Mascot

            “How on Earth did they manage to get it all the way up there?” I asked, incredulous. A stuffed elephant doll was lodged in the ceiling fan going round and round and around. I closed my eyes and shook my head, clearing the vertigo.

               “Vodka?” replied Suzie, before laughing and turning the switch off.

               “As in, for rocket fuel? Or did you mean just for inspiration?” I shot back, before positioning the step ladder.

               “Probably both” she said snickering “One for you one for me, type deal.” I nodded and rescued the poor thing, all dust covered and misshapen. I brushed the gunk off and repositioned the stuffing. The fur was a little matted, but it started to look a little better,

“You’re ok buddy” I whispered to it as I tossed it onto the couch and cleaned the blades of the fan. There were streamers and fairy lights attached all over the bottom and cleaning the tape off took a lot of concentration.

               The room smelled of old alcohol and ghostly cigarette smoke, stale food, and human shame. I breathed it in, smelled like money to me. Between Suzie and I we would have this place shining again in no time. It's what we do, though we are no ordinary cleaning service.

               “Oh man, not again” Suzie moaned as she cleared the last of the party debris off the floor. I looked down and saw the red stains in the shape of a circle.

               “Awe man,” I said with frustration, “no wonder they called us.” I sighed and climbed down the ladder. We folded it and put it away before examining the pentagram on the ground. Suzie scraped at it with her steel toed boot and a bit of the red flaked away.

               “Well, it’s not blood” she said leaning in closed. “I think its….” She sniffed at it and came away grinning “it’s hot sauce!” she exclaimed, and we laughed. What kind of amateurs use hot sauce to summon a demon? At least we were safe I thought. No self-respecting demon would bother to show up for anything less than a blood sacrifice and vessel. No dead bodies around, no demon. Easy Peasy.

               “Could be worse.” I said with a smile and went to the kitchen to fill the water bucket. Soap, vinegar, a little sage oil. A touch of cinnamon and a short blessing over the water. When we clean, we really clean. Back in the living room, I handed one of the large brown sponges to Suzie and took one for myself. We sat cross legged for a moment at the edges and created a ball of white light between us. We covered the space and then let it go. The light washed over the room, bathing everything is a warm yellow glow until it touched the elephant doll. It moved, got up onto its chubby little stuffed animal legs and stretched. It fell awkwardly and tried again. We sat awestruck as it examined its little limbs, stretched out its nose feeling it with its stumpy front legs. Shaking its head from side to side like a swimmer trying to dislodge water from its ears.

               “This is a new low.” it muttered in a deep guttural growl and sat back on the couch with a huff. It crossed its arms and then uncrossed them, tried to pick up a half empty vodka bottle off the table.

               “Um…Hello?” I said into its general direction. I was fighting the urge to scream like a little girl. In all the years of Holistic Cleaning, I had yet to come across something quite so…alive.

               “hey toots” said the elephant, turning its beady little eyes at me. There was an intelligence there that made my blood run a little cold.

               “Having an issue of some kind?” Suzie asked, a little more calmly than I had managed.

               “look at me” it said, gesturing down at itself in disgust. “I’m a freaking doll. This is an insult and an outrage. I swear, I am never drinking again” Suzie and I looked at each other, trying not to laugh. How many times, I thought, had I uttered those very words.

               “Ok” I said, “What happened?”

               “All I know” it said, still trying to handle the bottle “is that one minute, I am at this posh party, surrounded by the winged ones, and the hooved ones, when who shows up but Loki himself. Tricksy bastard. One minute he’s handing me a drink and the next minute I’m a fricken elephant.” he explained and pushed the bottle down off the couch in frustration. It just couldn’t work the lid. I stood up and went over to it. Without considering the consequences, I unscrewed the cap and handed it back. It took the bottle and muttered a

“Thanks doll” before upending the bottle into its little mouth. Predictably, the liquid did nothing more than soak the fabric and began leaking onto the couch.

               “Damn it” it said frustrated and flung the bottle away. It landed with a thud and I glared down at the thing.

               “stupid human booze.” The elephant glowered.” Those jerks trapped me without a stomach. I swear when I get out of this, I am making myself a pair of Loki boots.” Suzie and I looked at each other again. Neither of us had ever dealt with this type of possession before. I didn’t know this was possible.

               “Ok,” I said, “how do we free you?” The elephant looked up at me. I was amazed at how a stuffed animal could manage so many emotions and expressions without muscles, but it was pretty clear, the elephant was laughing bitterly.

               “You can’t” it said a little angry now “I’m stuck like this.” It thumped off the couch and stalked over the pentagram. “you see this?” it said, using its little foot to rub at the mark on the floor.” It is not blood. So, the usual path back cannot be with the same blood. They cut the way off for me. “It sat in a huff, dramatically sprawled on the floor and began throwing a temper tantrum.

               “Oh, grow up,” Suzie said, rolling her eyes. She walked into the kitchen and came back with a half empty bottle of hot sauce. She showed it to the crying elephant, and it calmed down.

               “You mean, that’s what they used?” he looked hopeful and then indignant. “Hot sauce? Really? Humans!” he threw his little limbs up in frustration. “If you retouch the circle and read the spell backwards, I should be sent home. Do you have the spell?”

               “Well, no” I admitted. The elephant lay back and began to wail. “Calm down now, I’m sure it's around here somewhere.” I looked around but there was nothing in the immediate vicinity. “Look why don’t we put you somewhere nice and comfy while we finish cleaning. I’ll take a photo of the floor and we will remake the circle.”

               “With the same hot sauce?” he asked, sniffling. I smiled down at him and pet the top of his head.

               “Yes, with the same hot sauce.” I realized I was treating a major demon like a small child but at that moment it seemed to be ok with it. Who was I to argue?

               “Ok” he said, mollified. I lifted him onto the couch and placed him on a pile of cushions.

Suzie and I got to work. We threw out the garbage, collected the bottles. We worked at the stains and vacuumed the place to within an inch of its life. As I was cleaning under the couch the vacuum hit against something solid and I reached down. It was a book.

               “Summoning demons, the art of trading your soul.” I lifted it in the air with a whoop and was met with smiles and applause. Suzie was always my biggest fan. I did a mock bow and together three of us riffled through the pages until we found the one we needed. It wasn’t a very long chant, and not very complicated. Suzie set to retouching the hot sauce pentagram and I wrote the chant out backwards. I had learned long ago not to wing it. The elephant sat quietly next to Suzie watching her work. It was the oddest thing I thought, watching a living doll.

               “So, what do you want?” he asked suspiciously once we were ready to begin the ritual. “nothing comes for free obviously and this isn’t just some little thing.” Suzie grinned at him and replied before I got the chance.

               “As much as we would love to have a talking, stuffed, elephant mascot for our company I think it's time we sent you home. Let’s say, you owe us a favor.”

               “I hate favors, but alright. Just don’t summon me with hot sauce, it's mortifying.”

               “Deal” I said and began the chant.

By 6 o’clock the top floor of the condo building looked as pristine as the day it was first sold. The carpet was fresh and fragrant, surfaces gleaming. I picked up the now empty stuffy from the floor and took it down to our van. We kept the doll as a reminder that one day, we would be able to cash in a favor, from a demon. Suzie stood back to examine her work after she had found a way to mount it to the ceiling.

               “So, I guess we have a mascot after all?” she asked, elbowing me in the ribs.

               “I guess elephants really are good luck” we laughed, and I slammed the door of the van shut.

Just another day at the Holistic cleaners, I thought with a smile.