The Dreams of Hyung and I

Quick note:

The word "Hyung" is mentioned a lot. This word is the Korean formal way of referring to an older guy (if you are also a guy).

"Hey, Hyung," I found my older brother sitting outside on the patio illuminated with gold. The old lightbulb flickered above him, and some moths shoved their bodies frantically to the hot, burning light, which kept away the mosquitos and the darkness of the night. 

"Huh," he turned around in disarray. His sharp eyes melted into a soft gaze. He passed me a can of beer. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, thanks," I replied stiffly and accepted the beer. My brother was flushed pink. I scowled at his stupid grinning face, which showed with soundness how drunk he had already gotten. 

"Come sit!" he patted the seat beside him violently. "Come and be with me..."

"Geez, how many have you had?" I sat down. 

"Not that many-"

"Hyung, seriously,"

"Calm down, I'm telling you right now!" Hyung pat his bulging stomach. "See, it's not that big!" He groaned softly and lounged back comfortably. "I've had just the amount I usually have." 

"Like five cans?" I asked, peering over the side of the chair. 

"Maybe six."

"Hyung!" I reeled forward in shock. "Do you want to die or something?"

"Calm down," He sighed with utmost satisfaction. "Mom's never gonna know anyway."

I stared at him dumbfounded. "You think Mom's never going to know?"

"Yeah." He burped. He turned his head and gawked at me. "How will she know?"

I shook my head and put down my beer. "You know what, fine. She just went to bed anyway."

We sat there in silence for a while, sipping from our cans. The light behind us flashing through our half-ripped mosquito net attracted moths into our house. I tried to count the stars, but there were only two, flickering out curiously against the inky sky. 

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"You know," My brother craned his pink head over and pointed his fingers at me. "You know, I'm really jealous of you."

"Oh yeah?" I sat uninterested. "How come?"

"You!" He lifted his hands up and reached towards the moon as though he received a sudden revelation. "You keep us afloat!"

"What?" I glanced at him and cocked my head. "What the heck are you talking about."

"Mom's always talking about you," he smiled. "Because you got that goddamn office job. And that promotion."

"I mean, it's nothing really." I scratched my head. 

"You always give us both our allowance once a week," He chuckled, slapping his hands on his lap furiously. "Mom's super proud of you. And I'm a bum that's twice the drinking age and still live with my mother. Do you know how embarrassing it is, man?"

"Maybe you could still perform at a church," I suggested. "Or maybe teach some kids-"

"Church?" He howled. "Teach?!" He gulped down the rest of his beer and slammed down his can. "Nobody's going to let someone with an arrest record a mile near god," He waved his hand around. "Let alone a child." He sighed and lifted his fingers up to see. "What good is it to spend your entire life on these little babies when nobody cares to listen anyway."

I nodded silently. It's difficult talking to my brother when he's drunk. But to be honest, I'm already used to it; he's been drinking like a hopeless fool for while now. He got arrested for identity fraud a long time ago, and he didn't really have anywhere to go. 

"Hey."

"What."

"Pass me another can."

"No."

"What the hell, man?"

"No!"

"Agh, god damnit," my brother scratched his head. "Can't even enjoy a can of beer."

"What, you need like ten cans a night?"

"Just pass me another one."

"Ugh, fine."

My brother snatched the can and guzzled down a long gulp, refreshing gulp. His momentary pleasure and relief flushed over his face. I rolled my eyes at him so hard, he must have seen the whites of my eyes glisten like all the stars missing from the sky. 

"You happy now?" I asked, slapping his knees. 

"Oi, you ass watch what you hit." 

I grinned and looked away. The old light bulb flickered and flickered until it finally puttered out. The moonlight washed all over the patio until it was drenched in silver. The light from the door illuminated our shadows long and thin. 

"Hey,"

"What is it."

"I've decided. I want to do something at least once in my life. I really want to do something to make both of you proud."

"What."

He furiously waved his hands around his head before slamming them down with conviction. His intense eyes stared into mine, reflecting off the silent night. The force of his hands rumbled down through the rattling wooden porch. The chipped paint peeling off the side of the wall fell down to the floor. 

"I'm going to give us one day, as those Hong Kong movie stars."

I stared at him. Hong Kong movie stars? Like the ones that go to a foreign five-star hotel penthouse, with designer suits and sports cars? 

"How?"

"You know, I've been saving up," He beamed proudly. "We'll ride first-class seats, you know, with the air-hostesses making weird plates of french food we've never heard of. And then, we'll sleep in hot tubs and swim in infinity-pools at the crack of dawn."

I started to laugh. "How about traveling? Clothes?"

"I've thought of it all already," he said enthusiastically with his slurring speech. "The car, the car's gonna be rented out. But we'll make sure to get a Lamborghini. And as for the clothes, let's buy designer suits and watches and Raybands. We gotta wear designer at least once in our life."

I was laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. Tears came to our eyes. We laughed in fat and ugly breaths and cried fat, ugly tears, as the ridiculousness of the situation was so unbearable. The boss of my precarious occupation would probably have laughed at us until he died of asthma. 

"Is this why you've been stashing cash under the floorboards?"

"Wait- How did you know?"

"Dude, mom knows too! Even mom knows!"

He leaned back in shock. "No way."

"Whatever," I stood up. "I have work tomorrow," I said and put out my hand. "Let's sleep."

He stared at my hand for a minute. It was as though taking that hand would finalize his decision to become the person he yearned to be. Quietly, he pulled himself up. "Yeah, sure."

The dark enclosed the rusty porch as we went inside the house, and turned off the lights. Somewhere inside, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, were seeping through the roots of our heart and soul.