17 comments

General

April 2nd, 2019

I'm looking at myself in the mirror, studying myself. Looking for my flaws, my perfections. I have a lot more flaws than perfections. I'm so clumsy, like a bull in a china shop. I'm socially awkward, I cant keep a conversation going, there's too many awkward silences. I have the biggest crush on the dorkiest kid in school. I have horrible hair, its a reddish brown color with blond highlights, and goes like an inch past my shoulders. I don't understand how God could make someone as hideous and ugly as me. How much did he hate my parents to curse them with me. My body is the shape of a pear, that's what most people say. When they say it, they clench there jaws and force a smile. That must be bad. My thighs are too wide for the rest of my body.

Perfections. Not many. I have ocean blue eyes. And everyone tells me I'm so kind. I don't believe them. My mom say's too have confidence in myself. But how do you have confidence when the prettiest girl in school is your sister. When the smartest girl in school is your sister. When your sister is flawless. When your sister is perfection and your just her shadow. Someone who's just there when she has sleepovers. Not included in them. Just there. Why couldn't I have been born into some family that's exactly like me. A mess. An ugly, stupid, dork crushing, socially awkward, clumsy mess of a family. Where my sister was just as much of a nobody as I was. It's not fair that she gets to be the perfect one. The praised one. I want just one thing that I can be praised for, something I'm good at. But it looks like I'll never get that.


April 9th, 2019

It has been exactly one week since I wrote that. I haven't changed much. Not by looks. Not by personality. Not by coordination. Not by crushes. But I did get a therapist. I had a huge mental breakdown a couple days after I wrote that entry. Somebody finally noticed me. But not in a good way. They told me I was ugly and stupid. They told me to do the world a favor and go away. Forever. I don't know why that hurt so much. It doesn't make sense why it hurt. It just did. What hurt the most is that it was my sisters boyfriend. Alexa was in the bathroom and he came up to me and said it. Just walked right into my room and told me to die. And now I'm wondering if it really would be helpful to the world if I just go away. Forever. Of course, I haven't told my therapist this. That would be a stupid move. And I'm not telling Alexa either. She really likes this dude and I don't want to take that away from her. I don't want to hurt her, just because he made a rude comment. It's not like I'd actually kill myself. Right? Stop thinking that way. It's not good to question whether you want to live.


April 14th, 2019

I was finally able to tell Alexa what her boyfriend said. As soon as I told her she called him and they broke up. She blocked him on all her social media's. She posted on her snap story what a jerk he was. She told them what he said to me. Today at school everyone patted me on the back. Everyone glared at him and said nice things to me. It gave me a sense of serenity that he was the only one who thought that I should kill myself. What a slut. What was even better than all the pats and nice things said combined, was that my crush came up to me and told me that I was worth more than all the money in the world. It meant so much that it came out of his mouth. It wouldn't have meant more if God had said that to me. At the end of the day every one lined up on the side of the hallways and clapped for me as I walked to the bus. It was so sweet. It gave me confidence. For the first time in my entire life I had confidence. And it was going to stay that way. This was the day that I was going to accept myself for who I am. I may get scared of what other people think but I will never let go of my true self.


April 21st, 2019

This morning I woke up and didn't look in the mirror. I got dressed and put my hair up without judging myself. Without feeling like I was stupid. Without worrying about what everybody else thought. I dressed for me and me only. I liked it that way. I didn't care that Alexa had a better outfit than me. It didn't matter because I was a new person since the day I was clapped for. I had gained so much confidence in myself. I felt like I could finally be myself no matter how many people thought I was weird. Their thoughts couldn't change how I dressed or acted, what they thought didn't matter to me. I was my own person and I could dress and act how I wanted. I am Destiny Turner. The one and only. I had experienced a tough time that, but it made me stronger. I wanted to thank that person because without their cruel thoughts, I wouldn't be who I am today. But I hope that person learned to be kinder. A better person. I hope that someday he will have good friends. A nice house. A good job. A nice husband or wife and good kids. That this experience will make him think before he speaks. And I hope he will apologize someday. It would make me feel better if I knew he felt bad. But until then I don't know.



April 03, 2020 21:06

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17 comments

Kali Bennett
22:16 Apr 08, 2020

Hey, I read your other story too and if you haven't check out my comment there, you might want to. I love this story a whole lot! My only suggestions would be to maybe have it over a longer period of time, or record more often. The first two entries were a week apart, but maybe make one in between or so to really tell everything. Keep on writing, Aida. -Callie

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Aida D
12:52 Apr 09, 2020

Thanks for the feedback!

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Phoebe Barr
04:13 Apr 07, 2020

This is a sweet little story! Short but conveyed a powerful transition in Destiny's character and mindset, and I thought your epistolary voice was very good. I also like the full-circle aspect of the narrative. If you like I could give you a few concrete writing tips, now that I've gotten a glimpse of your style and can see how you might bring it out even more.

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Aida D
17:58 Apr 07, 2020

Oh please, I would love for the tips!

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Phoebe Barr
19:39 Apr 07, 2020

So, what I like about your stories (I've also read "the note in the snow" now) is that they're grounded in really common tween/teenage problems like dealing with insecurity, jealousy, complicated friendship and relationship dynamics, etc. I think a great way you could bring out those relatable elements more is by giving them more specificity. Destiny is "clumsy and socially awkward," so it would be great for her to recall a specific time or two when she embarrassed herself, maybe saying something stupid or tripping in front of her crush. Des...

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Aida D
12:52 Apr 09, 2020

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I read some of you stories and they were great!

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Jubilee Forbess
21:41 Apr 04, 2020

Hi, if you don't mind me asking for clarification, what exactly was the first the main character experienced in this story? First mental breakdown, first time their crush talked to them, first time recognizing their true self worth? These would all work, I think, but I'm just asking what you meant because it is, after all your story. I liked it a lot and have some tips on writing a next story too because I can tell you can write very well but everyone can use feedback.

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Aida D
23:24 Apr 06, 2020

This was her first time she felt confident in herself. Thanks, if you don't mind, could you give me some tips?

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Jubilee Forbess
02:42 Apr 07, 2020

Yeah, sure. So. Tips in general for writing: 1.) Try your best to write every day, even if you feel like there's absolutely nothing to write about. You can always go back and delete it all if it's trash, but either way, it builds a strong habit and so when you do have a great idea, it won't feel forced. 2.) Write down anything you think of and see, hear, or feel that could possibly be a good story, poem, book, or play. This can even be the smallest things, like something funny a family member or friend said, or something a lot bigger, li...

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Aida D
17:57 Apr 07, 2020

Thank you so much, these are really helpful!

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Zilla Babbitt
19:35 Apr 07, 2020

Aida this is awesome. I've seen you asking around Reedsy for advice and I'd like you to know I totally respect you for that. You've got guts, and thanks too because I read over the advice from other authors and remember it.

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Aida D
12:54 Apr 09, 2020

Thanks Zilla! I was really excited to see you commented on my story! knowing your pretty well known around Reedsy.

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10:28 Apr 14, 2020

I really like the moral of this story. I noticed some mistakes in grammar? I feel they were intentional?

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Aida D
00:02 Apr 16, 2020

There is an intentional couple.

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01:32 Apr 18, 2020

Alright!

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Echo Sundar
21:36 Nov 24, 2020

I really love this story and the message about self-confidence!

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Ivy Spade
23:36 Apr 16, 2020

Great story! I liked how it unfolded, but it feels a little rushed, it felt short too. I liked it a lot! I wish you would have made it a little longer. Great story though!

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