpot, barely not touching the panties. That turned the heat back on and Jenny found herself sighing again. His kisses and his hand approached her breasts and she ran her hand down his stomach and into his boxers.

Like a startled cat, he leaned back all of a sudden. Jenny yelped in surprise, not expecting such a reaction from touching him there.

“Whoa,” he said. “I almost felt your hand on it, down there.”

She frowned. Wasn’t that the point? One moment she was indulging in passion and the next he was acting like a pastor, flinching away at the slightest touch.

“So… you don’t want me to touch you?”

“No, I do,” he said. “Just warn me before you do, okay? So I can prepare.”

“Prepare?”

“Yeah. You know, so I get it up in time.”

Jenny shook her head, disbelieving. “Dude. Stop. Thinking.”

He snorted. “Yeah, like that's even possible. Look, I want to be hard for you when it’s time for it, so I would appreciate it if you could tell me, is all.”

The heat dropped down to room temperature. His touch could make her so horny, but as soon as he opened his mouth the words dressed her in a nun’s gown. If she wasn’t half-naked already she would have stood up and go do the laundry or something.

But she wanted to get it off and by God, she will get it off! 

“Just stop talking altogether,” she said to him. “Let’s just have sex, okay? No more words.”

Hugo frowned and opened his mouth to object, but she gave him a look that did not allow compromises. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said. He hesitated for a moment and then kissed her, starting again at her neck, and working down. His hand moved between her breasts, down her tummy, and around her lady parts to her thigh. A little spark of heat ignited again.

She undid her bra and helped guide his hand over there, hoping her bosom would cause him to have a reaction. He groped them and stared at them like her little brother stared at the new iPhone he got for Christmas.

Jenny suppressed a snort and reached for Hugo’s things again. She ran her hand up his back and then down, over his abdomen and over the boxers. She reached underneath and searched…

“Yeah, no,” Hugo said and pulled back. “This is not working.”

“God, what the fuck, man?” She hit the bed with a fist, infuriated over the rollercoaster of hot and cold she had to ride on. “Can’t you just fuck me already?”

His cheeks flushed and he swallowed, not knowing how to respond. “I’d like to,” he said, his voice unsure. “But I just can’t get it going.”

“Look,” she said, drilling her eyes into his. “I like you, okay? I like you a lot, or else we wouldn’t be lying here, naked. I love the way you touch me, you’ve got feeling. Just let go, don’t think about anything, and pretend it’s the most normal, easy thing you’ve ever done, having sex with a girl. Okay, Hugo?”

She topped that with the sweetest smile she could muster under the circumstances. Hugo seemed to consider. He was thinking again, which made her even more irritated.

“Glad to hear it,” he said after thinking thoroughly. “I like you too, Jenny. I think you’re very pretty and hot, but more than that, I think you’ve got a cool personality. I like that in a girl, that she has her own attitude.”

Jenny blinked, genuinely surprised.

“But,” he said, “for some reason, even though I’m obviously attracted to you, I can’t get my body to respond physically. I think it’s because I’m a little… shy.”

He looked at her like a wounded puppy and she felt a little bad for being harsh with him. He did say it was his first time, so it was only normal he was nervous.

“Well, how do you normally get it hard?” she asked. “Perhaps we can try that approach.”

“I watch porn-”

“No way, mister.”

“I masturbate-”

“You can do that on your own. What am I here for, then?”

Hugo thought for a moment. “I did notice getting aroused while driving on a bumpy road.”

“You’re kidding?”

He shook his head. “Baker’s Street, it's under construction and the potholes-”

“Oh, don’t tell me that potholes make you hornier than my holes!”

Hugo’s face tensed up with embarrassment and Jenny blushed. A moment of silence fell upon them, the heat gone completely. 

“We could go for a ride…”

She snapped a look at him and tapped the bed. “Yes. Right here, on this bed.”

“I… Yes, of course, that’s what I want too. After we drive on Baker’s Street for a while. Just to get me going, then we can hurry back here and try again.”

She closed her eyes and laughed in torment. This was not how she imagined the day would go. But she really did want to get that big O on her face, so she found herself considering his proposal.

And accepting it.

“I must be desperate,” she said. “Alright, let’s do it. Why the heck not? It’s better than being tortured like this!”

“Agreed,” he said and nodded like a starship captain, jumping off her and putting his clothes back on. Jenny reluctantly put the bra on, the skirt and the blouse. She wondered if she’ll be taking them off later in the haste of passion.

They left his apartment and walked down the stairs in silence, reaching the parking lot. They sat in the car and drove off. He didn’t put on any music and she didn’t try to start a conversation. 

They drove for ten minutes and then Hugo finally broke the silence.

“Fuck.”

Jenny couldn’t help but snort. “You’re the one to talk.”

Hugo glanced at her and then pointed ahead. “Look.”

Jenny looked at the street ahead of them, cars passing by, people walking, sun shining…

“What?” she asked, trying to spot anything out of the ordinary.

“It’s the asphalt,” he said. “It’s new. They’ve repaired the road.” With an expression of defeat, he looked at her. “This is Baker’s Street.”

“Yeah, well good riddance,” she said. “Those potholes were wrecking my car.”

“Those potholes were supposed to make me hard.”

“Oh. Right.”

The car barely shook or wobbled as they drove on the brand new road. The smell of fresh asphalt rose into the car through the air conditioning.

“God, I just love that smell,” Jenny said, sniffing like it was coke. “Fresh asphalt! It’s almost as good as the smell of petrol, or freshly mowed lawn!” 

Hugo began coughing. “Ugh, don’t say that.”

“Say what?” she frowned at him.

“I hate that smell!”

“What, fresh asphalt?”

“No, the other.”

“Petrol?”

He shook his head. “Fresh-cut grass. It makes me want to puke.”

Jenny stared at him dumbfounded, unable to comprehend how can someone, who complicates so much and hates the smell of grass, make her so horny with his touch. She decided she had enough surprises, shocks, and disappointments for one day.

“Let’s go back,” she sighed.

“Sure,” he said.

They both knew that this was probably it. Their relationship barely took off but was being snuffed out, as indicated by the silence that fell upon them again.

Jenny watched the houses pass by and noticed that Hugo missed a turn.

“You’re supposed to make a turn there,” she said.

“Um…” 

“You know where to go?”

He nodded absently. “I think the brakes are gone.”

“Ha?”

He glanced at her. “I’m not kidding. Look.” He stomped his foot on the pedal, but the car kept going. And as fate would have it, there was a small decline up ahead, with a sharp turn at the end. The turn with the view of the sea, where the cliff was highest.

“Dude, this isn’t funny,” Jenny said, feeling a spike of panic pierce her heart.

“No, it’s not,” Hugo agreed and kept stomping his foot, but the car kept going. “Damn, I knew I should have taken the car to the workshop…”

“You drive around in a death trap?”

“Hm, panic won’t help-”

“We’re gonna roll off a cliff and die!”

“Relax,” he said. “I’ve lowered the gear so the engine will help brake and if we still end up going too fast I’ll pull the handbrake.”

“How can you be so calm?” Jenny was starting to breathe faster as the bend got closer. The car began rolling down the road and it was picking up speed.

Hugo went silent.

“Well?” Jenny yelled. “How about that handbrake?”

“It’s stuck.”

“WHAT?”

“Funny thing,” he said, eyes telling he didn’t think it was funny at all, “I heard this strange noise when I drove to pick you up today, and now I know what it was.”

“Hugo, stop this car right now!” Jenny placed her hands on the dashboard and observed with horror a couple walking on the sidewalk, right next to the bend. She could see the distant white-foamed waves of the deep blue ocean through the pines. The car kept speeding up.

“Hm,” Hugo said. “This is not good.”

“YOU THINK?!”

“My insurance agent will kill me, but we have no choice. Hold on!”

“What are you-”

Hugo turned the steering wheel and the car tires screeched on the fresh sun-glistening asphalt. Jenny screamed louder than on any rollercoaster she ever rode and held for her dear life. The car hit the edge of the road and jumped up on the sidewalk. Pedestrians turned in surprise and jumped out of the way as Hugo slammed on the horn, giving them a warning. 

“Watch out for the-”

She closed her eyes as the car slammed into a wooden fence of a nearby front yard. Planks and rattan hit the windshield, causing it to crack. Hugo’s hands worked frantically as he struggled to keep the car from spinning and turning over, while they drove through someone’s front yard. And backyard. And through another fence, into another front yard.

A dog’s house was destroyed, luckily without its occupant inside. A gorgeous looking rose bush got mauled over by the front grill of Hugo’s battered Subaru Impreza. A mother rescued her laughing baby from the kiddy pool just in time as the car splashed into it, sending an explosion of water in all directions.

Jeny screamed her lungs out, holding so tight her knuckles hurt and did not dare to look. Hugo barely made a sound next to her. The car jumped and roared and shook like one of those enraged bulls in rodeo and Jenny tensed up, expecting to get catapulted through the windshield at any moment.

“Oh no.”

She peeked with one eye to see what was so terrible that made Hugo finally let out a sound and noticed a stack of beehives in yet another backyard, and an elderly beekeeper, blissfully taking out the honey, with his back turned towards them.

“MOVE AWAY!” Jenny yelled and Hugo slammed on the horn, but the old guy didn’t notice them. Hugo cursed and performed a sharp turn, steering the car towards a patch of bushes. But the turn was just a little too sharp. The car hit a bump in the grass and it flipped. Jenny felt weightless for a split second, stretched into an eternity of dread. 

Then, the car slammed to the ground and began rolling downhill like a kid rolling down a snowy slope. The seat belt locked and held Jenny in place while sunglasses, umbrella, car manual, and various debris from the outside were flying all over, hitting her in the face, hands, and legs.

The world spun and roared around her and then it all stopped abruptly. The car stopped as if hitting an immovable obstacle and fell still. The only sounds that came were the clinking of heated metal and Hugo’s heavy breathing. Jenny didn’t dare to breathe, didn’t dare to open her eyes. She feared that if she looked, she might find herself split in half.

“Jenny? Are you okay?”

It was Hugo.

“Look at me.”

She forced herself to open her eyes. Hugo was staring at her, his eyes pulsing with adrenalin and he smiled. “We’re alive.”

She inspected her whole body, but save for a few bruises, she was unharmed. The car stopped by hitting a tall tree and they were inside a thicket of bushes somewhere. If she listened closely, she could hear the waves crashing somewhere nearby.

Hugo let out a cheer. “Whoa! Now that was something! I’ve never been so close to death before, ever! Makes a man feel alive!”

He climbed out of the car, pushing away the bent doors and helped Jenny come out as well. She leaned on him for support as her knees barely held her. 

“We’re alive,” she said, her voice trembling.

Hugo laughed. “Yes, we are! Some luck, huh?”

She looked at him, not knowing whether to punch him in the teeth or jump in his embrace. Instead, she decided to sit down on a rock, as hse couldn’t stand. Hugo helped her, holding her hand.

“Jenny,” he said, while she was taking deep breaths to calm down. “I think it worked.”

“What worked?” she asked, her mind absent.

“You know, why we went for a ride in the first place. I think I’m ready.”

She gave him an incredulous look, not knowing what he was talking about. Then she noticed a bulge in his pants.

“You’re out of your mind.”

“Yes!” he agreed. “I am, finally! Out of my mind and in my body! How about it? We’ve got, what, ten minutes before the ambulance and the police get here? Someone must have called them, we drove through nearly half the neighborhood!”

Her head was light and her emotions swirling. They just survived a car crash, barely escaping death, while causing mass property damage and perhaps even murdering someone. And he got a boner from it!

She stood up, fists clenched, intended on punching his smiling mouth. She raised her arm, swung…

...and wrapped herself around him, jumping up into his embrace. He grabbed her ass and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Alright, mister,” she breathed, drilling into his eyes with hers. “Ride me like you rode that car, then; don’t stop until I’m nearly dead!”

As rescue finally arrived eight minutes later, they were shocked to find a wrecked car and a couple, not crushed to death or trembling with shock, but rather butt naked and completely shameless, making passionate love right there in the grass.