Clean Up After A Party

Donald wakes. He notices that the flood of morning sunlight is not on the bed. It indicates that it is pass noon. With sleepy eyes he checks the time on the nightstand clock. It is almost two oh clock. He moves to sit on the side of the bed and that is when it strikes his head, the alcohol consumed during the party. He sits still to let the awful rattling dissipate from his head.

           “Edward,” he says. There is no answer. He looks at the side of the bed where Edward sleeps. He is not there. Donald surmises that he must be in the basement cleaning up. So, after minutes to gather himself, he slips into casual wears then skips the formality of washing up. He steps slowly to the stairway. They live in a townhouse with a basement; that is where the party happened last night. At the top of the basement stairway, he calls out, “Edward.”

           “It’s about time,” Edward says.

           Donald steps down to the basement. “My goodness what a mess.”

           “That’s why I just waited here until you woke up,” Edward says. He waits with brooms and dustpans. He pulls trash bags from the box then gives Donald the box who does the same. They begin to fill the bags and rearrange the furniture.

           “We’ll have to mop the floor,” Donald says, “maybe twice.”

           “Look,”’ Edward says, pointing, “why is the couch almost three feet from the wall. It is not supposed to be like that.”

           They drop their bags. Each grabs an end of it to lift it into its proper place. Donald looks at the floor. “Well, I’ll be damn,” he says.

           “What?” Edward asks.

           “Look for yourself,” Donald says.

           Edward does. “Is that what I think it is?”

           “Yep,” Donald says.

           A used condom.

           “Well, I’ll be damned,” Edward says.

           “You can say that again,” Donald says.

           “You were supposed to be the security,” Edward snaps.

           Donald snaps. “To keep anyone from going to the bedrooms. I did that. What were you doing? You were supposed to be watching out for such going on too.”

           “I wondered why I got detracted from here that time,” Edward says.

           “Well, now you know,” Donald says. “I’ll get a glove from the bathroom.” He goes to a full bathroom at the far end of the basement.

           “Damn we did everything we could to have a party and not an orgy,” Edward says.

           “Well, it doesn’t look like an orgy to me just two horny fags who couldn’t wait,” Donald says.

           “They should have waited and what do you say to no more parties for a while. I mean the house party rule was broken,” Edward says.

           “Yeah, that’s right,” Donald says. He steps into the bathroom, says aloud. “Oh, my goodness come look what is in the bathtub.”

           Edward thinks for a moment. “No somebody didn’t,” he says aloud.

           It takes a moment for Donald to ponder Edward’s words. “No not that, the whole ass is in it.”

           “What?” Edward hurries to the bathroom.

           A fully clothed man has fallen into a drunk sleep in the bathtub, clutching a whiskey bottle. They look at him. “Wait a minute,” Donald says. He reaches and turns the man’s face. “Damnit it’s Leon.”

           “Who is Leon?” Edward asks.

           “He works at the office. He started a month ago. I thought that he was straight because of the way he ogles the women at the office,” Donald says.

            “Maybe he’s bi,” Edward says.

           Donald jokes. “He didn’t ogle me.”

           “We have to get him out of there,” Edward says.

           Donald shakes Leon’s shoulder calls out his name, with no success. Edward turns on the cold shower. Leon is startled into consciousness. He tries to escape the water, but the tub is too slippery for his shoe to make good contact. Edward stops the shower then he and Donald help Leon out of the tub. Leon stands, looks around for some recognition of where he is standing and why he is wet.

           “Why were you asleep in our bathtub?” Edward asks.

           Leon stares at him then Donald. “You,” he says pointing, “why didn’t you say that your party was a gay guy party.”

           “You didn’t ask, and I didn’t invite you,” Donald says.

           “Please answer my question,” Edward says.

           “What question?” Leon asks.

           “Why were you asleep in our bathtub?” Edward says.

           “I don’t know because I came in here to take a piss then I sat on the floor to sip some booze and I woke up all wet,” Leon says. “That’s all I remember until waking up in the rain, so I thought.” 

           “You probably fell asleep, and everyone just got tired of stepping over you and you were put in the tub,” Donald says.

           “You were security, and you should have seen him before this afternoon,” Edward says.

           Annoyed, Donald says. “I used the upstairs bathroom because it was my way of making sure the bedrooms were safe. Wait a minute how did you know about the party?”

           Leon still has a grip on the bottle. He shallows the last shot of whiskey. “Oh, that was good,” he says.  

           “Please answer my question,” Donald says.

           “I overheard you at the office on the phone. Now, I know why Jane wouldn’t come with me. She probably knew that you were gay. But, you don’t look gay and neither do him,” Leon says.

           “We do not go around posing,” Edward says.

           “Huh,” Leon says.

           “We don’t go around with bells and banjoes announcing about our lifestyle,” Donald says.

           “Oh, okay,” Leon says.

           “If you found out that it was a gay guy party why did you stay,” Edward says.

           “Free booze,” Leon says. “And wow it was all that you can drink.”

           “We also had all that you can eat,” Donald says.

           “Yeah that too,” Leon says, “must have didn’t eat much because I’m sure am hungry.”

          “Well, me too, tell you what, if you help Donald clean up, I’ll put together a platter for us to eat,” Edward says.

           “If you throw in a bottle of whiskey I’ll accept the offer,” Leon says.

           “Okay,” Donald says.

After the cleanup, while eating, their discussions are on their daily events in their life, sports. Afterwards, Leon departs the house with a full fifth of half whiskey and half bourbon. Donald and Edward decides to have a remaining lazy Saturday.