Dropping the Torch

“What?” Came an incredulous response from behind the partially closed bathroom door. “She...” the rest of Paul’s question was drowned out by the running water as he finished brushing his teeth and rinsed his mouth.

“Paul, please.” Lilly coaxed through the door. “I didn’t say she won’t go, I said she doesn’t want to.” Looking up she mouthed I could use some help here!

Exiting the bathroom in his work pants and t-shirt Paul sat on the edge of the bed putting on his shoes. “Our kids are the fourth generation that have had the privilege of going on this wildlife retreat. Of course, she’s going!”

Realizing she needed a different approach Lilly sat next to him on the bed. “Please don’t take this personally, Paul. I know what this retreat has meant to your family. But it’s the 21^st Century, and our soon to be 18-year-old daughter is not interested in communing with nature.”

Paul’s normally calm nature was being tested. “Yes, it’s the 21^st Century, and this is the only planet we’ve got. Which makes it even more important that our children learn to respect it. Learn how to protect it.”

“I don’t disagree with you...” Lily started, but Paul cut her off.

“I went on my first retreat with my grandfather while my father was fighting in Korea. We’ve gone every year since, often when we couldn’t really afford it. This is important, Lil. It’s our family tradition. Who will teach them if we don’t’?”

Again, Lilly looked up seeking help. “Yes, it is important. The boys love it! And yes, we can insist she go. But she’s off to college in the fall and this could be the last vacation we ever have as a family. Do you really want to spend it knowing she’s hating every minute?”

Paul looked up at her in disbelief. “Why doesn’t….when did this…” He couldn’t even finish his thought.

Lilly sighed. She knew this was going to be a hard conversation. “Paul, she has hated going since she was old enough to voice an opinion.” She finally stated bluntly. The crushed look on his face was what she had hoped to avoid, but there it was.

He nodded slowly. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”

“Because she worships her father.” Lilly whispered, fighting back the tears. “She knows how important this retreat is to you. But for her, the term vacation means two weeks of …. well you get the picture.”

“She used to be able to talk to me about anything….everything. What happened to that? Why is the dad the last to know?”

Lilly took Paul’s hand and put her head on his shoulder. “Because she’s growing up. And we have to let her. We raised her to be a good, responsible person. Now we have to trust her. And that means we have to let her make decisions….like whether or not to go on the family retreat.”

Paul kissed her on the forehead. “Where is she? In her room?”

“Yes, but Paul, I haven’t told her I was going to talk to you about this. She didn’t ask me to.”

“Being the meddling mom again, huh?” Paul smiled as he got up and headed for the door.

Lilly laughed. “Well if this transgression keeps me out of the running for Mom of the Year, I’ll find a way to live with it.”

Paul walked down the hall to Amy’s room and knocked, Lilly not far behind.

Amy emerged to find both parents standing in the hall just outside her door. Her eyes widened “Oh, this can’t be good”.

As Paul pulled her into a bear hug, she looked around him at her mom and mouthed WHAT?  Her face showing confusion.

“Your mom tells me you don’t want to go on the retreat this summer.” Paul stated bluntly.

“MOM!!” Amy cried out.

Lilly looked at her daughter, nodding her head. “I wasn’t going to keep this secret another year. Soon you’ll be an adult. You get to voice an opinion.”

Paul again hugged is now sobbing daughter. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. “You used to tell me things.”

“I’m sorry… Dad.” She managed to choke out. “You’re always so happy when you’re checking the camping stuff. Buying new thingies to go in the box with all the other…. thingies. But all I can think about are the mosquitoes and the worms and….” Her voice trailed off with another round of sobs.

Looking at Lilly over Amy’s shoulder Paul asked, “How could I have missed this for 18 year? What planet have I been on?”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Dad. We got pretty good at hiding the discomfort while you boys were having fun.” Lilly replied, trying to add a bit of levity to the situation.

“Yeah, about that!” he looked questioningly at Lilly.

LATER. She mouthed, raising her eyebrows and nodding toward Amy.

Paul pulled Amy away just far enough to see her face. “Baby, the whole idea of a family tradition is to spend time together. I wanted to share with you kids the same things my dad shared with me. It’s not to torture you for two weeks.”

Amy smiled as he wiped away her tears. “Your mom and I aren’t going to be around forever; you know to embarrass you in front of your friends and such.” This time she laughed. “Or to insist you carry on the family traditions. We hope you will. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you and your brothers whether you do or not.”

“My Aunt Agnes used to bring fruitcake to Thanksgiving dinner, every year. That’s a family tradition we had let go.” Paul said. “And I, for one, don’t miss it.” Paul laughed, hugging Amy again before heading to the kitchen.

“DAD! You don’t have an Aunt Agnes!” Amy yelled.

“Yeah, we let her to with the fruitcake.” Paul answered over his shoulder.

Amy was suddenly in Lilly’s arms. “Mom. I wish you hadn’t done that!”

Kissing her daughter on the cheek Lily replied. “You’re dad’s a big boy. It’s time he grew up.”

“But, Mom, what will I do for two weeks if I really don’t have to go on the retreat? Can I stay here…alone?” Amy asked wide eyed.

Looking over her glasses Lilly replied. “Your dad’s not THAT big yet. So, don’t hold your breath.”