The Dear little Princess

Warning: bad language and some violence

Once upon a time, in a land some far away place, there was a dear little princess who was loved very dearly by her father, the castle servants, and all the villagers who lived on her father's god given lands. The dear little princess was kind to all and all were kind to her in turn, for she had long flowing locks, a smile that could melt the frostiest of hearts, and a slender yet womanly figure. Plus she would do such wonderful deeds as shake the hands of the most common of people and cast scorn at any noble who would dare trample upon them with their horses.

The dear little princess spent much of her time in the castle grounds among the flowers, spinning and singing, singing and then spinning, and sometimes twirling and singing, and occasionally watering some flower or other. It was her favourite thing to do and the servants who tended to the grounds always smiled and said 'that’s our dear princess.' One day, while she twirled (and sang), the dear little princess was startled by a small creature. A little squirrel, brown like a nut, with large round eyes and a brush of a tail came out from the bushes and hopped onto the grass in front of her.

“Oh!” The dear little princess said, startled. “Hello dear woodland friend. I did not see you there and you startled me!” One of the many traits that made the dear little princess so perfect and dearly loved by all was that she was kind in nature, and showed that kindness, to every living thing. Even potentially mangy woodland creatures.

The small, bushy tailed squirrel surprised the princess a second time by opening his mouth and emitting speech.

“Oh!” The dear little princess said, eyes wide. “My dear woodland friend! Why you just went ahead and spoke to me there didn’t you? How surprising!” The princess said, surprised.

The squirrel’s eyes were even larger as he spoke to her more and he leapt from side to side with so much energy that the woodland critter made the dear little princesses head spin. With all the fuss the critter made, the princess was almost certain that the squirrel must have something terribly important to say to her. Although, if the dear little princess were to give her full disclosure, she must confess that she was finding it really rather difficult to understand her squirrel friends speech. The dear little fellow was most definitely saying words, but it was difficult to understand just what those words meant.

Another of the numerous reasons that the dear little princess was so wonderful and positively adored by her father, her servants, and her people, was that even when people were not making themselves understood correctly, she did not point out that they were fools. She listened harder, leaned in and tried very hard to look as if she understood what was being said. She was after all innately kind (and loved because of it).

“My dear little squirrel friend.” The dear little princess began.”I must confess that I do not understand what you say to me. However, I believe the fault is mine. So I will lean in all the better to listen to you more.”

And the princess leant in, her body stooped over the squirrel as he chattered and squeaked at her more and more loudly.

The dear little princess strained to listen and she strained and strained and strained, her usually smooth face scrunched and wodded like crushed parchment. Yet for all she strained and scrunched she could not understand what her new squirrel friend wished her to know.

The dear little princess was all but ready to give up her attempted communications with the squirrel when an idea blossomed in her woman's brain like a rosebud opening in spring.

“Aha!” The dear little princess exclaimed. “I do not understand you, my little squirrel friend, because I am not meant to! For you speak in tongues!” The princess beamed.

The dear little princess gracefully wobbled to the ground in her heels and close fitted gown, crouching in front of gods woodland messenger, the squirrel.

She placed her hands together as if she were in church and asked god through his furry envoy “Oh lord! What message have you carried to me through our dear friend the squirrel?”

The envoy of the lord, Marquees of the woodland, the squirrel, spoke in chattery tongues in his high pitched squeaky voice. Laying the lords words on the princess.

The dear little princess bathed in the lords speech, letting herself be soaked in their holiness.

The envoy of the lord, Marquees of the woodland, the squirrel, with his large eyes and bushy tail, launched himself at the dear little princesses cheek, surprising her again.

“Oh!” The dear little princess said again, surprised.

Her hand reached up to her cheek quickly, feeling a piece missing. “Envoy of god, why?!” the dear little princess cried.

The envoy of the lord, Marquees of the woodland, the squirrel, chewed and swallowed before biting the dear little princess again.

The dear little princess yelped. And that was when she saw more woodland animals coming out of the bushes. A sweet little robin, a swift lynx, a wise badger and a majestic stag.

“Oh dear woodland friends, help me! I'm afraid squirrel has went mad!”

They did not.

The other woodland animals, King stag, Duke Badger, Lord Lynx and viscount Robin spoke in tongues also. And it was not long before the dear little princess spoke in tongues too.

The King paced his throne room, as he often did.

“I have not seen my dear little princess for a time. She is always in the grounds, singing and dancing and sometimes watering flowers. I will go and see her at once!”

Deciding he would see the dear little princess, the king with sprightly step went out to the castle grounds to visit with his young daughter.

Once outside in the sunshine the king regretted his choice. It was warm out and the kings fineries were a cause for him to sweat. Thus was the burden of a king.

The king wandered the grounds, wiping his brow with a silk handkerchief and calling out to the dear little princess.

“Dear little princess!” The king called. “Dear little princess! Where are you? I wish to see you!”

The King, who was very warm under his fine cloak at this point, all at once found the dear little princess, spinning as she usually might.

“Dear little princess!” The king said. “There you are! I was looking for you!”

The dear little princess stopped twirling and turned to face her father, the king, in all his finery. She had strange wounds on her face. They almost had the look of bite marks but they were all different sizes. It also looked as if she had been pecked.

This was a shame, as her face was what the dear little princess really had going for her. It would be harder to find her a match now.

“Dear little princess!” The king exclaimed. “What has happened to your beautiful face? How do you expect me to find you a match now?!”

The dear little princess moved strangely like a marionette with tangled strings.

She stumbled towards her father, the king, while speaking strangely. Like chattering.

The king wanted to back away, but it was not kingly to cower from girls, no matter how ugly they may have recently become.

“Daughter!” The king exclaimed. “Stop this nonsense at once!”

The dear little princess did not stop this nonsense at once.

Instead, she bit the king, slicing a small amount of flesh from his cheek.

The king was shocked. Then he too began to speak in tongues.

The head of the servants could not refuse the king or the dear little princess, for all he found their appearance strange, and he too was soon speaking in tongues, along with all of the servants in the castle.

The captain of the guards could not refuse the king or the dear little princess, for all he found their appearance strange also, and he was soon speaking in tongues as well, along with all of the guards and knights in the castle.

The Queen and all the young princes and princesses, small as they were, could not refuse the king and the dear little princess, for all they found their appearance strange also, and they too were speaking in tongues. The dogs and horses, boys and girls, old and young. They all spoke in tongues.

Word of this strange phenomena spread to the surrounding villages on the cries of a little boys lips “The kings mad! The castles mad! They’re all mad!” But coming from a little boy it was of course nonsense and his father rightly gave him the birch as was his duty. Then a much older man said the castle had been taken by madness and the boys father and all of the other villagers listened because he was important.

The holy man said that it was of course witchcraft that had taken hold in the castle and that all the women, even the dear little princess whom they all loved dearly, must be burned to spare the noblemen and lift the curse.

The villagers marched up to the castle, torches in hand. They would not have their king ruined by the evilness of witches.

The witches were taken in hand and rightfully burned at the stake while the holy man spoke the words of the lord and the crowds cheered. Some animals that had been bewitched by the witches were also slaughtered, it could not be helped. The villagers were at least able to find use from their furs and flesh.

Sadly the men were not saved by the rightful burning of the witches, the curse was too strong to be broken by destroying the witches whore bodies, and the men, even the king, had to be put to the sword.

The villagers mourned for three days and three nights the loss of their king and gentry, and how sad it was the dear little princess had turned out to be the whore of the devil, and ugly besides. They were led in prayer by the holy man until an orphaned boy with the birthmark of a crown and sword was found and declared king, then they all rejoiced as order was restored once more.

The moral of this story is...well. If you find one, let me know.

The end.