59 comments

Desi Middle School Funny

Another Brick in the Wall

“Miss Chandler, Miss Chandler. The boys are at it again.” Third-grader Tali Grumble hurried over to her teacher at recess.

“What are they doing now?” Miss Chandler inquired.

“Playing baseball and running the bases.”

“Not again? How many times must I remind them? Guess I'll have to report them to the principal this time. He will not be happy about it and will probably give them detention. Thank you for letting me know.”

!o!o!o!

“Mr. Carr, I am sorry to report I am having trouble with the boys at recess again. They are going against orders even though they have been repeatedly reminded.” Miss Chandler sighed to the principal.

“Okay, okay. I'll schedule a detention for them after school tomorrow. Be prepared to stay longer. We can't risk being de-funded over this kind of issue.”

“I have talked to them before and it obviously doesn't do any good. Maybe you need to be the one to lecture them on the dangers.”

“It's such a shame. When I was a boy that was all we lived to do. Now it is outlawed. What's a kid to do instead?”

“Walk. Walk the bases. If they can't follow the rules they can't play the game at all. Trouble is that isn't the only game they have trouble with. There is, of course, Tag; Red-Rover; Hide-n-Seek; Red-Light, Green-Light; not to mention the ever popular Boys-Chase-Girls or Girls-Chase-Boys. It becomes a never ending battle. Poor little tattle-tale Tali can't keep up with all the infractions. What in the world was our government thinking when it decided to outlaw running?” Miss Chandler tsked.

“The politicians were caving to social pressure from scientists that were so concerned over global warming and climate change that they convinced everyone even excess human breathing was destroying our atmosphere. Too much carbon dioxide released into the air. Thus no more huffing and puffing a good run can produce. They outlawed jogging and all forms of running for all ages.

“Puts a real damper on football, soccer, track and field and the Olympics. Almost as sad as when they required athletes to wear masks during all their sporting events back in the early '20's because of some virus scare.” Mr. Carr explained.

“Well, it is almost criminal to make children adhere to such extreme measures. Their little bodies are still forming and need the exchange of oxygen to grow properly.”

“Guess they figure they shouldn't get use to it because it will only get more difficult to stop later in their lives. Do you realize that some adults used to love running? Some even did it for fun. Claimed they got some kind of a high off of it. Somewhat like a drug. No wonder they had to forbid it with the war on drugs that has been waging since the last century.

“Well, have a nice rest of your day and I'll see you after school tomorrow.” Mr. Carr went to announce his decision to the boys on the baseball diamond.

!o!o!o!

“Attention, attention! All Units. All points bulletin. Be on the look out for a perpetrator on the loose in Treadmill Park. Last seen entering said park from the east side on foot wearing suspicious looking athletic shoes with check mark on them. That is all. No electric skateboard, scooter or bike in possession. Suspect moving swiftly potentially planning to run across the park. Use caution if try to apprehend. May have increased lung capacity therefore capable of dodging billy club and escaping to consume more than his fair share of oxygen or expelling excessive amounts of gaseous toxins into your face.”

“Would ya look at that, Alfie? That guy's chugging up that hill like there's a house afire. Think he sees that wall at the top? Ya think that might be the perp we is supposed to be on the look out for?”

“Looks like a streaker to me, alright, Conrad. But we got to be cautious. Don't spook him. He already has a pained look on his face like he is in a lot of agony.”

“Look at his arms a pumpin' away like he is fixin' to punch us. Think we need to call for back-up?”

“Let's try ta reason with him first. Maybe he'll slow down.”

“Know I'll never be able to catch him at the pace he's traveling. Gonna haf ta wound him a little with that tranq dart. You're a much better shot than I am. Maybe ya ought ta have a go at it.”

“HEY, YOU! Slow down or I'll shoot.”

“Oh, look. He hit the wall so now he's down. Let's go talk to him.”

/\ /\ /\

“Hey, Fella. Where you going in such an all fire hurry? Some animal chasing you?” Officer Alfie questions the panting would-be prey. “Conrad, tie his legs together before his final kick kicks in.”

“Tryin'...Tryin' ta...Gotta...Gotta...beat my best...my best time. Check my...my Fit-Bit.”

“Whoa. We're not up on ancient technology. But this looks like a classic case of runners' high. We are gonna have ta take you in for questioning.” Officer Alfie concludes. “Ya'll should know better than to try to outrun the law. You can't run forever.”

###

“Attention, Attention. Units A and C be on the alert a potential race riot is breaking out on the west side of Treadmill Park. Some of the walking treadmills have already been dismantled or set on fire. Several activists with pinned on numbered bibs have been spotted lining up and some official is pointing a starting pistol in the air. Looks like they'll be headed your way.”

“Let's hurry, Alfie, before they get started.”

“Na. We are in perfect position right here for when they hit the wall. Now we will call for back-up to haul them all in.

“We gotta nip this renewed running craze in the bud. Don't they know the dangers of lactic acid building up in muscles causing a burning sensation? It puts undue stress on their systems and they could wind up in the hospital which destroys our health care options. We all pay for it one way or another for their selfish health kicks. Don't they teach this stuff to kids in school?”

February 02, 2024 18:59

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

59 comments

Mary Bendickson
19:04 Feb 02, 2024

Hey, Reedsy. I really like the new notation of which number contest the story was submitted to under the title but I am wondering if they are off by one number?

Reply

Jack Kimball
19:35 Feb 02, 2024

They are off. Don't need to wonder any more. Or we are. Either way, don't need to wonder.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
19:55 Feb 02, 2024

Thanks.

Reply

19:40 Feb 09, 2024

Jack Kimbal answered your Reedsy question. You asked if you received an answer. It is above. You also replied!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
04:44 Feb 08, 2024

Great world-building and humour. Very enjoyable story. Well done, Mary! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Michał Przywara
21:45 Feb 07, 2024

Outlawing running is definitely a fun premise. I immediately thought “what about the obesity epidemic?” but then again, we're “healthy at any weight” now too, and there's no money in people running for free. There's some great satire in this premise :) I'm not sold on the dialogue in the first section. The tattling is fine, but the teacher/principal part reads too unnaturally, like an exposition dump. An alternative might have been the POV character (the teacher?) internally reminiscing about a time she ran in her youth. “race riot” :) P...

Reply

Mary Bendickson
01:14 Feb 08, 2024

Yep, should have thought of the segways. Sorry the dialog fell short. Too late to try and change. Thanks for the analysis once again you do so well. I can't seem to get the know-how for that.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Alexis Araneta
13:46 Feb 04, 2024

Ooh, another story with great world building. Great job !

Reply

Mary Bendickson
19:09 Feb 04, 2024

Glad you liked.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Michelle Oliver
12:28 Feb 04, 2024

Great story.i like the flip you’ve put on it, that staying fit is a burden on the system and on the environment. I wish I could use that excuse for real!

Reply

Mary Bendickson
13:37 Feb 04, 2024

Me too. Think they could still walk or swim. But no running. Ever see anyone with smile on face while running? So what is running for fun?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Tommy Goround
23:22 Feb 07, 2024

Well said.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Claire Trbovic
22:50 Feb 03, 2024

Such a great piece and great take on the prompt (as you so regularly do) Love the last para, rather apt. I can imagine units A and C would be waiting for the runners smoking roll ups

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ty Warmbrodt
07:17 Feb 03, 2024

Can you imagine? Wouldn't surprise me. It's a crazy world we live in, but that was a funny read. I always look forward to your stories. Can't wait to see what's next.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
07:26 Feb 03, 2024

Thank you for such encouraging words. I thought both of stories were thought provoking and hit the prompts oh so well. Once again I am jealous you could put outta two in a days time. This week's prompts should resonant for me but I am afraid I have to go back to vinyls to find something from my childhood.

Reply

Tommy Goround
23:23 Feb 07, 2024

Then you won. If your childhood was about being a child. Good theme

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Chelsey B
02:51 Feb 03, 2024

Running/having fun/moving the way a kid needs to move at recess really is outlawed at some schools due to “safety” concerns. At first, that’s where I thought this story was going, but I enjoyed the direction it took.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
04:26 Feb 03, 2024

I honestly didn't know they don't let kids run in some schools for safety reasons. Was looking at it as if a time far into the future. That is sad. Thanks for liking the story.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jack Kimball
19:34 Feb 02, 2024

I sense some irony and, dare I say, common sense, in your soul Mary. I also love the mountains the runner was climbing. /\ /\ /\ (Once I figured out the symbolism..) Also the dialogue line, "!o!o!o!" was exquisite. It's taken me a few hours, but I figured out how to pronounce this. It has a "lilt" to it. What you could do with an unfettered pen ( or keyboard) is anyone's guess? I bet they'd come to get you. 'The politicians were caving to social pressure from scientists that were so concerned over global warming and climate change that...

Reply

Mary Bendickson
19:53 Feb 02, 2024

You know they are gonna haf ta ration our oxygen. Thanks for liking and the comments:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Helen A Smith
08:05 Feb 09, 2024

A great take on the prompt, Mary. An enjoyable read. Also, thought provoking.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
15:48 Feb 09, 2024

Glad you liked it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
01:41 Feb 09, 2024

What a blast. Loved this. At the start I thought the 'no running' was an Accident prevention. In NZ there is such prevention of accidents it is like the country has gone mad. Firemen going to a fire are not allowed to run. It is called walking with purpose as one goes towards a blaze. And putting a fire out is almost unheard of. The large jets are very heavy. May cause injury! Better to use a lighter one and sprinkle from above just to prevent spread. Let it burn - less to demolish. Saves injury and danger afterwards when the demolition cr...

Reply

Mary Bendickson
15:27 Feb 09, 2024

Someone else noted that I was more correct than I realized that kids can't play so many games because of safety reasons but firemen! I don't know if Reedsy reads comments. Did it get corrected? I need to double check.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
21:55 Feb 08, 2024

Hi Mary, this is a really fun piece - some great lines in there and a really thought provoking concept, even if it is very tongue in cheek.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
22:57 Feb 08, 2024

Glad you liked it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Trudy Jas
02:58 Feb 07, 2024

So, when is this going into effect? Me? I'm allergic to sweating. But the bottoms of my feet are baby soft. :-) Wonderful take on the prompt. Great job.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
05:27 Feb 07, 2024

🦶😅😰🤧 Probably sooner than you think. Thanks for liking, commenting and following!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Lily Finch
01:14 Feb 07, 2024

The parody of exercise and race riots to reduce the carbon footprint and climate change is absurd. It is satirical and on point. I enjoyed reading this one and the tone and pace were executed well. The voice throughout was clear and deliberate. Well done. Your overall theme was not to do healthy things that are good for you because they might add to carbon dioxide emissions and global warming was the best part. Thanks for sharing, LF6

Reply

Mary Bendickson
01:49 Feb 07, 2024

My thought was 'what if running was illegal?' This is how it came out. Thanks for liking and commenting.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ken Cartisano
00:54 Feb 07, 2024

Hi Mary, Fun story. Creative take on the prompt. I have one serious complaint. Consider this a reminder to those of us, like me, and apparently you as well, that sometimes forget what we already know. I'll probably make the same mistake in my next story. But... After the line, 'What's a kid to do instead?" The next four (or five) paragraphs should be exposition, not dialogue. You can't do very much of your world building in your character's dialogue, it'll never sound natural. People might say, "Everything has changed since the pandemic...

Reply

Mary Bendickson
01:29 Feb 07, 2024

Thanks for the in depth analysis. As I mention in my bio I am fairly new to the art of writing and have not mastered all the strokes. Which reminds me to beg for your bio. You obviously are a pro. When I understand better maybe I can do better.

Reply

Ken Cartisano
04:15 Feb 08, 2024

My bio? That’s a fair question. I'm not a pro, nor new to the field of writing. I haven’t received any awards nor have I published a single thing. I have no certified credentials to be dispensing advice to writers. I’ve written and posted over 150 short-stories in various places around the web, including my own website. I’m in the final stages of wrapping up a trilogy, with the help, I hope, of an amazing writer that I met on this site. I’ve finished at the top of my fair share of meaningless contests, but since joining this site about a ...

Reply

Mary Bendickson
14:35 Feb 08, 2024

Thanks for the astute summary of your experience. Your opinion is always welcome and full of wisdom. I am first to admit I don't know the rules so of course I am bound to break them. When I began writing my manuscript I purposefully didn't want to focus on rules because I am usually so prone to the need to conform to them I didn't want to be overly consumed by them. I only wanted to let the words flow. Aware now with your advice I'll try to do better.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Tommy Goround
23:26 Feb 07, 2024

I agree with last line

Reply

Show 0 replies
19:36 Feb 09, 2024

I love this! I think it's the same with metaphors and similies. (often touted as the ultimate descriptors and picture enhancers for readers) You can over do them too. However, I use dialogue where I can. I've been told my dialogue is "immaculate". Above this you also state how blind we are to our own writing advice when we write our own. Too true.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 3 replies
Daniel Rogers
23:48 Feb 06, 2024

Exercising is a burden on our health system. I love it.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
00:41 Feb 07, 2024

Well, when you're making up excuses to outlaw gotta cover all bases.😜

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Rebecca Detti
17:08 Feb 06, 2024

Mary, I absolutely loved this and agree with the comments below about being very 1984! It is full of great humour but also incredibly disturbing at the same time. The crazy world we live in. Great stuff, look forward to more!

Reply

Mary Bendickson
19:16 Feb 06, 2024

Thank you.😊

Reply

Rebecca Detti
12:58 Feb 07, 2024

😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Jonathan Page
00:30 Feb 06, 2024

Great story! Loved the humor and creativity. A classic case of runner's high. I liked this one: "Last seen entering said park from the east side on foot wearing suspicious looking athletic shoes with check mark on them. That is all." A fun premise and an engaging read!

Reply

Mary Bendickson
03:29 Feb 06, 2024

So happy a runner like you saw the humor.🤣

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Hannah Lynn
20:04 Feb 05, 2024

Great take on the prompt! We hope that law is not coming any time soon! I’m not a runner but I do like options!!! Lol 😊

Reply

Mary Bendickson
21:56 Feb 05, 2024

Been a reluctant runner but not even that now.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Philip Ebuluofor
13:04 Feb 05, 2024

Fine work. Never know it's government that regulate kinds of plays going on in school playgrounds. Over here, you are on your own.

Reply

Mary Bendickson
15:58 Feb 05, 2024

Supposed to be something in the future but someone said it is already happening for safety reasons.

Reply

Philip Ebuluofor
20:07 Feb 09, 2024

I see.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.