Decaffeinate My Heart

Louisa Taylor, known to everyone except her grandmother as Isa, loved misty morning hikes, her nieces, and bohemian pillows, but if she was being honest, she rolled out of bed each morning for two reasons: coffee and Cam.

The mere thought of a mug of coffee was enough to give her a warm, cozy feeling equivalent to snuggling in front of a winter fire, and the smell, well, that jump started her brain before she even took a sip. It was, in short, her beloved addiction.

Cam, on the other hand, who might have once been called her secret obsession, recently dropped to the more reasonable role of close friend and confidante, although she still harbored the occasional fantasy. He was, quite conveniently, her co-worker and cube mate.

“Good morning, boys.” Isa tipped her head sideways to wiggle in an earring as she walked to her closet, passing two framed photos on the dresser, both of herself smiling with different men. She greeted them without a glance, defeating the purpose of their side by side presence in her room: to help her choose.

“Not boyfriends,” she added as an afterthought, then moved on to a quick mental checklist of the big events on this Christmas Eve. Marketing pitch at 10, meeting at 2, work party at 7.

She shimmied into a dark green dress that matched her eyes and topped it with a pale gray blazer. She quickly assessed herself in the mirror. Did she look like someone who might get a giant promotion today?

Coffee first. She could face anything after that.

She headed out, grabbing a leather, flower embossed briefcase off a hook by the teal front door. It had been a gift from her twin sister, who loved indulging Isa’s pride in being a whimsical business woman. She double-checked the contents before departing, then snapped it shut.

***

The door jingled, and a puff of warm, java scented air greeted Isa when she stepped into her favorite breakfast spot, a tiny hole in the wall coffee shop near her apartment. She was not alone in her addiction, for she lived in Seattle, where coffee practically fueled the city. She waved to Hayden across the room, then ordered a cappuccino, scone, and egg.

He hopped up and kissed her cheek before she slid into their usual booth by the window. His laptop sat open, dominated by a manuscript of his latest book, next to an empty coffee cup and a plate of crumbs.

“Looks like you got an early start,” Isa said.

“Yeah, I wanted to get some work done before you got here so we can talk. I know tonight will be crazy, and you’ll be busy with your family tomorrow.” Hayden leaned forward eagerly.

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t talk today. I have to prep for this marketing pitch. It’s the big one.”

The smile fell from his face. “But it’s Christmas Eve!”

“I know, I know.” Isa squeezed his hand, then plopped a stack of papers on the table. Hayden reluctantly returned to typing while she ate and flipped through printed PowerPoint slides.

When she stowed them away in her briefcase, Hayden tried again. “So, I’ve been thinking-”

“Hold on, I have to order Charlie’s coffee real quick.”

He sighed. “Is that really necessary?”

“The man needs his coffee!” Isa paid, grabbed the coffee, and glanced at her watch. “I gotta run. The bus will be here in two minutes.”

Hayden protested.

“You know the routine!” She kissed him and ran out the door, right as the bus crested the hill and barreled down toward the corner. It screeched loudly to a stop, and the doors swung open. Isa grabbed the metal hand rail.

“Isa, wait!”

She twisted on the first step and gawked as Hayden dashed down the sidewalk. She rarely met up with him outside of the coffee shop, and it felt bizarre to see him move so quickly, like a penguin that had suddenly sprouted legs.

“Can you catch the next bus?” His eyes flashed wildly.

“Big meeting!” She couldn’t believe she had to say it again.

“Listen, I know we haven’t known each other that long-”

“On or off?” the bus driver asked.

“But I think we’re great together-”

“Gotta go!” the driver yelled.

“I’ll say it quick- will you marry me?”

Isa’s eyes widened, shock coursed through her body, and words escaped her, probably back to the land of the penguins.

“Leaving!” The doors jerked shut.

“Um, I’ll call you!” she shouted through the glass. The bus jumped forward and left Hayden standing forlorn on the sidewalk.

Isa climbed the steps and found a bus full of people watching her. She ducked her head and moved quickly to the third row, thankful she didn’t have to walk past all of them. An older gentleman removed a newspaper on the aisle seat, and she handed him the coffee.

He eyed her suspiciously. “Well?”

“I didn’t see that coming.”

“He’d be crazy not to snatch you up.” He sipped the coffee.

“We’re not even officially dating. I made sure he knew that!” She groaned. “That was so awkward.”

“So, you don’t want to marry him... Well, no wonder, with that lousy proposal. Isa, I can do better.”

She frowned and looked up at him.

“You are lovely and smart, and I knew you were kind even before you started bringing me coffee each morning. Would you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?”

She stared at him. They had all gone mad. “Charlie...”

“Oh, I know you probably don’t want to marry an old guy like me, but I thought it was worth a shot.” He smiled his crooked grin she had come to love. “Maybe I can at least set the bar a little higher for what a proposal should sound like. It can only go up from here.”

***

Isa tapped her fingers repeatedly on her briefcase as the elevator made its way to the eighth floor of the office building. The lady next to her with crossed arms and a tight bun side-eyed the noisy fingers.

“Sorry,” Isa said, “but have you ever been proposed to twice in one morning? It’s maddening.”

The woman raised her eyebrows and stared down the crack in the doors as if willing them to open. “Lucky you.”

The elevator dinged loudly. Isa strode across her floor, stopping to fill a cup with the not so yummy, but necessary kind of caffeine, also known as break room coffee. Despite the sour flavor, she gulped down half the contents before reaching her cubicle.

“Hey, hey, big day!” Cam spun in his chair and grinned at her.

“Yep.” She ran her fingers through her hair, clenching them into fists partway through and hanging onto the locks.

“What? You look worked up about something.”

Isa spilled the details of the morning.

Cam laughed with disdain. “That’s really what he said? I thought he was a writer. Charlie has a better chance than he does.”

Isa glared at him and turned to the computer, gracing him with the back of her head.

He watched as her right knee started to bounce; her fingers joined in by drumming on the desk. “Alright, want me to talk you down? Then we can go over the presentation. Only one hour left!”

Fifty minutes later, Isa stood up, breathing slow and steady, prepared to make the pitch.

Cam handed her a cup. “Sip of water so you don’t have coffee breath. You’ve got this.”

“Let’s do it,” she said with a nod.

***

Cam and Isa left the conference room as victors. Their boss, Randy, shook her hand enthusiastically as the rest of the group filed out around them. Isa walked with feigned dignity across the building, but the jubilation bubbled over when they reached their desks.

“We did it!” She squealed (a muted, office level squeal, of course) and threw her arms around his neck.

Cam grabbed her face and smashed a kiss on her forehead. “You crushed it! I mean, that went way better than I even expected. We need to celebrate! Come on, let’s get Becca and AJ to go out to lunch with us.”

Isa froze. “Lunch. I totally forgot I have a lunch date with Monroe.”

“Are you serious? Can’t you reschedule?”

“No, he was really excited about it, and I promised.” She glanced at her watch. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

“Where are you eating?”

“The Capital Grille.”

“Woah, that’s pretty fancy.” Cam shoved his hands in his pockets. “I guess we can celebrate at the work party tonight.”

Isa rushed to the bathroom to freshen up with her toothbrush and some lipstick. The thought of sitting close to Monroe always brought on the jitters, although she had yet to figure out why he made her so nervous. She popped her lips together. Better to not think about it.

***

Isa snuck in quietly after lunch and pulled up her email. Her hand shook as she moved the cursor across the screen. Suddenly, her chair jerked to the side, causing her to drop the mouse. It clattered on the desk before falling to the floor.

Cam grabbed her left hand. “Which one?”

Isa’s face burned red. “Monroe.”

“You said yes?”

Her hand remained trapped in his. She frowned. “Not exactly.” She paused for a quivering breath. “I said I needed to think about it, and he asked me to wear it while I made up my mind. He said we were a power couple.”

“Wow. Romantic.” Cam spun the ring until the diamond disappeared under her hand. He slowly ran his thumb down the length of her ring finger, then pushed back abruptly and rolled to his desk.

Isa’s phone vibrated with a text. Hayden’s name glowed on the screen. She snatched it up and shoved it deep into her briefcase.

She remained bent over with her head between her knees. “I think I may be having a panic attack.” She rocked back and forth. “Is it possible to decaffeinate my heart? It’s all jacked up from these proposals.”

“You drink too much coffee,” he grumbled.

“It’s not the coffee!” She sat up and tried to rub away the fluttering sensation in her chest.

“It is! You go, go, go, fueling up on caffeine and ego boosts from your boys to get you through the day. I think you should drop them both.” He looked away, embarrassed by the vehemence in his argument. “They’re bad habits.”

After a painful moment of silence, Cam sighed. “I got you a little Christmas present.”

Isa caught a metal bottle that came flying her way.

“It’s blue to remind you to put water in it, not coffee. I already washed and filled it for you.” He turned back to his computer.

“Thank you, Cam.” She looked down at her white knuckles clutching the gift. “That was really thoughtful.”

Isa strained to focus on her email for the next few minutes. She reached for the new bottle and took a swig right as her work IM dinged. A new message popped up on the screen. Isa choked on her mouthful of water and spewed it out all over the keyboard.

“Oh, shoot!” Cam jumped over with a tissue box. He looked at the screen.

IM from Randy: I have a proposal for you. My office in ten minutes.

Isa coughed into a tissue and gasped for air. “This is the weirdest Christmas Eve of my life.”

“Not the best?”

She dabbed at the water pooling between the keys and gritted her teeth.

“Maybe you just haven’t gotten the right proposal yet.”

She stood and faced him. They studied each other solemnly, the twelve inches between them a mighty chasm. Then she shrugged. “Fourth time’s the charm?”

“Well, you already have an engagement ring and he’s married, so...”

“Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need luck.”

***

When Isa returned, she sank into her chair and remained motionless.

“You look shell-shocked. Did it go badly?”

“I got the promotion. And the raise.”

Cam frowned. “You don’t look very happy.”

“I guess I can use the extra money to buy a new keyboard and maybe a mouse, too.”

“Nonsense, the company will cover that. You can use your money for something fun, like a honeymoon.”

She stood abruptly. “I’m going out for a smoke break.”

“But you don’t smoke,” he said as she exited.

Isa stepped out of the ground floor lobby and squinted. Apparently, winter had been suspended for the day. The sun cut through the thin air with a sharp and stunning clarity, bouncing off the white concrete with renewed intensity. After months of gray, the extreme quantity of light was overwhelming; cars crashed on days like this in Seattle.

Someone had recently given the cube sculpture in the center of the courtyard a push, and the silver giant now spun a slow and improbable pirouette on the tip of one corner. Isa stood entranced, eyes fully open, while her mind fragmented into little pieces that floated away in the unlikely sunbeams. Reality had been hijacked.

She began to take giant drags of cool air, hoping to still the tremors in her chest, but lost count after 18. Finally, the oxygen over saturated her lungs, and she plopped down on a concrete bench, quite woozy.

Sweaty palms on the cool bench. A diamond heavy on her hand. She glanced down at the foreign object that screamed imposter, and it blinded her with a wicked sparkle.

Isa hopped to her feet, ripped off the ring, and shoved it in her pocket. Smoke break over.

***

Their company’s annual Christmas Eve party never failed to please. Delicious heavy h’ordeuvres, a live band, and an open bar always created a festive environment.

Isa chatted with the many co-workers who had become her friends over the years. She wore a bronze dress that shimmered when she moved; she religiously boycotted red at Christmas.

The lead singer of the band leaned into the microphone with a rich baritone. “Now we’re going to play one that’s slow and sweet, so grab someone you love, someone you like, or just somebody who looks like they need to dance.”

A warm hand slid into Isa’s. She turned and looked into Cam’s handsome face.

“Dance with me?” he asked with a soft smile.    

A case of juvenile nerves skittered up her spine as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Are you cold?”

“No,” she said, but he pulled her closer. With heels on, she almost matched his height, and they swayed to the crooning of a low saxophone, his cheek brushing hers. Strangely, it made her feel like crying, or maybe that was the influence of two glasses of wine.

“Don’t marry them,” he whispered in her ear.

Instead of responding, she took a deep breath of his cologne. Slightly sweet, but fresh. And amazing.

“Isa.”

“Hm?”

He suddenly pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. “Please don’t marry them.”

She swallowed and searched his eyes, both agonized and exhilarated by his touch. His face reflected the pain she felt. “Why not?”

“Because I’d never get over it.”

Isa had no idea who closed the gap. All she knew was the river of warmth flowing through her as his lips covered hers and his fingers slid into her hair.

He poured his soul into that kiss, as if it might be his only chance. He whispered against her lips. “I love you, Isa.”

Tears streamed down her face, evidence of the incredible surge of that feeling in herself, which had been hidden away for so long. She traced his jawline with her fingertips and then gently touched his lips. “I love you, too.”

His face lit up with a giant smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

Isa softly kissed him, then leaned close to his ear. “Would it be crazy if I asked you to marry me?”

His eyes widened. “Yes.”

Isa’s chagrin ignited for half a moment before shock doused it out.

Cam pulled a ring from his pocket and lowered himself to one knee. “Louisa Hope Taylor, I have been in love with you for over two years, and I want to be the only man in your life. Will you marry me?”

Isa nodded wildly. Cam slid the ring onto her finger, and she didn’t even look at it before throwing her arms around his neck.

This one felt right.

No caffeine needed.