Love Letters ♥

“Oh no what have I done!” exclaimed Jenny. “This was supposed to be my favourite time of the year”

She could remember that moment as vividly as if it were yesterday: the pain, agony was all intertwined that their names ought to be changed to reflect their true intention. Walking towards the post-box, the snow danced in the light, as a choreographed ballet conducted by the gentle wind. Moving into her hands, the crisp wintry snow met the warmth of her blood but she knew she had to post these office documents otherwise they might even fire her. Rubbing against her skin, the envelopes brushed on her frigid skin leaving pale white marks on the top of her hand. Her breath rose in serendipitous puffs and pushed out the smog which clouded her vision. Trying not to slip on the black ice, Jenny rested the sole of her foot onto the pavement and heaved herself up whilst tiptoeing across the concrete. As she posted her letters to the letter box a seldom feeling of panic engulfed her but she lets it pass and tiptoes back to her tepid house.

Seeing it inside her house, made her heart skip a beat and made her chest pound vigorously. There it was, lying on the table: letters. Not any letters but her documents for her office. Her mind surged with perplexity and her eyes started to dart across the room to see what she had actually posted and this is when the truth hit her, it slapped her right across the face and made her beg for mercy. It made her saline tears overflow out of her eyes as they etched marks onto her skin. She had posted her love letters; those letters that she secretly looked at from time to time; it was those letters that no one knew about.

Oh no what have I done thought Jenny.

Sliding along the pavement, her feet kissed the glacial frost a goodbye. She nodded in acknowledgement and followed his

gruelling pace without complaint. The piercing breeze made her feel sticky and suffocated with sweat. Her clothes and hair, slick with perspiration, as they clung to her skin. There she could see it: the washout red post box at the edge of the road nevertheless she could also see the postman’s car driving away from her. Her letters were gone to be posted.

It’s been 3 days since that awful incident. Funnelling all her strength, her hands were trembling with anticipation and her face flushed red with annoyance. Snow rests upon the park bench as if it were a feather cushion, soft and warm. It welcomed the Christmas joys of tomorrow. It covers the rich, deep wood in perfect white. The snow is a gift-wrap only spring will open, revealing the engrained beauty that lives safely below protected these long winter months. As the sun rises each morning, bestowing brilliance, and igniting colours to vibrant hues – every man and woman’s dreams below of planting seeds, of the bounty of the gardens to come.

Ring.

Oh no it’s him: Nathan. She used to love him in 8^th grade; he used to be on the basketball team and all the girls seemed to have a crush on him. Then one day Jenny wrote him a love letter and poured all her feelings into it but never actually posted it. Thinking back to that time it made Jenny gag. He had changed a lot thought Jenny everything about him was soft and an understated joy as he stood on her front porch.

As she opened the door he let out a sigh and saw that he was stood there and instantaneously she remembered him 10 years ago and it melted her heart.

“Hi Jenny” said Nathan whilst holding the love letter.

“You got it didn’t you; I’m sorry this was a mistake” replied Jenny.

As she said that he got down on one knee and held up a ring. “Jenny will you marry me?” asked Nathan.

Jenny was perplexed; of course she couldn’t marry him, she hasn’t seen him for 10 years. This all seemed ridiculous to her and there it escaped her mouth “No”

Feeling the world spinning faster, Jenny couldn’t contain herself. The ice cold breeze ripped her skin and made her gasp for air but she couldn’t escape as she was suffocating in a pool of misery and little did she know there was more to come.

Ring

The sound of the doorbell alarmed Jenny and brought her rapidly to her feet and there he was: Sam. She used to have a crush on him in 12^th grade and she was preparing to ask him out until he asked out Sally. So she wrote a love letter and it became very deep because it was just meant to be for her until 3 days ago. She remembered him intensely. He was the kind of guy that wouldn't take an order but never needed to; whatever he was supposed to do, he did it. He told bad jokes and danced with moves humanity hasn't had the pleasure of seeing for some time and now the same man was in her front porch waiting for her. What was she going to say to him?

Opening the front door, it captured her eyes: the love letter.

“Sam I….” she started talking but was immediately cut off by him.

“I think we should move this relationship onto a different level, I know you have loved me for a long time and I have also loved you; I always did since 12^th grade but I couldn’t say anything. Oh I wish I had said something” said Sam

“But…..” said Jenny but again she was cut off. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t love him anymore. She wanted to tell him that its fine and everything is okay now and most importantly she wanted to tell him that they never actually had a real relationship.  

Sitting down on his left leg, Sam pulled out a box just then Jenny could see something: it was a ring. “Jenny will you marry me?” asked Sam.

Oh no not again, why did this have to happen to me she thought. Her lips were unable to move as she stared into his bright blue eyes they were an endless passage for her. He had just poured out his heart to her but she couldn’t say the same thing back to him; she desperately wanted to but she was unable it was because she didn’t love him anymore.

“No” she replied, the word rolled off her tongue and left her mouth.

Hyperventilating as she lent on the wall, she was contracting all her muscles and getting a cold frozen limbs. Her heart exploded in her chest and made blood rise up to her cheeks juxtaposing her blue sunken lips; that shrivelled away leaving a young stupid girl.

Ring

Here we go again. Jenny didn’t want to go and come face to face with it. She knows she has to go; every step is so light that she makes no sound at all. There he is leaning by the wall outside: Theo and he is holding the love letter. This can’t be good.

Jenny remembers Theo like the back of her hand. She went out with him for some time in 12^th grade after she had gotten over Sam. His voice always had a husky drawl and every step he took was in slow motion compared to almost anyone else I know thought Jenny. His idea of hurrying is to bend his head downward a little as he saunters, the pace of his footfalls not changing one iota. 

“Jenny I got this the other day and came by” said Theo.

“I’m sorry Theo it was a mistake and I…..” replied Jenny.

“I just think that we should be together forever because all those things you wrote in this letter must be true” said Theo and came down on one knee and held up a ring. “Marry me”

But her mind was blank and her eyes wide as she stared at him in horror. His eyes desperately searched hers… waiting. She had to say something! She searched her mind for something reasonable to say but nothing came out except “No” and dashed back into the house.

She bolted of the porch, jamming ear buds into her ears. Music poured out; sounding like the most beautiful noise she’d ever heard. She turned it up, shutting out the world around her to just let go. Of everything. She allowed the darkness she had felt swallow her whole for a little while, but then her music felt like it was flowing through her veins, calming her from head to toe. She slowly emerged from the anger she possessed and she stopped running. Having the anger dissipate in Jenny felt nice, and she felt calmer than she had before just before....

Ring

Anger boiled deep in her system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and she knows it's too much for her to handle but she still went outside and opened the door. There he was: Rob. She didn’t know Rob very well nevertheless she adored him just like all the other girls in college. He was astute, amusing and amazing but that was then but then again now that feeling of love has greatly diminished.

“Jenny I never knew you feel this way about me, I used to have a crush on you as well and I still do” said Rob. “I think we should move forward with our feelings and emotions….”

“No Rob please……” exclaimed Jenny but he wasn’t willing to listen

“I think we should get married” said Rob and as soon as he said that he went onto one knee and held up an engagement ring.”

“No” she said; she couldn’t bear it anymore it was slowly eating her up: the guilt, the pain and the hopelessness and she needed to get away from this and just run away forever. Fires of fury and hatred were smouldering in the small narrowed eyes as she weighed the pros and cons of the various and creative means available to her but nothing seemed to make sense to her. She could hide for eternity; she could move to another town or maybe she could actually face her fears and stay here. All the options sounded repulsive but she had to do something and she wouldn’t sit around here and kill time. That was for sure.

Ring

She was astonished. How many letters did she send out? She thought she had sent only 4 nevertheless this was the 5^th person. When she reached her door she saw that it was Mark; her boyfriend and tear of happiness stung in her eyes and all the panic had just faded away like it never existed before.

Going towards him, a million flames were licking her and dissolving her. She is breathing and he is the oxygen. She blinked thoughtfully as the frost patiently kissed her face, captivated by the soft, dusty illusions of light that sat heavy on her eyelashes. She adored the snow, more so when it was falling between them but that isn’t going to stop her from getting to him. As she reached him he stands on one leg and asks her something that she has been dying to hear from this one man.

“Marry me Jenny” asks Mark. After all the men who had said that to her this one felt the most secure; his eyes were twinkling with the snows reflection and the ring was placed directly in front of her.

“Yes, a thousand times yes” replied Jenny and hugs him. She never ever wrote him a love letter but her love for him has never actually been needed to write down she will always love him forever.