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Adventure Crime Funny

It's Day 893.

I wake up in my cold, silent shell and wait. I listen, my ears focusing in on the low hum of my ship. The day this engine runs out of fuel is the day I die.

I've been out here for eight hundred and ninety three days. I'm not sure where Here is, if I'm being honest. Everything was such a mess when we left, I can hardly remember the day. I'm not sure how long I was out there, just drifting through space. Eventually I passed something big enough to have a gravitational pull and next thing you know I'm on this planet.

So here I was, landing on this random planet, totally clueless as to how old I was, what happened to Earth, or how far away I'd drifted, and I'm assuming I'm the only living thing within a thousand light years! Well, apparently I was wrong in that assumption, because I walk out of my ship and see I've landed on some house-like structure and these sentient, bipedal slugs are sitting there screaming at me. Now I'm all "Oh my god! What the hell! Where am I!" and they're all "Gleee!!! Gleep Glorrrrrp! Screeee!" and I'm like "Oh my god, how naive am I to assume aliens can speak English!"

So anyway, I befriended these slug guys and helped them rebuild their home next to my ship.

These guys are great, don't get me wrong. They're totally chill with the whole I'm-from-a-different-planet thing (after a small probing, of course). But they're really sweet! Brenda, (that's what I call the mom-slug, at least who I think is the mom), took me under her wing and really welcomed me to the planet. They really treat me like one of their own, which feels great coming from someone who's spent the last however-many-decades drifting through space in isolation.

So, back to today. Sorry, I ramble.

I push open the lid of my sleep-compartment and step out into the small interior of my ship.

Grlgrlgrlgrl.

I look down to my stomach, growling for a freeze-dried meal. As much as I love Brenda, she really can't cook. My first night here she tried feeding me what looked like green, furry spaghetti. It tasted like metal and ash. Simply put, I decided to live off of my rations for as long as I could. But now, as I'm opening my cabinet, I see only three loose beans. I suddenly wish a Walmart were nearby.

I knock on the Brenda family's door (I call them the Brenda family because I cannot tell the other two apart). Brenda opens the door and greets me with a low hiss, like the sound of air being let out of a tire.

"Hey Brenda," I walk past her into the foyer, a triangular room with bright, sparkling walls, "We've got a problem."

Brenda closes the door and turns to me, emitting a low gargle from her throat.

"I'm all out of food, Brens." She stares into my eyes, unblinking. Suddenly, she opens her mouth and lets out a high whistling noise, followed by the sound of footsteps in the hall way. Her children both run into the room, approaching their matriarch. They are buzzing.

Brenda hums a deep note, and the two turn to face me. They turn and begin to walk out the door. Brenda nods to me and I understand. I follow the small slugs out the door.

An alien market. I can't believe it.

The slug kids had taken me into the mountains behind their home base, led me down a hidden pass, and now I'm in an alien marketplace. I cannot believe my eyes.

I learn that the Slugs are not the only race on this planet. There are all sorts of alien-beings. I see tall, dark, slippery figures sluggishly passing through the crowds. To my left, two beings with boiling, melting flesh are selling some sort of crystal to a couple of small, jumping rocks. I turn around to show my amazement to the slugs, but they have vanished. Oh my god, Brenda's going to kill me.

I start running through the crowd, calling for the slugs. I'm pushing through all these aliens, and they're really getting mad at me, but I don't want Brenda to hate me, so I keep pushing. I hear a crash to my right and I turn. The crowd around me thins as pedestrians avoid the commotion. I weave my way through to the front to get a look at what's going on. I hear something grunting, I push my way past the last few onlookers and see it. The slug children. They're robbing one of the shops. Oh my god.

There they are, waving these long, electric wands through the air, screeching with these terrible, high pitched voices, and the shopkeeper is on the ground, his hands above his head. I hear screams erupt behind me and turn. In front of me stands Brenda, a humming, sparking wand in her hand.

"Brenda, no!", she pushes me out of the way and dives into the crime scene. I can't believe my eyes. I turn and run into the crowd. I feel tears pricking my eyes. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm crying over the betrayal of my alien friend.

I realize about three hours into my run through the mountains that I do not know how to get back to my ship. I completely was not paying attention while those slugs brought me to that market. I have a feeling I will never see my ship again.

It's getting dark out now, and I'm realizing that my suit has a much smaller oxygen supply than my ship, and it's getting pretty low. I'm starting to reflect on my time on this planet and my relationship with the Brenda family. I think I feel so betrayed because that was the first connection I've been able to have in decades. I spent so much time alone, drifting through the vast expanse of space. I lost my family, my friends, my home planet, but I had Brenda. Man, I miss her.

I can feel my eyes getting heavy, and I think my brain is probably shutting down. My vision is getting fuzzy and in the distance, I hear a high, sweet whistle. Brenda.

November 07, 2020 05:39

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