The Lake

I emerge through the trees and the fog, and find myself standing at the shore of an enormous lake. There are no ripples, no waves, no reflection, and no one else. Endless and empty. Like a vast silver coin. I find companionship in it. The only unique thing I found in these empty woods. So I stay with it and circle it for a very long time. Occasionally I throw a stone into it or trace it with a stick. Again, it makes no ripples or waves. It’s like it just swallows my stones. I have no warmth as I lay here bare. The sun never shines, the night never comes, the wind never blows, and I never sleep. Where am I? Why am I here? 

“Why you’re at the halfway point, of course.” 

I look up and see a formally dressed woman. The first bit of human contact I’ve had in a long time. And yet I am extremely alarmed. 

“Hello! My name is Asterisk. I will be the guide for your descent.” 

“My… My what? You’re who? I’m where? What is going on here?” 

“She examines a clipboard that I could swear wasn’t in her hands a moment ago. 

“Hmm Let’s see. Unfortunately, it seems you’ve passed away. Says it was a hiking accident...” 

“So you’re saying I fel--” 

“Which resulted in a broken leg…” She flips a page. “Then while you were prone, you were attacked by a puma.” 

I blink. “A puma?” 

“It bit into your carotid artery. But you were rescued by a forest fire, which drove the puma away, and cauterized the wound.” She turns the page again. “It also severely burned your flesh, but the fire was quickly extinguished by a rainstorm. Which then resulted in a flash flood, which carried you down the mountain, where you--” 

“I-I’m sorry. Asterisk, was it? How did I actually die?” 

She flips two more pages. “Ah! The next morning. Due to dehydration.” She puts the clipboard in her… back pocket? “Wow you had quite the adventurous last day, didn’t you!?” 

I rub my head trying to process all of this. Just staring down at this hollow lake. 

So, I’m dead. And you said you’re my guide?” 

“Corect.” 

“Guide to where? Heaven, Hell, Shangri-La?” 

“No nothing like that. This is the Lake of Reincarnation. I am here to Guide you through your transition so that you may begin life anew.” 

“Wait you’re telling me I get a second chance?” 

“Actually if we were to use redundant numbers for this program, It would be your 15 million, 6 thousand, 300 and 44th chance. A more accurate way to view it would be to have a new first chance. As a wholly new person.” 

“Oh. So I get to go back to earth, but I’d be completely different.” 

“Correct.” 

“No memories, new place, none of the people I knew.” 

“Correct. But you would keep the core essence of yourself. The most essential elements that make you an individual.” 

“Like which parts?” 

“That is what this program will help to determine.” 

“And what if I say no? Maybe I wanna stay as I am.” 

“You absolutely have the choice to do that. But that would mean you’d have to go back into the woods, and wander there for the rest of eternity. And to be frank, I don’t want you to do that. My job is to ensure that my clients get the best out of their next life as they can.” 

So that’s my choice. Keep all the memories of all the things I love, but wander through purgatory pines forever, or go back to the world of the living, but take nothing with me. It’s not fair. None of this has been fair. How do I know I’m not gonna live worse than the first time? But on the other hand, I spent long enough in this void to know that this is no way to live. 

"To reiterate, you are dead. So none of this is a way to live at all." 

"I'm sorry, have you been reading my mind?" 

"No. It's just that the border between the mental and the physical doesn't exist here. It's completely transparent." 

"Um, ok." This is no way to exist. If this is the only way to live again, and keep the best parts of myself, then maybe I should take it. 

"I'll need your verbal confirmation." 

"(Inhale, Exhale) Ok. I'll do it." 

I turn around to see Asterisk completely nude just like me. Only she has no human genitalia on her body. So maybe my choice of pronouns have been incorrect. 

"That sort of thing is irrelevant here." 

"Would you please stop doing that." 

"Let's not waste anymore time if you would. Step up to the lake and we will begin." 

I stand right next to her and stare down again into the abyss. What is reincarnation gonna feel like? What will I see? Am I strong enough to handle it? 

"I can tell that you are prone to stressing. So the house offers this complimentary rubber ducky." 

Wow. Really? The Rubber Ducky… of Reincarnation. 

"I know it seems ridiculous, but trust me it really helps." 

(Sigh) I just take the duck. Even has a fluffy wrist strap so I don't lose it. 

We crouch, she counts to 3, and we dive headfirst into the Lake. It doesn't really feel like water. It's more like some kind of energy. It's moving through me as I move through it. It's dark, and it's murky. We move further down. Asterisk communicates that I don't need to hold my breath. Not that I had any to begin with. The deeper we get, it's like my definitions are splintering. Fanning out in all directions. And in waves I fold back in. I can’t see exactly what’s happening to me, so I look to Asterisk. All she’s doing is glowing. She shows me the way through the currents. So I don’t get swept into the endless nothingness. With each current, my fanning pulses get harder. More forceful. Or purposeful. 

And through Asterisks Illumination, I begin to see aspects of myself leaving me. Like glowing, single-minded lifeforms. Swirling down the currents like a drain. I recognize them. My physical form. 

“Time to make a decision. You must choose quickly, or else the current will crush you. And remember. The more you take, the more difficult it will be to reach the other side.” 

I stop as the aspects swim around me. My blonde hair, tan skin, above average height, thick eyebrows, Birthmark, even my gender. I have to think fast. The pressure is already increasing. I really like my height and my hair, but I only grab my birthmark and force myself back into the current. Even a fraction of that pressure, and this decision, were so strong and overwhelming. Fortunately she was right. Squeezing the rubber duck is pretty relaxing. 

“See? What’d I tell you?” 

More parts of my being scatter and race ahead in our descent. My personality traits. This is going to be tricky. Sarcastic, adventurous, flirtatious, Angry, Inquisitive, arrogant, sensitive. The pressure squeezes me tighter and tighter. Maybe I can take two. I can’t imagine going one or 10 lifetimes without wanting to explore, so of course I grab the adventurous bug. I like asking hard questions, but I think the small sensitivity bug will be more helpful in the long run. 

“You must hurry. You’re losing yourself.” 

I comply and try to prise myself out of the current. It was much harder than the first one. I sqeeze this damn duck so hard as I race back down to her. 

“How many dead people have you put through this?” 

“Scores. But it is a necessary job. Onc this Is all over, you’ll feel so much better.” 

“Does it not bother you that I take so little with me?” 

“You’re not supposed to be born a complete person. You were far from complete when you died. You’ll fill in the blanks as you go. I think that that’s the greatest priviledge.”  

Some huge aspects break away from me. Whales moving at blinding speed. 

“You can really only capture one of these. I’ll give you a boost.” 

 She takes my hands, spins my around, and I shoot off like a star. I try to grab each of my aspects, but they’re quick. Like they’re deliberately avoiding me. I swim harder. I throw the duck away. I reach out, and I’m so close. Finally I grab hold of it’s tail. Then this intense feeling washes over me. A memory. One I thought I had long forgotten. I found someone at there lowest. And I stayed with them. Held them. Comforted them. And w never uttered a single word. For a while we were each other’s whole world. All the lights, the music, the presents and the fireworks, they meant nothing compared to how we felt in that moment together. How could I forget this? How could I screw up so many relationships in my life, when this feeling, this power was what I needed? I’ve made some mistakes, but I won’t do that again. 

I load everything I need into my carry-on. 

“You did wonderfully. Most people focus too much on the first levels, and can’t get to the best aspects at the end. I suppose you’re all set?” 

“I am.” 

“Then all I need is for you to sign out here.” 

She takes that clipboard out again, and I leave my impression on it. And rate her 5 stars for her trouble. 

“Thank you so much, asterisk.” 

“You’re welcome. You’ll see me again very soon.” 

She disperses, and I head onward into the light at the bottom of the lake. I can’t wait to do it all over again. 

The End