The Mafia's Accountant

“Honey? Honey!? Where are you?”

“In here, in the bedroom!”

“Ah, there you are.”

“You are home early, what’s wrong? You seem flustered.”

“Pack some things, we need to go. Where is that brown suitcase we have?”

“What do you mean we need to go?”

“We… We have to go away for a while.”

“What? Away where? For a while? Mitch, look at me! What are you talking about?”

“Look, I got a message from Marcola today and... It’s not safe for us here - You can’t take all of these shoes, pick like, two pairs.”

“Marcola!? The mob guy from the news? He messaged you? Why? You know him?”

“Not directly… I don’t have time to explain! Grab those jackets, please!”

“Mitch! Stop! You are an accountant! How do you indirectly know a mob guy? Explain this nonsense to me!”

“Ok… look, sit down here with me. They came into the office some while back.”

“They as in guys from the mob?”

“Yeah… Two guys that work with Marcola or, for him, I don’t know. They wanted me to look at their books, they felt something was off.”

“Are you kidding me? Why you?”

“I don’t know, I never asked!”

“Didn’t it seem like an important information to you?”

“Not really! I thought it was an amazing opportunity.”

“How in the world?”

“Because I did look at their books.”

“And?”

“And they were rudimental… it was completely amateur work.”

“I don’t know what your saying.”

“Well honey, things have always been so hard for us, we are always struggling. Never a dollar left in the bank the end of the month. Didn’t you notice we were doing better? Going out to eat? Buying new things? Our anniversary mini vacation?”

“Yes! But you said you were promoted.”

“It’s kind of true.”

“Promoted to mob accountant!?”

“Yes…“

“Oh my God.”

“I know, but please! Let’s pack while we talk, please!”

“Wait… wait, wait, wait! What did you do? Are we running from the cops or the mob?”

“The mob.”

“Why? What did you do? If you are doing their accounting, why do you have to run from them? Did you.. You stole from them?!”

“It was rudimental! I told you! They had no idea how much money they had and where it came from, I just showed them a couple of people that were robbing them, increase their revenue in like forty per cent and kept a part for us.”

“Are you crazy?”

“I’m sorry honey… I mean, I don’t know…“

“How much?”

“How much we have?”

“Yes.”

“Twenty million dollars.”

“The brown suitcase is under the bed.”

“Get the shoes.”

“Forget the shoes, we’ll buy new ones . Where are we going?”

“Anywhere we want, I guess.”

“Oh Mitch… What are we even going to tell everybody?”

“Hon, I don’t think we’ll be able to contact them anytime soon. It will be dangerous for them too.”

“We’ll just disappear? My parent will worry sick.”

“I know but.. it will just be for a while. We'll find a way to send them a message some time soon.”

“Was that the doorbell?”

“Come here, duck!”

“Oh my God. Mitch, Is that them?”

“I don’t know!”

“If it is, they’ll know you’re home, both our cars are in the drive way.”

“Let’s go out through the kitchen door.”

“I don’t think they are that stupid! What if we hide in the attic?”

“I don’t know… I would like to have the biggest distance from them possible.”

“Let’s just hide in the attic for now, we’ll think of something later.”

“Ok let’s go, grab the bag.”

“Forget the bag! We are millionaires! Just take your wallet and we are all set!”

“When was the last time we were is this attic? It’s a hundred years of dust in here.”

“Honey look at that car across the street. They are watching us!”

“Let’s just sit here and wait.. they’ll go away… I hope… Oh Mitch.. Why did you do it?”

“I’m so sorry honey, I just… we are always struggling and these guys… they are criminals you know… I just wanted us to have a little more comfort. I regret it terribly now.”

“Well… Don’t worry about it now… I would, maybe, have done the same in your shoes. But twenty million is not a little more comfort, it’s a lot. Do you think they would let us go if you gave them back the money?”

“Twenty million is nothing to them, I tell you. But that’s not how it works, I know their clients and their suppliers… I’m in it for life, for as short as that might be now… I should have never have stolen from them.”

“How do you think they found you out?”

“I have no idea. I was so careful…“

“Well, it’s done now so let’s just worry about getting out of here… it’s been over an hour that car is sitting there.”

“I guess there’s nothing more on their agenda then to kill me today.”

“Stop! Don’t speak like that! Come here, hold me.“

“Oh God. It’s my phone! They are calling me.”

“Oh Mitch, don’t answer. Let it go to voice mail…“

“Ok, there... It went to voice mail.”

“What did they say in the message this morning?”

“Nothing… they just left a dead snake in front of my office building.”

“What?”

“I know… it’s brutal.”

“No, I mean… a snake?”

“Yeah! You know, that’s the animal symbol for the accounting sciences.”

“Nobody knows that.”

“What!? Everybody knows that!”

“No… Nobody knows that! Isn’t it much more probable that snake got there some other way?”

“No… I know it was them.”

“How? Are you sure? It sounds—“

“Look! The car is moving!”

“Mitch, look at the back windshield, there’s something written on it… can you read? I don’t have my glasses.”

“Yeah, it says…. Sal’s… Home Repairs?”

“Oh my God… We are going crazy. They are not after you, honey!”

“They are! Believe me! And I don’t want to risk it anymore! Let’s get down and finish packing!”

“Fine, let’s go and I’m opening the door while we are down here.”

“Why?”

“I have a hunch. Help me down.”

“Honey don’t! Don’t open the door!”

“See?”

“A package?”

“I knew it, the doorbell was the mail!”

“That’s… Just a coincidence. Come one, we have to go.”

“Mitch. Call the guy back.”

“Are you crazy? You want me to die?”

“You are wrong, they don’t know anything about you! Trust me.”

“Trust you? And if you are wrong?”

“I am sure I am not! This is so like you, you always overreact! Specially when working on a guilty conscience.”

“I’m not calling him back.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Why do you have to do this to me? It’s always your way! Do I have to remind you about the times you were sure you were right and you were wrong? Like that time you thought your cousin was mad at you because she didn’t reply your messages and her phone was broken!”

"I’m not wrong now… please! Love! Call them back."

"Fine! I’ll call and if we both die that’ll be on you!"

"Nobody’s going to die! Well, neither of us, at least."

"It’s ringing."

"Put it on speaker."

"Hey, it’s Mitch. You called?"

"Yeah. We went by your office today but you weren’t in. What’s up?"

"I’m feeling under the weather today. Calling it a sick day."

"Ok. We’ll go by tomorrow then, to leave this month’s books. Hope you feel better tomorrow. Bye."

"I told you, Mitch! He didn’t sound suspicious at all."

"Yeah… actually, that’s completely normal... I forgot… Today's the first of the month, they always come by to drop the books."

"I told you! Come here! We are safe!"

"Yeah.. I feel a little silly now.. I completely forgot today was the first of the month…"

"Don’t worry! It's great news! I’ll finish packing while you look on the internet for airplane tickets to somewhere warm and exciting."

"We are still leaving?"

"Well, you did steal from them, didn’t you? Let’s disappear while we are ahead. Twenty million is enough for a good undercover life. I’m thinking Brazil maybe. And it better be First class!"