The Kirby House

A galaxy of superheroes silently greeted me as my flats clopped into the attic bedroom. A man-skunk statue roared at me from a sloping rear wall festooned with framed comic art.

Space Rabbit aimed a blaster pistol at me from beneath a Kerpow Comics lampshade, a display of colorful action figures rotated behind glass like a Peewee's Playhouse set piece.

My girlfriend's spandex squirrel costume purred as she approached a bed draped in a Kerpow character bedspread. "Is this a kid's room?"

"Dunno..." I played with her costume's bushy tail piece. "Maybe a kid at heart..."

Ashley wiggled the tail out of my grip, showing me a Dinosaur Samurai figure. "Please tell me this isn't your dream bedroom."

I reddened. "Fine. I won't tell you."

She snickered. "Thought I heard you splurting under that skirt."

"Actually, seeing you in that costume makes me do that."

Ashley whirled around, tugging the zipper at her throat. "Guess if it's causing such a problem, I'd better take it off..."

"Uh," I stammered. "Wait, don't..."

She rolled her eyes. "You want me to keep it on."

I sighed. "I really really want to say yes, but don't you think it's kinda weird to mess up our host's sheets and stuff? Also, that's a borrowed costume."

Her costume creaked when she shifted her hips, hissed as her hands rested there. "There ain't no TV in here, and I forgot my laptop. Furthermore..." She ruffled my skirt. "Seeing a man like you walk around all day in that Princess Peach costume is making me seriously question my sexuality."

Her hand caressed the big gold zero on my blouse. "I think I need you to straighten it up."

"I admit I wouldn't mind some straightening mys—"

Ashley silenced me with a kiss.

I pushed her back. "Ash..."

She grabbed the second zipper between her legs, pulling up. "One of a kind original or not, it's part of our pay. Besides, as long as I'm not doing the splits, nothing's going to tear."

My face turned the color of my dress. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I self consciously grabbed my hems, fighting down the growing crease in my skirt. "Hey, we were invited here to investigate a missing comic book artist."

Ashley grabbed my hands. "We spent all day at that convention searching for clues. The man's a ghost! What we need right now is to recharge our batteries!" She glanced down. "You trying to hide something from me?"

"Maybe?" I moved in, grabbing her around the tail. "Squirrel Woman, I have you now!"

She giggled. "Peach, you're so forceful!"

Her tail whipped sideways, knocking Mr. Dinosaur Ninja to the floor. He shattered.

"Shit!" I rushed to the side of the bed, scowling at the broken pieces.

Ashley shrugged. "Sorry. I didn't know that thing was—"

I held up a rusty key I'd found amidst the pieces of dinosaur armor.

"Told you," she chuckled. "Battery recharge!"

"Yeah, but where does this go?"

We gave the room a thorough search, moving the bed, the Kerpow comics throw rug, searching the rotating doll rack, the autographed Drew Kirby original above the dresser...

"Hey, check this out!" Ashley called from the walk-in closet.

I stared at hangers adorned with a rainbow of shiny colors. "So much spandex!"

"No, no! This!" She pushed all the outfits to one side, uncovering a door. "Very Locke and Key, don't you think? Three's even a right sized keyhole here!"

I grinned and shook my head. "If there's magic in there, I'll eat my hat."

"You mean your skirt."

I laughed. "That's your job."

Ashley elbowed me. "One more crack like that and I'll revoke your Squirrel Woman privileges."

I pantomimed zipping my lips.

She turned the key, and the door swung inwards, releasing clouds of dust into the air. We both broke into a coughing fit.

"Guess the maid hasn't been in here for awhile."

"Family crypt?"

Ashley glanced back and forth. "No..."

We put our phones in flashlight mode.

Old western motif. Cobwebs clung to the canopied four poster bed, a layer of dust caking the polished mahogany dressers, and French style end tables. It offered a wardrobe rather than a closet.

I found a door leading out, but the handle had been removed, the hole's outside covered with brickwork.

My girlfriend idly drew a squiggle through the gray powder on the full length mirror. "This is cute. Wonder why it's closed off like this?"

"Dunno, maybe someone died?"

"Nick!" she scoffed. "I was hoping that bright sunny outfit would make you less morbid..."

"Sorry. It's just when people wall off a room, I generally assume..."

"Hmmm..." Next to the mirror, someone had defaced the wall with a charcoal sketch of a clown juggling pins. Ashley frowned. "You think Drew Kirby did this?"

I squinted. "That's...really not his style..."

"Styles can change, right? Maybe he—"

The logo on her chest flared like an LED spotlight, her suit taking on the unnatural brightness of an animated cartoon character. "Wow! Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Yeah! It looks awesome on you!"

Ashley gave me this `Why did I ever ask you?' look.

"Does it feel awesome?"

She tugged on the material. "I actually feel...naked."

I slid my hand down her back. The material now had the texture of thin plastic. 

"It's weird, isn't it? I don't know—"

Her jaw dropped, finger shakily pointing to the sketch. "Look!"

My hand dropped to my side. 

The clown was moving.

A charcoal sketch.

On a wall.

Balanced on a unicycle, it juggled its stripey bowling pins in an arc above its head as it worked its pedals.

When Ashley's finger intersected the path of the juggled objects, they dropped from above the clown's head, falling onto the thin line representing the floor.

The clown, looking annoyed, got off his bike, bending over to pick them back up.

The character froze as Ashley took her hand away, her costume turning normal once more.

Her hand slid to the next vignette, a sketch of a simple cube. Again, her outfit glowed.

"It's the drawings," she said. "There's something unusual about them."

Her hand disappeared into the wall like it were made of liquid. It came out, her fingers clutched a small block.

I gawked at it. "That's a perfect geometric figure! Mathematicians have been looking for something like that for centuries!"

She tossed the block to me, but it turned into a piece of wallpaper in my hands. 

"This is great, but where's the artist?"

I scratched my head, staring at a second wall, covered in drawings. "I don't know, but if he's in the wall, he's going to be kinda flat."

Ashley put her hand to a drawing of a door. It became real, swinging open to reveal a pastel colored cityscape. "This looks kinda three dimensional. You think he went through here?"

I leaned closer, watching a cartoon cat jumping over a trash can. "Seems like it'd be right up his—"

My girlfriend stepped through, yanking me along by my dress.

The door swung shut behind us.